Chapter Text
James knew something was wrong when he was called into Dumbledore's office alone, instead of the Order meeting being held like every other time. He knows he will be sent on a secret mission, just like Remus's.
James knows Remus is on a secret mission after Sirius complains. Because every time he sees his best friend, he hears him complain about how Remus comes home covered in blood in the middle of the night. Or how am I still talking. And Sirius who is not allowed to leave the house, or even join the meetings of the Order because everyone thinks he will betray them sooner or later, he only has time to think of the worst. To stress out and lose their minds. So James knows that Remus is on a dangerous mission to bring the relationship between the two to such conditions.
Especially since Sirius is questioning everything now, everything and everyone. Which before the war wouldn't have happened, not as far as Remus was concerned. But James can't help them, their relationship is something they've worked on for a long time, because of both of their traumas and James' involvement, it's going to feel like an attack on one or the other.
Thus he arrived at the door to Dumbledore's office, a huge door with no point if you ask James and too extravagant for some old fuming. So he knocks on the door and waits for it to open or at least hear the old man's voice letting him in. After two minutes, the first version is confirmed, because the door opens wide and lets him in.
James walked in without much hesitation, and immediately greeted Dumbledore's office, where he had been, making everything outside really get involved in this war.
-Hello, sir.- greeted James politely, but the old man still hadn't looked at him, instead he made a sign for him to sit down and if he didn't know these signs, maybe he wouldn't have realized what the old man wanted to do.
-Hello, Mr. Potter.- he greeted after a good few minutes of just ignoring him.
-What is this private meeting about?- James immediately goes to the subject, in such meetings it would be better not to prolong them too much.
-I have a mission for you. It will be a dangerous one and most may refuse it, but it is for the good of the Order.- he begins with the same text for any mission that may send him to certain death.
-I'm listening.- James says dryly, looking at the phoenix behind the old man rather than at him.
-We have a spy in the Order.- he begins, but James knew that, just like everyone in the Order, that's why Sirius was banned in the first place.- I want you to be a spy among the Death Eaters.- he finished his thought and James isn't shocked by the request, because he knew he was going to send someone among them, but he doesn't know why him.
- Can you be more explicit, please. - says James, not knowing what to say to this vague statement.
-I need you to join the Dark Lord and find out who the spy is. Also, we still have someone in there from the start, but he doesn't know everyone like you do. That way you are the best option, because no one can get past your thoughts, so they won't be able to see through you if you are lying or not. And to send Mr. Black is not a very good option, but if you refuse I'm afraid I'll have to.-Dumbledor finishes explaining and James is pretty sure by the looks he shows him and the tone of voice he uses, that he was threatening him about Sirius.
That's why James can't help but agree because he knows that Dumbledore is just as dangerous as Voldemort when someone doesn't do as he wants, and the last thing he wants to do is put his friend in danger in this kind.
-I accept.- James says without hesitation, without emotion and full of nerves.- Will the other spy know who I am or will I know who he is? Or are we not supposed to be related?- wondering if this spy will somehow advantage him in this mission or ignore him.
-He will know about you but you will not know about him. He is a person too close to Voldemort to be able to associate with you immediately, and if you jeopardize his cover he will kill you in the first second - says the old man in his annoyingly calm voice, that sometimes James wants to hit him in front of.
-Also, your mission starts tomorrow. You will have to go to the Black family manor to surrender to him and receive the dark mark as proof of your loyalty, usually according to my sources it is there on official business.- he continues to speak and James listens carefully , so as not to miss any detail of this mission. But the thought of Sirius' former home sent a shiver down his spine.
- You will also stay there in the mansion, you will not be able to return home so as not to endanger others, you will also only join the meetings once a month to keep up appearances, and you must not talk to anyone about this. - finished the old man in a threatening tone.
-I don't think Sirius's parents will agree if they stay in their house.-says James ignoring Dumbledore's unspoken threats.
