Work Text:
Face to face and heart to heart
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
The thumping of a nail breaks the blonde’s heart as Martha watches through her bedroom window. A forlorn Karen puts a sign that reads: NOW CLOSED - in horrifically bold letters. The two girls didn’t have the nerve to take down the schoolhouse’s sign. Once the sign’s post is throughly placed in the winter-kissed land. She hangs her head and makes her way inside. She lets the heavy door slams behind her small frame. Martha looks down in sorrow, nearly sobbing into her blanket - realizing what she’s done.
But I hold on
I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
It was hard to believe it was December. Around this time, the girls would be off on winter break. Karen and Martha were gracious in that. The previous year, they had it set to where it began the second week of December, and began back up the same in the upcoming month. Martha couldn’t even fathom putting up a tree. Karen and Joe would’ve found the perfect one to cut down. And the three friends would’ve decorated it while listening to Brenda Lee and sipping on Lily’s famous hot chocolate.
Martha let herself rise from the spot she’s occupied for the last few months. As she wandered the halls, the faint sound of laughter rang off the halls. If only it wasn’t just in her mind. She found Karen in her reading chair. While looking comfortable, her face spoke otherwise. Solemnly going over the lines of a dusty copy of Pride and Prejudice. And for a moment, Martha wished to herself she could be Karen’s Darcy.
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be pretending?
The comforting scent of the brunette’s Chanel No. 5 puts Martha in a trance. Without realizing, she slowly makes her way into the room. The soft click of her heels no resonating until the girl was almost close. Karen looks up and Martha swears her breath is taken away. Just as much, if not more, that autumn day when Martha first saw the girl skidding across their Alma Mater’s campus.
A soft smile glows the woman’s face. Something Martha has missed seeing dearly. “Oh, Martha,” she speaks beautifully. As if her name is being woven delicately in cursive. “You’ve awoken. I was thinking we make a trip to the market.” The girl’s head dips as Karen marks her place. “We could use some more produce.” She remarks as she reaches for her bag. “I was thinking maybe fondant potatoes for dinner.”
It isn’t until Karen’s gaze is back up does she see the state her best friend is in. “Martha?” The name barely ghosts past the girl’s lips as she slowly approaches.
How long do I fantasize?
Make believe that it’s still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
And we can choose the ones we love
“What’s the use?” Martha whispers. Karen, slightly confused, smile softly as she steps closer.
”What do you mean?” She asks as she reaches for Martha’s hand. Only for Martha to side step. While all she wants is to be embraced. She can’t allow herself to torture herself. Knowing it would be waste. She doesn’t deserve Karen. Doesn’t deserve her touch, her soft gaze, her lips pressed against her own. She doesn’t deserve hearts pounding in synchronicity.
But I hold on
I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be
Martha’s knees begin to buckle and she falls to the floor and a painful wail rips from her throat. “I can’t do this!” She screams. “Karen,” she continues as her shout transforms to a whimper. “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. And-“ As tears rapidly begin to spill, she feels her voice become hoarse with guilt. The taller girl kneels in front of her. Karen goes to cup her face but Martha turns her head. “No, I can’t bare to have you touch me. I can’t taint you like I did the school.”
“Martha,” Karen’s eyes prick with tears. “None of this your fault, you know this!” She takes the others girl’s hands in her own.
Keeping secrets safe
Every move we make
Seems like no one's letting go
And it’s such a shame
'Cause if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know?
”Karen-“ But she just gives a quite ‘shhh’, bringing the girl close. And Martha lets her. “You are a wonderful person,” she whispers in her ear. “Nothing about how I feel about you has changed. Nothing about how I feel about you will ever change,” And when Martha is about to open her mouth again, Karen just shakes her head. “I know your mind might feel like you don’t deserve love, but your heart is what speaks the truth, Martha. And I do love you, Martha,”
Will we ever say the words we're feeling? (Oh, oh!)
Reach down underneath, (Oh, oh!) and tear down all the walls (Tear down all the walls)
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending? (Only be pretending)
And while Karen would love more than anything to kiss the girl, she knows it’s not what she needs. She takes her upstairs, gives her some lavender tea, and allows her to relax. “Is it alright if I join you?” Karen asks for a while. To which she meekly nods. She lays next to her and gently takes her hand. “I did mean what I said, I do love you.”
Martha isn’t sure if she knows what to say. But when she sees the way Karen is looking at her, she gives a simple smile back.
”So do I,” she says.
Karen brings the girl closer and presses a kiss to her blonde locks. “Never forget that.”
Will we al-al-al-al (-ways)
(al-al-al-al) -ways, (al-al) al-al-al-always be
Pretending? oh! (Pretending?)
Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-al-ways be (al-al)
Pretending? (Pretending?)
Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be
Pretending?