Chapter Text
The stars streaking by like memories long lost he watched the lights appear and fade, his temples meanwhile throbbing with rising tension. The strong hold which had captured his limbs only increasing, he tried hard to breathe even. But the pain and the fiery emptiness strangled his chest with unbidden force. He could still feel her intoxicating, velvety skin shiver under his yearning palms, the image of those intriguing sapphire eyes fixed on his, half lid while drowning in his desperate but gentle ministrations, trembling with flaring undeniable desire… The softest caress of her delicious lips moving against his with a frenzy that crumbled his long-established barriers away like a match in a storm. Maybe this was more than just physical attraction, the instinct pull to have this one special woman with her body and soul so strong almost crushing his artificial heart.
A deep, guttural groan echoed through his captains’ quarters. “Arrête… tout de suite…” Picard hissed through clenched teeth, trying vehemently to shake those boiling, unbidden emotions off. “You silly old fool.” She wasn’t his and would never be. Worse enough he’d thought for one strange moment, it would be wise to act on his carnal, ridiculous manly desires and simply move forward to touch this embarrassingly growing large phantasy. This step finally done he was no longer able to stop himself. Why on heavens earth hadn’t she stilled him?
Rubbing his tired eyes Picard turned and left for an ice-cold shower. Maybe this could cool down his blood. Four days gone, already back on the Stargazer and still his mind, body and every single fiber were working on overload, longing unmistakably for the temptation called Beverly Howard.
Leaving the bathing unit of his room more than twenty minutes later, dressed in casual pants and a simple shirt, he felt even more drained. He wasn’t relieved at all. Albeit having done everything to work himself up. Handling the built-up tension with fevered hands and quick moves, trying to erase the freaking frustration evolving in his loins and limbs. He’d come, fast and unceremoniously hard and with nothing near to some satisfaction.
Jean-Luc sighed. Long. Tugging his shirt down in a way he used to optimize these last days, he reached for his cup of tea, forgotten and long cold. Grimacing not only due to the bitter taste of black cold tea he felt the distinctive pressure of slowly rising wetness threatening his hazel eyes. This is not fair, he growled. Falling for your best friend’s girl. Fate was a mean companion even to a famous starship captain.
His door chimed and Picard watched up, startled.
“Come!”, he bellowed, wondering about the late hour.
The opening doors revealed Lt. Cmdr. Walker accompanied by Lt. Jack Crusher, both faces contently beaming while strolling in without prejudice.
“I told you, Idun is not in for those sorts of silly joking, Walker.” Jack grinned, pulling a chair out for himself and settling on the round table in the center of the room. His older comrade nodded silently, shaking his head. )
“Likewise. Our good Johnny wouldn’t have appreciated your teasing also, wouldn’t he?” Turning to look over to Picard who still was rooted to the spot Walkers brow raised questioningly. “Our weekly poker night? Today? It’s Sunday and your turn, Captain.” he murmured, obviously irritated.
“Indeed.” Picard unhappily croaked, gathering and shoving his uncontrolled, rampant feelings back behind his stoic façade. Good lord.
“Come here, Johnny.“ Jack happily whistled, tapping on the chair to his left, while displaying and dropping a staple of worn cards on the table. “And have a heart and bring some nice cold, neat whiskey.”
He still felt Walker’s intent eyes fixed on him, the silent warning eminently boring into his burdened soul. Apparently, his friend had instantly observed what he didn’t even dare to think about. Clearing his throat Picard finally got in motion in sheer self-defense mode. “Gentlemen, prepare for your downfall.” His voice loaded with unease he fought hard to cover his state with humor. Walker’s shoulders dropped visibly, slightly relaxing while he turned and took the place next to Jack. “You would certainly like that, Johnny.”
When chief engineer Puck Joseph strolled in Picard’s quarters little time later, he took the last remaining seat at the table, completing the usual group. Thoughtfully roaming the served glassed and cards he grabbed his set and finally leant back. Sighing aloud Puck tilted his head towards the others. “Nice to have you guys back on board, at least. This Greyhorse is really starting to annoy me, a pain in the ass you should say. These doctors nowadays are slowly becoming a plague with their unnerving routines and nasty little poking tests. I’m no damn lab rat.”
“We’re getting a little sensitive, aren’t we, Lieutenant?” Jack grinned, sorting through his hand. The older man narrowed his eyes. “You seem to forget, my dear friend, not everybody is… fraternizing… with a lovely doctor like yours.”
“Soon doctor, Puck. Beverly isn’t finished yet.”
“Still, she will certainly be handier than this charlatan and damn butcher Carter. After all I would imagine visiting Sickbay would be a lot more enjoyable with a doctor like her waiting for me.”