- They are not in the country, they have been gone for more than a year, they left their son so that they would not have to participate in the war. That's why the boy never finished his studies.- James remembers Sirius's younger brother, the first time he saw him he was so small and adorable, the most innocent child he had ever seen. Last time though, it was completely different, it had happened last year when he had graduated, he had seen Regulus looking in the direction of where he and Sirius were, he had looked at them with anger and sadness, then when James saw him he had disappeared and since then no one had heard from him since he did not return to finish his senior year.
-He's taking care of the mansion now?- James asks, checking more details about where he's going.
- Yes, actually, you will have to pass him. You will talk to him first, and if you convince him that you are dedicated and loyal to them, you will reach Voldemort. But be careful, because Regulus Black will read your mind without you even knowing, he doesn't trust anything or anyone, and any hesitation on your part will be a problem.- And James knows this, because one way or another he knows regulus and knows how strong he is for his 17 years. But no one could ever get through to James' true thoughts, sometimes he can't either.
-I understand, sir. Then I retire. - he says, standing up and heading for the exit as fast as possible.
"Mr. Potter." The old man called out to him and James stopped standing back. "I'm sorry to hear about your breakup with Miss Evans." he finished and James just turned around giving him a fake smile before continuing to walk out of office and use a floo network to Remus and Sirius' apartment.
His friends seem to be in the midst of an argument when he appears in the fireplace of their house, hearing shouts from room to room.
-Why the hell can't you just trust me?- Remus shouted from a part of the house unknown to James at the moment.
- Because you don't. Can't you see you're not even looking at me anymore? You're only coming home to wash yourself off who knows who's blood and ignore me the rest of the time you're here.-Sirius said sobbing, his voice breaking with every word.
-Guys!- James croaked, feeling weird to listen to this argument that was far too intimate to be heard.
-James?-Sirius appears in front of him in confusion, wiping his tear wet cheeks, then right behind him Remus appears with a nervous rather than angry face.
-I have to say something important, so can you postpone this internal war, for half an hour?- James asks sitting on the couch to his friends, immediately followed by the two on opposite sides of the couches, avoiding looking at each other.
-So, I received a mission. And I'll be gone for a long time, where I won't be able to keep in touch with you, I'll come once a month for meetings but leave right after. I'm telling you this so you don't worry. More than that I can't tell you. - James explained with a frozen face, looking between the two boys.
-So you're leaving me here too?- asks Sirius with a hurt face.
-I'm sorry, Sirius, but I have to do whatever it takes to end the war. And I can't put you in danger by keeping in touch while I'm gone.- James looks guiltily at Sirius's devastated look, knowing that he was Sirius' only escape from feeling imprisoned in this house or in his own mind.
- Look, I understand that it's a war and we all have to make sacrifices, but I don't do anything. I've been stuck in this house for months just because my last name is Black. I have to see my boyfriend every other day covered in someone's blood at midnight. And I feel awful when I'm relieved it's not his blood. I know he's doing something that's destroying him, and he doesn't trust me with it. Then I see you hurt after every fight you have, and now you suddenly come and say that you will disappear to no one knows where and for how long. I've lost so much in this war already, and I can't even fight in it.-James watches as his friend slowly breaks down with every sentence spoken, every tear shed, but he can't change the reality he's in. Neither can, that's their curse.
-But I'll go.- says Sirius, when James wanted to say something, interrupting him. James looked at Sirius who was looking at him seriously, then looked at Remus' confused face and didn't understand what he was trying to say.
-I can't sit here and watch this war destroy you and I can't do anything. So I prefer to be away from here. Maybe I'm selfish, but it's too much for me. Tomorrow I will leave, I have already spoken to my uncle, and I will travel with him for a while. I don't know how long it will take, but I will be back, but right now, I can't be here looking at all this. I love you but this war is making me hate everything, and I don't want to wake up one night and feel like I hate you.-James looks at Remus who has a face just like his, sad as if was hit in the heart. But they both know Sirius is right. And it would only be selfish to ask him to stay locked up in this house.
-Are you sure you want to do this?- Remus speaks looking at his lover. Waiting for the confirmation James knows he needs.
