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Hawks love shiny things. It’s a fact that he’s been taught to push down, to bury, and to never let the light of day shine.
Since a young age, he’d been told by every single one of his handlers how much of a problem it was, and if he ever tried to act on his animalistic instincts, he would be reprimanded.
Of course this was really important.
What kind of hero collected shinny things?
That’s absolutely stupid (if Hawks kept a box of the shiniest things he could find under his floor boards where prying eyes could never see, that’s his business and his business alone).
With the way the commission had been working him recently, he was beginning to burn out even further than usual, having his patrols, and then on top of that, having to deal with lying to the league. It’s not like he’s fully lying to them; it’s just that although he would love to help them take down the corrupt hero society, he knew why it wouldn’t work.
Hawks had been harshly woven into it since day one, when his mother signed him away to get him off her hands.
Everything he knows about hero work is thanks to the hero commission; even if he wanted to help the villains, he owed the commission everything and more.
Hawks snapped himself out of his daze of thoughts as he touched down on his balcony.
He’d been looking forward to this all day, just lying down and getting as much sleep as his body would allow him, then starting all over again.
He began to slide his keys out from under a potted plant on his balcony, but he heard a ding.
A ding he’d dedicated to Dabis texts.
He took a deep breath, silently mourning what could have been a relaxing evening.
Hot stuff:
Birdie, Toga wants you to
Come to game night.
I don’t understand why.
because to me, your insufferable
but she’s insisting. 19:04
It starts in 20 minutes.
don’t be late. 19:05
Hawks sighed.
He stretched his wings out slightly, feeling the exhaustion seep into his bones, but promptly ignored it by climbing onto his balcony and taking off towards where game night was being held.
As he hurriedly approached the league’s base, he got another text.
Toga ✨
HAWWWKS HURRY UP
We want to play the truth.
OR DARE AND WE CANT
TILL YOU GET HERE! 19:20
He began to reply, realizing he was already being welcomed by the base and a familiar face.
“Took you long enough, you overgrown pidgin toga, and twice are literally bouncing off the walls waiting for you to show up.” Dabi says, putting out a cigarette, that he had just been smoking.
"Aww, were you waiting for me? How sweet of you." Hawks began an extremely exaggerated amount of sarcasm dripping from his words before being cut off with a punch to the arm as the pair walked down the stairs into the living room.
“YOURR HERE!! FINALLY!” Toga began shouting as soon as Hawks walked into the room.
She sat in her hello kitty pajamas with a matching eye mask on top of her head. Everyone sat around the table, obviously having been dragged there by Toga.
Now that he was in the light, hawks could see that even Dabi was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and a black hoodie.
“Don’t worry, I got you some too.
There weren’t a lot of options, but I wanted to see what matched you! Soo, I got you some penguin ones, but it’s the Sanrio penguin!” Toga practically shoved the clothes at him with a very excited smile.
“Sorry toga I’m not really in the mood for pajamas today. Maybe another day.” He couldn’t let the only people he really trusted see his disgusting talons; if they did, the league would never want to talk to him again.
So many handlers have left because he’s taken off his gloves or shoes.
Togas face seemed to drop. Hawks tensed up, waiting for a punishment that never came.
“It’s ok. Well, how about we play truth or dare anyway?” Some of her energy had seemed to fade at his answer, but she still seemed happy enough, so he sat down on one of the sofas around the table, where he was handed a glass of water and some food.
"Hawks, give me a dare!” Toga twitched with excitement, waiting for him to answer.
“Umm, I dare you to... finish your drink,” Hawks said. He couldn’t really think of anything worthwhile as always, and for his first time ever playing the game, it was all he could come up with. Toga beamed, completed the date easily, and asked
“Dabi, truth or dare!”
“I guess... truth,” Dabi answered, obviously uninterested in the idea of a game night altogether.
“What’s the cutest thing about hawks?” Toga
“Well, I don’t think there’s anything cute about him.” Dabi said slowly
”Don’t lie. Please just answer." Toga badgered on until she got the real answer.