Walker couldn’t hide the laughter escaping his mouth. “Easy does it, Puck. You will bite the bullet as long as our recent doc is honoring us with his wonderful presence.” Turning he watched his captain’s features had frozen. “Your bet, Jean-Luc.” He finally stated roughly, slowly realizing this would develop into a new, unknown bizarre situation for him if those both would go on with their acid banter. His friends’ eyes were glazed, seemingly far away in another universe.
“Hey Johnny, stop dreaming.” Puck growled. “You’ll get your own cute, sexy physician some day.” The words which had been meant as a joke hit him like a harpoon. Taking a sharp intake of breath he fixed the engineer, who shrugged his chubby shoulders along with a weird smirk. “Or she’s getting you, who knows?” Puck added.
Picard had enough of this, his ears already blushing along with his cheeks he could do nothing more than hide his flustered state with an icy glare. “Will you just go on at last and stop this puerile tattling.” He hissed, gathering his lost strength.
Totally exaggerated Jack rolled his eyes, laughing at Puck Joseph out-loud. “Don’t annoy the captain while he’s losing his famous pride.” The words settling with cruel force, Picard only understood their true intention when Jack triumphantly placed his cards flat on the table for everybody to see. “Full house, gentlemen.” And gathered the scattered chips. A trembling sigh rumbled through his lungs, spreading deeper and rumored low between his gut. Watching his friends chatting happily and arguing with feigned seriousness he felt more off place than ever before. The fact that those explicit images of Beverly invaded his mind with new force did nothing to improve his feelings of despair and unfulfilled desire. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat he grabbed for the cards and began shuffling. His hands urgently needed something to do while his thoughts drifted back to her intoxicating scent penetrating his hungry senses.
“I swear, if Beverly would be acting doctor on this ship…” Jack suddenly stated, sipping his whiskey thoughtfully, “I wouldn’t make it to any of my shifts on time. She is very dedicated in everything she does. Not to mention her magnificent endurance regarding any tasks she attends to…”
“Jack.” Walker warned.
His azure blue eyes lit up, glancing at his older, lean friend. “What?” He retorted sternly, pulling a face at him. “Don’t pester me. She is just brilliant. Maybe in every way...”
Puck choked an acid remark down, took the offered staple of cards from his captain and dealt them to speed up the process. “Silly young love.” He dropped between his doings and shook his head in disbelief. These boys were luckily clueless what life offered in the end. And maybe he was just as jealous his youngest friend had been blessed enough to find somebody to alter the burden into some tiny pieces of joy. He dearly wanted Jacks wishes to come true even if he’d never in his life shared such dreams.
“Your bets, gents.” He growled, watching at his hand. Not so bad. Two kings, heart and check. When all remaining bets were placed, he positioned three new cards on the table, face up. The hearts queen. Oh my. Heart three, heart four.
Picard swallowed heavily, his jaw working by force. Jack grinned. “Raise.”
Puck clenched the cards between his tense fingers, while Walker left without comment.
“I’m in.” the engineer closed tight lipped. The captain simply nodded, pushing his remaining chips toward the center pile.
“All in.” His face went blank.
Jack’s brows shot up in surprise, so did Puck’s. “So, we’re somewhat sassy tonight my captain?” The later mumbled between clenched teeth, wondering about the sudden tense air.
Picard leant subtly forward, watching the cards closely. “This queen is going to be played, boys. Watch out if you’re brave enough to my bold challenge.”
Weird silence stretched over them, shadowing the atmosphere.
Picard didn’t even flinch, fixing Jack’s eyes with stoic, unnerving calmness. And suddenly Jack broke into laughter.
“Get a taste of your own medicine, captain. I’m all in, too.” Grinning happily, he brought the rest of his pile forward and leant back, watching his friend with growing satisfaction.
“A fucking nightmare, both of you.” Puck hissed, throwing his cards on the table and rising to his feet. No way both had a better hand than him, but the chance one of them had, still lingered. He’d too often misinterpreted the situation and learned the hard way; he should never interfere when Crusher and Picard were fighting things above his visible horizon. Walker stood with him, his features a little more obvious to the smoldering sub-context.
“Show me.” Picard hummed, his fingers tapping on the table in rhythmic frequences.
Walker rounded the table, slightly touching Puck’s arm. All eyes directed at Jack time stood still. Whistling through his teeth he enjoyed dropping his cards in slow motion. The low chuckle emerging from the back of his throat doubling the tension. “So there, we got a really nice, tidy ace.” Jack said. “And a beautiful nine.”
