Chapter Text
“Godammit, my tits are only one polygon >:T!”
“Goshdarnit, my tits are more than one polygon >:(!“
The two people immediately turned to look at each other. The two stared for a bit before screaming and running to the opposite sides of the new living room they were in.
“Who the fuck are you?” The one in the dress asked.
“Good question actually!” The very average person replied.
The one in the dress just… stared at them with an ‘are you fucking serious?’ look. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Kidding? Nah, I’m Verity!” They responded almost instinctively with minimal thought in their head. Did they ever have a truly coherent thought?
The person in the dress already looked so done, but just shook their head and responded tiredly. “Call me Glitches, I guess.”
Verity seemed to nod while placing their chin between their thumb and pointer finger. “Kind of an odd name though, don’t you think?”
The person in the dress, now dubbed Glitches, sighed as they shook their head; a hand running through their hair "Do you.. know where we are?" Glitches asked slowly, looking at Verity who was rocking on their heels.
"Nope" They popped the p, a sort of mindless smile on their face. Glitches heaved a heavy breath.
“Fantastic.” Glitches said sarcastically.
“So safe to assume you also have no idea then?” They seemed to squint their eyes as if suspicious before shrugging. “I dunno why I’m asking that, the answer is definitely no.”
“Oh really?” Glitches gave them an empty stare, before nodding slowly and proceeding to look around the room, examining it. "We aren't.. tied up.. so maybe not a kidnapping?"
Verity looked on with a blank stare "Kidnapping?.." Maybe it was safe to assume they had experience with hearing about the subject.
“Why did you say it like that?” The dressed one asked, probably not wanting to know anyway.
“Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy?” Another instinctive response as they narrowed their eyes at the other.
Glitches looked at them incredulously. “Excuse me?”
They shrugged, seeming unbothered by the response, looking around at their surroundings a bit. “Heh, not a bad place honestly.”
“I mean, I guess.” Glitches shrugged and they began looking around the apartment. It was totally empty, and they appeared to be the only two inhabitants. Everything was fully furnished, and they either just replaced the people previously living here, or this was already made specifically for them.
It was almost unsettling, how perfect it was. Not a speck of dust, no plastic covered furniture, no signs of dirt... It was perfect. Like you just moved in and the previous inhabitants were nice enough to clean up.
"It's better than my house.." Verity commented, rubbing a finger at the bottom of their nose, sniffling. "Did you know asbestos had to be banned from being put into plaster?"
Glitches stared at them for a solid moment, before moving on, "Neat, anyways-" they continued, moving on
Blinking for a few seconds Verity returned their full attention to the other, taking a moment to wipe at their eyes under their glasses. Okay, so they were not hallucinating. “Why the fuck are you a lego?”
Glitches looked back at them with a fully offended look. “Why the fuck are you a lego?” They repeated back sassily.
“What? I’m not a lego?” They began to say before looking down at their hands and pausing, oh that was indeed new. “...Fuck.”
“OH MY GOD I have no fingerssssss……” Glitches looked at their hands sadly.
“Damn, how the hell am I supposed to guess directions now?” The only real expression on their face was a pout.
Glitches looked at Verity "It's not like you can't just..." They trailed off, shaping their strange lego hands to make backwards L's, pressing against each other but pointing in different directions.
Verity stared at them. They weren’t quite sure they wanted to attempt guessing which was which.
Glitches held up their hands and pointed, which actually worked, as their claws now had weird ass looking fingers. “Oh damn, it works…”
They shivered at the sight of the weird lego fingers. “Oh I hate that.”
“Yeah, me too.” Glitches deadpanned and stopped, making the claws return to normal.
Staring at their hands, their faces seemed quite blank before looking back up with a grin, never a good reaction to see. “Have you ever seen this one Powerpuff Girls animation? Where they try to give themselves fingers?”
“Oh ew.” Glitches had a disgusted look on their face.
Their reaction immediately had Verity chuckling, that was exactly the kind of reaction they were expecting. “Good to know I’m not the only one who saw that horrifying animation.”
“Okay, moving on from that, still wondering what the hell happened and where the hell we are.” Glitches exclaimed.
“Well I’m no scientist but we might be in a lego world. But this could also be a shared hallucination!” They should not be trusted to come to the conclusion of this situation.
“I– oh my goodness…” Glitches face palmed.
“One day I’ll be right about mass hallucinations or hysteria happening, but for now I will remain the conspiracy theorist I was destined to be.” Verity said, shrugging and shaking their head.
