Chapter Text
There’s been a lot of things on Crowley’s mind. If Hell will leave him alone, when he’ll get to see Aziraphale today, why his Angel even bothers with loving him. All of these thoughts leave Crowley irritated. Not sad, not melancholic, but irritated. Because, why is he doubting these things? Hell has stopped riding his dick since months ago and he gets to see Aziraphale everyday. However, Crowley can’t help but doubt the last one. Why? Why does Aziraphale love him? Does he actually love him?
With a squint, Crowley whips out his sunglasses and slides them on, trying to hide any traces of potential crying just in case Aziraphale arrives to visit. Slumping down on his couch, he grips the bridge of his nose.
“Fuck!”
Why does his mind have to betray him like this? He should just be content with what he has instead of doubting it. Crowley knows this will cause shit to fall apart. That’s all doubt does. He doesn’t want their relationship to fall apart at all. He’d do anything for it to stay together. Hell, Crowley would rather die than let himself ruin him and Aziraphale’s relationship if not for the fact that his death would likely be devastating for his lover.
Grumbling, Crowley sits up and glances across the room. Surely there was something he could do to distract himself until Aziraphale finishes his business in Heaven… Besides, he’d rather calm down, not for his own sake but rather to not concern Aziraphale with his disheveled state.
He quickly realizes that Aziraphale has utterly consumed the space of his home, filling it with his items and belongings. There’s an overflowing bookcase with his favorite books resting on it, with a box of tea bags resting on top of the bookcase. On the chair in front of the bookcase, there lies one of Aziraphale’s blazers.
The rest of his belongings were scattered about along the home. Crowley’s heart begins to ache. Simply thinking about his lover causes doubt and angst to swarm his thoughts. Not that he doesn’t love Aziraphale, but rather his own problems have caused him to be unable to enjoy things without a crushing state of depression lurking in the background.
Though, it’s not completely unreasonable for Crowley to doubt Aziraphale’s love for him, considering the various times they’ve fought or the many times Aziraphale almost abandoned him. Not by his own doing, of course, Aziraphale would never, but rather from outside forces trying to drag them apart.
What if one day Aziraphale listens to them? The people trying to separate them. Fuck, Crowley doesn’t even know what he’d do in a situation like that nor does he want to think about it. The real question is why he tends to spiral into more and more dark thoughts of doubt when alone. It’s like Aziraphale is the only thing keeping him stable…
Laying back down, Crowley sighs, horribly unaware of the now open door.