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A Pain Not Shared

Summary:

Additional scene to chapter 2 of "A Burden Taken." Highly recommended "A Burden Taken" be read first.

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“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony demanded of the Asset.

The Asset stared at his lap, lost as to what to say or do. “I didn’t know how.” He knew enough to know his answer wasn’t satisfactory. He had killed Tony’s parents, something that had caused Tony pain, and not the kind of pain that the Asset could take away. It was an agony that Tony had had to suffer alone.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony demanded of the Asset.

The Asset stared at his lap, lost as to what to say or do. “I didn’t know how.” He knew enough to know his answer wasn’t satisfactory. He had killed Tony’s parents, something that had caused Tony pain, and not the kind of pain that the Asset could take away. It was an agony that Tony had had to suffer alone.

Alone. His soul mate hated being alone. His soul mate was too proud to say it directly, but the Asset had listened to Tony’s tales and knew his soul mate hated the empty feeling of loneliness.

Yet his soul mate had turned his back on the Asset and was storming out of the cell that had become the Asset’s sanctuary over the last month.

The Asset’s flesh hand twitched, his fingers tingling with the desire to touch his soul mate and comfort him.

It was an odd sensation. To desire something felt so odd, so surreal, that sometimes it felt like he was dreaming whenever the emotion came upon him. To have that desire entangled with the thought of comforting someone was indescribable. The closest he could come to explaining it was a mix of horror and wonder. Horror, because it was so unlike him that he almost felt as someone else were in control of his body, and wonder because it was such a soft and gentle feeling and he was amazed that he got to possess it.

“What did you do?” The Captain’s voice cut through the Asset’s thoughts and disrupted his tender emotion.

The Asset met the Captain’s stare in challenge, displeased to have one of his more pleasurable emotions taken away from him. “I obeyed orders.”

The Captain tensed. His legs moved just a fraction of an inch, revealing his desire to retreat, but the Captain quickly corrected his stance and stood firm. “What orders?”

“To kill Howard Stark. Maria Stark: approved causality if necessary. Death must appear accidental.”

The Captain flinched. “You told Tony?”

The Asset shook his head. “He is smart; he found out on his own.”

“And did you apologize?”

The Asset closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall. “Words are meaningless.”

The Captain scowled. “You killed his parents. The least you can do is apologize.”

The Asset kept his eyes closed and rested against the wall.

“This isn’t you, Bucky.”

The Asset didn’t respond. He knew he was once this person named ‘Bucky,’ but he felt so far removed from who he had been to who he was now that he refused to respond to the name. Especially after making it quite clear to the Captain on numerous occasions that he did not like the name or wished not to be called by it. If the Captain would not respond to his ire then he would not waste time expressing it.

The Captain sighed. His footsteps echoed in the empty cell as he exited.

Good. The Asset preferred the solace of his cell.


“Get up,” The Widow commanded.

The Asset cracked open an eye, feigning disinterest when secretly he was plotting all the ways he would respond if the Widow attacked him.

She motioned for him to stand, which he took his time doing.

She led him out of the room wearing her own mask of disinterest, but the Asset saw the tension in her shoulders and the slight stiffness in her movements. She feared him.

She took him to an elevator, and the Asset bit the inside of his cheek to keep his panic down. He’d never feared small spaces before, but he’d never been trapped inside one with the Black Widow. If someone amongst the Avengers could take him down it was her, but the reverse was true too. Even with his many years of fighting, the Asset could not say with confidence which of them would win.

The elevator opened, and the first thing the Asset saw was the Captain standing outside a set of doors.

The Captain banged on them and shouted at Tony, but Tony never emerged.

“Steve,” The Widow spoke, and the Captain turned. His expression twisted into one of anger, worry, and hope.

The Captain stepped forward. “Tony’s been locked in there all day, and according to JARVIS, he hasn’t slept or eaten, and he’s not taking proper safety precautions with his equipment.”

The Asset nodded. He already suspected Tony had been up to something, his hands stung where he’d been taking on his soul mates pain. He felt several tiny burns along the back of his soul mate’s hands.

“Talk to him,” the Captain commanded.

The Asset narrowed his gaze at the Captain.

He didn’t take orders anymore.

The Asset eyed the doors separating him from his soul mate.

His soul mate who was in far greater pain than the simple burns that speckled his hands. More pain than the ache of his muscles as he strained himself. More pain than the headache building between his temples.

There was nothing the Asset could say or do that would take away the only pain the Asset had not already taken upon himself.

He turned on heel and headed back to the elevator.

The Captain made a sound of surprise then grabbed him.

The Asset seized the Captain’s wrist in a grip so tight he would have already broken the Captain’s wrist if the Captain had been a normal man. “There is nothing anyone can do. He will find me when he wants me.”

“He’s your soul mate, how can you—”

The Asset squeezed the Captain’s wrist tighter. “He is mine. I am his. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I think I know how soul mates work.”

“Soul mates. Not us. You know nothing about us. We know far more about each other than anyone else. When he wants me, he will find me.” The Asset released the Captain’s wrist. “Not a moment before.”

The Captain and the Widow were taken aback, and for a moment so was the Asset.

These two had yet to cross paths with their soul mates; they had no understanding of just how precious such a connection was—of how deep and intimate it went.

Seventy years as a weapon, yet he possessed something far more grand and human than they did.

The Captain sighed and rubbed a palm down his face. “Okay, then let’s at least put you somewhere where it will be easier for Tony to get to you when he does look for you.”

“Steve,” the Widow said in surprise.

“He’s been locked up for a month; if he was going to do something, he would have done it by now.”

The Captain clearly did not know just how patient the Asset could be, but the Asset would not correct the Captain in this error.


Days passed and the Asset had only left the room given to him for recon and food. The Avengers didn’t trust him and he didn’t trust them. He knews their alliance was tentative at best. It would be a long while before the Asset and the Avengers would trust each other.

Someone opened the door to his room, and the Asset grabbed them by the collar of their shirt. He raised his fist to punch them in the face, only to stop when red-rimmed, amber eyes met his. The once carefully crafted beard on his soul mate’s face had grown out and wrinkles had crept across his face.

Tears collected in Tony’s eyes as he glared accusingly at the Asset.

His soul mate’s gaze burned, and the Asset bowed his head in shame.

He cupped Tony’s hands in his and felt the delicate tendons and bones hidden underneath the roughened and scared skin. His thumbs circled and rubbed the thin strips of burns and felt the pain his touch caused when he touched the wounds.

Time passed slowly and without words.

The Asset was strong, and so was his soul mate, but the Asset had been too strong. He’d found a weak spot in his soul mate and broken it, even if he had not intended to at the time. He had to piece his soul mate back together, but he didn’t know how. This piece of his soul mate was delicate, and the Asset had never been good with delicate things.

Tony sighed and his eyes fluttered shut. That was the only warning the Asset had before his soul mate fell into his arms.

The Asset stood there frozen in surprise.

He’d never held someone like this before. It was warm, and the heavy weight on his chest was grounding, comforting.

He wound his arms tightly around Tony and just held him, basking in the human touch.

His soul mate had fallen unconscious; he did not know if this was a sign of trust, forgiveness, or his soul mate’s body pushed to its limits. Perhaps it was all three. The Asset would cherish the moment either way.

He scooped Tony into his arms and lay Tony down on his bed. He tucked the blankets and sheet around Tony until he knew his soul mate would be kept warm and comforted. He then settled himself on the floor and propped his back against the bed.

He would protect Tony while his vulnerable soul mate slumbered.