“Fine. I like that you collect shiny things and think no one notices.” His heart dropped; they knew Dabi must be taunting him. He’s obviously lying; why would anyone like his annoying bad habit?
How did he even notice that Hawks had tried so hard to get rid of it, or at the very least not let anyone realize he had it?
Shit, were they talking to him? He couldn’t quite tell; everything around seemed to be dead silent, and the glass he was holding cracked around his hand.
“Shit hawks, are you ok??” Suddenly everything around him was too loud it was almost deafening.
Hawks soothed his expression, trying to mask the feeling of panic clawing up into his throat that had been welling since before he even got here.
"Yeah, I’m fine, but I really need to go!” His vision seems to tunnel as he gets flashes of memories of his time in the hero commission, not only from his childhood but also from recently.
He rushes for the door, pushing his way past whoever was trying to stop him, not really noticing in his frantic stumbling up the stairs.
He didn’t stop till he reached the roof, taking a few more breaths before taking off again, although he had probably only been at this game night for 20 minutes.
The entire flight home, Hawks was barely able to stay out of the grips of the panic tearing at him from the inside.
He was stronger than this; he should be able to not be affected by some stupid, unfunny joke.
But somewhere, not as deep down as Hawks would like it to be, was the fear of the league finding out about his animalistic tendencies.
Although he had only been assigned to infiltrate the league as a mission, he had grown quite fond of them; they were the closest thing he had to family.
His head throbbed, blood rushing in his ears.
All he could think about was why Dabi would do that.
Maybe it was his wishful thinking, but he believed him and Dabi were somewhat friends, maybe even more so if he was really looking into it, his feathers pushing him faster and faster to his home.
He fumbled with the key to his door, his hands shaking violently.
He attempted to open his door again and again until finally he was slipping into his apartment.
He immediately flung himself to the floor where all his secrets lie and began prying open the floorboard, only to notice his box had been opened and move around.
No, no, no god, this was so embarrassing. The tears that had been welling in his eyes finally began to slip down his face.
He slipped into the corner of his apartment, his wings curling around him, almost shielding him from the outside world.
As his sobs got more violent, he would not allow himself to make any noise, though; crying was already bad enough.
What kind of hero cried over a box of stupid trinkets?
The walls span around him; he had no idea how long he sat there spiraling till he heard a knock on the glass door across from him.
Dabi knocked on the door; his eyes widened slightly when he realized Hawks was crying.
God, what was he going to say now? How pathetic was he, the number 2 hero, crying over a stupid joke?
"Hawks, can you open the door for me?” Dabi paused for a minute before realizing that the other wasn’t moving.
He continued.
“Pretty bird, please open the door.” Hawks’ will bent at the nickname.
He tried to get up, but his legs began to wobble. Everything around him felt fuzzy as he slowly staggered towards the door. He sluggishly slipped open the door and tried his best to stand up straight and act as if he hadn’t been having a meltdown like a big baby.
“Hey firefly, what’s up?” Hawks said, trying to ignore the awkward cracks from crying. He moved out of the way, trying to seem somewhat stable on his feet.
“Dove, are you okay?" Hawks hesitated as they both stared at each other before he slowly shook his head.
Dabi opened his arms, and Hawks flung himself into the hug.
Dabi immediately wrapped them around Hawks and started playing with his hair.
They stayed like that for a while as Hawks felt the tension in his gut start to dwindle very gradually.
He choked on the remaining tears, allowed them to leave his eyes, and hit Dabis hoodie.
“Song bird, it’s ok, you’re safe,” Dabi mumbled over and over until Hawks had calmed down a little.
Dabi lightly guided Hawks to the sofa, being careful so his wobbling legs wouldn’t give way in the short walk.
“How about we get these off?” Dabis voice was soothing, trying to calm Hawks, but as soon as he reached towards his boots, he began to kick and try to shuffle back as quickly as he possibly could.
”whoa! Ok, so not your boots; what about your gloves or jacket?” Hawks head shook frantically at the question, seemingly curling further into himself if that was even possible.
