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Wincing at the throb in her abdomen, Yuki disconnected the IV drip by her bed, gingerly bending each finger in turn as she stared out of the window. Small flecks of snow descended downwards, blanketing the surroundings with white. Imagining herself diving headfirst into a pile of snow to cool off caused her lips to twitch, even as she lifted her sleeve to wipe off the sweat on her forehead.
Wincing at the aches in her body, Yuki took a small amount of solace in the satisfaction she gained from cracking her toes, the soft pop relieving some of the tension. Her butt was numb from either lying or sitting down on the rather stiff mattress, but there was little she could do.
“Still awake?” a soft voice called out, causing the Suou heiress to turn around. Almost gliding forward, the frail figure of Yumi Suou. “You should be resting, you know? And the IV’s good for you.”
“Mother, what are you doing out of bed? Grandfather has told you that you need to rest more.”
“Yes, I’m sure he’ll give me an earful later on, but how could I miss out on seeing my daughter?” Yumi smiled softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and retrieving a handkerchief, wiping away the sweat on her face. “
A decade of hard work, and for what? To return to the same corner room, to watch the snow fall through the looking glass, denied the chance to roam freely as her body imprisoned her? But she immediately quashed the thought despite the pain coursing through her body, knowing that she’d bought Masachika his freedom made it more than worth it for her.
Yet she couldn’t help but want to be selfish now, that he’d return to her like a knight in shining armour. Perhaps she was still the little girl who believed him when Masachika had proclaimed he’d become a doctor and cure her one day.
“Help me up?” Yuki requested, gingerly holding out her hands. Yumi looked conflicted, glancing down at her frail body. “Pretty please?”
“You shouldn’t be up,” Yumi sighed, but Yuki noted with relief that her mother nevertheless approached, scooping her up and helping her off the bed. Gripping the edge of the bed, Yuki gently lowered herself to the ground, surprisingly warm thanks to the heating system underneath. The familiar grain of the wood panels against her sole caused a shudder of pleasure against the monotonous feeling of bedsheet and pillow she’d endured for several days.
Standing up with her mother’s body as a crutch, Yuki slowly hobbled towards the window sill, leaning on the edge as she finally saw the snow on the ground rather than simply flecks drifting downwards. In the distance past a row of trees shrouding the property, the roofs of smaller houses stretched along winding roads, the glowing street lights, an occasional car, couples holding hands and families playing in the park.
It hurt to think in another world her life could have been such.
“I wonder if…well there’s no point in pondering it now,” Yumi mused wistfully, running a hand through her hair, tears in her eyes. Yuki had little doubt they were both longing for the final piece of their family, but she doubted it was to be. “Where is Ayano?”
“She’s with brother to keep him from doing anything silly,” Yuki answered, wincing as her throat clenched, forcing out several heaving coughs. A viscous red liquid covered her palm, dripping down onto her robes and the sheets even as Yumi cried out in alarm. “I-I’m fine.”
Yuki felt herself being led back to the bed, reluctantly laying back down as her feet strained, unused to the weight of her body after laying dormant for days. “Thanks, mum.”
“You’re far too reckless,” Yumi chided, even if there was very little heat behind the words, reattaching the IV drip onto her finger.. “Now will you be a good girl?”
Unable to help a giggle, Yuki merely grinned as Yumi turned her head, trying to hide her smile.
“I’m sorry I’m not him.”
“Mum?”
“I…every parent dreams of providing their children with abundance. But I realise now that I should have done more…to stand up to your grandfather, to keep us together...to keep Masachika,” Yumi bowed her head towards a shocked Yuki. “Please forgive me, my daughter. I have failed as your mother.”
“Please raise your head, mother. I do not blame you for any of this,” Yuki assured. “Nor does brother.”
“Lady Suou,” a servant called out, opening the door as she pushed in a wheelchair, “you must rest! Your body cannot deal with the strain.”
“Go mother,” Yuki insisted before the objections could form. “I still want to hear the piano, so get well for me.”
