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You didn’t know how Asriel got his old body back, whether it was through his determination, or some wonderfully weird twist of fate. But it didn’t matter. Chara was happy, so you were happy. That’s what you told yourself. Chara was so happy, that you let Chara take control every so often to spend time with their brother. There were some things that Chara did that still scared you, though.
Chara always was a tricky one.
One of these things involved having to fight to regain your control over your body to keep Chara from jumping off the roof of the house to “scare Asriel,” who was sitting happily in the garden with Asgore below you. You weren’t sure that was their only reason.
--
You sit alone on the couch after the roof fiasco was over, MTT on the television and a cup of hot chocolate (Chara’s favorite) cradled in your hands. The show is just background noise to you, after what happened earlier, but Chara is fully immersed in the bright colors and familiar robot flashing across the screen. You two need to talk, but you don’t want to ruin Chara’s fun. You take a sip of the chocolate and let the warmth trickle down your throat.
You decide you have to, or you’ll never end up discussing what was worrying you. You tap your shoulder with your opposite hand to fully get Chara’s attention.
“Hey, Chara, can we go for a walk?” you sign.
“Can we wait until MTT is over?” they ask.
“No,” you sign, “it’s important.”
They reluctantly nod and flip the switch on the remote, the colors disappearing with a click from the screen. You pull yourself off the couch and slip on your shoes and a light jacket over your sweater. Toriel peeks out from the kitchen upon hearing the lack of laughter from the TV.
“We’re going on a walk, mama,” you sign, “me and Chara.”
“Be careful, my little ones,” she says with a nod. “Don’t go too far away!”
You step through the door to feel the spring breeze blow gently through your hair. You let yourself smile, your shoulders relax. Then you remember what you wanted to talk about.
You briskly walk along the sidewalk and up a beaten trail in silence until Chara notices where you’re headed.
“Mom said not to go too far,” Chara says warily. You feel them pull your legs to slow you down.
“I know,” you say, licking your lips in an effort to moisturize them. “Mt. Ebott isn’t really that far away.”
They frown, but you continue walking higher up the mountain’s path with little resistance.
You stand near the familiar edge of the mountain, overlooking the forest and town, and now the newly-built monster city. This time, though, the sun isn’t setting. It’s high in the sky with the company of a few fluffy clouds and singing birds. You sit down, legs crossed, peacefully for a few minutes, sun warming you as you remain stationary in its golden light, though you still shiver in the slight breeze.
“Chara,” you quietly say, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, Frisk?” Chara asks.
“Why did you climb up to the roof?” you ask.
“Frisk,” Chara says, obviously unhappy, “I told you. I just wanted to scare Azzy.”
“Promise?” you ask, determination filling your voice and mind. You’d be getting answers from Chara, you thought to yourself, carefully blocking your thoughts from Chara’s.
Chara is silent for a moment. “Promise.”
“Okay,” you say, hoping Chara can’t see through your faut-satisfaction. “Then why did you come to Mt. Ebott all those years ago?”
“Frisk,” Chara whines.
“I’ll tell you why I came,” you say. Your voice is still hoarse from lack of use, but you always try with Chara. Chara doesn’t respond, so you continue. “I was running away. I didn’t want my mom- my birth-mom- to be sad because of me anymore. I know it wasn’t really like that now, but I was only nine… that’s why I came here, the ‘cursed mountain’ that no one comes back from.” The last part comes out softer than you meant, almost like a whisper.
“But you already knew that,” you say, trying to lighten the darkening mood.
Chara stays in thought for a long time. You are about to say you can go back home, that they don’t have to tell you, but then they do.
“I came here for a similar reason.” It’s hard to hear, at first, but you share the same body, the same thoughts. “Except- except I wasn’t just running away. I hated everyone, and I was alone. I wanted to die. I just wanted to get away from everything and die .”
You look down. You had hoped you weren’t right, but things don’t always go how you want them to. Chara taught you that. “Chara…”
Chara’s voice sounds choked, tired. They let out a sob. “I really, really wanted to die, Frisk. I still do. Can you believe that? I wanted to die so I decided to jump off a fucking mountain -” Chara scoffs, “- but I tripped and fell in, so here I am. Dead and rotting, but not actually dead yet. Just trapped and still full of hate and regret and I still want to die and- and I just took over your body without asking and then I tried doing it again because I didn’t know what to do or think. Only this time you were there to stop me.”
Tears run down your face, drip off your chin, sneak their way down your neck and into your striped sweater. You don’t know where your tears end and Chara’s begin.
“And fuck , I just lost control and killed everyone over and over again, and threw you out of your body and- and-” Chara sobs, “I just wanted them to be free, but instead I just ended up killing myself and Azzy!”
You wish Chara still had a body of their own, not because you don’t like having them around, but because you wanted to reach out and hold them. You want nothing more at the moment than to hold Chara and tell them that things are different and that everything’s okay, that they aren’t alone anymore.
“Dammit, I’m so stupid! So, so stupid,” Chara spat through their tears, face buried in their incorporeal hands, muttering regrets accompanied by endless tears pouring from the eyes that they so desperately tried to squeeze shut every time they felt the hot sting of tears against the dam.
You wipe at your eyes with your sleeve and sniffle. You don’t know how long you sit there crying along with Chara, and don’t know if you can talk. Your throat feels tight and the words feel stuck. So instead, you stand up, eyes still covered by your sleeve. You make a silent agreement with Chara to head home, now that the sun is lower in the sky and it’s slowly getting darker.
When you walk back through the front door to your house, you’re met with all three Dreemurrs turning to you from the dining table near the kitchen, worried looks on their features, dinner forgotten. You notice a plate for the two of you in your usual spot, steam rising from the hot noodles.
You give a weak smile, Chara urging you to go back to your room, hide their weakness and keep it in their room instead of sharing it with their family- your family. But you don’t. You can’t let this happen again.
Instead, you let whatever remaining tears hung in your eyes drip down onto your cheeks as Toriel rushes over to hug you. Asgore and Asriel follow her actions, as you- was it you this time, or Chara? - break down and let another fresh stream of tears out.