Work Text:
You’re all set for a cosy night in front of the television, you’ve got a bar of Galaxy, a bag of toffee coated popcorn and a tub of Hagen Das ice cream. Larry and Ben were out at a book signing with the rest of the gang and were heading for drinks afterwards, so you knew you had the entire evening to yourself to indulge in your tv.
Curtains drawn, ice cream eaten and popcorn half gone, you’re laid on the sofa cuddling the overlarge cushion as your eyes devour the drama on the screen. You were dressed in one of Larry’s t-shirts and a pair of your pyjama shorts, the fluffy grey blanket that usually lived over the back of the sofa was now laid across your bottom half keeping the light chill away from your bare legs.
The sound of the front door opening and then slamming closed made you jump and you frown as you look at the clock and notes it’s only a little after ten. Usually when the gang go out no one arrives home before midnight and they’re all too merry to do any door slamming, so you know something is wrong.
“I can’t believe you weren’t going to say anything!” You listen as you hear Larry state and your eyebrows raise, if Larry was annoyed then it must be something big.
“Darling come on, let’s not argue.” You hear Ben trying to placate your lover and you know that if they’re arguing together then it wasn’t good.
“Don’t fucking Darling me Ben. Why didn’t you say anything? Don’t we have a right to know that you’re leaving?” Larry asked and you hear boots being removed and thrown down with less care than usual. Figuring you needed to see what was going on, you climb from the sofa and head out to the hallway, watching as both of your lovers are stood by the bottom of the stairs, shoeless and nearly jacket-less.
“It’s only for two weeks.” Ben stated and you frown, wondering what was being discussed because as far as you were aware both men didn’t have anything planned for the next few weeks, which was why you had decided to book a log cabin for a long weekend away in two weeks time.
“It’s not the length of time Ben, it’s the fact that you haven’t said anything and let us book a long weekend away that you’re not going to be there for.” Larry groused.
“What’s going on?” You ask, managing to get the gist of the conversation but needing to know exactly what was being discussed. Two pairs of deep blue eyes stared at you in surprise.
“Why are you still awake?” Ben asked, hands thrust deep into the pockets of his jeans, shoulders hunched in a tell-tale sign that he was feeling insecure.
“Didn’t realise I had a bedtime.” You retort, quirking an eyebrow at your lover before Larry gave you a smirk and stepped closer, sliding an arm around your waist and pressing his lips to yours. You enjoy the taste of beer on his lips and can’t resist running your fingers through his overly long shaggy hair.
“Hey baby.” You greet and Larry smiles before pecking you once more and stepping to your side, but keeping his arm around your waist.
“Hey sweetheart. You had a nice chilled night?” You nod but then turn your gaze to Ben who was still stood by the door, a frown on his face.
“Ben what’s going on? What are you both arguing about?” Ben runs a hand across the back of his neck, his eyes downcast and you knew he’d fucked up, this was his ‘I’m in the shit’ posture.
“I err… well I…” Ben stumbled, his cheeks darkening as a flush started to cover his face.
“What he’s trying to say is he’s been a selfish prick and scheduled a jolly boys outing to film some history stuff in France for two weeks and decided not to tell us. I had to find out from a fucking fan that my partner wasn’t going to be around for two weeks. Apart from it making me look like an absolute wanker for not knowing what he was doing, it also means he won’t be here for the long weekend away you have been planning for MONTHS!” Larry interjected and you can’t help but sigh.
“Why don’t we all sit down and talk about this? See if we can work something out?” You try to be the peacemaker because you know both of your lovers can hold a grudge and keep an argument going and you’re really not in the mood to be mediating a battle in your home.
“What’s there to talk about? He’s going to France in two weeks. He decided not to tell either of us, but clearly his fucking fans are well in the know. Nice to know where we come in the pecking order!” Larry is furious and you honestly don’t think you’ve seen him this annoyed at Ben before. They had both had spats and grumbles, you all had, but Larry looked genuinely furious and hurt, and you had to admit you were a little hurt also at the fact that you were his partner, you’d all lived together for so many years now and still you were the last to know.
“I’m sorry, okay. I was going to tell you both when they first asked me but it was so long ago and it slipped my mind. I didn’t do it intentionally.” Ben stepped towards you both, his arms outstretched as a peace offering and you know the sensible thing would be to all sit down and discuss it, but Larry doesn’t want to go down the sensible route.
