Chapter Text
I hop off a boat and onto the dock of the camp. Third to arrive, right behind two people named Beth, and DJ. I’m greeted by the host, Chris McLean. What is this? This isn’t where I signed up to stay. Except it was. Apparently reading the fine print is important. I turn to leave but the boat is already speeding off, Chris wearing a smug grin as he looks at me. I grumble and go to stand with the others.
Next to arrive is Geoff, a guy who uses ‘dude’ as a comma. Then Lindsay, a ditsy blonde. “Not too shabby” I hear Chris say. So he’s a fucking creep, that’s just great.
Next is a girl named Heather, who looks just as bitchy as she actually is. She’s your stereotypical mean girl. Shades dark enough to see your reflection, resting bitch face, trendy clothing, and way too many bags for a simple clothing. She scowls and begins to walk over to where the rest of us are.
I watch Beth run up to her excitedly. “HI! Looks like we’re your new friends for the next eight weeks” she says (more like spits). I snicker a bit as I watch Heather Recoil in disgust.
Next is a guy named Duncan. He sets his bag down, and in the most edgy teenage boy voice goes “I dOn’T lIkE sUrPrIsEs”.
As much as I already don’t like Chris, watching him threaten to send this guy back to juvie was really satisfying.
He makes a pass at Heather, who shuts him down with a “Drop dead you Skeez”. Again as much as I already dislike Heather, that was music to my ears. However she ruins it when she whines and threatens to call her parents.
The next guy, Tyler arrives, but instead of riding the boat he’s on jet skis. Looking at him, it checks out. The only problem is that he wipes out and land in the pile of luggage. Two bags go flying into the water, and Heather is soaked. Why is no one moving to save their bags? Who’s bags even were those? The world may never know.
Next to arrive is Harold, who has already shown himself to be a mouth breather. He actually seems pretty cool though. Fairly enthusiastic about the setting of this show too.
Then a guy named Trent arrives. His parents named him perfectly. He is the most Trent looking guy you will ever see. And he’s carrying a guitar case. Is he trying to look hate-able? Sadly though he seems like the kind of guy I’d get along with.
Next is Bridgette, the surfer girl. She brought her board and everything. I chuckle as she hits Chris with it, even if it was on accident. Geoff seems to like her. She needs to be mindful of her board though, she’s almost hit someone with it twice.
Twelfth to arrive is Noah, and dear lord how does one person look like he’s been neglected and pampered at the same time (he also gives a bit of a gay vibe but I won’t assume)? And of course he has a life threatening allergy (actually Chris’s response to this is a bit worrying).
Next up is Leshawna. I think Harold almost had an aneurysm seeing her. Someone has a crush. She high fives DJ. Harold completely fumbles his first impression by calling her “big and loud”. Chris barely tries to de-escalates things before the next camper arrives.
Wait no… that’s two campers?! Sadie and Katie, who are best friends I guess and they look obnoxious as hell.
Then a guy named Ezekiel arrives, he seems a little stupid. Maybe just a bit sheltered. And then I hear he’s homeschooled. Oh my god, I don’t think he’s gonna last. Next is a dweeb named Cody, who seems to think he’s a ladies man. He is shut down by Leshawna very quickly.
The next contestant is named Eva. She looks tough and scary. Cody goes in for a high five only for her to drop her bag on his foot. It’s filled with dumbbells, how lovely.
Next is a guy who seems excited about everything. He seems excited to be heard he seems excited to be Canadian (for some fucking reason). He shouts about how great it is to be here. Chris seems to like the energy.
