Work Text:
To put it simply, Allen was bored. So bored he felt like he would disintegrate into a fine powder. This was abnormal. Allen's step-father, Cross wasn't home so he couldn't annoy him, all the books in the house he's read a hundred times over, his pet Timcanpy is at his uncle's house, he's already played all of his games, and there is nothing to do outside. It was a harsh winter. The snow was so high that it locked him inside the house and Cross at a cabaret.
A chill creeps up Allen's spine and goosebumps pop up like an infection all over him. A sneeze shoots out of his nose.
“God, I'm so cold,” he says to himself.
The boy is already wearing 3 jackets, 5 pairs of pants, 7 pairs of thick long socks, 2 pairs of gloves, an ushanka, and a thick blanket wrapped snugly around him. He's going to kill Cross for not getting the AC fixed. He needs heat to survive! It's too cold here!
Maybe exercise will solve both of his problems? Exercising produces body heat and can be a form of mind stimulation. Sounds like a good thing, right? That's what Allen is going to do. He'll exercise himself to sleep. Can't just exercise all day, so why not tucker yourself out to make the day go by quicker?
He starts with push-ups.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
And he's bored again. Now what? Allen looks around his room and his eyes land on his old PlayStation 4. He hasn't touched it in a few months. Maybe there's a game on the PlayStation Store that he could buy. He has Cross' bank card, so it's an easy solution to one of his problems.
Allen boots up his PlayStation and grabs a few more blankets while he waits for the thing to connect to his TV. Once the console connects, he goes to the Store and browses through the games. Nothing piques his interest… until a game called Final Fantasy XIV makes itself known.
Allen's never played an MMO before so why not try it? He types in his information and presses the purchase game option. While the game downloads, he stands up and decides to make some hot soup. He's craving Cross’ salty soup badly despite it tasting horrid. Cross isn't here to make it so now it's up to Allen to try and replicate it.
Allen sheds himself of his blankets and walks to the kitchen. He grabs a pot from inside the sink that's the perfect size for him. He cleans it out, fills it with water, and places it on the stove. He lights the stove and cranks the fire on 7. Time for the ingredients! (If he knew what they were).
The hungry, cold, and desperate scrounges around the kitchen for any herb, spice, and vegetable he could find. He dices up the veggies and herbs and dumps them in the pot. He runs to the fridge and opens it. He's searching for any meat in the fridge that isn't sandwich meat. Eventually, he finds the biggest slab of beef known to man in there. Perfect.
Meat in hand, Allen goes over to an empty spot on the kitchen counter and places the meat on a cutting board. He cuts the meat up and puts a lot of different spices and sauces on the meat. He mashes the sliced meat bits together so each bit can have equal amounts of flavoring. Then he takes the cutting board and pours the meat into the pot. He grabs some red wine and pours a quarter of a bottle in.
The kitchen smells amazing, but that soup definitely doesn't look it. It looks like it's trying to cast a hex on Allen. It doesn't bother him too much because Cross’ looks way worse.
The final step is salt- and I mean a LOT of salt. So much salt that it could kill an elephant. It’s called salty soup for a reason.
Allen finds the salt tub and opens it. He grabs a big handful and dumps it in. He grabs another big handful and dumps that in. That should be enough. He doesn't want to die from a sodium overdose now. It would cure his terminal boredom, but it would cause many other problems.
Allen sters the thing a few times then sets a timer on his phone for 30 minutes. He heads back into his room. He looks at his TV screen and smiles. The game is done downloading. He opens up the game and makes an account. He picks his Data Center and it's now time to create a character.
All the fictional races seem pretty cool. It's hard for him to choose. He knows he wants a male character, so that marks off a few things on his list of options. He doesn't want a bulky character or one with too much going on so Roedagyn, Au Ra, and Hrothgar are out of the game. He doesn't want to be normal, so Hyur is out. He doesn't want a giraffe either, so Elezen can go bye-bye. That leaves Lalafell, Viera, and Miqo’te.
