Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Link, my pal, my friend, my husband, will you help me practice the ancient and renowned art of kabedon?" Taylor asked one Friday night before movie night. 

It was just him and Link in the Swift household kitchen, but Scary and Normal were due to arrive at any moment.

Link had learned when he didn't know a word Taylor threw at him, it was best to say no.

"Um, no?"

“Nooooo, please! You’re my only hope!” Taylor begged, looking ready to sink to his knees if he had to, “how am I supposed to woo my ultimate future waifu if I can’t even perfect the esteemed art of kabedon?”

“You really shouldn’t be talking about your future waifu in front of one of your current husbands or wife.” Link frowned disapprovingly.

“Liiiiiink.” Taylor whined, “you knew this was a marriage of necessity.”

“Yeah, you told us that when you didn’t take our last names.” Link muttered.

“What?” Taylor didn’t quite catch that.

“Nothing. What exactly do I have to do to help you practice kabedon?” Link sighed, realizing that it was fruitless to deny Taylor. Somehow their half demon friend always managed to talk them into doing what he wanted anyways, so Link may as well just make it quick and give in himself.

Taylor’s face lit up.

“Well, according to our lord and saviour Wikipedia, Kabedon or kabe-don refers to the action of slapping a wall fiercely, which produces the sound "don". It’s in a lot of romance animes and I think if I can nail the technique, I’ll have achieved ultimate romance protag-kun levels of power.”

Link blinked, not really understanding a word Taylor just said, but appreciating the excitement he said it with.

At seeing Link’s blank face, Taylor reached for his phone. “Allow me to show you some examples Link my man.”

They stood there, heads bowed together and proceeded to watch a five-minute compilation of “The Most Romantic Kabedon Moments in Anime Compilation”.

By the end of the video, Link got the gist of it.

“Okay, so do you need me to stand against the wall, or pin you against the wall and do the hand thing?” Link asked.

“You’re the one going to get pinned.” Taylor said determinedly. He gently guided Link towards the nearest wall, which happened to be the foyer wall of the Swift house.

Link stood patiently as Taylor gave himself a little pep talk, before getting a determined look in his eyes storming confidently up to Link.

With all the confidence Taylor Swift (not that one) could muster, he pushed slightly into Link and slammed his hand with a satisfying don noise against the wall, pinning Link against the wall.

For a moment, neither teen moved.

“Hmm…” Taylor stared straight ahead at Link’s chest, not sure that this was working. “I think our heights might be too mismatched for this.”

Link, who was looking down at the top of Taylor’s head, had to agree. Sure, Taylor was in his personal bubble, but what was missing was the eye contact.

Of course, it was at that exact moment that Normal and Scary chose to walk in the door.

“And that’s the whole plot of the How I Met your Mother… Normal trailed off, eyes widening at the strange sight before them. “Umm?”

Scary bumped into Normal, who had also stopped in his tracks, nearly toppling them both.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Scary asked what both her and Normal were thinking.

Taylor sighed and stepped away from Link, defeated for now. “Well, Link here was nice enough to agree to help me practice my kabedon and—”

“Kabedon?” Scary repeated, clearly neither she nor Normal knew what the word meant by the confused glance they exchanged.

Taylor proceeded to launch into the same explanation of kabedon that he used for Link, even pulling up the same five minute compilation video to show Scary and Normal.

“I think I get the gist of it.” Normal nodded, “er, did you want to keep practicing on Link or?”

Taylor lit up once more.

“Yes! Here, Normal maybe I could try to pin you this time. Link is a bit too tall so it’s not as effective.”

“Or you just need a lot more practice.” Scary smirked.

“I’d like to see you try Scary.” Taylor scowled. “It’s not as easy as it looks.”

Scary rolled her eyes. “Fine. Challenge accepted.”

‘I want to try too!” Normal piped up, not wanting to be let out from this new activity.

Taylor gasped, the excitement on his face exploding threefold. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves a good ol’ kabedon-off.”

“Kabedon-off?” Link, Scary and Normal echoed, equally confused.

“We’re going to see who has the best kabedon game.” Taylor supplied succinctly, “winner gets eternal bragging rights. You in, Link?”

Link shrugged, “sure, why not?”

Originally, they were just going to order pizza and watch a movie, but a silly competition would be fun too.

And it was fun.

Out of fairness, they each took turns trying to kabedon each other, starting with Normal.

It quickly became apparent that Normal was not built to be the kabedon initiator. He kept giggling nervously every time he tried to pin one of them against the wall, unable to keep the seriousness on his face for even a split moment before a nervous giggle would spill out.

