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“Temperatures are expected to drop down into the single digits tonight. And if that’s not bad enough, ice is expected to build up on just about everything in sight, but no snow. So if any of you were wishing for a white Christmas, I hope a frozen Christmas will do just as well. Back to you Eliza.”
Bucky hit the power button on the remote, turning the television screen black. He sank lower into the pillows as he realized that his worst fears were coming to fruition: he wasn’t going to make it home in time for Christmas.
It was six o’clock on Christmas Eve and he was just returning from a long winded mission with Natasha that had taken much more time than it originally should have. The original plan was to take out the target and be back in town two days ago, but when their cover had been blown, things got complicated and they ended up having to stay the extra two days to make up for the time they’d lost. At first, Bucky hadn’t been terribly beat up about the mission’s runtime, he had gotten back early this morning and would have been able to rent a car and drive four hours back home. But then things went wrong, as they usually do with him.
While Natasha had been able to catch a flight to wherever the hell she was going for the holidays, a snowstorm had blown over just as Bucky was getting ready to leave the hotel he was at to pick up his rental. He was still going to try to traverse the weather in order to make it home in time for Christmas, but then he got a call from the rental center saying that all employees had been sent home due to the weather and they wouldn’t reopen until the weather subsided, and to top it all off, the roads had been closed until the storm subsided.
So now here he was, holed up in a hotel room by himself, a bottle of some cheap wine that he’d ordered from room service tucked into the pillows beside him, and the sick feeling in his stomach that he wasn’t going to be home with Steve and Grace for their first Christmas as a family. He would have screamed out in frustration if the walls weren’t so thin (something he’d learned this morning when his temporary neighbors had knocked on his door and told him to tone down his singing while he was in the shower that morning). Instead, he decided to call Steve and tell him the news. It would be much better for him to get it over with now than wait it out and hear the disappointment in both Steve and Grace’s voice.
He grabbed his phone off of the nightstand where it was charging and called him. The phone rang for almost two minutes and Bucky feared that he had just missed him and that Steve had already gone to bed. Thankfully, Steve answered, putting all of his doubts to rest.
“Hey. How’re things going with that rental?” he asked.
Bucky sighed and contemplated hanging up and calling it a night. He didn’t have the heart to tell either Grace or Steve that he wasn’t going to be back by morning. Somehow the mission he was just coming off of seemed a million times easier than this.
“Hello? Bucky what’s wrong?”
“I’m not going to be back by tomorrow.” Bucky said at last. As he said each word, it felt like a punch in the gut, each one being harder than the last.
There was a pause on the other end, and Bucky sat in anticipation for Steve to continue. He knew that he wasn’t going to be angry with him, there was nothing he could do about his situation for Steve to be angry about. But he did know that Steve was going to be heartbroken, but he didn’t know what would tear him up more, the fact that he and Bucky weren’t going to have their first Christmas since being reunited or that he would have to tell Grace that her daddy wouldn’t be home in the morning.
“What happened? It’s not something else with the mission is it?” Steve asked.
“No, there’s a snowstorm and all the roads are blocked off. I was going to try and get out anyway but just about every rental place in town is closed until all of this blows over.” Bucky answered.
Steve let out a long breath. “Well this just wonderful. So where are you now?”
“I’m in a hotel hoping this place doesn’t boot me in the morning cause I haven’t paid for an extra day yet.”
“And Natasha?”
“She left already. Her plane left before mine and hopefully she’s somewhere less snowy than here.”
That got a small laugh out of Steve. “What’s Grace doing?” Bucky asked.
“She just got out of her bath and is determined to stay up all night to wait for the Polar Express.” Steve laughed again. “She said she’d wake us up if it comes while we’re sleeping.”
Bucky’s heart sank lower into his stomach. Grace still thought that he was coming home tonight, which meant that either him or Steve would have to break the news to her. Although Grace knew that both he and Steve loved her more than anything in this world, she still had terrible separation anxiety. All those years in foster care of several promising families passing her up for whatever reason had taken its toll on her at such a young age. She had cried so hard the morning that he and Natasha had left for the mission that had landed him in this situation in the first place, he couldn’t bear to think of how this would affect her.
“I could tell her that you hitched a ride on Santa’s sleigh and had to turn up late.” Steve suggested.
Bucky knew that he was trying to make this situation better for the both of them, but he couldn’t bear to tell another lie to Grace. It was bad enough that they were already lying about their line of work, which had almost been blown with Tony’s Thanksgiving dinner prayer, and why Bucky had a metal arm (car accidents were such an easy thing to turn to with little kids), if they had to lie about this, it would surely tear the both of them apart and Grace when she found out, as she was sure to as she got older.
He shook his head. “No. I’ll tell her. It’s better that we get out of the habit of lying to her anyways.”
“Alright. I’ll go get her.” Steve called Grace’s name and Bucky heard her faint reply. “Come and talk to daddy before you get too comfortable.” the sound of her bare feet slapping against the hardwood floors of their apartment came through the receiver.
“How close are you to home now daddy?” she asked excitedly. “I’ll wait for you so we can wait for the polar express together!”
