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Angel Dust had to be perfect all the time. He had to look good on set and always perform his best. He had to get better and stay clean to actually get redeemed. He had to be good to Valentino and do whatever his twisted mind came up with.
Being perfect for Val was worse than anything else. He was tired, in pain, and he didn’t want to have anything to do with this weird moth, but since he had to go to work every day, there was no way he could ever get a chance to just… exist. No pressure, no sex, no forcing him to do something he doesn’t want. He hated that when he was in the studio, Valentino could use him for his fantasies both in front of a camera and in bed. He hated how helpless he was and how there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do. The contract cannot be undone. That thought always made him physically unwell. He just… had to endure all of this for the rest of his afterlife. Even though it’s hell, he really didn’t think that this punishment was fitting for what he had done while alive.
Shit has been really fucking bad lately. Val has gotten very easily irritable and anything slightly out of order would make him snap. And of course, Angel was the person that he would take it out on. Extra working hours to perfect every shoot, random fits of cursing out the spider till he would start crying, and him hitting more than usually. It was terrible. Angel was coming back to the hotel every night, completely exhausted, yet still putting on his horny, porn star persona. Still trying his best at redemption. He had to be perfect, after all. He couldn’t let his workspace ruin his image. However, that doesn’t mean the cracks weren’t showing. He was spending more time in his room, where he could drop the act, as Husk would say, and just be his actual self for a while. And his actual self was a mess, that he could never show to anyone else. He was the perfect, sexy and hot porn star Angel Dust, not this disgusting puppet. Sometimes, he would let his guard down and let a tired expression slip.
Everyone at the hotel noticed. They noticed his tired eyes, the bruises, the way he would deflect and try to hide his tears when someone asked if he was okay. They knew he wasn’t doing alright, but Angel wasn’t letting anyone in. They could see how much he was struggling under the disguise of “Angel Dust”, but he refused to be himself, making more jokes as a way to mask his feelings in front of others.
Charlie tried talking to him many times, of course to no avail. Husk tried to convince him to open up before and even if he would say just a little bit, it was better than nothing. He trusted Husk. The man knew better than anyone how it feels to regret a decision. Surprisingly, Vaggie tried asking the spider how he was doing, which was very unlike her. She only showed her softer side to her girlfriend, so it caught everyone off guard. Angel of course brushed it off that time as well. They were worried, because they could see things getting worse and they didn’t know how to help him if he refuses to tell them what’s going on.
It was currently midnight and Angel has been working since 9 am with virtually no breaks. He lost count of how many guys he’s fucked around 3 pm, he could barely walk considering how sore and lightheaded he was. He had eaten one meal, if you can even call two slices of cold pizza a proper meal. He tried to ask Val for a break, only to be met with a slap on the face, and that wasn’t the only time he got hit today. The bruises were so bad he knew any attempts at hiding them were pointless. He was shaking- was it the exhaustion or the anxiety? He couldn’t really tell.
Dealing with anything felt like too much. Going back to the hotel felt like too much.
So he chose the bar instead.
He really has been trying to stay clean, but honestly, none of it mattered right now. He serisously didn’t care anymore. He was not going to get through this sober.
He went to the nearest bar, ordered one drink, then another, and then another. The rest were sponsored by random guys who wanted to spoil the porn star. Someone offered him drugs. He took them. He didn’t know what it was or who was the person offering them. He didn’t care. He mixed different types of alcohol with drugs, fuck knows what was in them. He was drunk and high, his mind was hazy but he enjoyed this state.
He enjoyed it until about 3 am, when he decided that it was probably best to go back to the hotel. He got some of his mind clarity back and what he did started sinking in. He relapsed. All of this work for nothing. He just destroyed months of progress in 3 hours. Fuck, his friends were probably worried and waiting for him. Shit.
He tried to get in through the hotel door as quietly as he could, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Husk. The bartender had a habit of waiting for Angel to come back before going to his room. Even if the spider went straight to his room, at least he knew he was back.