“I…of course, Yuki,” Yumi nodded, allowing herself to be guided onto the wheelchair and pushed outwards. The strain on her body catching up to her, Yuki fell into slumber, finding herself wandering the snowy terrain.
A cobble path instinctively called to her as she walked each step, her sight entrapped by a row of hedges on each side. Yuki observed the flowers wilting, final autumn leaves drifting off branches, reaching a hand out to feel their callous surface before allowing them to slip through her fingers.
In the distance, there was a bright light, pulsating warmth enveloping her as she stumbled towards it.
And then she began to hear it, the notes being played of her favourite song, surging through her veins as she began to walk, and then run towards the light, chasing after it even as the path seemed to stretch on longer and longer.
Yet even as the darkness began to seep in, the tune became more agitated, gliding from high to low and back as short notes rang out like gunshots. But Yuki couldn’t surrender the hope of reaching this warmth, her heart crying out as she surged forward.
Tripping over as the tension in her body exploded. Yuki nevertheless grit her teeth, forcing herself back to her feet and finally feeling the light’s embrace. As her eyes opened, she couldn’t help but smile as the echoes of the last notes lingered, simply three ‘G’ notes each an octave apart, a homage to the two ‘C’s at the start of the piece. Teardrops dripping from her eyes, she felt a sense of relief at the knowledge her brother had finally discovered himself. Reconciling his path without running away.
It was an intimate moment she felt privileged to witness, seeing him hunched over the piano, still caressing the final notes as though afraid to let go.
“Well played,” she complimented, giggling as he snapped up, knocking over the stool as it tumbled to the floor. His absolute shock was delicious to watch, even as she found her back shaking from exertion sitting up. As he rushed over, grabbing several pillows and stuffing them behind her to form a throne, Yuki continued to muse, “I never liked your signature nocturne, you know? Sure, you can play it with emotion, but its best form is with a hint of reservation and coolness. A sacrifice for beauty, you could say, no?”
And was it a wonder he made the notes of that song sing when his life had been restricted, when he was forced to live as a shell of a man, moulded by the desires of the Suou patriarch. But she’d always found the ballad a more desirable piece, with moments of love, joy, sadness and lament, a range of emotions that spoke to Chopin’s struggles, his yearning for home and so many more thoughts.
“Yuki…” It seemed even now, she was able to leave her brother struggling for words. Considering how easily he spoke to others, Yuki couldn’t help but feel a sense of giddiness seeing this side of him, even if she knew that a white haired woman could lay claim to a similar feat.
“You were never good with words, brother,” she laughed softly, a twinkle in her eye as he held her hands, crouched by the bedside. “But I understand. There’s only one thing I need from you now.”
“Anything,” he swore, looking her in the eye. For a moment, she was the same bed-ridden four year old watching the snow outside, looking forward to when Masachika would sneak from his lessons to visit her. Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t help but feel tingles through her body at the resolve shining behind.
“Forgive me,” she whispered softly, forcing her lips to curl up despite the resistance from the muscles on her face protesting it. Seeing his sorrow, the pain was a small price to salve his sorrows, even if she knew it would never be enough. “That I’m going to leave you behind. That I can no longer be by your side.”
Yuki smiled weakly, her arm trembling as she tried to reach out to his cheeks. His eyes widened as his hands quickly encircled her own, gently lifting them towards his chest just above his heart and allowing her to feel the rapid ‘thump thump thump’ underneath. Even all this time, he still remembered.
“Don’t say that, Yuki,” he insisted, the nectar making her want to believe. “You’ll be fine, you’ve always gotten better.”
“Not this time,” she lamented, tilting her head downwards to glance at his body before returning her attention to his face. He’d gotten somewhat leaner, hair slightly longer, but to her it was his eyes that captivated her the most. The walls he’d built up had finally come down, revealing just how much he’d grown, and Yuki couldn’t help but feel proud that she’d played a part in that.
“W-what are you talking about?” he stuttered in disbelief, shaking his head as he placed a hand on her cheek. She relished in his touch, but gave him a look that he deferred to. “S-”
“The doctors are astounded that I’m still alive, you know.” Constant pain and agony that had cruelly left her mind untouched. It was a coma, imprisoned in the tomb of her own body as she was forced to watch the world move around her. But now, she thanked any gods out there listening for giving her one final chance.
