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“I’m not entirely sure that I am a good person. Actually, I know I’m not, because I kill people for money. I’m not a good person in that regard.”
Cherry was fast asleep in Pico’s lap. Keith had gone off to try and meet with his other self again- Yourself? He’d said something about repaying a kindness the other had given him. It was a lazy day with nothing really going on besides that, and with his only companion snoozing away on top of him, Pico only had his thoughts and his voice to fill the dead air.
“I’m not really talking about that though. I mean what my goal was originally when I met you.” He knew that the only reason he could even say this was because no one was around to hear it. “Maybe it was the same for you too. I was here for Keith, because god knows I never could stop loving him even though we’d been apart for so long. And then he came back into my life, and you were there with him.”
Pico was supposed to have killed Keith ages ago. It was a normal hit like any other, except it wasn’t, because Pico had known the minute his eyes locked to his target, he couldn’t pull the trigger for once in his life. Money and client be damned. It could be him against the entire world and he still wouldn’t turn the business end of his gun on the blue-haired rapper. If anything he’d turn the gun on himself first.
“I was jealous at first.” He admitted slowly. “You were an obstacle to what I wanted. I felt like I’d finally gotten a chance to get him back, taken away in the same second because you had him already. I was bitter and closed off when you guys tried to extend friendship towards me after that night I’d come to take his life. I felt like no matter what I tried I couldn’t win. I just wanted to win, for once.”
Pico remembered just how hard they’d tried the first few weeks. It wasn’t anything short of a miracle that they hadn’t given up on him then. Maybe Keith and Cherry had seen something in him that Pico didn’t see himself. Maybe he still didn’t.
“I’m not sure what changed, but I gave in. I let you guys in and justified it as giving you two what you wanted so you’d stop. I think it was a lie. I think giving in was what I wanted. And even then I still wasn’t sure what you two were trying to do. I for sure didn’t think my ex boyfriend and his new girl wanted me to join in.”
It hadn’t immediately happened after Pico let himself be friends with the two. Took about a month or so before Keith brought up the idea with adorable hope.
“I said yes. But I… Cherry, I wasn’t trying to love you. I saw that I could have Keith back and I said yes without thinking about anything else. My goal originally never included you, and that’s why I’m a bad person. I was selfish. And if I could go back and slap some sense into me from months ago, I would. I wasn’t trying to love you, but I find myself doing just that now.”
Pico knew that the way he loved Cherry was slightly different to the way he loved Keith. They all knew it at this point, but it was okay. They’d talked about their trio dynamic several times and there were no complaints with how things were. You couldn’t exactly force love to be all the same, anyway.
“I don’t think it was entirely fair of me to have the motive I did when this started. It wasn’t fair to you, because all you’d ever done was be kind to me. You showed me just as much love and support as Keith in your own ways. Hell, you’ve managed to make more progress with me and my problems than anyone else and you shouldn’t have to, but you do because you care.”
Pico chuckled to himself, a hand straying into Cherry’s soft hair. If she was awake, she’d tell him to stop talking so bad about himself and ignore the fact he had a point. Cherry was so inherently good that shitty people like him didn’t even deserve to be around her. She’d tell him otherwise every time.
“I can’t give you what Keith does. Fuck, sometimes I don’t even think I can give Keith what he wants. I know it’s not my job to be the same as him. But he was always better for you from day one. It’s still so strange to me that either of you would want me around, when I know myself to be more of a curse than a blessing. I guess I just feel guilty that I started loving you after we got into this relationship instead of before.”
He was careful not to wake her as his fingers carded through her hair. Pico found that his hands always needed something to do when he was nervous, and while that something usually was his Uzi, the gun was lying on the coffee table in front of him instead of at his hip. He wasn’t going to reach for it and risk waking Cherry up when he still had more to say.
“It’s because I care so much that I want the best for you both. I don’t think I’m the best you guys can get. I don’t think I’ll ever learn to think I am good enough like that either. But… I know I’m what you want, so I will try. It might take a long time, and I might not always keep a grip on any progress I make. You already knew that, though. And you’ve shown that you don’t care how long it could take.”
For so long, when people’s lives were in his hands, they usually ended up cut short by his own gun. Trusting people was dangerous, and trusting him even more so. But Pico’s eyes trailed down to the demonic woman curled in his lap, breathing even and a tiny smile on her lips. He was a killer bought out by money, but with enough sense of loyalty that no matter how many times his past told him not to trust, not to love, he would stick by those who placed their lives in his hands- not because he had a gun, but because they loved him. Maybe he hadn’t realized it as fast as he should have, but Cherry was undoubtedly one of those people. And she deserved the same respect and dedication he originally sought to give to Keith. He knew that now.
“You really are something special, Cherry.” Pico smiled to himself. “You’ve managed to not only have Keith’s full dedication, but now mine as well. You’re a powerful woman with a fiercely kind heart. You really don’t need either of us to, but I think Keith and I would agree we’d risk it all to keep you safe. My gun’s on the table out of reach, and you have me content to just sit here with you instead of scrambling to return it to my hip.”
Sighing, Pico used his free hand to retrieve his phone which had started buzzing in his pocket. On the screen were a few texts from Keith, saying he’d be coming home soon.
“Home.” He let the word roll off his tongue. Yeah, he liked that word. Their home, his home. Half of his home was already here, and the other half was on its way.
Pico sent a quick text back, telling Keith that Cherry was asleep and not to be loud when he came back. When his phone was safely back in his pocket, he leaned back into the couch and started humming to the air, playing with Cherry’s hair as she slept on.
Of course, he didn’t notice the smile on her face grow wider, having been only dozing the whole time. She just pretended to snuggle closer into his sweater in her sleep.