“Do not come any closer to me right now or I’m likely to punch you in your ridiculously handsome face.” Larry stated, his eyes hard and his brows drawn. You look from Ben to Larry and sigh, knowing that clearly this wouldn’t be resolved tonight whilst emotions were high and they both had alcohol in their system. “I’m going to bed. I’m too angry and hurt to think clearly.” You watch as Larry stomps his way up the stairs before you hear the bedroom door slam.
“Marvellous!” You look across to Ben who looks like a dejected puppy and although you’re hurt, your heart aches for him. “Come here.” You open your arms and he immediately steps into them, wrapping his arms around you and bending to bury his face in your neck.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt either of you, I’d never hurt either of you intentionally. I love you both so much. It genuinely slipped my mind. I said yes months and months ago and then I totally forgot about it until that fan mentioned it. Please forgive me.” Ben mumbled into your skin and you can feel a light tremor run through him and you know his anxiety is high. He hated arguing and confrontation when it was as serious as this, especially when it involved work.
“I forgive you sweetheart. And Larry will too once he’s calmed down and you’ve talked it through. You know he values his private time with us and he doesn’t like anything disturbing that. But he loves you. We both do.” Ben nodded into your neck and you run a soothing hand down his back.
“I’ll sleep in the spare room tonight.” Ben murmured, lifting his head to look you in the eye and you can see his usually bright blue eyes are watery and red-rimmed and you shake your head.
“No you won’t. If you sleep in the spare room then I’ll sleep on the sofa. I’m not choosing sides. I’m not going to bed to cuddle up with Larry whilst you’re in the spare room alone, and I’m not going to sleep in the spare room with you and leave Larry to sleep on his own either. If you want to sleep alone, then I’ll sleep alone too.” You state quite emphatically and Ben sighs knowing that he won’t win this argument. “Do you want to go to bed or do you fancy a cuppa? I’ve got about two thirds of an episode left to watch if you wanna join me?”
“A cuppa sounds good. I’ll make it. You go and get comfy darling.” You press a soft kiss to Ben’s lips and push him gently towards the kitchen.
“I’m just gonna pop my head in on Larry.” Ben nods so you climb the stairs, needing to check on your other lover and ensure he is also aware that you’re not picking sides. You open the bedroom door and are confronted with darkness, however your lover is highlighted by the glow from his phone screen and you smile at his image, bare chested, hair wild and dark-rimmed glasses perched on his face. “Hey.”
“What do you want?” You frown at Larry’s tone but try not to let it upset you, you hadn’t done anything wrong but you know that he’s upset with Ben.
“Just wanted to check that you were okay, and to see if you wanted a cuppa?” You stay standing in the doorway, not wanting to intrude any further into the room when he clearly wasn’t receptive to your presence.
“I just want to be left alone. You’ve clearly sided with Ben on this so I’m left to be the bad guy when none of this is my doing.” Larry grumbled however doesn’t take his eyes from his phone screen and his words sting.
“I haven’t sided with anyone. I’ve spoken with Ben and he’s apologised and said it was a genuine mistake. So now I’m coming to see if you’re okay and if you want to talk?”
“No I’m not fucking okay! Do you have any idea what it felt like to be told what, essentially, my husband is doing next in his life, by some middle aged fucking housewife making doe eyes at him?”
“Sweetheart…”
“Don’t! Don’t say sweetheart like I’m making a bigger issue out of this than it needs to be. I’m not. I’m justified in my hurt.”
“I know you are baby, and Ben feels awful about it all. He was going to sleep in the spare room.”
“Good I don’t want him in my bed!” Larry muttered and you frown at his words.
“But I want him in mine. I want you both in mine. That’s how this works.” You narrow your eyes at Larry and the pair of you end up glaring at each other and you’re not quite sure how you’re now in a standoff with Larry when you’d only come up to check on him and offer him a cup of tea.
“I’m not sleeping with someone who doesn’t value me enough to inform me of their life plans. And if you think that his behaviour is perfectly acceptable then I don’t think I want to sleep with you either. So leave me alone. Go back to Ben and enjoy the rest of your evening together. You prefer him anyway!” Larry finished with a mutter and tears spring to your eyes at his accusation and his tone- it wasn’t like Larry to be nasty and he would never hurt you intentionally so whatever had actually happened whilst they were out tonight at the signing and then drinks had affected Larry more than either of you had realised.