Bucky’s lips twitched upward into a small smile which quickly fell as he prepared to tell Grace the real reason that he had called for. “Hey sweetie. I uh, you know that I love you very much, right?”
“Of course silly.”
A lump started to form in his throat. What he wouldn’t give to be there with her right now. He swallowed to clear his throat and keep himself from crying, knowing that what he was about to say would surely crush her heart.
“I’m not going to be able to make it to wait for the train for you honey.” he said bluntly.
All of the excitement was drained from her response. “Why not?”
“There’s a bad storm where I’m at and I can’t make it home tonight.”
Grace’s voice picked up a little at that. “So you’ll be back in the morning, right?”
“No, I don’t think I’m going to be back by then either. At best I might be back Saturday or Sunday.” She didn’t reply.
After a moment’s pause, Bucky could hear sniffling on the other end. Bucky didn’t think his mood could plummet any farther, but hearing Grace crying again tore him apart. He held his breath so that he wouldn’t start crying too. He knew that she might have handled this better if she could tell that he was just as upset, but he also needed to remain coherent so he could finish talking to her.
“Grace,” he said at last. Instead of her voice, the phone beeped loudly in his ear, he looked at his screen to see that she had hung up on him. “Fantastic. Now she hates me.” Bucky grabbed the bottle of wine and took a long sip from it, almost burying himself in the fluffy pillows and sheets as he sank as low as his mood.
A few minutes and nearly an entire bottle later, Bucky’s phone rang, it was Steve calling back. He wiped his face and sat up before answering with a somber hello.
“She locked herself in the bathroom.” Steve started, “I’ve been trying to get her out and talk to you but her mind is set in stone about this.”
Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “This is all my fault. I never should have taken that job with Natasha. I should’ve told Clint to get off ass and do it.”
“You don’t mean that.” Steve said.
Bucky didn’t reply. He was silently resigned for even having the thought pop into his head but one part of him felt that he was right. Why should he have to go on a mission when he swore that he was out after he and Steve adopted Grace? It wasn’t his job to run after corrupted state officials anymore. He shook his head, almost as if wanting the thoughts to leave. His job wasn’t the important thing right now, Grace was, and he didn’t want to lose sight of that just because he had had too much to drink and was frustrated from the day he’d had.
“You need to get some sleep.” Steve said, “You’ve had a long day and it isn’t going to get any better if you stay up all night beating yourself up over something you can’t control. Just get some sleep and I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Okay. What are you going to do about Grace?”
Steve sighed on the other end. “I’ll figure something out. Hopefully another trip on The Polar Express will at least put her to sleep.”
Bucky allowed himself a laugh. “Alright. Well I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“Sleep tight and try not to freeze to death.” They exchanged a quick ‘I love you’ and the call ended. Bucky sat in bed for a few more minutes staring at his reflection in the black television screen. He did look exhausted despite the fact that he’d showered and gotten plenty of sleep the night before. He decided it would be best to just follow Steve’s orders rather than keep drinking. He stashed the wine in the mini bar before hitting the light switch and curling up under the covers and saying a silent prayer that the storm would pass and that Grace would find it in her to forgive him.
Bucky was surprised when he woke up and looked at the clock to see that it was nine in the morning. He had actually managed to sleep through the night. Sure he had tossed and turned for a good hour before falling into a dreamless sleep, but he was glad that he had gotten a proper rest after the stress of yesterday.
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and dragged himself to the window to check if the forecast was still the planet Hoth. Unfortunately, the roads down below were shiny and slick with ice, just as the weather woman from the night before had predicted. The wind howled furiously making a few icicles were hanging from the balcony railings shake and rattle.
“Great. There’s no way any of this is melting by tomorrow.” he sighed. He closed the curtains and walked over to his bag to find a warm pair of socks. Despite the fact that he had the heat cranked up to the highest setting, the icy winds still managed to find its way into the room.
After he dug a pair of wool socks Nat had given him, he turned the television on in some hope that there would be at least a sliver of hope for the weather. It was just his luck that the news was just going into the weather portion. The same weather woman from the night before stood in front of a shopping plaza bundled up from head to toe to combat against the wind.
“As you can see folks things aren’t looking very merry right now,” Bucky rolled his eyes at the pun. “In fact, we almost didn’t come out here because of the ice build up on the roads! Temperatures are expected to hover between the low twenties for a high and a low of nine!” she strained over the roaring winds. “Our reports say that this storm might blow over at Monday morning at the earliest and Tuesday night at the latest.”
Bucky turned the television back off. As if being stuck here on Christmas wasn’t bad enough, he was now going to be here for another three days at best. He reclined back into the pillows and let out a loud sigh.
“Merry fucking Christmas Barnes,” he muttered. “Here’s a fuck ton of ice, snow, and sleet as a gift.”
He let out another loud sigh before reaching for his phone to check the time. It was only fifteen minutes after the hour, Steve and Grace were surely awake by now, or Steve at least. He didn’t want to think of Grace shunning herself in her room because he wasn’t there. He pushed the thought out of his head and dialed Steve’s number with high hopes that he would answer.