“DESTINY!?” Glitches whipped her head to Verity with wide eyes. They awkwardly cough. “Ahem, sorry…”
They jumped in surprise immediately grabbing the wall with both their hands eyes wide, that was so not the reaction they were expecting out of this person. “So someone has a destiny hyperfixation I guess…”
“I just think it’s neat.” Glitches said with a slight pout.
“...Marge Simpson…” They whispered under their breath before standing in a normal position and not one that made them appear like a startled cat. “Soooo are we just going to hang out in this random apartment or?”
Glitches put a lego hand on their chin. “Maybe we should go out and check out where we are. We’re in a lego world, but not sure of which one, so let’s go out and look.” They said.
Nodding along with the other’s words they tilted their head. “So, which door is the ‘out’ door?”
Glitches gestures to literally the only door that they haven’t checked, which was right next to their shared kitchen, with a ‘shocked’ look. “Gee, I wonder which one.”
Verity looked at the door with a blank look on their face, not a thought in their head. They have a feeling they missed a memo or zoned out for something. “Right, that door. The door we knew would let us out. …Right.”
“...Kronk…” Glitches muttered before shaking their head. “Anyway, let’s get outta here and see where we are.” She approached the door and noticed a set of keys hanging next to the door. They grabbed them and opened the door. “Let's-a go.”
“It’s because I’m Italian isn’t it?” They said, shaking their head, almost disappointed in the other. It was such a common go-to joke that it couldn’t even truly be considered funny anymore. “Whatever. Wahoo! Let’s go!”
Glitches paused. “...you’re Italian??? Slay, I guess…”
Gesturing at their now lego yellow skin they raised an eyebrow. “Can’t you tell from my tanned skin?” Their tone remained normal despite their attempt at sarcasm.
“...bitch, you’re yellow???” Glitch responded immediately.
“So are you, please open the door.”
Glitches rolled her eyes and opened the door so they and Verity could leave. They locked the door before walking down the hallway and coming upon the elevator. “...I’m taking the stairs.” She said quietly before going to the staircase.
Following behind them Verity blinked and stared at the stairs with a momentary glare before shrugging. “I’m taking the elevator, else I’m gonna land in a family guy death pose.”
“Hah, L.” As Verity went to the elevator, Glitches ran down the stairs really fucking fast. Glitches beat Verity to the first floor.
Verity waltzed out of the elevator and looked at Glitches before waving at them. “Good evenin’.”
“M’comrade. Anyway, let’s head out.” Glitches walked to the door with Verity following them. They went outside and were met with a bustling city street. “Oh god, how are we gonna sleep at night?” Glitches asked sarcastically as a car honked loudly.
“Melatonin.” They responded quickly and instinctively.
“And I live next to a highway, we’ll be fine.” Glitches added, now not worried about the noise.
Verity looked both ways with squinted eyes as if thinking. “Well… I do always say left is always right!” They then turned and began walking in the right direction, they really weren’t lying about their terrible sense of direction. Their ass was not paying attention and in less than a minute they ended up bumping into another person. Fuck.
Glitches groaned and facepalmed for the third time today. “I am so sorry about them.” They apologised, then afterwards, realised Just who Verity bumped into.
The Mayor.
Shit.
Verity’s ass was not paying attention.
The man in the suit fumbles a little, a startled laugh spilling from him as he looks back "hello there?" The two look at him, worry painted on their faces.
Verity takes a step closer "I am, so sorry. I was zoned out and I wasn't paying attention-" They worried, but the man cut them off with another, more confident laugh.
"No need to worry! It is quite alright. Say, would you like to come to my speech?" He offers, dismissing any thought they might have about him hating them for the small action. They look at him curiously, prompting him to continue; "I'm the Mayor of this here place! I was on my way to congratulate a young lad for being so valiant for this city!" His boisterous voice announced.
Verity and Glitches just… stared at him.
The Mayor.
Young lad, valiant to the city.
Lego Monkie Kid.
Now, perhaps Verity should have thought about their response for more than a second. Without even contemplating their words they responded with an excited grin. “Ah yes! We’d love to come along, wouldn’t we Glitches?” They turned their face to the other with an almost pleading look in their eyes.
Glitches looked conflicted. On one hand, the Mayor. On the other hand, they would definitely lose it if someone mentioned destiny again, maybe worse if someone outright mentioned the Lady Bone Demon. With a sigh, Glitches nodded. “Okay fine. We can go.”
