Chapter Text
Even in the safe cocoon of her room, Byleth could still hear the rain pouring down outside.
Dimitri was curled on the floor before her, his head resting on her lap as she stroked his fine, golden hair. Between his even breathing and relaxed posture, his body vulnerable and laid bare before her, she might have thought him to be asleep if not for the fist clenched tight in her shirt. Byleth had tried to convince him to rest in her bed, or to at least sit on it beside her, but Dimitri had stubbornly insisted on remaining where he was. At the very least, she’d managed to get him out of his rain-drenched armour and into an old shirt and trousers that had once belonged to her father.
Ever so slowly, Byleth reached out to press her free hand against his back, just above that stab wound that still made her dizzy with fear to think about. After a brief, panicked breath, she tucked the emotion away, deep down and hidden. In its place, she summoned a healing spell and let it sink into Dimitri’s skin. She’d already healed his wound twice – once at Gronder Field, Rodrigue’s blood still splattered across his back, and once less than an hour ago, when she’d coaxed him into her room – but Dimitri had been alone and suffering for so long, and had rejected her help so often, that Byleth refused to pass up any opportunity to soothe away his pain.
Dimitri groaned at her touch. He mumbled something into her thigh, the sensation of his chapped lips rubbing against her bare skin sending shivers up and down Byleth’s spine. She let her other hand wander from his hair to his cheek, stroking along his soft skin down to his firm jawline, then further still to feel the pulse beating steadily in his neck. Dimitri let out another pleased noise and tilted his head back, baring his vulnerable throat to her touch. The show of trust made Byleth’s chest ache with some new emotion, one that demanded she wrap Dimitri up in her embrace and never let go.
“Professor…”
Dimitri’s voice woke her from the odd thoughts, drawing her attention back to reality. His head remained on her lap, his eye hazy and awestruck as he blinked up at her. Byleth placed her hand back on his cheek, stroking the dark circle beneath his good eye.
“I dreamed of you,” Dimitri said. His words were low and almost slurred, but fond in a way she hadn’t heard since before.
Byleth brushed back a strand of hair with the same affection. A small smile curled up her lips. “Really?”
“Yes.” Dimitri’s eye drifted away from her face, darkness clouding its clear blue light. “When you were gone.”
Her stomach dropped.
“You always smile in my dreams,” Dimitri continued, oblivious. His gaze had grown distant, his voice low as if he were talking to himself. “Not like the other ghosts. You always hold my hand, and tell me that things will get better. You always make me feel hope.” He closed his eye, barking out a bitter laugh. “And then when I wake up, you are gone. Leaving me alone, just like always.”
Guilt weighed down on Byleth so heavily that she could hardly breathe. “Dimitri, I…”
“I do not want to fall asleep, Professor,” Dimitri murmured. He nuzzled his face into her hand, eye opening to fix her with his broken, hopeless gaze. “I want this dream to last forever. Please.”
“This isn’t a dream, Dimitri,” Byleth said. She tried to speak firmly, tried to force down the emotions that battered at her unbeating heart. She needed to be strong for Dimitri. She needed to. “It’s real. I’m here, with you.”
“Yes.” Dimitri laughed. There was an amused gleam in his eye, one that normally would have pleased her. Now it chilled her to the bone. “But you always say that in my dreams, Professor.”
Byleth began to tremble. Everything felt wrong. She could hardly breathe, hardly think, as her carefully tucked away emotions broke free and overwhelmed her. Months of pain and loneliness and guilt refused to be suppressed any longer, making her eyes burn and her throat stop, her pulse hammering wildly while her unnatural heart remained still as a stone in her chest.
Hand tightening in his hair, Byleth pulled Dimitri closer to her stomach and curled around his head. She hadn’t been there when he needed her. He’d been there for her, when Jeralt died and Sothis followed, and then she’d abandoned him when he needed her most, leaving him to suffer alone and afraid, tormented by her ghost in his dreams until he could no longer trust any happiness to be real. If only she’d been there, if only she hadn’t fallen off the cliff, if only…
“I’m sorry,” Byleth said. Her voice quivered with the words, so inadequate in the face of all Dimitri had suffered because of her. Tears began to burn in her eyes as she hugged him closer. “I’m sorry I left you. I-I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I…”
Dimitri shifted in her grasp. Even when Byleth tightened her grip, he pulled free with ease, leaning back onto his knees as he studied her face. “Professor, are you…?”
Byleth looked away, ashamed of the tears now sliding down her face. She might have fled if she could, but one of Dimitri’s hands remained firmly tangled in her shirt.
“Professor.”
Something warm pressed against her cheek, and Byleth couldn’t stop herself from leaning into it. She couldn’t stop herself from following its lead either, as Dimitri gently guided her back to face him. His large hand lingered on her cheek, his thumb swiping away her tears.
“You never cry in my dreams,” Dimitri whispered, reverence and concern mingled in his low voice. Byleth’s gaze darted back to his of its own accord. The haziness had faded from his eye, replaced by a piercing clarity that she’d only ever caught glimpses of in the months since her return. Dimitri leaned a little closer, gentle as he brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Professor. You…you really are alive.” Joy flashed in his eye like a strike of lightning, but it faded just as fast. “And now you are crying, because of me.” Dimitri laughed, a bitter sound that was far too familiar. “All I ever do is hurt you, Professor. No amount of apologizing can ever be enough, but at the very least I will not burden you with my presence any longer.”
Byleth moved without thinking. Before Dimitri could stand, before he could leave and never come back, she lunged for him. He squeaked in protest when she tucked his head securely against her chest, but Byleth refused to let go. It was only once Dimitri had settled meekly into place that she let herself relax, snuggling her face into his soft golden hair and breathing in his scent.
“I wasn’t crying because you hurt me,” Byleth said quietly. She cuddled Dimitri even closer against her, certain this would be her only chance to hold him. Surely he would leave, once he realized what a failure she was. “I was crying because I feel…guilty. For leaving you alone. For abandoning you. I…I understand if you can’t forgive me.”
With his face buried in her chest, Byleth could feel when Dimitri gasped against her skin. She held him closer, fresh tears threatening to spill down her cheeks as she awaited his judgement.
“You must forgive yourself.” He said it so simply, so calmly, that Byleth was too surprised to fight when he pulled free of her grasp. Dimitri sat up on his knees so that their eyes were level. “Were not those the words you told me in the rain?” His mouth curved into a smile, soft and so, so understanding. “I do not blame you for what I suffered, Professor. There is no forgiveness for me to give. All that we can do is forgive ourselves and move forward…together.”
Forgiving herself seemed like such a hopeless endeavour, and yet –
Together…
Yes. Together.
Byleth smiled, and Dimitri’s eye shone with awe.
“Professor.”
He was close. Closer than Byleth had realized. Close enough that she could barely see the intensity now burning in his bright blue eye, close enough that she felt more than heard him speak. He leaned forward, caging her in on either side with his powerful arms, but Byleth felt no urge to flee. Instead heat began to flood her body, pleasant and addictive unlike the guilt that had tormented her before.
She whined, begging Dimitri to provide her with something she couldn’t name –
And he obliged, brushing his lips lightly over her own.
“Byleth…” Dimitri breathed out her name like a prayer. He cupped her face in his hand, the affection – the hope, the love – in his gaze overwhelming. “In my dreams, you always fade away just before our lips can touch. Does this mean that you are…do you truly…?”
“Yes,” Byleth replied simply.
And she pulled Dimitri back into the kiss, determined that he would never doubt her love again.