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Amanda read the message three times, almost in disbelief. If not for the sender, she might have doubted its content, but Spock would never lie about something like this. She never knew him to lie about anything other than his feelings, and this would be a particularly cruel lie.
Still, the situation was highly unusual, and quite a bit fantastical. Three ambassadors dead, and claims that the responsible was an angel of death, as in a mythical creature with powers that couldn’t be explained and that couldn’t be contained or guarded against. There was no way to predict the next victim, aside from apparently their affiliations when it came to the vote, and nothing that they had done so far was able to prevent another death.
She didn’t know if she was more horrified at those strange occurrences, the matter-of-factly way that Spock described them to her, or the fact that Sarek hadn’t mentioned anything in their communications, few and far between as they had been during this trip. Sarek would have some explaining to do, as soon as she was able to get in contact with him again.
Of course, she knew the man she married, with all of his flaws, well enough to be able to predict his excuses. Because they would be just that, excuses poorly disguised as logic. She could even hear his voice saying, there was nothing that she could do from Vulcan, worrying her was illogical, he wasn’t at risk since he was in favor of the detente while the supposed angel of death only attacked those against it, believing that a creature such as an angel of death even existed and was targeting the Enterprise was illogical… He had a tactic of showering her with many different arguments until she was either convinced or simply gave up. It was all very Vulcan of him, and the one thing that still might succeed in making her lose her temper and allow emotion into her own arguments.
However, as much as Amanda might play the role of the dutiful Vulcan wife, she was still human. She couldn’t help but worry about him, under the circumstances. Even if his life wasn’t at risk, which still wasn’t a certitude, these events had to be taking their toll on his mind. He told her that he promised Kirk that there would be no chaos like the one that happened during the last time that the Enterprise was used for diplomatic transport, and now this certainly wasn’t the case. For a Vulcan, being unable to keep his word was a serious offense. It hurt their pride, not that they would ever admit to even having a pride to be hurt.
She could already imagine him, locked away in his quarters, supposedly meditating, but in reality wallowing in self-pity, or what passed as self-pity for a Vulcan. He would deny all of it, of course, if she were to ask, but as illogical as it was, he probably blamed himself. She would even be willing to bet that he felt responsible for the whole detente, and worried about anything that might get in its way. To achieve lasting peace and cooperation with the Romulans would be his greatest accomplishment, and a worthy note to end his career if he so chose. Blaming himself would be extremely arrogant, but even among Vulcans arrogance was a common trait to men of great social and political significance, not that they would admit to it.
And all of that guilt he would be facing alone, unable to turn to anyone for support, or even admit that he needed any support. Sometimes, she really couldn’t stand the stubbornness of the Vulcan way, and she failed to see the logic to ignoring the importance of mental health as an almost necessarily collective effort.
She should have gone with him, at least then he would have her to talk to. Or not to talk, but at least he would listen while she had a human emotional outburst, through which he could have some catarsis. She was always allowed the emotions he was denied, and although she had to control herself on Vulcan, especially in private she could demonstrate some emotion, and through their bond he could feel it. Perhaps he could even compound his emotions to hers, without meaning to or even acknowledging it, and through her he could have some emotional release. If the situation was dire enough, he might even meld with her, supposedly to help her calm down, but gaining something out of feeling her emotions as well.
But she was on Earth when he left for the detente, visiting her nephew to meet his new baby, and he couldn’t wait for her to return, nor was a ship available for her to meet him afterwards. Of course, the detente would last for years, in which case the opportunity would present itself for her to meet him there for some of the duration, but for the time being, it was illogical to even try. It would be months before they saw each other again. If he wasn’t killed by this angel of death first.
In times like this, she wished that she hadn’t fallen in love with someone who was always pushing for change, always trying to make not only Vulcan but the Federation a better place even if by his own standards, always at the forefront of every major societal advance that Vulcan undertook on an interplanetary level. Then again, she couldn’t have loved him any other way. She loved him because he was this man, so Vulcan and so different from the rest of them at the same time, caring about things that others ignored, even as he denied himself and their son emotions that she thought should be natural even for them.
He would be fine, she was sure of it, she had to be sure, at least for her peace of mind. Any doubt would only eat away at her while she waited for news to come, and if it were up to Sarek, he might not even give her any news. He never forgot her, but he couldn’t always justify to himself the desire to send a message when those were complicated by distance and might take much of his time when he was supposed to be working.
At least she could count on Spock to keep her informed, even if his communications left something to be desired. She wouldn’t fault him for that, he had sought to warn her, in his own way, knowing she might be distressed by this information, but that it was still something she would want to know. He understood humans better than he gave himself credit for, even if he didn’t understand himself nearly as well.
She sent a message to Sarek asking for an explanation, despite knowing it would be of no use, and nothing he told her would be anything that she wanted to hear. She hoped they found a solution to these mysterious deaths soon, before anyone else got hurt. Unfortunately, all that she could do was wait for his response, and hope that better news would come soon.