Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The older she became, the more Bea was asked about her novel.

She’d written Friends Forever: A ‘What If’ Guide To IFs in her mid-twenties with the hope that it would inspire others. The cases never stopped but every reunion made all of their hard work worth it in the end. Bea had hoped that if her book connected with the right people, they could find each other on their own.

She’d received countless ‘thank you’s in the decades since then that proved just that.

Bea made her last public appearance at eighty-two and was, yet again, questioned about her beliefs.

The man couldn’t have been much more than twenty - looking to make a name for himself, no doubt. “You can’t really still believe in imaginary friends. Not at your age!”

There had been a generally disapproving murmur amongst the crowd at that but Bea gestured with a hand to hush them. ”Of course I do.” She’d said and shared a private smile with Cal where he stood at the back of the crowd, ”Mine hasn’t left me yet, after all.”

She fell ill not long after that.

She’d lost her grandmother at twenty and her father at thirty-seven. Bea’s only family had been imaginary ever since, not that she minded all that much. When she found herself in an extended hospital stay her visitors were exclusively IFs.

Calvin refused to leave her side.

”You have work to do,” Bea had tried to insist at the very beginning of her stay. ”You can’t just drop everything for me.”

“Watch me.”

The tears that shone in his eyes had been the only thing that kept her from arguing the matter further.

All of the other IFs well-wishes and the devotion of her own seemed to be nothing against the will of time.

“Today is the day.” Bea said with a grim sense of finality. It was a beautiful spring day and she managed a smile at the sunlight streaming in the window.

Cal startled and stood from his chair by her bedside. “Don’t- Don’t say that, Beanut, you don’t know-“

“I do, Cal. I don’t know how to explain it. I just… feel it.” She held out a weak hand and he took it right away, “Tell me a story?”

Calvin barely choked out a laugh. “I can’t… You’ve heard all of them by now anyway, kid.”

“You never did stop calling me that. I’ve been an old woman for years by now.”

“You’ll always be my kid.” The IF insisted and squeezed her hand gently.

“What’ll happen to you… When I’m gone…?” Bea fought against the rasp in her voice and indulged him when Cal offered her some water.

“Blossom is still here.” It wasn’t quite an answer but she understood; her grandmother’s IF hadn’t Faded after her death. Not to mention sweet Lewis who seemed determined to outlive them all.

“Blossom found new reason. A new purpose.” Bea held his gaze, “Will you do that, Cal? Promise me you’ll find something worth existing for?”

“No.” The answer was immediate and had she been in a better state, Bea would have laughed. “Not again.”

“A story.” She insisted.

Calvin relented and threaded their fingers together, “Once upon a time there was an IF. I won’t bore you with his backstory - You already know it by heart.” He tried to keep it together for her sake. “He had the best life that an IF could ever ask for because he had the best kid that an IF could ever have.”

He took time to look her over; still his HoneyBea even after so many years, wrinkles and grays and all. “He adored her wholeheartedly. Every IF loves their kid, of course, but he… He loved her.”

Cal remembered the second he realized it;

Bea had been nineteen at the time and nowhere near finished with Friends Forever yet. She’d taken her latest copy into the hospital to visit Margaret anyway and began to read it to her. The IF watched her unabashedly for hours until Bea finally gave in when her grandmother had fallen asleep for nearly an hour.

She’d closed the book, given a deep sigh, and looked over at him with a soft smile.

Cal had no idea what struck him in that moment but his heart had turned over just the same.

“The IF was never brave enough to tell her how he felt. His girl always had all the guts; he was just… just a clown…” Calvin trailed off when he noticed the peaceful smile on her face.

How the noises of the machines had changed.

“No. No, no, no, please wait! Bea? Bea, please, don’t-!”

“Calvin?”

His gaze shot up to her face but nothing had changed. “Bea…?” A touch on his shoulder made him jump. Cal nearly toppled the plastic chair when he stood and turned.

It was her.