A hard choice indeed. Possibly the hardest one Allen has had to make all year. Lalafells look like little cupie dolls and are probably fun to play as. Vieras are beautiful and tall. Allen likes being a tall character in games (because he's short). He also is a sucker for bunny boys. Finally, he has Miqo'te. They're handsomely cute, around his actual height, and he can make one look more like him than the others. He also likes cat boys.
Allen ponders long and hard. Such hard choices, so little time. Eventually, Allen reluctantly chooses Miqo'te. He makes his character and names himself Crowned Clown; after his original step-father. He was the king clown in the circus when he was alive.
Now, the classes. Allen loves tanking, but he doesn't know what the tanks are. He looks it up on Google and finds Dark Knight the most attractive. Sadly, it's locked behind the story. So, until he can get that unlocked, he'll be Gladiator/Paladin. Then he picks Adamantoise as his World because it's the name of that one giant tortoise fight in Final Fantasy XV.
Now, it was time to boot up the game and sta-
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
Allen shuts off his alarm. It took him 30 minutes to make a character in a game he probably won't like. Character creation is like the final boss, but at the beginning. Just like how a SoulsBorne game is.
Sighing, he gets up and checks on the soup. It's more like a stew instead of a soup now, but whatever. It'll probably taste the same. Allen taste-tested it and scrunched his face. It definitely tastes better than Cross’, but it still tastes bad. Whatever, he wasn't going for flavor. He was just weirdly craving it and now it's in his possession.
Allen turns off the stove and takes the pot off. He'll use the big spoon to eat it. He takes it back into his room and puts it on his little coffee table. He sits on his beat-up burlap bean bag chair and wraps his blanket back around him. Allen starts the game and starts eating his stew.
The game started off really slow, but once he was 3 hours in, it started to get interesting. He liked this Thancred guy a lot. He was very charismatic. He liked charming characters.
Allen is now in Limsa Lominsa trying his hardest to memorize where things are. His efforts are interrupted by a Lalafell with orange hair and bunny ears named Little Hammer. It kept emoting at Allen. Allen, not knowing how to emote yet, jumped up and down multiple times.
<Little Hammer>: “Hey! o/”
Now Little Hammer was trying to talk to him. This was new. He normally only does things solo and doesn't talk to people aside from Cross or his friends Lenalee and Komui. Hopefully this guy is a good talker because he certainly cannot hold a conversation.
<Crowned Clown>: “Hello”
Little Hammer gives you a head pat and a warm hug
That emote text surprised Allen. He didn't know such an emote could exist in any MMO. It seemed too customized. But you can't make your own emotes in any game.
<Crowned Clown>: “How do I emote?”
<Little Hammer>: “Are u on PlayStation, Xbox, or PC?”
<Crowned Clown>: “PS”
<Little Hammer>: “Target yourself, another player, or object, press square, then scroll down to emote”
Allen follows his instructions and finds the emote list. There are a lot of emotes. He couldn't find the one that Little Hammer used though.
<Crowned Clown>: “What emote did u use?”
<Little Hammer>: “It was custom. Type in /em then add whatever text u want in the chat box. U can type in <t> for people's names as reduced typing time :3 For example”
Little Hammer instructs Crowned Clown on how to emote
There are custom emotes?! This shocked Allen. He's never heard of this before. Little Hammer didn't move though, so it's probably only for the emote text. But still, custom emotes! Allen wants to try now. He targets Little Hammer and types in his custom emote.
Crowned Clown gives Little Hammer a thank-you kiss on the forehead
Little Hammer blushes in embarrassment
Allen guesses that one was a real emote because Little Hammer’s character moved. Little Hammer was adorable. Allen just wanted to pick him up and carry him around.
<Crowned Clown>: “Ur character is rlly cute!”
<Little Hammer>: “Thank you! Ur character is so pettable”
That made Allen snort. He's never been told he was pettable before. It was kind of funny. Then he notices the little crown next to Little Hammer's Name. He wants that. It'll fit his name perfectly.
<Crowned Clown>: “What's that crown next to ur name and how do i get it?”
