Work Text:
“I want to be perfect just like you
Pull my strings, show me what to do
I want to be high and never come down
I want to know why, and I want to know how
Karma, karma, you reap what you sow
Karma, karma, please pay what I'm owed
I've got to be perfect”
- Perfect by Amber Run
“Leo, don’t you dare shed that tear.”
The boy kept his eyes and head towards the ceiling, praying that gravity would stop the tear from rolling down. He knew if he let one escape, he wouldn’t be able to stop the rest that would without a doubt follow.
Despite the burning in his eyes and ache in his chest, he pulled the tears aside and whispered, “Can I please go back to my room now?”
“Yes.” Lorién answered.
Even though Lorién knew he’d pushed the boy a bit too far today, Leo was already fifteen. It was about time he’d be there for an interrogation. It wasn’t like he was going to make the kid participate, at least, not yet.
And yeah, maybe making the boy watch as he stabbed his knife into the side of the restrained man’s neck was a bit too much, but Lorién hadn’t planned to kill the captive; He just wasn’t getting the answers he wanted and anger took over.
Despite the almost crying and the initial protests that slipped from the boy’s mouth when he heard he had to follow tonight’s session, Leo had done well. The boy stood in the corner keeping his eyes on Lorié and the captured man (after Lorién had warned him to not close his eyes or look away) the whole time. Sure, he had to sit down halfway through once his legs wouldn’t hold him up anymore, but he hadn’t gotten sick, started crying, or tried to storm out like Lorién originally thought.
Leo thinks he dissociated half way through the torture he witnessed. It took every bit of energy in his body to keep his eyes on the two. He kept repeating, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, he doesn’t like when you cry..” in his head and forced his eyes to stay open, locking them on the target. And he thought he managed to do it, until Lorién plunged his knife into the man's throat. It was so unexpected, no one in the room had seen it coming.
The sound the man made nearing his death was something Leo had never witnessed, never thought he’d have to. That was the breaking point. He knew if he couldn’t get out of the basement right now, he wouldn’t be able to stop the breakdown that was for sure about to burst. Thankfully, Lorién let him go, and in a second, Leo had run back to his room. Every emotion he had held inside for the past three insanely-long hours just came pouring out.
Lorién cleaned himself up before telling one of his coworkers from the monastery to take care of the body, as well as clean the mess he’d made. Then he made his way back upstairs. He knew when he entered Leo’s room (if that’s what you could call the repurposed storage room) he’d find the kid crying on the floor.
Leo flinched at the sound of the door and raised his panicked eyes to Lorién, who was quickly pulling the door closed after himself and closing the distance between the two.
It was impossible to stop crying at this point.
“I- I’m sorry. I’m in my room, yo- you said I could cry when I was alone. Th- this isn’t.. fair.” Not only was he crying, he was stuttering. Something else he very well knew Lorién despised. But he’d already let the tears roll, it was impossible to stop now.
“I don’t see any tears.” Lorién lied as he knelt next to the kid. The positive he felt from how the session had gone overrode the couple mistakes Leo was now committing. And like the kid said he had waited until he made it to his room to have the meltdown. He could let it slide this time.
Leo was not expecting the man to pull him into what was supposed to be a hug but because of the position Leo was currently in turned more into him resting his face into Lorién’s chest as the man held him there. He ran his fingers through the kids' hair and Leo hated the way the gesture gave him comfort. This was the man that had caused the guy in the basement to make those awful gurgling sounds as he tried to breathe around the knife and that would without a doubt haunt Leo for years after this night.
They stayed like that until Leo’s cries died down.
“I’m really proud of how you did today.” Despite the awful feeling in his chest that reminded him he should have done something to stop Lorién in the basement, Leo clung to those words to get him through the night.
“Please don’t make me watch again. I- I can’t..” The last sentence faded into another sob.
After a small silence Lorién answered: “You’ll learn to endure it.”
And as much as he hated it, he did.
When Lorién made him participate for the first time Leo knew he had to get away. He wouldn’t let Lorién teach him to endure that as well.