What would Dabi even say if he saw his once-long tallons that had been clipped by some commission technician into jagged claw like nails, or what if he saw Hawks’ bruises from his recent punishments for his failures?
He felt himself shake his head again very urgently.
“Ok, ok, how about you go get changed, and I’ll sit right outside the whole time, and you pick something you want to wear?” Dabi questioned lightly, knowing hawks could break back into a state at any second.
Hawks nodded slightly and only wobbled a bit when he stood slowly.
Dabi followed behind, making sure he wouldn’t fall until they got to his bedroom.
“There you go, pretty bird. I’ll wait 5 minutes, then I’ll come in, ok?” Hawks eyed Dabi before he slowly shut the door and got changed into a pair of fluffy socks and fluffy gloves to cover his grotesque tallons.
He also pulled on a long-sleeve top and joggers to cover all the marks scattered over him.
He slowly opened the door and let Dabi into his bedroom.
“Come on, let’s go lie down, birdie." Dabi walked himself over onto the bed, gently pulling Hawks behind him.
They both got under the covers, and Hawks allowed himself to curl into Dabis body heat that contrasted with his own massively.
He felt his wings wrap around Dabis, pulling the villain impossibly closer.
Dabis began rubbing one hand up and down his back and the other playing with his hair.
As Hawks nestled closer to Dabi, his breathing began to slow and deepen, signaling that he was finally starting to relax.
Dabi continued to run his fingers through Hawks' soft hair, feeling the tension in the hero's body slowly melt away completely.
“I’m sorry,” Hawks began speaking for the first time since Dabi had found him; his voice trembled as he spoke.
“I’m so sorry, I’m just overreacting; I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”
Dabi sighed softly, his hand never ceasing its comforting motion through Hawks’ hair.
“Hey, hey, none of that, pretty bird. I just want to know what happened.” His voice was gentle, a stark contrast to the usual gruffness he displayed.
Hawks shook his head, struggling to speak through the remnants of his sobs. “I haven’t told anyone this. Not ever. I don’t know if I can... Dabs, I really don’t know if I can at all.”
Dabi leaned in closer, his voice a soothing whisper.
“It’s okay, Birdie. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
Hawks took a few shaky breaths, trying to steady himself.
“It’s just... the Commission. They own me. I’m not allowed to step a toe out of line. Ever.”
Dabi listened intently, his hand never stopping its gentle movements.
“They tell me what to do, where to go, and who to be. I have no freedom, Dabi. Not really. They train you from a young age to suppress everything that makes you.... Even my little obsession with shiny things, something so harmless, was beaten out of me.” Hawks paused, his voice trembling.
“Every time I started developing something ‘unattractive’ or ‘unnatural’ they punished me. I learned to hide it, to bury it deep inside. But it's always there, gnawing at me.”
Dabi's eyes darkened, but his voice remained calm.
“Those bastards...”
Hawks continued, his words tumbling out in a flood.
“They've done worse, Dabi. Much worse. They use my past as leverage. They make sure I remember that I'm theirs and that I owe them everything. It's why I can't fully commit to the League. I want to help; I do, but I'm trapped. If I step out of line, they'll destroy everything I care about, and this isn’t the first time this has happened.
I was ill for a week.
I was so bad I couldn’t move, so I didn't go on patrol.
They electrocuted me every time I moved; that was the first time they used that. It’s one of the more common ones now.”
Dabi's arms tightened around Hawks protectively.
“Birdie, come here; you’re not a possession. You’re not their puppet, and everything these assholes have done to you. I don’t even know what to say.”
Hawks’ voice was barely a whisper.
“I don’t know how to escape, Dabi. I don’t know if I ever can.”
Hawks' confession hung in the air, each word weighted with years of suppressed agony and fear.
Dabi held him tighter, his heart breaking for the hero trapped in such a confined cage, so invisible.
Nobody could see it.
If after that, Hawks cried into Dabis shoulder till he fell asleep, no one would ever hear that from either of them.
That night, Hawks stayed bundled in between Dabis warm embrace, and although he would never admit it, Dabis found himself wiping bloody tears away after hawks had fallen asleep.