<Little Hammer>: “It signifies that I'm a mentor. I had to level a tank, healer, an dps to max lvl then I had to do some special stuff for my crafter an gatherer jobs”
A crafter and gatherer job? Are MMOs like this? He's only watched people play some of World of Warcraft before and it was nothing like this. Then again, he stopped watching, but still.
<Little Hammer>: “Want me to accompany u while u do ur msq? I'm bored”
<Crowned Clown>: “Sure”
This was a new development. He wasn't expecting this to happen. Then a notification popped up; it was a friend request. He immediately accepted it. Then it was a party invite. He accepted again. Then a Free Company invite. What was that?
Allen read the description of the free company and decided to accept the invitation. It's basically a guild. Then, something pops up in the chat box.
[FC]<Time Record>: “o/”
[FC]<Roseanne's Bite>: “Welcome!”
[FC]<Charity Bell>: “Yo!”
[FC]<Tsuki Kami>: “Greetings!!!!!!”
[FC]<Crowned Clown>: “Hi”
So that's what Free Company chat was for. He was wondering ever since he started messing around with the different things on his screen. That's pretty cool. Little Hammer started typing in the party chat.
<Little Hammer>: “Now u have more resources for help. U can even ask to run dungeons an stuff an at least one person will say yes. Welcome to tha game, bud! ^^”
<Crowned Clown>: “That's pretty cool. Thx!”
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)
Allen kept playing the game. When Cross came home the next day after Allen bought the game, he blew up on the boy for stealing his bank card. Allen was grounded and couldn't play for 3 months. Cross took his PlayStation and phone away. Allen found ways to sneak his PlayStation back into his room without getting caught.
In those three months, Allen grew really close to Little Hammer. He was ashamed to admit, but he was beginning to grow a crush on the guy. He was so sweet, silly, and charismatic. He found out the guy's real name was Lavi. That was definitely a rare name. He's never heard it before.
Once Allen's grounding was done, he dedicated most of his time to Final Fantasy XIV. His grades took a bit of damage, but who cares? He was still going to graduate on time this year.
Playing the game is what he's doing now. He's fooling around with Lavi at some RP club. They're on a Discord call lightheartedly making fun of some of the ERPers and how the public chat was like reading a Wattpad fanfiction. They were entertaining themselves by reading the chats out loud to each other and acting like the e-couples.
“Hey Al, I'm going to hop on my alt account real quick. I'll tell you all about the private messages I get.” Lavi says.
“Oh, you have an alt?”
“Yup! He's the hottest thing in town!”
“Nothing can beat Crowned Clown,” Allen says with pride.
“I'll make you bite your words!” Lavi says with a laugh.
Lavi quickly logs out of Little Hammer and from Lavi narrating every move he makes, he can tell he's logging onto his alt and coming back. After 4 minutes, Lavi announces that he's there and that Allen will know who he is by the name. Allen scrutinizes the room until he finds a character named Big Hammer. Allen bursts out laughing.
“You really have a duo called Little Hammer Big Hammer?! My God!”
“Yessir! Now invite me to your party and to the FC please.”
“Alright.”
Allen targets Lavi's character and invites him to the party and FC. Allen looks at Lavi's character and blushes a bit. He feels so stupid for blushing over a goddamn video game character, but Lavi wasn't wrong. Big Hammer was hotter than Crowned Clown. He imagines that this is what Lavi actually looks like: Fiery orange hair, an eye patch, freckles, peach skin, green eyes, a defined face, and a snatched waist. He's a sucker for bunny boys, but he's a bigger sucker for a man with a personality that matches his looks.
“Allen?”
Allen snaps out of his daze. “O-oh, yes?”
“I've called your name 7 times! Were you too absorbed in my character’s presence? Lavi says in a taunting voice.
Yes. Yes, he definitely was. “Hell no! Crowned Clown is so obviously better! My headset got messed up for a bit…”
“Yuh huh, sure.”
Allen blushes in embarrassment. He's lucky that they're only in a voice call. He'd be even more embarrassed if Lavi could see him right now. Allen can't even defend himself because then he'll seem desperate. And desperation usually means admitting guilt. He knows Lavi is joking, but he doesn't want Lavi to know about his little crush on him.
