Work Text:
It's been three weeks.
Three fucking weeks since Bangtan fell apart.
Three weeks since we found you that night. More like that morning, though. You were right, we did stay out for a while.
We brought back a cake and everything. For your birthday.
We called for you, but you didn't answer. We figured you were asleep.
We went to your room. You were in your bed. When you still didn't move when we tried to wake you, that's when we got worried.
Then Jin checked. You weren't breathing. You didn't have a heart beat. You were pale and so, so cold.
The first one to cry was Jimin. And not even I could comfort him. I still can't, he hasn't been out of your room much since. Yes, he's decided to stay in your room. Not even in our apartment. (Well, we've also decided to move back into the dorm, since...we all need each other.) Except, the only time he left was for your funeral.
He kneeled on your bed behind you and cried. He cried as he stroked your hair and kissed your cheek and forehead many times.
He said; "I haven't seen him look so peaceful in a while..."
And he was right. You hadn't been the same for a while. I guess it was just a matter of time before this happened. I just wish we could've done something. Or done something sooner, that is.
Everyone was crying by the time he said that, even Yoongi. By that time the ambulance was minutes away.
－ At the hospital, they tried to bring you back. But you'd been gone too long. They said that even if we'd gotten there a little sooner, they'd still be working on a dead man. －
Yoongi read your note, by the way. We all did, but he did first. He picked it up off of the pillow next to you, and Yoongi was pissed.
Pissed would be an understatement actually. He blamed me and Jimin, still does, kind of.
And maybe he's right. Maybe it is our fault. I should've known that it'd be hard on you to see me with Jimin. And Jimin, being your best friend, should've known too.
But we didn't. We were too caught up in each other.
But we loved you, Tae. We still love you. It's not the same kind of love that we feel for each other, but it's just a strong. You're...family. And I'm so fucking sorry that we couldn't -- no, that we didn't -- help you.
Oh, and, we didn't forget the eyeliner at your funeral, as told. And we picked out so many flowers of every color, just for you. But, I'm sorry, we did cry a little. Or a lot.
We haven't done anything Bangtan related since. The A.R.M.Y's know, and they're devastated. They aren't disbanding us, but, a piece of us wishes they would...it's definitely not ever going to be the same. Not without you.
. . .
Jimin gave me the ring back. I went in your room to give him dinner a few days ago. And in place of the plate, he gave me his ring, in the palm of my hand.
I was at a loss. I didn't know why. But when I asked, he started crying again. (He's been doing that a lot, lately) He said that being with me was too much. It just reminded me of how much we hurt you.
And I didn't argue, not much anyway. He said he still loved me, but we just can't be together. At least, not right now. I don't wear the ring anymore, either.
And I kind of think he's right. As long as we still love each other. . .I don't know if I should be saying that in this, seeing as that's most of the reason this happened.
. . .
I really don't want to keep talking to you about this. But, I wonder; was it painful? It didn't hurt did it? I hope not. I hope you kind of just went in your sleep, in a way. Like the doctors told us.
I don't want you to have to've been in anymore pain. None of the pain we caused you was necessary.
. . .
Just so we get this straight, I don't love Jimin because he's better than you ON ANY LEVEL!
I love Jimin because that's just how it is. Jimin's amazing. But so are you, at so many things.
I don't love Jimin because of his abs. Or because of his cute cheeks. Your cheeks were cute too. Oh! And your elephant moles! Sometimes, I just look at the elephant moles on my leg. They remind me of you. I named it TaeTae 2.0, because nothing can replace the original TaeTae.
And your singing gave me chills. And you may not've been in the main dance line, but that didn't mean you couldn't dance. You definitely could. And who else in our group can play Sax like a mother---ker? I don't know anyone but you! You were SO, SO talented.
I can't believe you would've thought other wise.
. . .
I can't do this. Write this anymore, that is. Every time I write I have to take a break because I start thinking of you too much. So I'm going to stop with this last part.
I know you're never going to read this...
But I DO remember. Everything. It's not that I've forgotten, it's just I didn't want to dwell on the past, I guess. I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal.
And our relationship wasn't a mistake. You were never a mistake, Taehyung.
I -- We miss you, Tae..
We'll always remember you in the best of ways. I promise.