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Advent had been a nightmare for Evangelina, in the beginning, it was a little touch of lumbago, back in the early Autumn, then indigestion...or what she thought was indigestion or in better words, it was a very uneasy sensation in her stomach. And then a little bleeding, now and then.
Evangelina pushed the thought of something sinister in the back of her mind. Still, every time she found herself looking for a menstrual rag somewhere at 3 in the morning while her whole abdomen felt like it was contracting, she resurfaced that thought back in her mind. One night, Evangelina felt so poorly that she wanted to ask Julienne for help. But she had just come back from a challenging birth and fell asleep on the sofa with her coat still on. Another night, she encountered Monica Joan in the kitchen while trying to set Nonnatus House on fire by baking crumpets.
She had also asked Mrs B to buy her some All-bran to see if it was just related to her digestive system, but nothing changed. She felt almost sick in the morning, with an aversion towards food. She had lost a bunch of weight. If she had been any younger or if she hadn't made a vow of chastity, she would have thought to be in the second trimester of pregnancy. But she was a menopausal nun in her mid-60s.
Julienne, on her hand, had noticed that something wasn't right with Evangelina. At first, the lumbago, then the upset stomach and the pain in her lower abdomen. The upset stomach was out of character for Evangelina, who was famous for being able to digest even the cobbles from the street.
She tried to address the issue, but Evangelina snapped at her and Julienne was left almost in tears.
And then, one day, Evangelina arrived back home more in pain and more tired than usual.
Julienne spotted a big stain on the back of her habit and said: "Sister, I fear you've stained your habit,"
"Where?" asked Evangelina looking at the front of her habit.
"On your back. I'll accompany you upstairs, I think we are due for a little chat in peace and privacy," said Julienne putting a reassuring hand on the older nun's shoulder. And she could feel the tension on Evangelina's shoulders.
Julienne, on her hand and in her very little free time, had been reading a lot about what could have ailed Evangelina. And she knew it wasn't to her back or her stomach. It had something to do with her uterus or, God forbid, her ovaries. Her money was on either a bunch of fibroids, unusual during menopause, but possible and the better case scenario. Down to a dreaded ovarian cancer that may be metastatic, since Evangelina had been suffering for at least six months.
Julienne was pretty sure that the heavy bleeding she was suffering from wasn't the first. She knew more or less when the younger women had their periods and to find some old menstrual rags in the laundry every other day wasn't something that passed unnoticed, counting that both Cynthia and Trixie used disposable pads and Sister Winifred if she used rags washed them herself. Sister Monica Joan had seen Sister Evangelina with a hot water bottle on her lower abdomen for months, especially at night.
And the All-Bran for breakfast, it wasn't Evangelina at all, even if she was a trained nurse, healthy eating wasn't her forte.
They arrived in the bathroom and Julienne looked at Evangelina who was examining inch by inch her scapular.
"You are not well, you can't say you are alright, because you are not," said Julienne, with a quite worried voice. Closing the door behind her and sitting on a stool.
"I bled on my habit..." said Evangelina feeling the damp spot on the back of her scapular.
"How long have you been unwell? And don't lie, please"
"Since late summer. At first, it was a mild lingering nausea, I just thought it was a bit of tiredness, then the lumbago, but I am not young anymore. Then the bleeding. At first, it was just little spots on my underwear, but one night I woke up with my underwear drenched in blood." said Evangelina, quite aware that she had ignored something worryingly wrong for months and months.
"I think it isn't related to your stomach or your back, but with your reproductive system. And Sister Monica Joan mentioned that you always carry a hot water bottle on your abdomen, too low to be a stomachache."
"The only system in my whole body I've never used, why?" asked Evangelina quite frustrated putting her hands on her lower abdomen and realising how round it was. "I was considering asking Mrs Turner to get me an appointment with a women's doctor and a female one, I wouldn't feel comfortable with a man."
Julienne understood that a gynaecological examination would have been uncomfortable for a menopausal nun who had been a virgin all her life. And she had also noticed that her rounded stomach looked a lot like the one of a pregnant woman.
"Let's get you sorted out. Are you in pain? Do you want some Aspirin or any milk of magnesia? Do you want to take a bath? I'll bring your washbag and your nighties."
"Aspirin, please. Can I be excused from Compline tonight? I need to lie down because my back and my lower abdomen are killing me. And a warm bath is very tempting."
"Of course, I'll bring you a hot water bottle and a pad for your bed, just in case. Do you want a rag or do you prefer a pad?"
"You are very kind. And sorry for how I behaved lately."
"We have shared a room for the first 10 years I've been here, you've picked me up from the floor how many times? We are sisters in Christ, we are friends and you are the closest thing I have to a blood sister I've ever had."
"It's the same for me. I have a confession to make...one night, I felt so badly I wanted to wake you up, but you were sleeping on the sofa and you were worn out. But I promise I'll check with Shelagh."
Julienne gave Evangelina some privacy and went downstairs rearranging the rota for the following days.
Half an hour later, Evangelina was settled in bed and Julienne helped her down and put her hair up in her cap.