Not as she was on the hospital bed in that moment; No, if Cal had to guess he’d say somewhere around mid-thirties. She seemed just as confused as he was.

Except that Calvin was far more elated than that. “Bea!” He embraced her immediately and was grateful that despite whatever she was - whatever form she had - he could still hold her. “You’re… how are you…”

Bea stared at her own hands when her IF put her down again. “I have no idea.” She confessed slowly and flexed her fingers. “I… I can’t be an IF, can I? Am I a ghost?”

“Does it matter?” He resisted the urge to lift her again from sheer joy, “You’re here.” Reality hit him all at once and he took a step back. “You were ready to move on. You… want to move on.”

She looked up and met his gaze. “You were always there for me.” Bea held out a hand to him, “Now, maybe I’m here for you.”

Cal didn’t bother to keep up any pretense when he began to cry in earnest. He took her hand and they walked out of the hospital together as they left her body behind.

“It’s strange,” She mused distantly as they made their way to Coney Island. “Is this what it’s always like?” No one so much as glanced her way. It was almost a relief; she hadn’t been a celebrity, per se, but folks still recognized her from time to time.

He’d been too busy soaking in the relief of her presence there with him to notice much. He realized what she meant and huffed fondly, “Pretty much, shortstack.” A few IFs here and there waved to them and they waved back.

“Bea?!” Blue found them just outside of the entrance to the Home. She found herself in a fuzzy embrace right away and could feel Calvin’s annoyance radiating off of him. “Bea, you’re, what’s - What-“ The large IF couldn’t manage anything coherent.

“We don’t really know either, Blue.” She informed him kindly and took Cal’s hand again, “We were hoping to speak with Lewis.”

“Sure, of course!” Blue was a great buffer for them as he took them through the halls with minimal stops. “We’ll talk more later, right?” He asked when they arrived at the old bear’s sitting room.

“Yeah, big fella.” Cal agreed before Blue took off.

Lewis dropped his watering can at the sight of them.

“My word…” He took a few hesitant steps in their direction. “How-?”

“We were hoping you would have some insight on that.” Bea admitted sheepishly.

The elder IF glanced between the two of them. “I’d like to speak with her in private, Calvin.” She tiptoed up to kiss his cheek before her IF could argue. He grumbled but complied.

“What’s happened to me, Lewis?” Bea leaned into his touch when the bear cradled the side of her face with his large furry paw gently. “Don’t get me wrong; I’m happy to still be here! I just don’t understand…”

“I can’t say that this is something I’ve ever come across before, even throughout my many years.” He searched her eyes. “How do you feel?”

“Confused, mostly.” She regarded herself for a moment. “I hadn’t thought much about what would come After when I fell ill.” Bea glanced at the closed door where she knew Cal was waiting for her on the other side, “I… I wanted to stay with him.”

“And here you are. With him.” Lewis said warmly. “I can’t tell you more than you know yourself.” He nudged her chest gently with the handle of his cane, right over her heart. “What do you know, Bea?”

“I’m still here, somehow.” He inclined his head, encouraging. “I can help more IFs, now. Not the way that I used to but… I can try.” He smiled. “I love Cal. I love him.”

“There you have it.” Bea hugged Lewis tight before she all but skipped out of the room, every bit like the young girl he’d met so many years ago.

Even more-so when he saw her throw her arms around Calvin. Her IF didn’t hesitate to hold her in return.

Lewis let out a warm chuckle when Bea pressed up to kiss Cal and the clown’s eyes went comically wide.

Whatever she was, Bea was right where she belonged.

Chapter Text

“Today is the day.” Bea said with a grim sense of finality. It was a beautiful spring day and she managed a smile at the sunlight streaming in the window.

Cal startled and stood from his chair by her bedside. “Don’t- Don’t say that, Beanut, you don’t know-“

“I do, Cal. I don’t know how to explain it. I just… feel it.” She held out a weak hand and he took it right away, “Tell me a story?”