You back out of the room and close the bedroom door, pressing your back against the wood and finally releasing the sob that had crawled its way out of your chest and lodged in your throat. Hot tears slid from your eyes and scorched trails down your cheeks and you wondered how your cosy night in front of the television had turned into this. Wiping away the tears on your cheeks you make a quick stop in the bathroom to wash your face and use the loo before heading back down to Ben, trying to will away the sick feeling that had settled in your stomach.
Ben was sat on the sofa, head back against the cushion with his eyes closed, a cup of tea in his hands. His eyes opened as you entered the room and he clearly took one look at your face before sighing.
“What happened?”
“Let’s just say he wasn’t very pleasant to talk to. Made a couple of accusations and told me that neither of us are welcome in ‘his’ bed.” You state, sitting yourself on the other end of the sofa, curling your legs up underneath you and bringing your mug to your lips.
“What? Why is he taking it out on you? You haven’t done anything wrong.” Ben protests, a deep frown on his face and you can only sigh, however that sigh halts in your throat when Ben stands up and storms out of the room and up the stairs, leaving you to follow him, the knot of anxiety steadily growing in your stomach.
You’re only two thirds of the way up the stairs when you see Ben push open the bedroom door so hard that it slams off the chest of drawers behind it and you wince as you hear a couple of the photographs tumble over. You race to the top of the stairs as Ben flicks on the light and peeking underneath Ben’s arm you can see Larry sitting up in alarm, his eyes a mix of wide in surprise and squinting at the brightness of the light.
“What the fuck?”
“Say you’re sorry!” Ben states and you duck under Ben’s arm and into the bedroom, placing yourself between Larry and Ben.
“Ben just leave it. We’ll deal with it all in the morning when everyone has calmed down.” You try to placate your oldest lover but he’s clearly angry on your behalf and if you weren’t worried they would physically come to blows you’d find it a little sweet.
“What do I have to be sorry for? I’m not the inconsiderate arsehole who doesn’t think about his partners.”
“Larry, not helping!” You state.
“Apologise to her!” Ben growled and you sigh, knowing this wouldn’t end well.
“Ben it doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does! His fight is with me, not you.” Ben stated looking at you before he turned his eyes to Larry. “I get that you’re angry with me, I know I’ve fucked up. But don’t take your anger out on her. She doesn’t deserve it.”
Larry throws back the covers and climbs out of bed and if you weren’t so anxious you’d appreciate the view of him just in his boxer shorts. He walks towards you and you watch with wary eyes, not quite knowing what was happening however he stops in front of you and you tilt your head so you can look into his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I’m angry and I wasn’t thinking straight. This is your bed too and I have no right to keep you out of it.” You nod in acceptance of his apology however it all means nothing as he continues. “You and Ben can have the bed. Precious Ben, who can’t do no wrong in your eyes, shall sleep soundly curled around you. I’ll sleep in the spare room.” He steps away from you and towards the door but Ben is still blocking it and he’s larger than Larry. “Get out of my way.”
“That was fucking cruel! She doesn’t deserve you being an arsehole, Laurence!”
“And I don’t deserve to be the last to know that you’re going away for two weeks. I just wanted four days away with the two people I love. Away from everything, so we could just reconnect and be together. I don’t think it’s asking for much. Instead I’m informed by some woman, who wanted to ride you like fucking Sea Biscuit, that you’re off to France and they all can’t wait to see you. Have you any idea how that made me feel?” Larry stated, arms hanging limply by his side and his shoulders slumped, like the fight had just gone out of him.
“I am so sorry. I never want to hurt you and you’re always my first priority in everything I do. You both are. I genuinely forgot. They asked me months and months ago and I agreed and then totally forgot about it. If that woman hadn’t mentioned it, I’d still be none the wiser until someone sent me an email with plans.” Ben explained, the fight and anger seemingly drained from him. “I didn’t do this on purpose, I was looking forward to going away together just as much as you were. I wanted to switch everything off and just bask in you both for four full days.” Ben stepped forward and slid his arms around Larry and brought the shorter man to his chest. “I love you. I never want to hurt your feelings.”
