Chapter Text
I lay staring at the ceiling filled with glowing stars.
3 months, 5 days, and 6 hours since I killed the grabber. So long yet it feels like just yesterday I was sleeping on that old and gross mattress. I can still feel the cold air in that dark basement touching my skin feeling like needles were sinking into my skin.
I feel a cold breeze in my room and my eyes widen. The air is the same temperature that it was in that room. I want to scream. it hurts, burns my skin almost. I squeeze my eyes close trying to stop the pain but as it slowly got worse and worse I felt my pain ease. I feel the softness of the bed I had once layed upon. I hear the sincere voice of Robin and how he had took away all my pain that day.
The hurting had hurt and felt cold but then it got warmer and warmer. I think It hurt so bad that it felt good. I smile and touch my skin with my dry hands. the goosebumps on my arms feel exactly like they did that week, or was it months? My smile fades as I realize I'm slowly starting to forget my pain, which I don't deserve. I deserve all the pain in the world.
I should've died.
Maybe if I had just not invited Robin over that day, maybe I could've saved him from being kidnapped.
Maybe if I had got to know Bruce a little better maybe he wouldn't have died either. It's all my fault.
I could still hear robins voice telling me his last goodbye. Oh what id do to see him one last time, I'd touch his beautiful hair and look into his dazzling eyes.
But I don't deserve him, I do not deserve to see him or hear him. I killed him.
Maybe if I stare at the ceiling for a bit longer it will hurt me more and more.