"I didn't realise I bled so much. The pain was the same, usually when I bleed I feel my uterus contracting, I know how a contraction feels under your hand."
"How long have you been suffering?" asked Julienne putting some stuff on Evangelina's chair.
"I think about six months. I know, I am a nurse and a midwife and should know better."
"I am not saying anything of it. Just go to Mrs. Turner and ask her to make an appointment with a female doctor. I think there's a very good one at London Hospital."
"What if is something bad?" asked Evangelina with tears in her eyes.
"In that case, we will take care of it. And it would be unfair. Sister Ada and breast cancer still hunt me at times." said Julienne unconsciously cupping both her breasts.
"That's why you go to a female doctor in Chichester once a year, right?"
"How do you know it?" asked Julienne
"Because you mark it in your diary. And there's nothing wrong in wanting to check. And don't look at me like this, I do a self-exam every month."
"I do. I fear getting breast cancer too. I mean, she realised she had it when she started bleeding from her nipple. And it was too late."
"There's no shame in it."
"And there's no shame admitting you aren't feeling well."
The day Evangelina had her appointment it was Julienne's day off. She was busying herself in the garden and it was raining... and it was also raining inside. Nonnatus House was falling apart.
Evangelina wasn't impressed when she came out of the doctor's office. First of all, the young female doctor felt quite awkward, then the pain of the examination, but it was worth it. She had fibroids and her uterus was as big as the one of a six-month pregnant woman. That's why she had back pain and upset stomach. The doctor advised her to have a hysterectomy as soon as possible because the bleeding was making her anaemic.
"So?" asked Julienne getting up from her gardening and looking at Evangelina.
"Fibroids. And they advise me to have a hysterectomy."
"That's a relief."
"Surgery will put me out of the game for a long time. A fortnight as an inpatient in the hospital and at least four to six weeks of convalescence. Do you think you can deal without me for two full months?"
"The health board called this morning, they are sending here a new nurse. She's arriving tomorrow morning. And you have been so unwell, you need to take care of yourself"
"Well, I'll book the surgery then. It's just a pocket from an old apron I'll never use."
"Absolutely."
Evangelina went inside, sat in the chapel and started crying. They were tears of relief, tears of fear, tears of tiredness. Everything mixed together. Julienne arrived and sat next to her.
She let Evangelina be, but at some point, she put her head on Julienne's shoulder. And the younger woman just opened her arms and let Evagelina cry on her shoulder.
"I am scared, Julienne. I am very scared."
"I know, I can feel it. You've been scared for months now. And you have been so unwell, but you've managed it. You are amazing."
"I am not amazing, I am a fool. I feel so old. And the visit was painful."
"I can imagine it was painful."
"Alice, the doctor, told me that unfortunately there's no comfortable way to be examined as a woman. And that she felt sorry for me."
"I am sorry, Evie," said Julienne hugging tighter Evangelina who was clasping her veil.
"Can you hold me a little more?" asked Evangelina just needing a bit of human warmth
"Of course."
They were so lucky to have each other.
A month later, Julienne found herself on the train for Chichester, she was staying there overnight because she had to have some serious chat with Mother Jesu Emanuel about the impending renovation on the roof of Nonnatus. She was carrying a bunch of grapes and some sympathy and if she knew well Sister Evangelina would laugh in her face.
Evangelina was sitting in an armchair, feet propped up on a footstool and she was pale but serene.
"Sister Evangelina," said Julienne sitting on a chair in front of her "How are you?"
"I am fine, still a bit in pain. But I feel much better, my back and stomach aren't bothering me anymore and now I have a very nice scar on my abdomen. Like the one from a cesarean. It is healing, but it's still a bit sore. And I can't sleep on my stomach yet."
"I am happy you are feeling better.""And the most important thing is that you are eating better, aren't you?"
"Yes, no more indigestion. You look tired and are you eating?" asked Evangelina looking at how small Julienne looked in her habit.
"It's just a rough time."
Julienne was very aware of how difficult things were in London, how busy they were and how little she was resting
"How's your blood pressure?" asked Evangelina, knowing too well how low it was even in cold weather.
"I am drinking plenty of tea, I am resting with my legs elevated and I am trying to eat as much as I can," she was borderline lying, she was barely eating.
"You didn't reply to my question. And your eating as much as you can is barely touching food"
"It's low. Lower than usual. But I am taking rehydration salts and it's going a bit better. It was 55 over 85 the other day."
"I don't know how you manage to stay on your feet with that pressure," said Evangelina, trying to give Julienne some grapes.
They were silent for a moment and then Evangelina looked at the windows and said, with tears in her eyes.
"Nurse Crane, she is better than me. She is up to date, I am a thing of the past."
"Evangelina, don't say stupid things. Nurse Crane is a very good nurse, but she isn't you and you aren't her. You are both good people, in your unique way. And we all miss you so much."
" Are you sure?"
"Do you think I'd lie to you about it?"
"I am a bit sorry for myself, that's all."
"Did you go to your female doctor?" asked Evangelina before Julienne left.
"Yes, I did. Everything is fine." replied Julienne smiling and hugging her sister in Christ.