You watch as Larry sags against Ben’s chest and it seems like there’s only Ben’s arms holding him up, his face pressed into his messy hair. Suddenly Ben tightens his arms and it takes a moment for you to realise why until you hear Larry and the sobs that are coming from him, and it breaks your heart. You know that he’s usually the life and soul of a party and always willing to chat to people and involve himself in things, however people don’t usually see the real Larry. The softer side of Larry who can be quite emotional and who values his family more than anything else. And he hated arguments and confrontation but his anger always led to his emotions getting the better of him. You watch as Ben pressed kisses to his hair and murmured soothing words to him and for a brief moment you feel very much on the outside of their relationship, and you don’t often feel like that, only sometimes when you’re reminded that they existed very happily as a couple before you had ever met them.
“I’m sorry.” Larry gasps against Ben’s chest and you watch as he soothes him before you watch Ben murmur something into Larry’s ear, and then tear filled blue eyes are looking at you from the confines of Ben’s arms and you feel frozen under the gaze. Your eyes lock and you don’t know what to say because Larry’s anger towards you was unjust and it highlighted some issues which were clearly underlying and had come out in the heat of the moment and you didn’t know how to address them. Twice Larry had intimated that you preferred Ben and that accusation had hurt, because you loved both men equally and you had never shown favouritism to either man, and especially not during any form of argument or unsettled feeling within the home.
“I’m gonna let you both reconnect. I think I’m gonna sleep in the spare room tonight. I think I’ve got some thinking to do.” You admit and then slip past your men and head back down the stairs, intent on curling back up on the sofa and finishing off your programme, trying to put the last hour out of your mind.
You make it twenty minutes before you hear the soft sounds of bare feet on the hallway floor and you know it’s Larry, and you’re really not in the mood for another argument. You pause the television and throw the room into silence and you wait, however Larry seems quite content to stand outside the living room door.
“You gonna stand there all night?”
“Can I come in?” Larry asks and you roll your eyes.
“I can’t stop you. It’s your living room.” Larry enters the room but remains standing on the outskirts of the room and after a few moments of silence you figure you’re not going to prompt him anymore so you unpause the television and continue watching. After a few minutes you notice Larry moving slowly across the room until he sits himself at the end of the sofa, and you promptly ignore him, even when he moves your feet into his lap.
“Can we talk?” You pause the television once more and direct your gaze to Larry who was sitting in his robe, your feet in his lap.
“I don’t know if we’ve got anything to talk about at the moment. I’m still a little bewildered at how an argument between you and Ben has ended up as an argument between you and I.” You raise an eyebrow at him and you can see how sorry he is but that still doesn’t make you feel better because you know that deep down he clearly feels that you prefer Ben.
“Baby please. I am so sorry. I lost my head and I let my anger get the better of me and I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have.” Larry explained and you’d been with both men for so many years that you can reliably predict how both men will react on any given situation, and Larry had reacted exactly how you knew he would, however it was his comments that had thrown you.
“I know. As soon as I heard what you and Ben were arguing about, I knew how tonight would go. We’ve been through this so many times throughout the years. But what I didn’t expect was your nasty comments directed at me. That was new. And I certainly didn’t like them.” You explain, trying to keep your emotions in check because you didn’t want to cry and you didn’t want to let your emotions consume you.
You watch as Larry opens and closes his mouth a number of times before he sighs and hangs his head for a moment or two and you can see him breathe deeply. When he lifts his head again and looks directly at you, you notice the tears that are slowly sliding their way down his cheeks.
“I am under no illusions about myself. Especially not when compared to Ben. He’s gorgeous, you’re gorgeous and I wouldn’t blame you for preferring Ben.”
“I don’t prefer Ben! Where has this idea come from? When have I ever chosen Ben over you? Tell me!” Your voice takes on a hard quality and your eyes bore into Larry’s, needing him to show you were this idea has been born from.
“I… I mean… I…”
“In the eight years we’ve been together I have never chosen one of you over the other one. Never! Every argument, every falling out, every decision made, I have never chosen a side. I love you both equally. And it hurts my heart to hear you claim that I prefer Ben over you.” The emotions that you were trying so hard to keep inside were clawing their way out and your throat became tight and your eyes watered.
