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It has been a long week. When you think about college, you probably imagine parties, drinking, and a lot of sex, but nobody seems to mention the tremendous amount of cramming for exams and the mental distress it puts you under. Tyler’s been barely scraping by for the past few months, and all he wanted was to finally get some rest. After a week full of falling asleep during classes, being assigned more group projects, which will have him go through another one of his panic attacks later, being asked a whole lot of questions he doesn’t have the answers to, and returning to his apartment at 6 p.m. almost every day, there finally came Friday. It was already dark outside when Tyler left the university building, and it looked as if it was going to start raining any second. The weather conditions certainly didn’t brighten Tyler’s mood. He shivered as a particularly strong gust of wind hit his skin and wrapped his arms around himself. He was only wearing a black hoodie, which wasn’t enough to keep him warm. Even though the only thing he wanted in that moment was to collapse into bed and go to sleep, he decided to head towards a nearby coffee shop. He had visited it a couple times before and found himself constantly returning to that place. He wasn’t necessarily a coffee drinker but was willing to order it over and over again just to be able to sneak a few glances at the barista. There was just something so captivating about that guy. His colorful tattoos, nose piercings, and black and red hair had immediately caught Tyler’s attention. But upon closer examination, Tyler had noticed how his face lights up when he’s talking or how his eyes crinkle when he’s laughing. He had also watched the barista’s graceful movements while brewing coffee. All of those things were what truly absorbed Tyler. So there he was, standing in front of an entrance to the cafe once again. For the second time this week. The place was bustling, which only heightened his anxiety and headache. He really wasn’t a fan of crowded places. They made him feel self conscious, like everybody was staring at him and analyzing all of his flaws. His hands would sweat, heart beat faster and he couldn’t think straight. Tyler didn’t like people in general. They easily aggravated him. They were either too loud, overconfident, narrow-minded or didn’t have anything sensible to say. They just continued to spew their bullshit. All types of behaviors made him want to bash his head against the wall and scream at the top of his lungs, but he would never do that. Not in a public place, at least. But he had to keep his composure, make himself close to invisible to avoid provoking stares. As he was waiting in line for the counter, he caught sight of red hair. Tyler immediately felt his body tensing, hands trembling a little. Seeing the barista, whose name Tyler hasn’t had the chance to learn yet, talking to customers, smiling politely, and moving around the place made him feel better, lighter, although it definitely didn’t help with his nervousness. It was finally his turn to order.
- What can I get for you today? - the barista asked with a small smile. He looked tired, if the bags under his eyes were anything to go by. The mere sound of his voice made Tyler sweat. He was so nervous that he could barely feel his legs. His head was a mess. All he could think about was whether he looked stupid. Maybe his hair was too flat? Or he looked like he hadn’t slept for a week? ( which was partially true ). Or maybe he was standing too awkwardly? He had trouble making eye contact with the man in front of him, nevertheless, he swallowed, his throat completely dry, and finally spoke.
- One, small, black coffee, please. - he muttered, trying to look everywhere but at the guy and to soak up the sight of him at the same time. As pathetic as it might sound, Tyler was a 21 year old man with absolutely no romantic experience. Before, every time he’d had a crush on somebody, he had been too paralyzed with fear to do anything about it. Not to mention his awkward demeanor and an absolute lack of the ability to flirt. So he’d just hidden his feelings and hoped that nobody would notice. This time, it was as if an invisible force was pulling him towards this beautiful man. His eyes were this deep, dark color, and they matched his dark, fluffy hair. The dyed bits of hair only made him look even more endearing. He seemed like an extremely kind person, and the only thing Tyler wanted was a chance to spend more time with him.