Then I see her. On the horizon, the next to arrive. Her name is Courtney. Dark Olive Skin and beautiful brown hair. I feel my body heat up … but not like that. It’s hot out, and I’m already fairly pale, and like how could I not stare at an objectively perfect human. Her clothes are perfect, her face is perfect. She seems so friendly. I think she may be the first person to give a proper greeting to everyone. “Hi, you must be the other contestants. It’s really nice to meet you all.” Owen goes in for a hand shake, and for a second I think if doing the same, but I’m cut off by some dude named Justin. The other girls swoon over him, but he’s kinda meh. And of course he’s here because he’s conventionally attractive. Owen seems to think he’s cool. The have a short conversation about pants or something. I don’t know I was looking at someone else…
My attention is drawn away from them when the person arriving at the dock next trips off the boat and hits her head on the dock. Not just her head but her jaw. I actually cringed at that. Oh my god I hated that. Courtney rushes to help her. God she’s so caring too… uhm, anyway, Izzy (the girl who just hit her head) seems okay. She starts rapid fire asking questions, one of which is “are we having lunch soon” to which Owen responds with “That’s a good call” I smell a terrifying friendship blooming. She’s the last contestant I guess.
Chris ushers everyone to the end of the dock for some photo. First he forgets to open the lens cap. Then the card is full so we have to hold this fucking pose until his stupid ass can delete a few pictures. And when he finally takes the photo, the dock breaks. What a great start to all of this.
We’re briefed on the rules. We’ll be slowly voted off, and the last standing wins $100,000. Duncan, ever the skeez, requests a bunk under Heather, to which Heather asks if the cabins are co-ed. No they aren’t, thank god. Two cabins separated into two sections. Sadie and Katie state that they “have to be together or else they’ll die” or whatever.
“This cannot be happening” I say before being put in a headlock by Owen in an attempt to cheer me up. Tyler points to Duncan and says “At least you don’t have to sleep next to him” which, yeah I can agree with.
Chris begins putting us in our teams. I’m put on the screaming gophers along with some of the most annoying people at the camp. Like they put Heather on my team! It doesn’t get worse than that. And to top it off, I was really hoping to be on a team with Courtney. I was kinda hoping we’d be friends by the end of this. Also Katie is on our team, but not Sadie, and I can tell she’s going to be so obnoxious about that. Courtney attempts to comfort Sadie. She’s so nice.
But on another note, most of the physically strong contestants are on their team. That’s not fair. The strongest person on our team is probably like Justin or something. And we don’t have much in terms of brains either. We have Noah, Heather, and maybe Beth. That’s not fair. They have Courtney, and that nerd Harold. And even Bridgette seems like she’ll bring a lot of critical thinking to the team.
We’re guided to the confessional where we’re meant to tell our secrets to the bathroom camera (so yeah Chris is giving off heavy pedo vibes).
Next he takes us to the cabins. The gophers take the east cabin. We make out way inside with our luggage, to find bunkbeds. A fact that Heather seems to be bothered by. She says it’s a little “summer camp” to which I remind her “that’s the point”. “Shut it weird goth girl.” She snaps back. She’s a feisty one I guess.
Hold on, why is Cody here? “You’re so smart. I feel that” he says to me. Oh great, one of these types. “Shouldn’t you be on the boys side” I ask. He smiles at me, but he doesn’t move. What a shame, I’m left with no choice but to literally kick him out of the cabin. I watch him pull his head up with a mouth full of grass.
We’re informed of our lack of luxuries when Lindsey asks about outlets. The guys don’t seem to take kindly to her whining.
Owen makes a few suspicious comments, and then desperately tries to back pedal when he realizes how gay he sounds. Luckily I’m pretty sure only Noah and Trent heard him. Also Chris is apparently the only adult here? Maybe? He said there were no chaperones, so probably.
We hear a scream, it’s Lindsey again. Oh wait she found a bug. DJ screams and jumps onto MY bunk, breaking it in half, and then Duncan decides to be edgy and lil the bug with an axe. A romance between Tyler and Lindsey also seems to be blooming. Yuck.
We head to the dining hall for our ‘meal’. I’m pretty sure this food counts as biological warfare. Lindsey seems surprisingly content, also the chef threw a hatchet at Geoff. We have one hour to eat before our first challenge…