“Baby I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I know you’ve never chosen Ben over me. I… my… I just… I love you so much and I love Ben so much and some days I get so inside my head that I’m the odd piece in our family puzzle. I’m the bundle of anxiety that’s carrying a bit of extra weight and I’m not aging anywhere near as well as Ben is and I don’t know what you see in me compared to Ben. Because if I had to choose between me and Ben then I’d choose Ben every time.” Larry’s words break your heart and for a moment your chest feels tight as you work through what he is admitting to.
“How can you think that? You’re amazing. This relationship isn’t about which one of you is the best looking, or the most handsome, or the trimmest or who is aging better. None of that matters because I think you’re both amazing and I fancy the pants off the both of you.” You explain but you can see in Larry’s eyes that he doesn’t believe you.
“He’s everything I’m not. And he’s a better fit for you than I am really, if you think about it.” Larry continued and for a moment you don’t actually know what to say. Pulling your feet from his lap, you sit up and curl them under you. You hold his gaze for a moment and find that his blue eyes are filled with sadness and guilt, a look you have seen many times.
“Nine years ago I met you first. You were the man I stood talking to for nearly an hour over a spilt cup of coffee. You were the man whose number I asked for. Not Ben’s. Yours. You were the man I wanted to date before I even knew Ben existed. Well before I knew Ben existed in your life.” You explain, trying to lay it all out for your lover in a way that he would understand. “The day you told me about Ben I was devastated because I thought you were gay and I didn’t have a chance. Then you introduced me to Ben and we spent the night chatting and laughing and I wanted you both so much but for different reasons and the same reason also.”
“Have I ruined things between us with my stupid fucking anxiety?” Larry asks, his eyes wide as he stares at you, his fingers knotting in his lap as he tries to control his nervous response to stress.
“No you haven’t ruined things. I love you, you’re a part of me, just like you’re a part of Ben, and Ben is a part of me, and I had hoped I was a part of you.”
“You are. I love you more than I can say. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Larry lunges forward and presses his face into your lap, his arms going around your hips and you can hear him sniffle into the material of your shorts. “I’m sorry. Please. I’m so sorry.” He murmurs repeatedly into you and you can’t help but bring your hands down to run through his hair, fingers carding through the unruly dark locks soothingly.
“You need to start being more honest about what you’re feeling. I feel like this has been bottled up for a while and as soon as something has lit the touch paper it’s all come pouring out. This only works if we’re all honest with each other about what we’re thinking and feeling, otherwise the balance is wrong and that’s when things fall apart. And I don’t want things to fall apart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Ben.”
“I want that too. I should have said something and I’m sorry I bottled it up. I was cruel and I’m so sorry for that. I never want to hurt you.” Larry lifts himself up from your lap and stares into your eyes. “Forgive me, please.” You stroke your fingers through his beard, cupping his cheek as your thumb brushes at the tear stains on his skin.
“Always. I love you.” You murmur and sigh when Larry lays himself back in your lap, unpausing your television and you both sit like that until your episode ends, neither speaking, your fingers running through his hair and his fingers stroking patterns on your hips.
“Bedtime?” Larry asked, turning his eyes to you as he asked the question and you sigh.
“Are you and Ben good?”
“Yes. I apologised and we talked before I came down to speak to you. I know you said you wanted to sleep alone but I don’t want to sleep without you. And I know Ben doesn’t want to sleep without you either, but we’ll respect your wishes if you do really want to sleep alone.” Larry stated and you capture your bottom lip between your teeth as you think about your options. You could sleep alone in the spare room and continue the rift between you and your lover or you could climb into bed with them and start the day afresh when you wake up.
“Bedtime.” You decide and Larry gives you a soft smile.
“Thank you.” He stands from the sofa and holds out his hand for you, and after a moment you slide your fingers into his and allow him to pull you from the sofa and into his arms. “Can I kiss you?” You raise an eyebrow at the question and Larry blushes before he dips his head and presses his lips to yours, the kiss a lot more chaste than most that you share but you can feel the emotion behind it. “I love you.” He murmurs against your lips.
“I love you too. You own half of my soul. Don’t ever forget that Laurence.” You state with a small smile and he nods before leading you out of the room and up to your bedroom, where the man who owns the remaining half of your soul is laid asleep. You climb in beside him and then Larry climbs in beside you, sandwiching you between them both. As you close your eyes you realise that this is exactly where you belong, between them both.