This time however, Husk was loosing his mind over what was going on with Angel. He was gone the entire day and night, no contact with him and no previous notice of him being gone for so long. When he heard the creek of the door and saw a familiar face, he rushed to him as fast as he could.
“Angel, are you-“
“I’m fine, don’t worry” the spider didn’t let him finish his sentence, but his absent eyes and slurred speech only worried the cat more.
“You’re not. Where have you been?” Husk asked, trying to get any information out of Angel.
“I’m going to my room, I’m tired.” Nothing new. Tonight, he especially didn’t have it in him to talk. He just wanted to be alone.
He closed the door to his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, only to be overwhelmed with his thoughts once again. This was bad. He was a terrible person, who was he even trying to fool? He didn’t even deserve all the concern he has been getting from the hotel residents.
He opened one of his drawers and (practically blindly) looked for a little pocket knife he once got from Cherri. He took it, locked his eyes on it and took a deep breath. He put the blade on his upper arm and dragged it.
It felt… good. He deserved it. It made all of his guilt instantly disappear, replaced by the slight stinging pain. He made another cut. Then another. God, this felt way too comforting. The last time he’d done it was… when he was alive.
But wait… The blood was dripping from his arm, why did he barely feel anything?
——
Husk couldn’t stop his thoughts from racing. He was so fucking worried about Angel.
Okay. That’s enough. He’s going to go to Angel’s room and they will talk, this can’t go on for any longer.
Angel was holding the knife, looking for another place on his body to cut. Until he heard a knock followed by the door opening.
He just sat, looking at Husk. Husk was looking at him, then at his arm. In this moment, he regretted ever picking up the knife at all.
The bartender rushed to Angel and got on the bed. He was in shock. Why did he do this? Why didn’t he ask for help? Fuck, why didn’t Husk do something?! He could have prevented this.
Now is not the time for that. He has to help Angel.
“Honey, it’s okay, it’s just me. Can you give me the knife?”
Angel obeyed and quickly handed it to Husk. His gaze was so absent, so distant. Husk was sure he was not sober.
“I’m going to get the first-aid kit, okay? Don’t move.”
Angel didn’t. He didn’t even change his position. He just stared into the void. Husk came back soon and gently took his arm into his hands.
“I’ll take a look. I’m not going to hurt you, Angel.”
The spider, half lucid, nodded, but didn’t focus his eyes on anything specific. Husk cleaned his wounds with rubbing alcohol, but he didn’t even flinch. The cat found that disturbing…
Then, he bandaged his arm and sat facing Angel. He took his hands and stroked them slowly with his thumbs.
“Baby, talk to me. I’m so worried about you, we all are. You don’t have to say much, just what you feel comfortable with. Please.”
“Valentino is… an ass. He takes everything out on me. I couldn’t take it anymore and i fucked up. I went to the bar and i drank and got high and- and-“ He started hyperventilating and it soon turned into sobbing. Husk just let him fall onto his chest and cry for a solid 5 minutes. The cat just drew circles with his fingers on the spider’s back and whispered affirmations softly into his ear.
Angel pulled away from Husk’s comfortable embrace and looked him straight in the eyes. “I fucked everything up. Now all of the progress.. it’s gone.”
“Listen, slip ups and relapses happen. It doesn’t just cancel out all of the amazing work you’ve put in, okay? You’re doing a good job, believe me” Hust said and kissed the spider on the cheek to make sure he understood the value of his words. When he got a warm, still a little hazy smile in return, he finally felt a bit of the tension leave his body.
“You should sleep for a bit. Do you need anything?”
“Could you… stay here until I fall asleep?”
Husk couldn’t contain a tiny smirk as he laid on the bed next to Angel. He slowly and gently played with his hair with one hand and held him with the other, only leaving once he was sure Angel was asleep.