Chapter Text
DutchDaddy: For international purposes, I have switched back to my ‘Dutch Daddy’ nickname
Cody: I could’ve scored that header if I’d actually played
O’Ryan: I could’ve scored that header if I was a giraffe
DutchDaddy: Alright, you two can get some header practice in against Iceland
Cody: YAY
O’Ryan: YAY
Ibou: Virg, I bet you I can replicate that header against Canada—three times
DutchDaddy: I should switch my name to “ TiredDutchDaddy ”
Adrian: 😂
AdventurerJoel: Now you know how I feel about you
DutchDaddy: You’re a month younger than me
Adrian: as for you, Ibou, don’t you feel a little bad for Mr. Marsch?! He’s already going to be led out to slaughter in Bordeaux today
Ibou: Considering how we struggled against Luxembourg, Canada might stand a chance if Kylian wakes up on the wrong side of the bed
Domi: OOOH HUNGARY DID THE LORD’S WORK
O’Ryan: YOU BEAT ISRAEL AND PROVED YOUR WORTH
Joey: good choice for once Domi
Domi: can't argue with that 😕
Robbo: SCOTLAND IS ON FIRE NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
TheGreekScouser: YOU DREW WITH FINLAND NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
Trentski: hey guys
Robbo: TRENTSKIIIIIIIIIII WHAT A GOAL!
Joey: it feels so weird to be chatting in our team group chat without the boss
Ali: Yeah 💔
Kells: same bro same
Jarell: don’t even bring that up that still hurts
CuJo: BROOOOOO I’m already watching sappy holiday flicks on Movies24, I don’t need something real to cry about now
Trentski: stop that Joe , it’s bad enough that I’m sharing a room with Ollie Watkins
Thiago: KOSTI YOU’RE ALIVE
TheGreekScouser: We are literally sitting next to each other by the pool
Thiago: oh yeah
BabyStefan: and the description of what you’re doing can stop there , thank you
WhiteShadow: how’s Morocco, Stefan?
BabyStefan: Really cool! I even found a frying pan that I can use to smack you whenever you’re talking too much
WhiteShadow: AYOOOOOO?! Respect the White Shadow!!!
DutchDaddy: sorry, I stepped out for a moment
DutchDaddy: anyway, GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS! GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS
Adrian: oh no I know that look
Ali: Virgil I swear, you don't have to destroy them
DutchDaddy: what do you mean?! Forktards are sitting around on Twitter, calling you homophobic slurs during PRIDE MONTH, of all the times
DutchDaddy: And some of the Mexico fans were doing it IN THE STADIUM DURING THE GAME, TOO
Kells: fork them
Robbo: foaming mustards
Marcinho: WHAT THE HELL that's so wrong
Trentski: As your vice-captain, I want their numbers so I can go after them
DutchDaddy: THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!!
Adrian: Are you okay, Ali?
Ali: I will be
Darwizzy: LUCHO LEXI DO ANY OF US PLAY MEXICO SOON?
Lexi: nope
Lucho: sorry, we don’t
Darwizzy: oh well, at least I pre-obliterated their dignity by scoring a hattrick against them
Wataru: I cannot believe that, out of all people, YOU scored a hattrick
Darwizzy: me neither, but I STAYED ONSIDE
Lucho: WEPAAAAAAA THAT’S MY GUY!!!!
Lexi: We need to celebrate
DutchDaddy: REMEMBER?!! IDIOTS ON Twitter
Ali: Virgil this happens all the time, just ignore them
DutchDaddy: doesn’t it hurt a little?!
Ali: ...
Ali: ANYWAY, let’s talk about Enni!
Kells: face it bruv , you’ve adopted him too 😂
Dannsy: what about meeeeee
Ali: don’t worry, I’ve got you Jayden
Ibou: of course you adopted Endrick
Ali: but he’s SO TINY
WhiteShadow: Trey’s tiny
Ali: And I’ve adopted him too
EgyptianKing: Maybe we should just call you the team babysitter 😆
Harvey: It would make sense , Ali’s got youngsters following him around like ducklings everywhere he goes
Jarell: can I be a duckling too 🥺
Dannsy: you’re already a duckling buddy
Adrian: Not like Ali doesn’t follow Taffa around everywhere
DJota: Yep, a two-metre keeper following a nearly sixty-year-old man around the pitch like a lost child 🤣
Lexi: speaking of which, how’s the old man ?