"Splendid!" He crowed, turning on his heel and resuming back on his path, now with the addition of Verity and Glitches.
"...would." Verity whispered to Glitches. Glitches looked at them in utter confusion and mild horror, but not commenting on it as they followed a decent distance behind the Mayor.
“Did you guys know that it’s believed as many as fifty serial killers are active in the United States and on the loose, meanwhile it’s theorised there’s at least 2000 by some people uncertain if it’s specifically for the United States or if it includes other countries too. Neat huh?” They seemed to speak with a genuine tone of interest as they spoke about serial killers, please shut them up.
The Mayor nodded along with a smile, while Glitches looked at Verity with a face of actual horror. “Verity, what the fuck???”
They blinked looking at Glitches with a tilt of their head, seeming pretty confused by the reaction, sure the facts weren’t common but they didn’t think it was that weird. “What? It’s a fun fact! At least I think it’s a fun fact.”
Glitches didn’t respond, instead, they resigned to their fate as the one who has to deal with Verity and their shenanigans 24/7. They spotted a horrified bystander who was eavesdropping on their conversation, and she shot them a sympathetic look before moving on.
“Oh! Another fun thing I learned! Your organs technically ‘know’ the order they’re supposed to be in so when surgeons do their job they don’t typically reorganise them because they end up arranging themselves correctly by themselves! Weird to think our body is so aware of things we typically aren’t, huh?”
Glitches had to pause for a second. “Okay, gross, but that is kinda cool, I guess…” They admitted.
“The human body is a truly fascinating thing now that I think about it! Like how even though your height stops growing after puberty, your ears and nose are actually constantly lengthening, and gravity is to blame for such a phenomenon. As well as the fact the human body is made up of so much fat that one could make up to seven bars of soap out of it! And even when the oxygen supply is cut off, a human’s brain can survive to up to three to six minutes!” Verity seemed to continue listing off the many either oddly interesting facts or unsettling to normal people.
The Mayor’s grin widened and Glitches looked at them even more horrified. Quietly, they said, “... did you know there’s an actual person hired to cut the hair of the dolls in ‘it's a small world’ since their hair actually grows…?”
They paused and blinked before grinning looking over at Glitches, almost as if they’d have stars in their eyes if possible. “Please tell me more!”
“YEAH! Every couple of weeks some person has to come in and cut the doll’s hair because the yarn is constantly affected by the water and gravity that they grow. They also never shut down the ride either, so the music’s off, but the animatronics are still on! I’ve seen it before and it’s so weird.” Glitches rambled.
“That’s so cool, the whole never shutting a ride down thing leaves a lot up to the outsider imagination. Makes me wonder sometimes if that’s where a lot of the Disney horror stories online come from.” They blinked for a moment realising that maybe they shouldn’t reveal their history as a creepypasta fan.
“It’s not all that exciting. A majority of the time it’s just people putting an edgy twist on random rumours and stuff.” Glitches exclaimed.
They nodded despite the fact Abandoned at Disney was playing in the back of their head, they would simply just ignore that memory for now. “Oh yeah, absolutely. But it's interesting how people will make up such crazy rumours.”
“I know, right? It’s crazy! I’ve had to debunk so many things people asked of me, it was insane.” Glitches and Verity rambled between themselves and the Mayor stayed silent throughout, leading them to their destination.
As the two rambled away between each other with the Mayor listening and occasionally chiming in with an 'interesting!' or an 'I wasn't aware of that!', time seemed to blur as they got closer to the destination. Until, eventually, the three came upon a small but homey feeling restaurant with the sign reading 'Pigsys noodles!' "Here we are!" Mayor exclaimed, "the lovely place our hero of the city tends to be! A humble young man, he is!"
Glitches and Verity looked at the sign, then at each other. They didn’t get the chance to say anything before the Mayor waltzed into the restaurant, gesturing for the two to follow him. They shrugged and followed.
Verity took a moment to glance around once they entered the restaurant, they were pretty curious if it looked accurate to their memory. Despite the world feeling so weird due to its lego nature, the place seemed quite cozy. They could work with this, not to mention they were curious how good the noodles here actually were.
Glitches and Verity sat to the side, close to the wall and further away from the main crew, who were all staring at the two curiously. The two looked at each other awkwardly.