“Anyway, lemme know when you get a message. I'll suggest some things to say back.”
“Okay!”
Lavi and Allen spent 4 hours trolling people. They both received a good amount of private messages and egged each other on to say crazy stuff. Allen is having the most fun he's ever had in a long time with Lavi. All Lavi does is bring a smile to his face. Allen might start getting head over heels for him soon.
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)
<Big Hammer>: “Alllllleeeeennnnnnnn, what would u do if i said that i really really like u?”
That question came and beat Allen up. He and Lavi have been playing together for 2 years now. Right now, they were at the Moonfire Faire platformer area and were “stargazing”. Fireworks were going off in the skybox and they both were doing dumb emotes at each other. They couldn't call each other because it was 3:00 AM and they both didn't want to bother the people living in their homes.
When Lavi asked that question, it sent an unknown emotion through Allen. He's head over heels for Lavi at this point. They've both gotten very close. They even went as far as to jokingly flirt with each other (or so he thinks).
<Crowned Clown>: “Wdym?”
The answer he was going to get to that question was terrifying. What if Lavi only meant it in a friendly way? He would be sad for a good while.
<Big Hammer>: “Y’know. Like u wanna kiss them. I wanna kiss u. I'm not joking either. If u don't like me like that, then ignore what i just said and pretend it didn't happen”
Allen felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. His face flushed a burning red. He reread that message over and over again until he felt like his head would explode. He thought of a response- something that would not sound embarrassing- and began to type it.
<Crowned Clown>: “I bet i liked u longer”
Allen lets out a shaky breath as he waits for Lavi's next message.
<Big Hammer>: “No, i liked u first :3”
Allen chuckles a little at the childish nature of their confession. They're confessing to each other on a video game while arguing who liked who first. It's almost like a dream. A really stupidly happy dream.
<Crowned Clown>: “No, me, and that's final”
<Big Hammer>: “>:(“
Allen laughed at Lavi's response.
<Crowned Clown>: “Wanna be bfs?”
<Big Hammer>: “Ofc”
Allen was ecstatic. This was his biggest win since asking Lenalee to be his friend 5 years ago. He's never dated anyone before so he's unsure of what to do in a relationship, especially an online one
<Crowned Clown>: “What do we do now?”
<Big Hammer>: “Go on a date to a lovely rp cafe?”
<Crowned Clown>: “Okay, give me a minute to change my glamour. I have to look good.”
<Big Hammer>: “Okay! I'll locate an amazing cafe”
If you told the Allen from 3 years ago that he would fall in love with his online friend and end up going on a virtual date in an MMO cafe, he would think you were delusional. But, here he is. Doing just that. It was fucking insane, but what else could they do? Allen's in England and he doesn't know where Lavi is. It's also 3 in the morning. No real restaurant or cafe would be open.
Allen looks through his glamour plates and decides to change his character into plate 7. It's a simple vest and tie, white gloves, black pants, and black shoes. Nothing special, but it looks neat and clean. It was perfect for a date.
<Big Hammer>: “Alright, found one!”
<Crowned Clown>: “U not gonna dress up?”
<Big Hammer>: “Why would i? I'm immaculate~”
Allen rolls his eyes.
<Crowned Clown>: “Ur not Vauthry. Shut up”
<Big Hammer>: “And ur not Batman's butler, so stop trying to look like him :P”
Allen giggles at that comment.
<Crowned Clown>: “Just take me out already”
<Big Hammer>: “On a date or with a gun?”
<Crowned Clown>: “Both”
Allen and Lavi go to the cafe and sit their characters down at a table. They joke around at first and talk about everything and nothing at all, then they seriously flirt with each other. They romantically emote at each other and say some cheesy pick-up lines. It felt like a real date to Allen. It was magical.
They stayed in that cafe until sunrise (in real life). Allen was exhausted, but the magic he felt from that date kept him up. He was so enamoured by Lavi. That man knew how to make his heart flutter.