Ali: Taffa’s good
Ali: Right now he’s complaining about how hot it is in Texas
Ali: The United States suck
Conor: Same in Spain , we had to take a cooling break last night
Jarell: CONOR
WhiteShadow: GET A ROOM
Conor: WE’RE NOT LIKE THAT!!!!
TinyTrey: 🙄 don’t think I forgot the Southampton game guys
Conor: 😳
Jarell: 😳
Ali: We had to take a cooling break too , Conor! Although it didn’t help much
DutchDaddy: I watched the game last night , the captain’s armband is looking good on you 😉
Cody: 🏳️🌈 🪗 🎶QUEERUS ROMANTICUS! QUEERUS ROMANTICUS! QUEERUS ROMANTICUS, QUEERUS ROMANTICUS🎶🪗 🏳️🌈
DutchDaddy: IT’S A COMMON FACT!!!!
Jarell: and of course, you had to point out that common fact 😏
DutchDaddy: oh go ride into the sunset with Conor
AdventurerJoel: wasn’t it three in the morning, you silly man
DutchDaddy: it was, and I watched it anyways
O’Ryan: and now the mighty Dutch Daddy nearly fell asleep in his cereal bowl this morning
Ali: 😂😂😂 Come on Virg , you didn’t have to do that
DutchDaddy: I’m going to sleep now, goodnight
TinyTrey: It’s morning
(DUTCHDADDY has left the chat.)
(BOSS+7 other members have entered the chat.)
Boss: ARNE’S AT THE WHEEL! TELL ME, HOW GOOD DOES IT FEEL
WhiteShadow: More like how smooth does his head feel
EgyptianKing: I should’ve considered all the bald jokes we’d be making before I shaved my head
DJota: no kidding
Ali: BOSS YOU’RE BACK!!!!
Boss: Hello Bobby Clark, I assume you’re talking about my head?
Cody: oh crap
O’Ryan: AAAAARNE SLOT
Boss: Yes it’s me
Ali: WHAT KIND OF BAD JOKE IS THIS
TheGreekScouser: that’s right, go search for your work dad
Darwizzy: HOLAAAAAAAAA
Boss: I’m guessing you’re Darwin
Darwizzy: que???
Lucho: That’s Darwin for ‘nice to meet you’
Robbo: why haven’t you even called? #neglected
Boss: I’ve been trying to leave you guys alone so you can prepare for your international tournaments in peace
Trentski: I don’t mean this to come out the wrong way, but could you please change the name from “boss”? It just feels…
Conor: SO WRONG
Wataru: YES
Ali: WARU YOU’RE ALIVE
Wataru: fork you
Ali: thank you, how did you sleep?
Boss: Sure
(BOSS has changed chatname to HEADHONCHO)
HeadHoncho: you like it?
Trentski: Much better
WhiteShadow: TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF FORKER
Adrian: What he means is ‘Introduce yourself to the class please , sir ’
WhiteShadow: that’s not what I meant—
Adrian: shhhhhh
HeadHoncho: Okay, so my full name is Arend Martijn Slot. I was an attacking midfielder in the Netherlands before retiring in 2013
HeadHoncho: I’m 1.84 metres tall, I’m 45 years old, and my birthday is 17th of September, 1978
Harvey: FINALLY WE’VE GOT A VIRGO FOR MY ZODIAC RAP
SarcasticMilner: NOT THAT GODDAMNED THING AGAIN
HeadHoncho: 🤨
Ali: IT’S OVER
HeadHoncho: 🤨
Ali: THERE’S NO PUNCTUATION FOR THE EMOJIS, MY LIFE HAS BEEN RUINED
Trentski: WHERE ARE THE PERIODS?!
(ALI has left the chat.)
HeadHoncho: 🤨
WhiteShadow: No wonder you love emojis so much , they’re bald like you
HeadHoncho: shut up
Cody: That’s actually a good point Bobby
Harvey: HOW HAVE I NOT PULLED THAT JOKE ON TAFFA AND FLACO YET????
