Chapter Text
Monday.
Another first day of school. My last first day of school.
My feelings are a mix of happiness because this is the last school year, sadness because this is also the last school year, and despair. Yes, despair because this is the last year I will have the privilege of seeing every morning the most enchanting and beautiful living being that exists on this Earth, in this galaxy, in this solar system, in this infinite vastness that is space. No! I am not exaggerating. If only you had the chance to sit anywhere and right in front of you admire a brown tangle, sometimes completely messy. Now think with me, if appreciating her hair already left me dazed, imagine seeing her face? Ah... her face. There is nothing that compares to her face. Her expressive brown eyes, her plump mouth that always has a smile drawn. EVERYTHING! Everything about her is unique and beautiful. Everything she makes me feel is unique and... strange. Strange because she doesn't even know all this, and to make it worse, we don't even talk! Yes, I've never exchanged more than a few words with her. Words like "sorry" when I tripped over her backpack passing by her chair or "thank you" when she picked up a pen of mine that fell on the floor and nodded without even saying a "you're welcome."
Damn... analyzing this well doesn't even count as an exchange of words, right? It's so frustrating that sometimes I hate her. Yes, I hate her for making my heart race every time she enters the room, always late, and apologizes to the teacher who by now doesn't care anymore, then sits in her usual seat, the third in the middle row. When I'm lucky, I get to sit behind her, but there are days when some jerks take my spot or hers, which leads to deadly boredom for the rest of the classes and the day. There are also those days when I wake up determined to finally approach her and try to be her friend, but not just any friend, I would be her best friend, the one she would want close, and then just seeing her makes me give up on everything and hate her for making me feel so incapable and foolish.
Back to today, I really don't know how to feel. I have less than a year, less than 300 days to try to say a simple "Hi" to Sun. Yes, her name is Sun. Did you notice how even her name is more beautiful than others? She is certainly the most beautiful Sun of all the other existing ones out there, and that comes from the simple fact that her name does justice to the person she is. And how do I know this? I searched the internet for the meaning of her name and found that Sun means to be radiant, illuminated, warm, and bright, besides transmitting joy and positivity, and I knew she did that. And how do I know this without ever talking to her? Simple! I lost count of how many times she volunteered to read her texts in Literature classes, and well, they always strayed completely from the proposed theme. Like in the 1st year when the theme was "Describe what your perfect city would be like." It was obvious we should talk about social and political issues, but Sun didn't see that, and when Miss Nida asked someone to come to the front of the class and read, the girl with a confident smile and a somewhat wrinkled uniform promptly raised her hand and stood up looking anxious. At that moment, my ears only heard her voice, and my eyes could only see her lips moving as they expelled a story about a city made entirely of pizza where the inhabitants had bodies shaped like pizza slices. At the end of her reading, laughter filled the room, and she bit her lower lip — a damn habit she had when she didn't understand why something happened or when she was embarrassed. I confess that I wanted to laugh too, after all, only Sun was capable of creating something like that. I gave up when I saw her disappointed expression talking to Miss Nida and finally understanding what was supposed to have been done. After that day, I started to notice even more every detail about her; I had even learned all the smiles she had.
— Hey... — A hand was waving in front of my face. — I just wanted to know who is here. Do you know? — She asked, pointing to the chair in front of mine. I didn't respond. I didn't breathe. I didn't blink. I didn't move a muscle in my entire body. Except for the cardiac ones, which were about to burst at the moment. — Are you okay? — I blinked repeatedly and shook my head from side to side.
— There's no one, sorry, I forgot to remove my notebook. — I replied, leaning forward and grabbing the notebook that I had indeed forgotten on the front chair.
— Look, if you're saving the spot for someone, I can sit somewhere else.
— NO! — She frowned and stared at me. I cleared my throat. — I mean, no, I'm not saving it, you can sit there. She just smiled and sat down.
I put my arms on the desk and buried my face in them. Idiot! That's what defines me at the moment. Sun spoke to me for the first time in three years we've been in the same class, and what do I do? I act like a fool in front of her. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What is she going to think about you now, Ongsa? You ruined your only chance to seem cool enough for her to want to talk to you. Lucky you have just a few more — almost 300 — days for this to end.
— Hey. — What do you want now? Ask if I have mental problems? — Hey...— I felt my shoulder being poked and lifted my face to look at her. Bad idea, bad idea. She was staring at me with that smile that never leaves her mouth, and worse, she was biting the corner of her lower lip. Terrible idea. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. — Are you alright? You don't seem well.
AND I'M NOT!
— Yes, yes! It's just that i’m sleepy, you know, right? First day and... first day. — I replied, smiling, and she immediately smiled back.
— I know. I've always had trouble arriving early — That I already know. — precisely because I want to sleep more. Sometimes I think my pillow drugs me when I lie down. — I narrowed my eyes and shook my head, unable to control my laughter, which was soon accompanied by hers. — I'm serious.