Calvin barely choked out a laugh. “I can’t… You’ve heard all of them by now anyway, kid.”

“You never did stop calling me that. I’ve been an old woman for years by now.”

“You’ll always be my kid.” The IF insisted and squeezed her hand gently.

“What’ll happen to you… When I’m gone…?” Bea fought against the rasp in her voice and indulged him when Cal offered her some water.

“Blossom is still here.” It wasn’t quite an answer but she understood; her grandmother’s IF hadn’t Faded after her death. Not to mention sweet Lewis who seemed determined to outlive them all.

“Blossom found new reason. A new purpose.” Bea held his gaze, “Will you do that, Cal? Promise me you’ll find something worth existing for?”

“No.” The answer was immediate and had she been in a better state, Bea would have laughed. “Not again.”

“A story.” She insisted.

Calvin relented and threaded their fingers together, “Once upon a time there was an IF. I won’t bore you with his backstory - You already know it by heart.” He tried to keep it together for her sake. “He had the best life that an IF could ever ask for because he had the best kid that an IF could ever have.”

He took time to look her over; still his HoneyBea even after so many years, wrinkles and grays and all. “He adored her wholeheartedly. Every IF loves their kid, of course, but he… He loved her.”

Cal remembered the second he realized it;

Bea had been nineteen at the time and nowhere near finished with Friends Forever yet. She’d taken her latest copy into the hospital to visit Margaret anyway and began to read it to her. The IF watched her unabashedly for hours until Bea finally gave in when her grandmother had fallen asleep for nearly an hour.

She’d closed the book, given a deep sigh, and looked over at him with a soft smile.

Cal had no idea what struck him in that moment but his heart had turned over just the same.

“The IF was never brave enough to tell her how he felt. His girl always had all the guts; he was just… just a clown…” Calvin trailed off when he noticed the peaceful smile on her face.

How the noises of the machines had changed.

“No. No, no, no, please wait! Bea? Bea, please, don’t-!”

Cal continued desperately calling out to her until staff rushed in. It didn’t take long for them to shut off the machines and make the appropriate notes on her charts and their computers. He stood there, numb, until they came back to take her body. “No,” The IF snarled when they began to wheel her away. “No, you can’t have her!” He tried to grab all of them to no avail. “She’s not-! She can’t be…” The clown fell to his knees when she was gone. “Bea…”

That was how Blossom found him.

“Cal…?” She asked cautiously as she knelt down to his level. His blank stare when he met her eyes wasn’t surprising. “We should go.”

“She’s… Shes…”

“I know,” The butterfly IF assured him gently. “I know, Cal. But we can’t do anything here.”

“I can’t do anything anywhere. Not anymore.” He whispered hoarsely but didn’t argue when she helped him back to his feet. “Elizabeth,” There was nothing but anguish left in his voice by the time they made it out of the hospital.

Blossom coaxed him along otherwise he never would have made it back to the apartment.

”She wanted me to promise.” Cal muttered numbly when she placed a teacup and saucer in front of him, “She hoped that I would be like you; Find new purpose after my kid was gone.”

“Did you?”

It took everything the clown had to even manage a half-smirk. “Of course not.” He moved the cup idly to watch the tea swirl, “I’m not like you, Blossom. I went through losing her once. I’m not going to do it again.”

Blossom put a comforting hand on his arm, “It will always hurt, Calvin, but finding something worth doing when you’re alone - There’s no shame in that.”

He sighed and put a hand over hers. “I appreciate it, really, but I’ve already made up my mind.”

”What does that mean?”

💔

Cal waited three days but mostly for everyone else’s sake than his own.

If he’d had his way, he would have vanished the moment Bea was gone. As it was he decided to tell Lewis his plan and asked for the older IFs help with it. The bear hadn’t been pleased but agreed that it was Calvin’s decision in the end.

That was how he found himself in Lewis’ sitting room.