HeadHoncho: Is Ali always like that????? IS WHITE SHADOW ALWAYS LIKE THAT??????
Adrian: Ali’s not always this...sullen
Adrian: He's not had an easy time with things lately, and he usually has a hard time adjusting
Adrian: I'll go talk to him right now, brb Slot!
HeadHoncho: don't worry, it's okay Adrian
HeadHoncho: You can call me coach btw 😀
Adrian: Okay, coach! 😀
Adrian: And on a lighter note, White Shadow is always like that
Darwizzy: Cuéntanos una historia sobre tus días como jugador, coach! Por favor 🥺
HeadHoncho: Por supuesto
Darwizzy: Tu hablas espanol?! 🤩
HeadHoncho: no, pero yo hablo Google Translate
SarcasticMilner: great, now he makes JOKES! 😒 how do I passively aggressively hate this guy now?!
(ADRIAN has pulled ALI into a private chatroom.)
Ali: I'm sorry Adri I am 😭
Ali: The boss is gone, and most of the staff are gone, and now Slot is here but I just couldn't stand seeing him with the boss's chat name and acting like he's been here forever and using emojis without punctuating them, and now I've offended him and he hates my guts before we've EVEN MET IN PERSON 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Adrian: hey hey, calm down, okay? it's going to be alright
Adrian: you're not the only one who misses him, so do I
Adrian: But the boss said it himself--if we're going to get places with Slot, we have to welcome him here with open arms
Ali: I know 😔 but I just can't act like I'm fine when I'm not
Adrian: that's okay! how you feel about all of this is perfectly valid, especially since you've been here for a long while compared to some of the others
Ali: It'll never be the same again
Adrian: It won't, but how about you and Slot try again?
Ali: what's the point? he'll still be new here and I'll still be sad
Adrian: have you ever fully listened to Hey Jude?
Ali: not really
Adrian: It's a long one, and you should really have a listen, but the first couple of verses go something like this
Adrian: 🎶Hey Jude, don't make it bad/ Take a sad song and make it better/ Remember to let her into your heart/ Then you can start to make it better/ Hey Jude, don't be afraid/ You were made to go out and get her/ The minute you let her under your skin/ Then you begin to make it better
Adrian: Basically it's saying that when we have new people in our lives to fill the roles of those we love, blocking them out isn't the best solution for anybody. Rather, if we welcome them with open arms, we'll make them feel more welcome while helping ourselves heal
Ali: That's...deep
Adrian: Ready to try again with Slot now? 😇
Ali: I think so
Ali: Thanks Adrian, I don't know what I'd do without you
Adrian: You'll find out , you have a strong heart
(ALI and ADRIAN have rejoined the main chatroom.)
HeadHoncho: and that's how I ended up rescuing small Virgil from a rushing car on the highway
DutchDaddy: wow, I almost forgot that happened
AdventurerJoel: Thanks for making sure Virgil stayed alive, coach 😃
Trentski: 👍
EgyptianKing: For some reason, I feel a bit better about this now
WhiteShadow: are you sure you couldn't have just left him there
Ibou: 🤣🤣🤣
Wataru: DAMN RIGHT KID
DutchDaddy: RESPECT
Robbo: Or-derrrrrrr
Adrian: BOBBY
WhiteShadow: fiiiiine , thanks
Tacito: heyyyy Adrian you're back!
Darwizzy: Is Ali back yet? Le extraño 🥺
Ali: I'm here, Darwin
Darwizzy: oh bien!
Lucho: Slot was just telling us the story of how he first ran into Virgil and saved him from a speeding car on the highway
Ali: Wow...
HeadHoncho: Hey Ali
HeadHoncho: Wait, I can call you that, right?
Ali: yeah
Ali: sorry about...earlier, my reaction and everything
HeadHoncho: It's okay, change is scary. You're not the only one here that's still trying to float
HeadHoncho: I probably should've eased into things a little more, so apologies on that
Ali: That's okay
Ali: If I wasn't frying my gloves off in Texas at the moment, I'd hug you
Ali: but only if it's okay! don't want to scare you away or something
HeadHoncho: 😅It's okay
HeadHoncho: How about we save the hug for when you get back to Kirkby?
Ali: okay