- Yes, moony. I'm not breaking up with you. I just want a break away from all this. I want this, so that we don't have to part.-says Sirius, approaching his lover, taking him in his arms.
-Then I'll give you something. A present I wanted to give you after all this is over, but you never know when you die in war, so..- Remus casts a wandless spell and a small box appears in his hand, and James already knows what he's going to do, because he bought that thing the year they graduated. -Sirius Orion Black, will you marry me when all this is over and you won't have to run away from me to love me anymore?- asks Remus , making James feel every ounce of pain and love.
-Yes, of course, my moony.- Sirius says crying and jumping up to kiss Remus, and James had taken the signal to retreat to his own house. A deserted, dark and sad house. A house that was once the opposite of all that, but it all ended with the death of his parents. So James doesn't even make it to his bed, instead he collapses on the sofa in tears and pain, freeing himself from everything before putting on a mask that even he doesn't know anymore.
The next morning, James is already in front of the Black mansion, a dark house in every way. From all the stories he heard from Sirius, James seems to relive every thing Sirius felt in his stories, but he quickly ignores them when the door opens and standing in front of him is Regulus Black, as stylish and flawless as ever, with a cold gaze that she examines him from head to toe and the elegant way his body moves.
-James Flemont Potter.- is all Regulus says with a judgmental look, then turns and motions for her to follow him into a room off the main hall. The room is brighter than anything he's ever seen in this house anyway.
So they sit like that for a moment, Regulus standing with his back to him, examining the room he was in or something, and James watching his every move, thinking how gracefully and yet tensely the younger boy moved, in his black silk shirt, glossy black curly hair and gray eyes hiding from James's view at the moment.
-Why are you here Potter?- Regulus speaks, still looking around the room as if looking for the answer there.
-To offer my loyalty and services to the dark lord.- James says simply. Not wanting to give a whole speech about why he would want to be here.
-Why?-asks Regulus again.
-To clear my name in the wizarding world. After all, I'm the new leader of my family. - explains James, which is true, James really is the head of the family after his father's death.
Regulus seems to believe him, finally turning and examining him from head to toe again and leads him out of the room, leading him to some large doors where he assumes Voldemort is, meaning he's passed the test to Regulus.
-Before you go in there, I'll give you a piece of advice, he was 50 years old but he looks 20 so he didn't seem too surprised, he gets angry quickly.- says Regulus bored, as if exasperated by what he had said.
-You're not coming with me?- James asks instead, completely ignoring the details of what the dark wizard looks like.
-Yes, but I won't talk, I won't move, I won't even look at you unless he asks me to, so I'll tell you in advance.- James sees the tiredness in Regulus' eyes, understanding how subservient he is to this wizard , making him feel sorry for him.
James doesn't get to say anything anymore because the doors are open and he is pushed by Regulus from behind to go to the front, then James had his eyes fixed on the man sitting on a throne in the middle of the room and a huge snake was moving next to him.
-James Potter, what an honor.-smiles the man, who really looks 20 years old, taking James back to Regulus' words.-Shocking, you could pass Regulus' test. You are the first in most months. I thought he wouldn't recruit anyone anymore - the man speaks with a sinister smile on his face.
- Anyway, I'm in a hurry, so let's get down to business. If you swear your loyalty to me, I'll kill that muggle woman.- the wizard points to a red-haired woman, who James instantly recognizes as Lily's sister. But James raised his wand without hesitation anyway and sent the killing curse at her.
-Is this your first kill?- asks the sorcerer smiling, looking at the snake heading towards the breathless woman.
-No.- James admits, because he wasn't, he had killed a lot of people throughout the war, so that was an advantage for his cover somehow. Immediately after his arm it begins to stab him revealing the dark mark the Dark Lord had placed there along with his answer.
- Do you know why I chose this woman? - he points to the remains of the woman where the snake had eaten her. And James knows, of course he does, because as stupid as people think he is, he's smarter than he looks.
-Yes, sir.- James says simply.