Picard let his breath loose. So did Puck and Walker. “Gosh, look at this gawky little bluffer.” The latter murmured.
Their eyes glid to the captain, who dropped his hand equally slowly. Puck gasped slightly, not believing his own bad luck. “Black king and black four. You’re in the lead with those ridiculous fours, Johnny.” Placing the remaining two cards with trembling hands he knew he himself had failed miserably. “And a second wonderful lady and a third four. The captain wins with a fluky full house.”
“Ouch.” Jack beamed like a chestchire cat, shrugging his shoulders. “You got me Jean-Luc. But every dog has it’s glorious one day. After all, lucky at gambling, unlucky at love they say. So, I guess I should consider myself very … very lucky.”
Picard’s erratic heart rate stopped for an instant, registering the intent of Jack’s loose words, unaware how close he’d hit and how hard. Avoiding his brisk look, he gathered the chips together and tidied the table. “Obviously.” The strange feeling tearing mercilessly on his nerve-endings increased with every breath he took even more. He hadn’t planned to challenge his friend. Maybe his mind had in some odd way acted on its own. Just like his mind had chosen to force his body to touch his friend’s fiancé. His cheeks glowing with rising disgust he cleared his throat and stood also, watching Jack carefully observing him in return. His gaze flickered, irritated by the racing, barely hidden rampant emotions in his captain’s hazel eyes. Jack bit his tongue, fearing to have overstepped the invisible mark of friendship and rank by insulting his superiors sacred privacy. Licking his bottom lip, he tried his best boyish and innocent smile, tilting his head. “I’m sorry captain, it’s just…”
Picard instantly lifted his right hand, totally aware being the only one in the room who had to apologize here. Maybe for a lot of things, topped only by his absolute inacceptable behavior a few nights before. But he wouldn’t dare to open pandoras box by being entirely truthful with his friend. The fear strangling his throat stopped him, his mouth silently opening and closing without anything coming out. Pulling his shirt straight instead Picard nodded, his gaze gliding unintentionally toward Walker, who had busied himself meanwhile at the replicator. Carrying a set of new and full glasses he watched in awe the situation slowly slipping out of control. “Johnny certainly isn’t offended by a man in love, Jack.” He quickly inserted his opinion, dropping his carriage on the table.
“I’m not either.” Puck snarled, grabbing a glass and drowning the liquid in one move.
Jack nervously shifted his weight, his eyes flashing with sudden delight. His shoulders relaxed visibly. Thank God, after all he hadn’t planned to drop this that fast but felt now compelled to offer his friends some honesty. Those guys were the ones closest to him, the humans which he shared the most time with and trusted with his dear life. Reaching for his own Whiskey Jack rose it up to his nose and sniffled with relish. Wearing a satisfied grin he finally chuckled. “It’s just that…” he took a cleansing breath. “I’m a little bit anxious myself, in fact, because I’m planning to ask Beverly to marry me.”
The proverbial bomb had been dropped.
Jack watched his captain turn white as a sheet.
Puck growled. Walker froze.
Picard tasted bile forcing up his throat and his limbs getting strangely numb. His gut rolling like thunder, his senses slipped with brain-shaking, mind-numbing force. He gasped, sheer panic gripping his heart.
Jacks grin vanished while distinct fear crept up his spine.
Jean-Luc chose for the onliest option. And ran. Abandoning his friends in midst of his quarters and fleeing towards his last shelter.
The doors of his bathing unit closed behind just in time. Dropping to his knees and frantically clutching the toilet, he finally, forcefully threw up.
Nobody dared to move. Staring at each other Walker quickly recognized Jacks flaring fury and frustration.
“Really… I’m starting to take it personally. Sometimes I wonder why he’s just that…” the younger was desperately struggling for words. “… I mean, he is my friend, isn’t he? Damnit. Shouldn’t he be at least a little polite?” Running a shaky hand through his thick brown hair he rolled his eyes. “Even… if he doesn’t like her, shouldn’t he be happy for me?” Dropping on his deserted chair again Jack hid his face behind his palms. This shouldn’t be this hard. This was intended to be a wonderful evening with his closest friends congratulating him and just maybe celebrating his life changing plans.
Walker swallowed hard, fighting the urge to betray his oldest and dearest friend for the sanity of a younger, equally beloved friend. The fact he feared revealing Beverly all along going hand in hand. He wouldn’t. Gathering his wits he straightened, touching Jacks shoulder. His voice rough with emotions he opted for a safe route. “I think he is, somewhere deep down. I really do. He just has… his undefinably, weird way sometimes.”
With Puck still close by all three of them fell silent.