Leaning closer Verity raised their hand to whisper their question in response. “So we’re definitely trying the noodles here after this whole speech thing, right?”
Glitches nodded immediately. “Oh yeah, definitely.”
“Thank you for this amazing turnout.” Hearing the Mayor begin to speak Verity immediately sat back up and began to pay attention, they couldn’t really remember exactly how this scene went if they were being honest.
“Woo-hoo! Let’s hear it for Monkie Kid! Hero of the city!” Hearing Mei begin to cheer they immediately jolted bumping into Glitches as their eyes widened. Right, those two were going to be loud.
Startled, Glitches hold onto them to keep them stable. Their eyes widened as they realised that this was actually happening. They were in Skeleton Key… an actual canon episode…
Shit.
“As mayor, I hereby give Monkie Kid the key to our fair city!” The Mayor handed the key to MK with a wide, almost insane grin, that MK did not notice because of his shitty spatial awareness.
MK looked excited as the Mayor handed him the key, but was eventually confused at what to do with it. “Um, uh, what does this key do, exactly?” He asked.
Leaning against the podium with a smirk, the Mayor chuckled. “Oh, you’ll love this. It has the power to open anything!”
In her excitement, Mei invaded the Mayor’s personal space with an excited bounce in her step. “Ooh, anything? Like a pet shop full of puppies?”
“Yes. Or the door to a lion’s cage, or an orphan’s piggy bank, or an imprisoned mystic power source.” The more examples he listed, the more deranged he looked.
Nervously, Glitches looked at Verity, who seemed totally zoned out of the scene, staring off into the non-existent void.
Shaking himself off, the Mayor pointed at MK. “Today, you can do no wrong. You’ve got my permission. ‘Cause I’m the Mayor!” With a maniacal cackle, the Mayor disappeared in a puff of blue smoke, completely abandoning the two that had walked to Pigsy’s with him.
Mei herself then leaned on the podium, head held up by her hand. “Huh, I’m starting to think, that’s maybe not the Mayor.” She said, shaking her head.
Verity turned their head to look at Glitches with a sort of ‘huh, well that just happened’ expression on their face. “How are we going to get back to the apartment?”
Glitches eyes widened in realisation. “...oh shit…”
“...Well we do still need to try the noodles here, so I guess our dilemma can wait.”
“That’s a good point. Procrastination the beloved.”
Pigsy looks at the two, before shaking his head and approaching the counter "Alrigh' you two, what'll it be?”
“Lo mein noodles, but with no vegetables and… beef.” They said deciding that maybe ordering pork would not make the best impression in front of the pig demon. Close call.
Glitches nodded. “Same, except I don’t mind having vegetables and… beef.”
Verity glanced over at Tang before turning their head fully with a look of interest. “So that’s what Tang looks like.”
Glitches, along with Tang and Pigsy, all looked at them with varying stages of confusion. “Excuse me?” Tang asked incredulously.
Glitches grabbed Verity’s shoulder. “Dude, you can’t just say that.” They whispered.
Pigsy, meanwhile, had returned to his job, wondering who the hell those two weirdos actually were.
Verity blinked looking at Glitches confused before it seemed to click in their head as their mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape. “Oh my god I forgot about social norms!” They immediately snapped their heads back to Tang. “Meant as a compliment I swear, you’re a very attractive man!”
Pigsy completely stopped what he was doing and slowly turned to Tang, who was blushing, then to Verity, who looked like they immediately regretted what they said. Glitches held their face in their hands with a defeated look on her face.
They blinked looking back at Glitches raising an eyebrow. “Did I say something wrong? I thought I fixed the miscommunication?”
“Verity, kindly, shut up and eat your noodles.” Glitches said with an exasperated tone as Pigsy placed their orders in front of them.
“You’re lucky I am a hungry bastard, otherwise I would have started the fun facts again.” They said before beginning to dig in with joy.
Glitches sighed and began to eat their food at a much slower pace than Verity. “Then I would have started the Disney rambles again.”
Verity took a moment to pause before they choked on the noodles, and looked over at the other with a grin. “You say as if I wasn’t interested in those ones as well.” And then they began eating again.
“Mhm.” Glitches hummed as they continued eating. Pigsy’s noodles… were really fucking good.
Verity seemed to finish the noodles within a few minutes, they had to admit these noodles were pretty good. They can completely understand the reaction from Princess Iron Fan in that one episode now.
Glitches took a while, but finally finished their noodles. “Those were really good.”
