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Ittetsu was used to the routine. Wake up, vomit up flowers, brush your teeth, make coffee. The usual. He was so used to the routine that it became second nature to anticipate the flower portion of his day. Sometimes, he made it a game to see what flower he would pull from his throat. Columbine today. The flower of fools.
He choked and heaved a breath after all the petals were fully out of him. He wanted to be there for his kids, the volleyball team, but this, this was slowly killing him.
“Takeda? You okay?”
Fuck. He knew that his hacking would wake Keishin. He really didn’t want the other man to see him like this so he lied. “I’m fine! I think that beer was bad last night,” he laughed weakly. Ukai chuckled outside the door, “You sure are a lightweight Takeda. I’ll get breakfast but we gotta be outta here soon. I’m sure the kids haven’t slept.” Today was the second day of the Inter-high Spring Nationals and all the kids, and coaches, were eager to compete. Inarizaki was seeded at number two so this would be their first official match of the tournament.
Ittetsu grimaced and stood up on shaky legs. The vomiting always took a lot out of him but as he spent more and more time with Ukai, the harder and harder it got to keep the garden growing in his lungs a secret. The petals swirled down the drain and by the time he was fully dressed and ready, Ukai had returned with breakfast.
“Whoa! You look rough. Did you even sleep?” Ukai teased but his eyes gave away the worry that brewed underneath. Ittetsu gave him a weak laugh and grabbed his coffee, a thin lifeline that made him feel semi-normal. Sitting at the small table that the room came with he was able to observe Keishin over the lid of his scalding coffee and took in the details of the man. Only at the precipice of his late 20s, Keishin behaved more like a man in his 50s. He was constantly stressed, always working, and never seemed to catch a break but he was also kind, a major help to the team, and filled Ittetsu with resolve that maybe they could win this whole thing. He smiled, “So coach, do you think we have a chance today?” Keishin leveled his stare and puffed out a breath, “Maybe but that team has a lot of heavy hitters. We can’t be quite certain how they’ll play though.” Ittetsu nodded and glanced at his watch, “We should get going. Daichi has been texting me nonstop that Hinata and Kageyama have been up since 4.”
Ukai chuckled and stood up, a loud pop coming from his back. Ittetsu couldn’t help but look at where his shirt rose, a thin trail of hair that led downward, and the muscle definition that wasn’t gone, just soft , rounded out by time and age made him feel warm under the collar. He averted his eyes quickly enough that Ukai didn’t notice but as he clapped him on the back and hauled him off to the lobby, he felt the roots yank in him. The tugging on his innards made him want to hurl flowers and stems for years. He secretly pulled petals from his mouth as they made their way down the hall. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew today would be worse than the rest.
~~~
Call him a psychic because he was right. The match was gruesome, taking it all the way to the final set. The harder part was containing the flowers that were blooming in his esophagus, the various blooms mixed with each other when he was finally able to run off the court and expel them from his mouth. There were petals, bulbs, and mangled full blooms that spilled out and he couldn’t help but cry. This was supposed to be a celebration for his students. Deep down he knew that they would understand why he had to run off but that was his team, those were his students and Ittetsu just wanted to be there for them. As he finally cleared his mouth of the debris, someone stepped into the bathroom, “Takeda? Are you here?”
Ittetsu froze.
He wiped his eyes and tried to clear his throat but instead, he started to cough harder. The roots that lay in him tugged harder and harder on his chest, pulling and crushing it in their wake. “Takeda? Ittetsu? You there?” Ukai sounded frantic and Ittetsu wanted nothing more than to soothe his fraying nerves but he could hardly take care of himself. He could barely breathe and as he gagged and choked, finally, finally a flower emerged.
This wasn’t a small flower by any stretch. A large marigold, stem and all came out of his mouth. The yellow soaked in blood and mucus, crushed by the constriction of his throat. Ittetsu openly cried and as he sat on the stall floor, flower in hand, there was a soft ‘oh fuck’ from the top. Ukai radiated confusion and worry, something that seeped into his very being and, much like the flowers, made him want to hurl. “Takeda, what the fuck is happening? And why the hell are you holding a bloody flower?”
Takeda realized that he had never explained this to anyone and how could he? He couldn’t say it was because of unrequited love because that opened up more questions. Questions that he wasn’t ready to answer about his love life or sexuality. Besides, if Ukai knew, how would he fix it? Ittetsu doubted the man returned his feelings and he knew better than to openly give that away. He straightened up and opened the lock with a shaky hand. He went to the garbage and disposed of the flower before washing his hands and drying his face.
“Are you going to explain it to me or what?” Ukai’s tone was thin and strained, his composure slipping after the stretch of silence. “I don’t want to talk about it.” The concise words made Ukai scoff and shake his head, “You’re fucking with me right? You ran in here, coughing and gagging, and just as I look over to make sure you weren’t dying, I see you pull a full fucking flower out of your mouth? That doesn’t seem like ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ behavior.”
“Coach, I don't want to do this right now. Go find the kids and send them back to the hotel.” Ukai let out an aggravated groan, “Fine, you don’t want to tell me that’s fine but you can’t let this go on. You are clearly sick and if you get sicker or heaven forbid…” his voice catches. Ittetsu gazes into the mirror and sees a trembling Ukai, “Or what? Or I die? What does it matter? The kids need you more than me at this point so I don’t see an…” he coughs again, petals raining out of his mouth and onto the tile floor. Ukai stood and watched as he ached and trembled, pulling them out. Making sure his airway was clear, “please… just go.” Ukai watched for a few more seconds before turning and exiting the bathroom. Once Ittetsu was finally alone he cleaned up the petals and the sink and took note of how thin he had gotten.
