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Why did this have to happen...?
That was all that Ishiro could keep thinking. He was curled up in a tight ball on his bed, trembling. He had his hands grasping his head tightly, as if that would somehow make the flashbacks stop. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes.
He hated everything about this. It was supposed to be a normal day. And then... he saw something that unleashed a hoard of repressed memories and now he was stuck in this loop of flashback after flashback. Nothing he did was making them stop.
Ishiro took in a deep breath. Even just trying to breathe wasn't helping him. He was stuck in this unbending hell. He didn't know what to do anymore. All of the options he thought of had failed to work. The only thing he could think of left to do was something he dared not try.
The door to his room opened. "Are you..."
The voice trailed off, probably already knowing the answer once they saw him in his pathetic state. Ishiro wasn't sure who exactly had come to check on him. Was he really that loud? He was trying to breakdown as quietly as he could.
"Hey..." The voice returned, whispering close to his ear. A hand was placed on his cheek and then a kiss was pressed to his head.
Ishiro managed to get the strength to look at the intruder. Taiya. He smiled at Ishiro looked at him.
"What's wrong?" Taiya asked as he brushed away the tears still forming in his eyes.
Ishiro didn't know if he had the strength to reply. His voice didn't feel like it wanted to work right now. He just shook his head and buried his face into a pillow. How did he even try to explain what was going on?
It wasn't like Taiya didn't know. He was aware that Ishiro had some lingering trauma from his past. But, this was the first time he had to deal with anything because of that trauma. Ishiro hadn't ever told him what might happen because of his trauma but... he hoped Taiya would pieced together some stuff.
"Do you want a hug?" Taiya offered, already moving onto the bed.
Ishiro held out his arms, Taiya quickly filling the gap and pulling him into a tight hug. Ishiro started crying, loud sobs coming from him. He couldn't hold it back anymore. His emotions were coming out.
He hated this. Hated letting anyone see him with his guard down. Another trauma response. One he hated, but also didn't want to let go of. It made him feel safe in a way. No one could hurt him if they couldn't read his feelings.
But there wasn't much he could do in a state like this. At least Taiya wouldn't ever care. Ishiro knew that much. He always did ask to see his true emotions. Ishiro just wished it didn't have to be in situations like this.
"You're okay... you're safe with me..." Taiya whispered, rubbing Ishiro's back.
They stayed that way for a while, the only sound was of Ishiro crying. Taiya continued to try to calm him down. Ishiro wished he could, but even with Taiya here, the flashbacks hadn't all stopped yet. They maybe weren't as bad, but they were still flashing in his head no matter how much he tried to shut them out and just focus on Taiya. On the present.
Ishiro thought he heard footsteps and the sound of the door opening once again. He didn't have much time to process it before there was movement behind him and two arms wrapped around him.
"What's going on?" He heard Genba ask, most likely directing the question to Taiya.
"I don't exactly know." Taiya simply replied.
Ishiro tried to speak, but nothing came out. He wanted to explain anything. Just let them know that something was wrong. And yet, all he could do was hug Taiya tightly and hope for the best.
He felt Genba pressing some kisses to his head now. Ishiro tried some breathing exercises again, hoping maybe to finally calm down a little. His mind was still running wildly, but the flashbacks were becoming less and less clear. Was he finally getting through it?
He opened his eyes and lifted his head to take in his two boyfriends. Both gave him reassuring looks when he glanced their ways. Ishiro laid his head back on a pillow and let out a sigh.
"You alright now?" Taiya asked, brushing some hair out of his face and wiping away any lingering tears he could find.
"I don't know..." Ishiro managed to choke out, his voice cracking badly as he did.
"We're here. You're okay." Genba said, running a hand through his hair a few times.
"I hate flashbacks..."
"That's what was going on?" Taiya frowned.
Ishiro nodded. He kept his gaze low.
"That was the past. You're safe here in the present." Taiya said.
"Nothing bad is going to happen to you now. We'll make sure of it." Genba added on.
"Thank you..."
Genba didn't know much about any of this. He probably deduced a bit, but Ishiro had never exactly told him about too much of his past. It was nice to hear him so easily say those things without even knowing what he was referring to.
Ishiro was tired. He wanted to try and say more, but his eyes were starting to fall shut. Things like this did tend to take a lot of energy out of him.
"Get some rest." Taiya seemed to have noticed. "We'll be here when you wake up."
Taiya and Genba readjusted their holds on him and snuggled up against him more. Ishiro cracked a smile and closed his eyes. His life may have been hell, but it lead him to this point. He'd not change it for the world.
It didn't take long for him to drift off to sleep. He felt both give him one more kiss and then a peaceful darkness consumed him. No more reliving the past, no nightmares, just peaceful nothingness to sleep tonight with.