They nodded along with their.. friend’s? words. “Agreed, my grandmother would definitely approve.”
“That’s good, I guess?” Glitches replied, a bit confused, but with some spirit.
“Yeah, she’s dead but was still a great cook so I’d like to imagine she’d approve.” They said this like it was a completely normal fact to drop in a conversation.
Glitches gave them a “wtf” look before handing their bowls to Pigsy, who looked puzzled. “Thanks, I guess??? Anyway, I’ll be back in a second with your receipt.”
The dressed lego paused. Ah, right… money… “Do we even have our wallets on us???” She asked in a panic.
Blinking Verity immediately shoved their hand in their jacket’s pockets seeing if there was anything in there and pulled out what they could only imagine was a wallet. “Yeah, whoever this is? Smart planner.”
Glitches sighed in relief, slumping down in their chair with a hand over their chest. “Thank fuck.”
“Listen keeping your wallet on you 24/7 is like rule one of being a maybe adult kind of… Are we adults?”
“We have an apartment, and we’re roommates, so I guess we are? Wait– where do we even work at???” Glitches took Verity by the shoulders and shook them, back to panicking again.
Verity just kind of let them shake their shoulders as they thought about the answer, there probably would be hints at what their jobs were in the apartment. Assuming they could find their way back. “Eh, we’ll figure it out.”
“We can’t just figure it out, I need to know.”
“I mean, do you have a phone on you? I assume there’s gotta be a schedule somewhere either on a phone or back at the apartment? But I doubt we’re gonna find out what our jobs are in this noodle shop.” They shrugged clearly much less concerned with the topic.
Checking her pockets, Glitches felt their phone in their back pocket. They opened it and, thankfully (and also stupidly) had no password. “Okay… says here we both work at this place called the Weather Station… oh boy…” Glitches groaned. “I’m a Lifeguard…”
Verity takes Glitches’ phone to see what they do.
“Oh! I work at the bar, so a bartender I guess. That’s pretty cool, I’ve always wanted to try that occupation out.”
“This is just great. I mean, at least we have money, but do I really have to be a Lifeguard, my ass can not give CPR.” Glitches said, crossing their arms.
“Oh CPR isn’t that hard, you’ll learn it just fine. If anything I’m wondering if I should be trusted as a bartender, don’t you need social skills for that job? I’ve already accidentally almost insulted a guy.”
“Yeah, no, we suck at this…” Glitches cringed.
They nodded in response hanging their head in disappointment. “Do you think our bosses would catch on if we switched jobs?”
“Mayhaps. I feel like the station has some damn good security cameras.”
“But businesses usually don’t care as long as the jobs get done either way.”
“True, but also consider ✨the law✨.”
“...How the fuck do you say emojis?” They asked, narrowing their eyes.
Glitches simply shrugged in response as Pigsy finally returned with their receipts and gave them to the two.
Verity leaned over and plucked the receipt from Glitches’ hand and looked at the price for a moment, nodding as they pulled out the needed amount from the wallet. Hopefully whatever poor soul they possessed didn’t mind, not like they could do much even if they did.
“Uh, rude, but thanks man.” Glitches deadpanned as they let Verity pay for everything.
“I’m the one with the wallet so it was obvious I was paying, not rude, just common sense.”
“Yeah, but… ugh, nevermind.” Glitches sighed, just ready to find their way back home. They looked at their phone to see if there was any hint of an address, and thankfully there was, in a note labelled “THINGS YOUR DUMBASS WILL FORGET”.
Damn…
Verity leaned over peering at the phone before snorting with amusement. “Maybe we aren’t too different from these strangers as we thought.”
Glitches stuttered, clearly offended. “I– rude??? Bhdbchd- shut up.”
“Is it really rude if it’s true? Something something honesty is the best policy I think is the saying?” They simply shrugged at the end of their sentence.
Glitches just crossed their arms and pouted, knowing Verity was obviously right, but not admitting it due to their ego as large as the sun.
A true Wukong kinnie, that one is.
“So, do we have anything else we plan to do or should we go before y’know things get a bit more fired up. Because I don’t mind seeing the fireboy.”
Glitches rolled their eyes and began dragging them away, phone in hand. “We’re going home. I’m not ready to become a roast whatever humans are. You are going to get us killed.”
“So much for being isekai’d, you aren’t even letting me see a hot man! LITERALLY!” They said following the other.
“Womp womp.”