Chapter Text
An empty wine bottle smashed on the floor. Shattered glass went everywhere, broken and beyond repair, but not nearly as broken as the person responsible for its destruction.
Chuuya huffed out another breath. Anger, grief, and disappointment mingled into an ugly emotion that wormed its way into his soul (Do you even have one?). He was so fucking sad and angry at the same time.
Why can't people just....why can't they just love him?
The fact that they can't just proves that he's unlovable right?
He really wants to be loved, to be appreciated, to be cared for. Hasn't he suffered much already (There are plenty more people that have suffered more than you)? He's mentally sick, right? Only the sick and injured deserve love and care so he deserves it right? (You're just being selfish).
"Shut the fuck up! Arahabaki!!"
He's been harboring these emotions since he had gotten out of that godamned lab. All he ever wanted was to be accepted, loved and cared for. All he ever wanted was to feel human. Was that too much to ask?
Sheep had used him and he had let them. He believed that if he worked for them, they'd love him. Oh how pathetically naive he was.
His first awakening came from the sheep backstabbing him quite literally, because of a certain mackerel. He was still pissed about that, but he didn't have anyone to blame. He knew that the sheep was going to betray him sooner than later. He knew that what Dazai did was technically bound to happen, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
The wound may not have been someone's fault but it did hurt.
In the mafia, he constantly worked himself to his limits to prove that he was worthy and competent. Dazai used him and he let him. It was the same situation all over again but this time Chuuya hoped that maybe, maybe it'll be different.
It was not.
This time he was left with burn scars, courtesy of the bomb Dazai put in his car, to serve as a reminder that he is fucking stupid to believe that anything would be different.
He had pulled himself together. The parts of his broken self were almost impossible to hold together, let alone glue them together. So much for being a gravity manipulator. He could barely hold himself together.
He reminded himself that Dazai is not his life, and he can't stoop so low to ruin his leftover life just for a guy.
He still had Kouyou, Hirotsu, Tachihara, and the Akutagawa siblings right?
Apparently not because a few days after Dazai left Kyouka joined and Kouyou became obsessed with her. Probably because she reminded her too much of her past self. She practically forgot about him, about their evening tea sessions in which he used to talk to her, about their close sibling-like bond.
Maybe Chuuya had hallucinated that too. Maybe they were never that close and he had just been delusional.
A few days ago he had overheard Hirostsu and Tachihara talking to each other. They had been discussing how much they hated to go out drinking with him blissfully unaware of the redhead standing behind the corner.
He had tried his best to stop the tears that flooded his eyes and rushed to his office using his ability.
Akutagawa didn't care for anyone other than Dazai, his sister, and that tiger kid from ADA, and Gin didn't care for anyone other than his brother, and the Black lizards.
He cared for Kyouka and tried his best to make her life easier but the younger was always detached. He barely got to spend time with her because she was either training or having tea with Ane-san or out on a mission whenever he had free time.
But then he got the news that Kyouka had defected as well.
An anguished scream ripped out of his throat as he sobbed his heart out, face pressed against the kitchen counter. The alcohol only made his emotions stronger.
And even that wasn't enough. After a few days, he had to team up with the shitty Dazai again to fight the guild, and the bastard had left him out in the open in his post-corruption sleep, potentially surrounded by enemies, after he had specifically told him not to.
Thinking about that only made him cry more. Why did he have to suffer so much? Why can't he just be acknowledged and cared for? Did he really not deserve it?
Was he really that hateful?
He cried and cried until there were no more tears left to shed. He whined and sobbed until his throat was sore.
Looking around he looked at the mess of his apartment. The environment was getting oppressive. He felt that he'd suffocate if he stayed here any longer.
He needed to get some fresh air.
Without washing his face or fixing his hair, Chuuya stepped out into the cold midnight Breeze. He hadn't even bothered to wear his coat.
He walled with his hands stuffed into his pocket. His feet made their way to the Yokohama Bridge.
The city looked gorgeous at night. He guessed that's what you'd expect from one of the largest port cities in Japan.
The water thrashing below him seemed to lure him closer. But he stopped. He wasn't a suicidal maniac.
Sure he hated this life but that didn't mean that he didn't want to live a happy fulfilling life.
Sighing to himself he strolled away to the lesser-developed part of Yokohama before his impulsive thoughts took control of him.
He roamed the narrow alleys like a ghost until he bumped into a person.
"Sorry.", he said to the girl he'd just bumped into.
"Oh no problem, are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine"
"Are you okay, ok?"
"What?"
"I mean you look-", she looked up and down, "-sad."
She sniffed. "And Drunk."
"No, I'm not fucking okay, ok."
"And why is that?"
"None of your business."
"Come on now. Tell me what's bothering you."
"Why-"
"Just tell me!"
"Fine. I'm fucking sad, angry and disappointed because apparently, no one in my life cares about me. They only see me as someone who they can use, or rely on, nothing more."
God, what has Chuuya's life come to? He is venting to a random woman he bumped into in an alley.
The woman's eyes seemed understanding as if she could perceive the depth of his emotions. "If you could go to a world where you are appreciated and loved. Would you go?"
"I mean why not. It's not like anybody cares about me in here. But it's just wishful thinking."
"No, it's not. I can send you into such a world using my ability."
"What's the catch?", Chuuya decided to play along. Still unbelieving.
"There's no catch."
"Hah, as if! There's no such thing as a free lunch.", and he knows it quite well.
"Well, you deserve this lunch fair and square." A golden glow surrounded him. His eyes widened; she was using her ability.
"Consider it as your repayment, Nakahara Chuuya."
Her words echoed as the light engulfed him.