<Crowned Clown>: “I gtg to bed before my stepdad yells at me for being “lazy”. I have work in a few hours too so I need sleep”
<Big Hammer>: “Okie. Btw, b4 u go. Can we meet up in real life? I'd love to meet u and hold u and kiss u and whisper sweet nothings into ur ear while we cuddle~”
Oh, this man knows how to get under Allen's skin and penetrate his heart. He loves romantic types so much. Those words were like a scenic view to his eyes.
<Crowned Clown>: “I'm in Eddistown :/”
<Big Hammer>: “Tea an crumpets? Omg, a bott’l o’ wata. Beans on toast”
<Crowned Clown>: “Shut the fuck up before i beat u to death with a hammer.”
<Big Hammer>: “A big one or a small one?”
<Crowned Clown>: “How about both”
<Big Hammer>: “Let's meet at Z Bookstore. That's where i work. I'm always in the back though :/”
<Crowned Clown>: “Omg are u Bookman's grandson?!”
<Big Hammer>: “Yeah! U been there?”
<Crowned Clown>: “Yeah! I get all my books from there!”
<Big Hammer>: “Omg yay! Stop by after ur done with ur job. Unless our breaks line up”
Big Hammer winks at Crowned Clown
<Crowned Clown>: “I work at Jerry's. U can visit me for ur lunch break. I'll be at the front. All I do is greet ppl and direct them to their table :/”
<Big Hammer>: “Okay! I'll definitely come by to annoy u while u do ur job!”
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)
Allen stood at his podium as bored as ever. It wasn't a busy work day today. There was barely anyone here! Today must be cursed or something. Right as Allen is about to blink out of existence, the door jingle wakes him up.
“Welcome to Jer-”
He pauses. The most handsome man to ever grace this Earth walked into the building. He looked so similar to Big Hammer. Wait, maybe that's Lavi!
The handsome man looks Allen's way and smirks. “So, you must be Crowned Clown.”
Allen was about to faint. His voice sounds so so sooooo much more seductive in real life than it does on Discord.
“I do have to say, your character does you no justice! You're so cute I could die!” Lavi says while walking up to him.
Allen feels a blush creeping onto his face. “U-u-uhm, L-Lavi, hi.” he feels like the biggest dork alive at this very moment.
Lavi smiles warmly at the distressed boy. “When I walked in here, I was almost expecting a cute little cat boy standing here to greet me but what I got was much better” he flirts.
Allen turns a new shade of red. “Y-you're quite uhm h-handsome yourself.”
Lavi takes Allen's hand and kisses his knuckles. “How about after your shift is done, we come back here as customers?”
Allen could only nod. That was how most of their interaction went. Lavi's presence was so potent and his charm worked way too well. Allen was a mess because of him. It made him fall for him even more! Sadly, they only had 30 minutes, but once Allen's shift is over, they'll go on their first official date!
(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)
It was time for Lavi and Allen's first official date. Allen was all kinds of nervous. This was nothing like an MMO date. He actually has to meet Lavi and flirt with him face to face. They might even kiss! Just this thought made Allen feel all tingly inside.
“Allen?”
Allen feels anxiety keep even higher. He really has to impress Lavi now. Taking deep breaths, he waves Lavi over and Lavi notices him. He walks over and sits at the table Allen's at. Lavi reaches out his hand and brushes One of Allen's bangs behind his ear. The warmth of his hand made him flustered.
“My cutie, how did I manage to have such good luck finding you?”
Most of the date was full of the two flirting and getting to know each other. Allen was all kinds of nervous in the beginning, but after he got used to Lavi, he began to feel comfortable and started acting like he normally does when they're on call with each other. The date felt more magical than when they went on the MMO date. Sadly, time flies and their date is coming to an end.
“Y’know, I had a fun time tonight, Al.”
“Me too,” Allen says with an endearing smile.
Lavi gives Allen a look of pure adoration and leans closer to him. He gets closer and closer until his rough lips lightly reach Allen's soft ones. Allen's eyes widen in surprise, but soon he kisses Lavi back. They break apart after a minute and look at each other with nothing but love in their eyes.
“I think I really do love you.”
Allen smiles widely. “I love you too.”