Chapter Text
Day One:
Okay Akira, you, are fine. This guy- He doesn't even know your real name! He still calls you Buddy!
You just have to deal with him for six more days after today while the Ex Libris finds his location. And then… He'll… He'll be gone. You won't have to worry about him ever again… On to the next one!
But…
Will the next one have perfect hair that makes me want to run my fingers through it…
Will the next one make me want to freaking kiss him every time he speaks?
Will the next one make me want to drop the facade more every second I'm around him?
Will the next one make me think…
That maybe…
I would be perfect for him. If he just wasn't on the other side.
I don't think he sees me like this, in fact, I know he doesn't. Because as I watch him talk to his friend from across the room, he doesn't even look at me save for a pitying glare.
I sigh, getting ready to act like the world's biggest asshole, when Teddy- For the love of God- Teddy's here?
I turn to the supposed overgrown first grader, praying I looked convincingly like I was half hoping that if I glowered hard enough lasers would shoot out of my eyes and melt right through his head.
“What is it, Teddy?” I question, wanting desperately to get this argument done and over with for good.
“Nothing, I wanted to check in. I heard you're doing the waiting game for a week, harsh. I guess they decided other cases were… More important.”
I wanted desperately to react to that, laugh or cry I wasn't sure, but I kept my face as neutral as humanly possible as I glared head on.
“Yes, of course, because as we all know your one Side Character key takes the presidency for good and genuine reasons, and not nepotism.” I quipped, taking a raspberry tart to my mouth, the kind the subject can't eat due to celiac.
Not that I'd known what that was until I searched for it as soon as I was out of the book, but once I had known, I'd found it quite concerning. I decided in some alternative universe where we were friends, I would always keep snacks for him in my pocket. Just something to make sure he always ate, and wasn't complaining everywhere we went, despite how adorable it could turn out to be.
Teddy snapped me back to reality, scoffing at my apparent audacity. “Ha! You think you can talk to me like that, rodent?”
I like rodents. Love them, actually. Sweet, mostly innocent, and often intelligent as hell. But Teddy could've made me ‘mad’ without saying that, he could have made me ‘furious’ by even breathing.
“Why not? Am I wrong? Will your uncle be the one to prove it as the head of the priesthood?” I grin sweetly at him, as his eyes practically pop out of his head.
“Later, you'll pay for that later, Mouse.” He said, thankfully leaving the book before the subject or his friend saw him.
My stomach churned at what he'd said.
God, I needed to end this stupid little-
“So, Buddy-” The subject exclaimed, as the rest of the ballroom continued as usual around us, “Why are you shouting, imbecile?” I sneer, narrowing my eyes.
“Because you're a deaf idiot who can't hear me shouting for you to get the hell out of the books!”
The slight rouge sitting on the top of his cheeks made me feel my own start to turn ever so slightly darker, but I pushed it down. There's no way I'd survive until the end of the week if I let my feelings show. Or, at least those feelings.
“Yes, and… God, I don't know why I'm even wasting half decent words on you- Do you even know what imbecile means? Maybe I should have used it on someone with a rat's intelligence, your friend, perhaps?”
The subject's eyes grew wide with fury, as he ran towards me, and pushed me into the wall. Wait…
“Did you read the book for once?” I whisper, bringing his shoulder to mine and his ear to my lips, “I'm impressed.”
When he pushed me away, his entire face could have color matched to a blood vial.
Someone could easily mistake him for a boy who likes boys. For a boy that liked me. But… But I knew better. The only one like me was the boy who called me Nezumi when he was sweet to me, he was the only one I'd ever talk to openly about it. He was my life. He was the only chance I'd ever have at this happiness I desperately wished for every moment of every day. Even a secret is still better than a lie.
“Just… Stay out of my way, Buddy.”
I stare at the floor. At my feet. Not at the world around me. Not at him.
“I never do.”
I felt the shake in my voice down through my bones.
-
Teddy was there on my bed when I got out. “Akira?” He started, standing to meet me in the center of my room, “Are you-” He cleared his throat, while I swallowed, the saliva getting stuck halfway down my throat as he took my hands in his.
“Are you okay, Akira?”
“Yes.” I lie, turning my face as far away from him as my neck would allow.
“You're crying, Akira.”
“Stop- Stop saying my name. Please, Teddy.”
“Theo.” He corrects, wiping my tears with that stupidly chivalrous handkerchief he started keeping three years ago, when he realized how easily I cry from the moment it's safe enough to, away from prying eyes. “It's Theo, when we're alone.”
“Sorry, Theo.” I say, watching his eyes scan my face in worry. “You're okay, I promise. I'll make sure of it.” He states, trying to be reassuring.
I chuckle bitterly. “What? Would you stand up to your idiot uncle for me?”
“I would punch my jackass uncle for you.” He says without hesitation, and somehow, maybe it's in how easily it slips out, I can tell, he means it.
I gulp audibly, and separate from Theo to sit on my bed. He follows, hugging me there until we fall back, his arms easily encasing my midsection and lower ribs, as he spoons me.
“Let's just stay like this.” I say, half scared he'll somehow pick up on what I'm always terrified he will: That I don't care for him the way he does me. That ours isn't some grand love story, but a necessary and much deserved self imprisonment.
That I ‘love’ him because who I really love is someone that will never be willing or able to take his place.
“For how long?” He asks, gently kissing my forehead and shuddering slightly as I start to trace circles on his bicep with my index finger.
“Until I feel safe again.” I say. And we both know that answer is really forever, but that I'll make up some time and stop when I don’t think I can be loved any more that moment. When I decide I don't deserve any more of it.
But he still accepts this answer easily, squeezing me tenderly on the shoulder.
“Anything you want, Nezumi.”