- Alright, that’ll be 3 dollars. - the beautiful man answered a little monotonously. And Tyler, who has been suddenly pulled back into reality, tried to keep his cool while fishing out his wallet. He tried to even out his breath a little while his clammy hands got a hold of the wallet. But the long line already forming behind him, as well as the general turmoil of the crowded coffee shop and the feeling of a pretty barista staring at him, watching his every move, made it impossible to relax. Tyler’s shaky hands dropped the wallet on the counter and sent pennies flying out on the floor. Tyler felt like throwing up. This was literally his biggest nightmare. He froze in place and watched as the money scattered all over the wooden floor. His throat felt progressively tighter, and tears started to well up in his eyes. He quickly looked around the cafe, only to see a couple of exasperated customers waiting to place an order and one amused barista. The man was looking at him with a slightly raised eyebrow and a little smirk threatening to stretch across his face. Tyler felt his face getting incredibly warm all the way down to his neck, and sweat started to form on his brow. He hurriedly apologized and crouched down to pick up the pennies. As he was doing so, he cursed at himself internally. Why does he have to be like this? It’s not fair that such a regular thing as ordering coffee can make him so anxious and distressed while it’s just so easy for other people. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. He could swear he felt the annoyed glances of other customers on himself, and it only made him want to disappear even more. He didn’t even want to know what the beautiful man behind the counter must have thought of him. Tyler would bet a 100 dollars that the guy didn’t struggle with basic human interactions. These thoughts, along with everything else, made him want to breakdown on the spot. He quickly collected all his money, dropping some more in the process, and sniffled quietly, trying to make himself look less like a crybaby. He stood up and handed the barista 3 dollars, then he promptly left the line to wait for his coffee and not embarrass himself anymore. After sitting down in the corner of the cafe, Tyler busied himself with his thoughts. Recalling what had just happened made him wince in humiliation. He couldn’t help but fidget with his fingers as the thoughts flooded his head. He’d known coming here was a bad idea, he’d known he would make an idiot of himself sooner or later. He didn’t even know the man’s name, and frankly, he didn’t know anything about him. He was just a stranger, and he definitely shouldn’t be making Tyler feel this nervous. This was just unfair. He wished he was different. Maybe then he’d have a chance with the charming barista. Tyler could only speculate on what he was like. He seemed kind, polite, and good-hearted, but surely what Tyler has just done must have weirded him out, right? His self-deprecating contemplation was interrupted by somebody placing a cup of black coffee in front of him. Tyler looked up and was greeted with a pair of deep brown eyes looking directly into his. As if the embarrassment wasn’t sufficient, the reason for most of Tyler’s anguish was standing right in front of him.
- I’m Josh. And you are…? - The handsome barista, Josh, asked with a cocked eyebrow and a slight smile. Tyler opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. He was shocked. Why was Josh talking to him anyway? He surely must have come here to make fun of Tyler and further fluster him. It was quiet for a few seconds, with Tyler staring at Josh with wide eyes and Josh blinking in confusion a couple times.
- Tyler – Tyler finally managed to respond. He quickly grabbed the hot cup of coffee, just to occupy his hands with something. He took a sip and burned his mouth, but tried not to let his pain show.
- Are you alright? - the barista, who’s even got a nice name, asked. - You seemed like you were going to have a heart attack back there. - He joked, his face bright and eyes crinkled a little. He looked lovely. Tyler felt himself blushing intensely. Of course, he had to make a fool of himself in front of his crush. He looked down on his lap and racked his brain for something, anything to say.
- I’m joking, man. It’s alright. - Josh spoke again.
- Oh… I’m sorry for holding up the line. – Tyler uttered.
- It’s fine, dude, don’t worry about it. - The barista assured. - Sooo… what brings you here so often? - This question confused Tyler. Had Josh really noticed him? How could such an incredible being spot him among all of those other people? He had to remind himself that this guy was a stranger to him, he had no way of knowing his personality. Tyler knew he was probably idealizing him in his head.
- Um… this place is on the way to my apartment, and since I finish calss so late...yeah. - Was what Tyler chose to answer. He was still averting his gaze, looking everywhere but into Josh’s eyes. All of this felt like a dream. He couldn’t believe he was actually talking with the cute barista he’d been observing for the past few weeks.
- Oh, what do you major in? - Josh asked, shifting in place where he was standing, in front of Tyler’s table.
- Social studies, but it’s tough. I prefer art. - Tyler answered honestly. He wanted to say anything, just to fill the awkward silence. He felt very tense, all his muscles pulled taut, however, it was beginning to get easier to converse.
- That’s great! I mean, it’s awesome that you’re into art – Josh clarified. - I actually dropped out of college to play the drums in a band. - He shared. This new information really piqued Tyler’s interest. He himself was playing the piano and writing lyrics, he also believed that music was the best way to convey his thoughts and feelings. Tyler was struck with a newfound motivation to get to know Josh better.
- Really? I also make music, it’s really comforting. - He spoke shyly and tried his best to maintain eye contact with the man standing before him.
- Oh man, we should really meet up sometime and talk about it more. - Josh grinned. - I’d love to hear your music, it’s always good to find new inspiration. Maybe we can even work on something together? - He rambled with a smile. Tyler couldn’t believe his ears. It was like his fantasy was coming to life. He didn’t know what to do or say, his coffee completely forgotten.
- Alright – Josh broke the silence – I’ve gotta get back to work, but promise you’ll text me soon – he said while handing Tyler a small piece of paper with a phone number written on it.
- Ok – Tyler answered distractedly, grabbing the note and staring at it, then at a grinning Josh. He continued to watch him as he was leaving his table and getting back behind the counter. Tyler felt unreal. He absentmindedly pocketed the paper, got up, and left without looking back, his coffee unfinished. He buzzed with excitement the whole way back to his apartment. He practically ran there, gaining a few stares from passersby. Once there, Tyler, in a continuous state of shock, threw himself on his bed. He knew he should wait some more to not seem desperate and to not scare Josh away, but he just couldn’t wait. He quickly pulled out his phone and saved the barista’s number. Then he opened up messages and texted:
- Hi, it’s Tyler. The one who dropped all of those pennies.