“W-why didn’t you…why…” Yuki instinctively knew what he was asking. A part of her felt guilty for hiding such from him, for not giving them just a few more days together. But she swallowed those feelings, knowing that succumbing to such would have erased the progress he’d made.
“The last thing I wanted was for you to worry, dear brother,” she smiled. And what younger sister would want her older brother to worry? Her womanly pride couldn’t allow for that. “All the other people are already depressed enough, the last thing I wanted was for you to be as well.”
Perhaps it was selfish of her to want to preserve her brother’s innocence on her condition, no matter how futile it was. To spare him the pain of seeing her like this, or more accurately for her to avoid having to see him worry over her.
“How was the party, by the way?”
“It was fi-” he blinked, as though suddenly realising what she did. Yuki couldn’t help but laugh inwardly. “Don’t change the subject, Yuki.”
“You really want me to talk about dying soon that much?” she sighed, immediately stabbed by regret at the guilty look on his face. Honestly, why was it only around her that he seemed to lose all tact?
“No, no, you’re going to get through this, Yuki and we’ll-” Feeling a burst of strength at how close he’d leaned forward, their faces almost touching as her forehead brushed against his, she leaned forward, capturing his lips on her own. Despite his shock, Yuki couldn’t bring herself to be sorry, feeling more connected to him than ever as his heartbeat thrummed through her fingers.
Pulling back as her body trembled in exertion, collapsing back into the pillows while Masachika simply stared at her with wide eyes, Yuki couldn’t help but feel satisfied.
“I’ve always wondered what it feels like.” Of all the people she’d met, no one else could understand her, not like him. It didn’t matter if she was an Otaku that spent too much on manga, he’d dived down the rabbit hole with her. With everyone else, she was Yuki Suou, but not with him. “Now I know.”
“Sis…”
“I never minded it, you know,” she reassured, trying to assuage his guilt despite knowing it would be futile. Shouldering such a burden was just like her brother, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. “Being the heiress to the Suou family. To give you the freedom that your heart sang for. While grandfather might have seen laziness and rebellion, I alone was happy that you were finally free to choose.”
She tilted her head, lips trembling upwards. “I’m only sorry that I couldn’t hold out longer.”
“Don’-don’t apologise,” Masachika shook his head, running a finger along her cheek even as his tears falled down onto her. Distilled emotions that she relished, feeling her own eyes grow wet. “Yo-”
“I’m glad I got to hear you play for me, brother.”
I can rest easy knowing that you’ll be alright.
“Thank you,” she smiled, closing her eyes.
“No…no-no Yuki! Stay awake!” Masachika cried out. Guilt welled up hearing his desperate pain, wanting nothing more than to snuggle up in his lap as he played a tune on the piano to lull her to sleep. She thought of the countless nights where she’d managed to sneak into his room and cuddle away the cold winter nights. But she was too tired, struggling against the rising tide that threatened to engulf her. Perhaps if he’d still needed her, Yuki would have fought on regardless. But having seen Alya thaw the ice in his heart and breathe life into his soul, she knew Masachika would be just fine without her.
Such a thought should have terrified or pained her, yet she could only feel relief and joy, knowing that her sacrifice was not in vain, that the time she’d bought for him had given Masachika the chance to discover himself.
‘Sorry brother, but the pain is too much to bear anymore. I hid it for your sake, so I suppose it’ll just be one more lie I take to the grave. I’m not the helpless little sister of a decade ago, and I’m glad I got to be the heroine’
“Yuki, don’t you close your eyes on me!” Masachika demanded, looking down on her as she felt drops of tears falling onto her face, as though it were raining. Even as he placed his arms over her chest and began pressing, Yuki smiled up at him, trying to offer a final message of reassurance.
She was burning up, the sun tearing through her body as Masachika rose higher and higher, the distance between them growing as she began to fall, engulfed on all sides by darkness. But knowing that he’d continue to ascend, Yuki couldn’t help but feel content.