Cal stood in the middle with the elderly IF just off to his right. Blossom and Blue stood in front of him, already in varying states of tears. Art and Cosmo lingered in the doorway, unable to bring themselves any closer. He was sure many of the others he’d come to know over the years were in the hallway as well.

”Thank you all for coming,” Cal said loud enough for everyone to hear, he hoped. His voice didn’t so much as waver, “I didn’t want this to be sad. Somber but not…” He sighed when Blue wiped at his eyes with his oversized handkerchief. “I want you all to know that I’m okay. At peace.”

“We love you, Cal.” Blossom managed through her tears. “If you find Elizabeth… Tell her the same.”

“I will.” Calvin assured her.

Blue sobbed and stepped forward to hug him. The clown huffed fondly and allowed the tight embrace. A few of the others filtered in to offer their own gestures or words before Cal was left standing with just Lewis again. “You’re certain about this, Calvin?” The elderly IF asked.

“Positive.”

Blossom, Blue and Lewis were the only ones that remained to witness the actual Fade.

Cal closed his eyes and relaxed; He let go of everything - The grief constantly clawing at his throat, the joy of so many years with his girl, the pain and heartache of losing her the first time, the wonder of his own creation from her mind.

The other IFs in the room watched as he began to dissolve before their eyes - his form slowly changing to motes of light. A bright gold one about the size of a fist remained in his chest even when the rest were nearly gone. Blossom moved to speak but Lewis shook his head gently and she relented, waiting until the clown was completely gone.

Please, Calvin thought to himself even when there was nothing left of him but floating lights, Please let me find her. He pleaded it to any deity listening - the Fates, the very Universe itself. Whatever could help him find Bea again.

”Will it work?” Blossom choked out when Cal was completely gone from their world. Blue was overcome with tears again.

”With those two?” Lewis said, hat still pressed to his chest, “I would never bet against a bond like that. They’ll find each other.”

✨

Cal only opened his eyes again when he registered wind whipping against his face.

”Wh-“ He opened them and immediately yelped when he realized he was flying through the air as unfamiliar scenery remained a blur around him. Cal tried to focus again. Elizabeth Joy Chapman. Please, please let me find her. Bea.

His trajectory changed suddenly and he was zooming in a different direction, lower to the ground. If this is actually how I die I’m going to be so pissed-

He jerked to an abrupt stop before he could finish the thought. “Wh-“ Cal plopped unceremoniously to the ground and he groaned. “Jeez, what kind of afterlife-“ He managed to wobble to his feet again and realized that he’d been left in front of what seemed to be a cottage by a cliffside.

The sky was a sunset orange/yellow and a quick glance showed that the cliff was by a sand dune rather than an ocean.

”…Bea?” He called out cautiously just in case the Universe had decided to fuck with him instead and take him somewhere completely wrong, “Beanut?”

The IF hadn’t even noticed the figure crouched by the bushes in front of the home until she stood. “Cal???” Bea shed her gardening gloves before she ran. He caught her when she leapt at him and spun her around a few times. “What’s going on?? How did you… Why are yo-“

The kiss that cut her off was a surprise but not unwelcome.

She was endeared - and still a bit dazed - when Cal put her down and began to babble; “I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have - I’m just so happy, I… I didn’t know if it would work-“ It was Bea’s turn to interrupt him with a kiss.

”Are you still happy?”

”Whu-?”

She giggled and shoved at his shoulder playfully. “Are you happy to see me again?” Bea held out her arms. “Like this?” Her form was mid-thirties; she was only just beginning to learn what she could do in her new existence.

“I would love you no matter what you look like.” His face burned when he realized what he’d blurted out but the clown wasn’t about to take it back - It was the truth.

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” Bea teased before she rested her head on his chest. “I wish you wouldn’t have followed me but…” She traced a finger along his arm until she could grab one of his hands, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy to see you.”

“If - If you want me to leave-“

She clicked her tongue, reprimanding. “I didn’t say that.” A trilling beep sounded and Bea gasped as she checked her watch. “Grandma! Oh, you can finally meet her properly!! Cal, this is great!”