Taylor went next and wasn’t much better. He had the wall slap down pat, but the issue was he kept trying to do some sort of Flynn Ryder-esque smoulder, which just resulted in the person being pinned to crack up.

After Normal and Taylor is was Scary’s turn—and she was quite the kabedon natural.

When Scary aggressively pinned Normal, he let out an adorable little “eep!” his face going bright red under Scary’s intense stare.

“Normal is the easiest one to get a rise out of!” Taylor whined, but when it was his turn, the tables quickly turned.

Scary backed Taylor against the wall like a tiger would prowl after their prey, caging him against the wall before she delivered a particularly impressive wall slap to seal the deal.

Despite his blustering, Taylor’ face quickly went bright red.

“L-Link—you’re the last one for Scary, stand up to her tyranny!” Taylor stammered, fanning his cheeks.

Scary just smirked in response, looking entirely too smug.

Link just shook his head and got into position. “Ready when you are, Scary.”

“Are you?” Scary asked in a low voice—and that’s when Link realized he might be in trouble. He didn’t have time to worry more, because Scary stepped into his space, and instinctively Link took a step back. His back bumped the wall of the foyer, a strange electric feeling shooting up his back.

There was a loud don! as Scary finished it off by slamming a hand on either side of Link’s arms, staring up at him with a smouldering intensity that made his breath hitch.

“She—she brought out the double slap!” Taylor gasped, eyes wide in jealously and admiration.

Link barely even heard Taylor’s commentary, too distracted by how the sun chose that exact moment to stream in the foyer windows, illuminating Scary’s usually dark brown eyes like liquid brown amber.

Link couldn’t tear his eyes away.

For a moment neither of them moved. Their height difference wasn’t as extreme as his and Taylor’s, so despite Scary still having to tilt her head up to meet his gaze, it meant that in this position their lips were startingly close.

For a fleeting moment Link wondered what would happen if he closed the distance.

“Wow!” Normal gasped, snapping both Scary and Link out of the moment. “You’re amazing at this Scary!”

Scary practically jumped away from Link, cheeks pink.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks Normal.” Scary coughed awkwardly, not able to bring herself to look in Link’s direction.

“Link—you have to pull through and beat her, man!” Taylor begged, “we can’t let Scary win, she’ll abuse those bragging rights forever!”

Link tried to will his heartbeat to slow and focus on the task at hand.

“I’ll do my best buddy.”

If Scary was a natural at kabedon, Link was a downright demon.

Normal was the easiest to take down, with a simple slap and intense look he turned to putty immediately. Face bright red, stammering like Taylor had with Scary, Link would not have been surprised if steam had poured from his ears.

Taylor fell next.

Link used their height difference to his advantage, caging in Taylor with a resounding slap to the wall, it was enough to make Taylor slowly slide to the floor, head in his hands.

“How can a student ever hope to compete with a master?” Taylor mumbled miserably, face bright red.

Finally, it was Scary’s turn.

She nonchalantly tried to stand near the wall, but Link couldn’t help but notice how flushed her cheeks were.

With all the confidence of a man who’d found himself after marrying his four teen spouses in a space ceremony led by a demon over the state of Utah, he confidently strode towards Scary.

Stepping into her space, Link fully used their height difference to his advantage this time. He slapped the wall with one hand before going into a full forearm lean, his body almost curling around Scary as he leaned over her, caging her in entirely.

He wasn’t touching any part of her, and yet his body was on fire as Scary let out a small, strangled whimper.

Astonished, Link watched as Scary slowly turned pink. And then pinker. And then red as she stared up at him with wide, startled eyes.

“Oh god, sorry Scary, did I scare you? I didn’t mean to—” Link began to back off immediately, eyes wide in horror as he put space immediately between them.

His face was quickly turning a shade of pink unknown to man before as Scary shook her head.

“N-no you just um—surprised me! Yeah, I wasn’t ready at all. Haha!” Scary stammered out, looking like she was about to sink into a puddle on the floor while simultaneously trying to hide her bright red face behind her hands and failing miserably.

‘So, who won?” Normal asked Taylor, watching the curious scene before them continue to unfold.

“I think Link and Scary won that one.” Taylor mumbled.

“A tie?” Normal asked, looking back and forth between where Link and Scary stood, facing away from each other, faces mysteriously bright pink.

“Sure…let’s call it a tie.” Taylor agreed. He really should have known better. Introducing kabedon to those who were not mentally fortified enough was always a bad idea.