— I don't doubt it. — Our laughter ceased, and we stared at each other for a few seconds until I looked away and watched the students entering and leaving through the door.
— You're Ongsa, right? — I nodded. — Hi, I'm Sun. Nice to meet you. — She extended her hand, smiling, and I shook it.
— Nice to meet you. — But I already knew your name, Sun. Duh.
— I think we've been studying together for a while — Almost 3 years, almost 3 long years! 3 years, and you only realized now? — And we've never talked, why? — She tilted her head to the left and looked at me.
— Hum... I don't know. — I said, unsure. — Why? — I retorted, and she shrugged.
— I don't know, I guess we never had the opportunity. — Liar, I sit behind you almost every day. — And, I don't know, we were never in the same group. — That's true. — But... — At that moment, the teacher entered the room, and silence fell.
But, "but" what, Sun?!! I want to know. I NEED TO KNOW!
For the rest of the classes, Sun didn't say anything else to me, and I didn't talk to her either. By the way, I was still stunned by what happened earlier. If my alarm clock went off and I woke up finding out it was all just a dream, it would be much easier to digest.
During the break, I met with Aylin, who was in another class, and I didn't see Sun anywhere. Speaking of Aylin, I was mad at her for not enrolling earlier to be in the same class as me. When the break ended, I crossed paths with Sun in the hallway, and she just smiled at me and said nothing before entering the classroom. I didn't pay attention to anything the teachers said and always asked to go to the bathroom; being close to that girl was making me sick. Smelling her perfume when she moved her hair was suffocating me. Hearing her voice when she asked questions or answered the teachers was deafening me. Seeing her was blinding me. And feeling my heart wanting to jump out of my mouth was driving me crazy. In the last class, I asked to go to the bathroom, and when I returned, the bell had already rung. Better this way. I packed my things into my backpack and left to meet Aylin at the gate; I needed to talk to her about what happened today since during the break there was no time because she decided to talk about the new students. When I was approaching, I saw something that paralyzed me. My friend was talking to none other than Luna, Sun's best friend, and to complete my bad luck, Sun herself was among them. I needed to divert. I looked one way and then another, trying to decide what to do. I started taking a few steps, hiding among some people there.
— ONGSA!! — Just pretend you didn't hear, keep going. I decided to turn back. — ONGSA, COME HERE NOW! — Why do you do this? Damn. Idiot! You know about my... undefined and platonic thing for Sun.
I turned to them and noticed that Luna and Sun were looking at me. I smiled as I approached.
— Hi... — I said somewhat awkwardly and scratched my neck. My friend put an arm around my shoulders.
— Hey, do you already know Luna and Sun? — Aylin asked. I opened my mouth to answer but couldn't.
— We talked today! — Sun responded excitedly. I just nodded.
— Really? — Aylin looked at me somewhat incredulously. — Then it was fate! What? Aylin, shut up, don't say anything! — Do you believe I talked to Luna for the first time in all these years today?
— Yeah, it was true, — Luna said, and I looked at her, sighing in relief. — And then I asked: why haven't we talked before?
— I asked Ongsa the same question!! Could it really be fate? I'll research it later. — Sun said excitedly. Wow, folks, what an uplifting conversation, but not really.
— I'M TELLING YOU! It's fate! — Aylin raised her hand and did a fist bump with Luna.
— Take it down, Aylin, take it down. — I said, rolling my eyes. — Can we go now?
— Is she always this grumpy? — I glared at Luna. How dare she speak like that about me, right in front of me!
— I think the problem is with you, Luna, because she was super polite to me. — She nudged her friend while laughing. THANK YOU, SUN! NOW THROW IT IN HER FACE THAT I LIKE YOU!
— No way, she's a sweetheart, she must be hungry, right, Ongsa? — Thanks for the help, Aylin. I nodded. — So, let's go.
— Let's go! — I replied. — Bye, girls. — I waved at the two of them and waited for Aylin to calm her excitement in saying goodbye to them. But Sun had to make everything worse. While my friend was saying something to Luna, Sun came up to me and kissed my cheek.
— Bye. See you tomorrow. — She smiled and went back to her friend's side. UNNECESSARY, SUN! I stood there, frozen. She must be teasing me, right? But wait... she doesn't even know anything, Ongsa. It's all in your head. It took Aylin dragging me away from there.
— You need to control this. She'll end up noticing. — My friend said as we headed home.
— But why were you guys talking? Let me know next time you decide to befriend them! — I complained.
— Oh, Luna is in my class, and since you're not there, I decided to socialize. — She defended herself.
— Yeah, replace me then. — I said and put my hands in my pants pockets.
— It's not my fault you're antisocial and don't want friends. But anyway, I started a conversation with her, and then we couldn't stop talking. She's really cool. — That was just what I needed. — But what about you and Sun? Tell me! — Her excitement didn't fade. Seriously?
I told her about my brief conversation with Sun, implored to her not say anything about it, and we quickly changed the subject. I wasn't in the mood to listen to jokes. Not on that day when I still couldn't believe what had happened.