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First of June. He was looking forward to the show for quite a long time. Never had he thought he would be invited to such a concert, collaborate with people that he had covered the songs. Opportunities had slipped from his fingertips but he thought that was just something short term. He got what he wanted and longed for, or so he thought.
He got through the month okay. Did a bit of rehearsal, dealt with the press, finished the jobs he got. He even watched a movie.
Then he felt something was off, especially whenever he was not working his ass off.
His Line was quiet. His IG was quiet. Not like anyone would tag him or tell what he was doing or sulking for attention.
He expected everything would be more or less the same. They might not be as close as before, or, intimate. But the thing is, they were on good terms even till the day he told him about what he pursued in a relationship. Good terms as in still supporting each other. As a bro. A friend.
There was always a voice telling him something could no longer be the same. He knew it, he knows it but little did he knows the situation right in front of him would be like this. This.
Crowds of people has gathered in the concert hall with all the fan lights lit up and swaying with the music. Seas of illumination. The last time he saw this in this very venue was with Win. His partner, his lil bro and .... He takes out his guitar and starts stroking the strings gently, thinking about the first time Win heard his Good Time.
His smiley brother promised when he first got the job that he would come and support his concert, be his pillar. He said whenever he looked up, he would find his super fan.
Mali event.
Cathy Doll events.
NekkoXHercules event.
Big Mountain Festival.
All the music festivals.
He looks behind him but that adorableness is not there. Everybody but him sings along his performance. Nobody gave him a hug he used to have. He's alone in the crowd.
He spots a self controlled scream. He can't quite catch the name. He just looks up out of curiosity - Win is here.
Isn't he in Shanghai? He puts down his guitar, peeping outside from the backstage. He finds out that those sparkly eyes which once belonged to him have undivided attention on someone else.
Someone he did not expect but not surprised either. Win as always had an eye on the pretty and the talented people. He was so proud of himself - he got all the admiration from a lovable person.
He holds his fist. Seeing Win sing along with that person, he can't help but tremble with jealousy. The feeling he is so familiar with. Deep down he knows where the problem lies and yet he keeps running away as if the monster in him would leave him alone.
Owning Win, his monster purrs delightfully. Losing Win, he is his own master. His monster will never have a chance to get away. Or so he thought.
It's time for all four of them sing together on stage. He grabs his microphone, hoping his Nong sees him, waves at him or merely gives him a small smile. Anything would do to fill in the awkwardly loud silence in his heart.
Yes, his Nong waves, smiles and sings. He is gazing at the Saturn. A part of his confidence shattered. How long have they known each other?
In this sea of illumination, he sees his brother bring all the stars he has to another person.
In the end he has no idea what he has sung. The cheeky smile on Nong's face imprints at the back of his mind, especially the moment the two pairs of eyes meet. Nong has found someone who might fill the spot he thought he would occupy forever.
Probably he is the only one that could go romantic out of the normal life. He grabs the shirt he is wearing, hoping that would ease the pain that spreads from his heart to his whole body.
Nong turns his head to smile at him. He nods. They nod.
That was what he called on good terms. Right?
On this day, he came to kingdom. He got a crown but lost his throne. The one that he truly worked for but forgot somehow.
"Su su na, phi."
He sees his Nong mouth the sentence to him and turned to enjoy the music.
Shattered.
Yet he can't lose.