His eyes were sunken in and his glasses made his face look small, frail almost. His jacket practically swallowed him and very, very faintly his throat was bruised. The capillaries had burst with how much force he gagged getting the marigold up and it crawled from the bottom of his chin to the base of his throat, similarly to roots taking hold of water in the ground, the faint purple spread along his throat and disappeared into his shirt. Ittetsu decided that maybe now wasn’t the best time to explore how far it went so he didn’t look. He left a few moments later and made his way back to the hotel.
He was exhausted, but he made an effort to see the team and congratulate them. “Takeda! Are you okay?” Daichi called out as the third year came up to see him. “I’m fine. I had a bad breakfast so I needed a fast exit. Where is the team?” Daichi pointed to the large room that they occupied the night before and when he entered the entire team bombarded him with questions. Ranging from “How are you?” to “What did you eat so I don’t eat it.”
“Alright listen, Takeda ate something bad and that’s why he booked it off the court. Understand?” Ukai stated. His voice was clipped and Ittetsu knew that their conversation was far from over. “Sorry about that guys!” he rubbed his head, “I didn’t mean to worry you. Anyways, I want to congratulate you on your victory.” Several whoops went out and he chuckled, “That doesn’t mean it’s over. You’ve all played Nekoma but not like this, so please rest up and give it your best tomorrow!” Takeda called out and the team let up a cheer. He headed to the room and collapsed into bed.
It wasn’t until the sky grew dark and the team was seemingly put to bed when Ittetsu’s stomach rumbled from being ignored most of the day. He made no move to get up, just shifting in the blanket in an attempt. It could’ve not been more than ten to fifteen minutes before Ukai came into the room. He shut the door softly and, not cowardly at all, pretended he was asleep. Ittetsu could hear him puttering around the room and let out a heavy sigh.
“I know you aren’t asleep. Your glasses aren’t even off,” Ittetsu could practically hear the teasing smirk in his voice as he sat up. “We need to finish our conversation. And no, you cannot get out of this.”
“There’s really nothing to talk about,” he stated plainly, “I cough up flowers and move about my day.” He shrugged his shoulders as nonchalantly as he could, the ache inside him starting to move and tug somewhere in his chest. And oh, if looks could kill Ittetsu may be dead already, “I honestly don’t understand why you would say that to me. This thing can kill you. Apparently, it’s rare too. Gods Takeda, I can’t do this without you, the team needs you, I need you.” The words weren’t registering through the fog that grew over Takeda, his mind cloudy with the need and the want to succumb to the tiredness he had always felt.
Takeda looked at Keishin and made out the man’s face in the hotel lighting. He looked so beautiful . Takeda reached his hands out to Ukai’s face, the man immediately going silent to look at him, “Takeda?”
“Why did you say yes? When I asked you to help?” Ittetsu could never figure that one out. He begged every day to no avail and then one day Keishin just showed up, ready to coach, and had somehow gotten this ragtag team to Nationals. “I saw how much you cared. And the kids were coming in and they spoke so highly of you. Especially the third years, I thought ‘If a guy is willing to be rejected every day for them then they must be special’ and he is.”
Takeda had a full-body chill run up his spine, “Keishin…”
“No. Let me finish Ittestu. I have been hopelessly in love with you for months, and if you don’t feel the same that’s fine but I don’t want this thing to kill you.”
Takeda didn’t process anything after that as his body convulsed and seized. There were lights and sounds and by the time he fully came to he was being stood over by paramedics. He was hooked to a Lifepak and could hear the steady beeps of his heart. “He’s coming to. Sir? Can you hear me? You gave your boyfriend quite the scare Takeda-san,” the paramedic spoke softly as they continued to examine him. “Wh-what happened?” his throat was raw and fiery. “You had a seizure. Are you on any medication or have any diagnosis that could cause seizures?”
Takeda shook his head, the only thing he could tell is that his chest felt lighter, less constricted. He also took notice that Ukai was not in the room. “Where’s…” he didn’t know how to ask. The paramedic smiled and nodded to the hallway, “He’s outside. Refused to let you go so we had to remove him. It was sweet until it wasn’t. His airways are clear and his heart sounds strong,” she regards her partner. Well, that answers that, Takeda thought. “Do you want to see him? He is anxious.”
He nods and before he knows it, he’s being swept up into a hug. Ukai held him for a long time before pulling away, “I am so glad you’re okay. I was real worried.” Takeda nodded, “of course.” Gods, his voice sounded bad. Ukai shook his head, “Don’t talk, they said your vocal cords are pretty banged up. I remember from the article that this thing you had, it is supposed to go away if the feeling is mutual so be honest with me. Am I the person you love?”
Ittetsu had wondered about this moment for forever. If he would ever have the courage to say anything to Ukai, what would it look like? Certainly not in the hotel in Tokyo while his students are downstairs. Takeda nodded and felt his throat become thick with emotions, not flowers but feelings.
The way Ukai was looking at him held all the affection that he had for him and more. “You’re incredibly stupid for not thinking I love you.” Ukai pressed their foreheads together gently, cupping the base of his head, stroking his cheek with his thumb.
Takeda didn’t budge, he knew the kids saw the paramedics and he’s sure that at least four of them have put it together that something may have happened. But for now, he was taking in this moment.
He was enjoying it after all.