“I - What?! Bea, no, I can’t-“

Air swirled around them before he could continue protesting and before he knew it they appeared in front of a small home in what seemed to be a town. Calvin realized his girl had changed into a flowing, flowered sundress during the brief journey. “You can wear whatever you want here.” Bea explained. “Just imagine it on yourself.”

Cal snorted, “You’re the one with the imagination, Beanut, pretty sure I can’t-“

“Just try.” She urged him.

He rolled his eyes but was, as usual, unable to bring himself to refuse her. Cal closed them and imagined a nice suit and when he opened them again gaped to find himself wearing it. “What’s… What?”

“I told you, so many things are possible here!” She linked arms with him. “You can meet grandma and dad now, I’m so excited!” Her sweet enthusiasm carried him to the door and barely kept back the anxiety that flooded his chest.

What would they think of him?

Would they approve?

Would they think he’d taken advantage?

He would never, never-

Margaret opened the door and her gaze was every bit warm and loving. “Hello, Bea.” She looked at him for a moment, appraising, before she smiled. “Calvin.”

He blinked back tears and thrust out a hand to shake hers, “Hello, ma’am.”

She shook it without concealing her amused glance at Bea. “How did you get here, young man?”

”I, um- I…”

“Can we come in before the third-degree, grandma?” Bea asked, mostly for her IFs benefit.

Margaret gave an amused huff. “Alright, alright.” She relented and waved them in.

Cal recognized parts of the interior from her former apartment but some things seemed completely new. “Your home is lovely, ma’am.” He said and winced right after. He wanted so badly to made a good first real impression.

”Elizabeth, will you be a dear and get the tea ready?” Her grandmother asked. Bea glanced between her and Calvin.

”Go easy on him, grandma.” She said before she headed off.

Margaret grabbed his arm in a second and squeezed. “Um-“

”You’re really here.” She marveled before she pulled him in for a hug. “How is this possible?”

Cal wheezed a bit in her hold until she eased up. “I… I’m not completely sure myself. I just…” His gaze drifted to where Bea had gone, “I didn’t want to be without her.”

A knock at the front door startled them both before either could say more. It opened and Bea’s father walked in, “Hey, I hope I’m not late-“ He froze when he registered the new face. “You…”

Cal took a few hasty steps and thrust a hand out just as awkwardly to him as he had Margaret. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir. Er, properly, I mean.”

Bea walked in with a tea tray before her father could properly react. “Be nice, dad. He’s mine and I love him.” She reminded him. Cal let out a choked noise and Margaret’s warm chuckle at the scene made him think of Lewis.

The IF took everything in when they were all seated and a thought occurred to him. He really should have considered things before he blurted out; “If this is the afterlife then where’s-?” Cal only thought to cut himself off when Bea nearly dropped her teacup.

”She watches over us.” Margaret assured him and he still felt a stab of guilt from how shaken Bea seemed.

”Excuse me,” Cal said hurriedly and rushed out for some fresh air. He took a few deep, extremely unnecessary breaths.

If she isn’t here then what right do I have to be?

Bea needs her a hell of a lot more than me.

I should have never-

”Cal?” He closed his eyes and sighed before he steeled himself enough to face her, “I’m sorry about that. It’s just been - hard, since I found out mom’s not here.”

”I’m sorry, Bea.” They’d never really discussed any kind of After, even when she’d gotten sick. He had no idea how high her hopes may have been that she’d see her mother again.

She ventured closer and held his hand, “It’s alright. I have dad, grandma.” Bea squeezed his hand. “You.”

”Bea…”

I love you.

God, I’ve loved you for so long.

How did I get so damn lucky?

Cal thought of Blue, Blossom, Lewis… everyone else, all of their well-wishes and hopes for them.

He would pass on their messages to her the next day. For the time being, he chose to be brave;

”I love you, too.”