When Steve finally did answer, he sounded frantic and excited. “Hey! Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas daddy!” Grace’s voice chimed in from the background. Bucky’s mood skyrocketed when he heard the joy in her voice. “Merry Christmas honey!” he beamed. “Did Santa get you everything you asked for?”
There was a pause and then Grace’s laughter filled the receiver. Bucky laughed along with her although he was confused as to what was so funny.
“Do you have your tablet with you?” Steve asked.
“Yeah. Why?”
“And you have Skype on there right?”
Bucky swore a literal light bulb popped up over his head at that question. “Yeah, yeah. I just gotta dig it out of my suitcase.” he said frantically get up from the bed and taking wide strides across the room to his suitcase. He pushed mounds of dirty clothes and gear out of the way until he finally reached his tablet stacked on top of his toiletries bag.
“Alright, I got it.”
“Okay, give us a few minutes and we’ll call you right back.” Steve hung up.
Bucky grabbed his tablet’s charger out of the bag, knowing that it had probably gone dead from the time he spent playing Bejeweled when he was in the airport. He had never thought that he would ever have to actually use his Skype account aside from ridiculous group chats with Tony and the rest of the team, but now he was happy that he hadn’t deleted it.
After five minutes, the telltale Skype ringtone came through his tablet’s speakers. He accepted the call and smiled ear to ear as Steve and Grace’s grinning faces appeared crammed onto the screen.
“Hey pumpkin!” his face lit up.
Grace waved her hands, grinning. “How’s your Christmas going so far?” she asked excitedly.
“It’s been okay, but I’m sure it’s not as great as your’s.”
Grace laughed at that. “Did Santa bring you any presents?”
“Getting to see you right now is the best gift I could ask for right now.” Her face lit up even more at that. “Do you wanna see what Santa got me?”
“Of course!”
Grace got up from Steve’s lap and ran out of the camera’s frame. Steve’s gaze followed their daughter as she ran towards the Christmas tree. “I can’t see anything but you.” Bucky spoke up.
“That’s another good Christmas gift, isn’t it?” Steve joked. Bucky rolled his eyes. “Just switch the camera.”
Steve’s laughter carried over when he tapped the screen changing the view from his neck and head to Grace standing in front of their small Christmas tree beaming like, well a kid on Christmas. “I was on Santa’s good list!” she exclaimed. Her gaze shifted upward “Can I open them now daddy?” she asked Steve.
“Go right ahead sweetie.”
Grace smiled cheek to cheek as she dived into the pile of presents under the tree. She grabbed a large green and white wrapped box first and started to tear the paper off and tossing it helter skelter across the living room. As the wrapping paper began to diminish, Grace’s face lit up as a giant Star Wars Lego playset was revealed.
“Wow!” Grace exclaimed. Bucky smiled to himself at her reaction to the gift. He was the one that had picked up the very last set when he managed to get to Toys R Us back before he got shipped off on his mission. He knew that Grace would love it considering that she would practically beg to watch The Empire Strikes Back every other day after school.
“Daddy, do you see what Santa got me?” Grace asked looking at the camera.
“Yeah! I’m sure he made sure to make your’s extra special.”
“Do you think there’s a Chewbacca Lego in here?” she asked inspecting her gift excitedly.
“Only way to find out is to open it.” Steve’s voice said on the other side of the camera.
The gift unwrapping exchange continued for half an hour. Bucky laughed and smiled along with his daughter as she showed off each of her gifts proudly. As the pile under the tree wound down, Grace was obviously becoming a bit bored unwrapping box after box.
Her gaze shifted up from the Rey action figure that she was holding “Daddy can we eat breakfast now?” she asked.
“Sure thing sweetie. Go wash up and I’ll go whip something up.” Steve’s voice said.
“Okay.” she stood up and walked over towards the camera. “Will you call back this evening?” she asked.
“You know I will. But for now, I need to go eat some breakfast too.” he smiled. Grace smiled and blew a kiss at the camera. “Talk to you later. I love you.” she said before walking out of frame.
Bucky smiled and sighed, relieved that Grace seemed to have completely forgotten about her animosity she had towards him not even twelve hours earlier. The camera flipped back around to Steve’s face.
“Well that went well.” he said. “You think she enjoyed her first Christmas with us?”
“I think she would have loved it even if all we got her was a pair of socks and a Build-a-Bear.”
“She’d enjoy the Build-a-Bear that’s for sure.” Steve laughed.
“Daddy, can we have peppermint pancakes?” Grace’s voice called off screen.
“Absolutely! Just get some plates down and I’ll be there in a moment.”
“I think that’s your cue to go.” Bucky laughed. “I should get going too cause my stomach is begging for something.”
Steve chuckled. “Yeah we should both get going. So you’ll call back tonight for sure?”
“Absolutely. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright. Try not to freeze your butt off.”
Bucky laughed again. “I can’t make any promises. I love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.” The screen footage went black.
Bucky sighed and smiled to himself. Even after a disaster mission and an even more disasterous Christmas Eve, he was glad that he still found a way to be with his family for their very first Christmas together.