-And you have no remorse for killing your girlfriend's sister?- he looks straight through James' soul, but James still holds his ground and stares at him.
- No, sir. That woman is no longer my girlfriend. - James tells the truth. And the sorcerer's face brightens.
-Very well then. From now on you are in the hands of Regulus. - says the man before disappearing together with the giant snake. Leaving him in that room with the woman's blood and the silhouette of Regulus staring between him and the bloody floor.
-I almost believed you, Potter.- Regulus says smiling arrogantly at him, as if he read it completely.
-What do you mean?- he asks as Regulus enchants the room to be cleaned of blood and the couches and coffee table appear, making James realize that he is only changing it for Voldemort's visits.
-If you told him you were using her for information, he could have let you see your girlfriend and not set her sights on her too soon, but you chose to break up.- Regulus says, making James realize that he had thought he had lied about Lily.
- We really broke up. A few months ago, actually. - James says seriously, feeling that he wants to at least clarify that.
-Oh, why?- he looked at James smiling as if he had found a gold mine.
-why would you care?-he replied sharply, looking at the sudden clenching of the jaw of the smaller boy.
-You're right, I don't care. – he says, turning and walking towards the stairs in the room.-My elf will take you to your room. You can wander around the house all you want, but don't you dare go into Sirius's room. Otherwise I'll kill you. - he says stopping towards the stairs and turns his head just a little so that James can see his profile.
-And your room? Can I still enter that? - says James challenging him in a tone that led to a flirtation.
-You're really naive if you think you'll even find the door to my room.- says Regulus, and James just stays to watch how his silhouette disappears on the mansion floor. Leaving James confused about these interactions, but he knows better than to meddle where it's none of his business.
* ∼ *
The next morning, Sirius had woken up again to an empty bed. No sign of Remus or whatever happened last night. But the ring on his finger makes the difference between that morning and the ones before it.
Sirius knew Remus had to leave that morning, so should Sirius, but still just waking up like this. After their nights together, his lover disappears the next morning as if it was just a one-night stand.
That was why Sirius had chosen to go far away from this place. Or at least they think so. Because Sirius had lied, he wasn't going on a trip with his uncle around the world. Instead he is sent to South Africa, to a small muggle village, to do research and create some potions too dangerous for Dumbledore to let him do in London.
The point of these potions and spells is that they are toxic to wizards, even immortal creatures , and England is one of the most populated countries of such beings. So Sirius had only received this assignment a few hours before Remus and then James came home.
And telling them the truth about where he will be and what he will be doing in the coming months is not a solution. Especially since he doesn't even know how creating and testing them in a place far away from society and any necessary things you should use will affect him.
At first Sirius wanted to refuse, just thinking about going somewhere so far and on such a mission, but what he told Remus and James was true, he couldn't stand being here anymore and he needed to breathe at least for a while. That's why he does it, more for himself than for the war itself.
Sirius doesn't know what Dumbledore needs such spells and potions for, and the old man completely ignored his question when he asked it, acting like he was offended, so Sirius just walked over and left.
Sirius doesn't have much to do before he can leave, as his bags have been packed for weeks now after he had his first big fight with Remus and wanted to leave him. But his lover had turned up at home just as Sirius was about to leave and stopped him.
So this time Sirius takes his bags and goes to the fireplace where the floo network is connected to the house he will be staying in, according to Dumbledore. So in just a few seconds he was thousands of kilometers away from his home. Appearing in the fireplace of a cottage rather than a house, made of wood, and standard furniture. Nothing special or to make you dwell on anything.
But the cabin of course, has the laboratory that the old wizard promised him for this mission. A lab filled with various rare and poisonous plants and potions that he had only seen in books because they had been banned for a long time due to their toxicity and power.
Thus Sirius finds himself alone in the middle of the wilderness in a cabin, full of things that could kill him just by smelling them. Away from his friends and his lover, who are fighting every day to win this war. And the saddest thing is that they are all only 18 years old. And they are all stuck in such dangerous lives. That's why Sirius looks around and whispers to him.- It's better for everyone.