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One dark and harrowing morning, Amado is doing paperwork. This is a recent development. In the past two years of his employment in Kara, Jigen has allowed him more and more insight into the organization. And now, as deadlines draw near, he has placed his trust in Amado to take care of everything pertaining to the ridiculous piece of property they reside on.
Amado knows Jigen is more than capable of this, and he certainly has the time. It’s just that after four cumulative years together, Jigen has grown comfortable enough making Amado do random things he doesn’t want to. He maintains that this is a rare privilege Amado is lucky to have.
It would be nothing more than a dull time suck, if it weren’t for the fact that Jigen, for all of his infinite, omnipotent, godlike wherewithal, never caught on to the proper way to handle the real estate paperwork.
Everything else, he has accomplished brilliantly. Amado almost finds it a pleasure to cross reference older forms on water, heating, electricity, carpet installation (and subsequent uninstallation), etc, all neatly categorized in perfect, unblemished handwriting, at perfect right angles.
The paperwork for the actual property all of this is taking place within, however, is a different matter.
Amado doesn’t exactly blame him. Real estate in the shinobi world is a vapid, constantly changing labyrinth. Especially for an obscure, expensive purchase like the Kara headquarters, the amount of hoops Jigen had had to jump through was downright ridiculous. Amado remembers being roped into more than a few meetings with various brokers, during his earliest days of employment, to serve as cosigner or witness or aide-to-the-financee or whatever. He can’t disrespect the effort Jigen went through to accomplish this.
He can, however, complain quietly to himself about the knotted up, disorganized disaster trying to pay property taxes has become.
Additionally, the lease needs to be renewed this year, for the first time, and it’s clear Jigen had not known what paperwork would be necessary to save or set aside for this process. Amado himself has to pull up a guidebook online and study it carefully to find the path of least resistance.
“The bill of sale…” he says, completely alone in Jigen’s second office he hides all the paperwork in. Surely it’s in here…because why would you throw out the bill of sale?
He finds it, wrinkled and smashed in between two unrelated books on the desk. After this, all he needs is the certificate of verification, and he can fill out the lease renewal form. Well, as long as the property has been filed exclusively under Jigen’s name, which it obviously is.
The certificate of verification is under the desk, for some reason. Amado grabs it and adds it to his pile of pointless documents. Then he pulls up the lease renewal agreement and begins working at it, point by redundant point.
Square footage of roof area? Who knows. The bill of sale says 4. Amado enters this number to maintain consistency.
Nature of loan program? Conventional.
Borrower ID? 1579
Bank ID? QA3200
Number of households residing in property? One, apparently.
Renovations done on property? The government doesn’t need to know that. But Amado puts in the information for the floors.
Borrower(s) filed as? The bill of sale says PAIRED in big bold letters. Amado enters this word.
Marriage license ID? 15- wait.
Amado reads that again.
Then once more.
A third time for good measure.
He looks at his own signature on the bill of sale, next to Jigen’s, under the word ‘cosigner signature’, and, more significantly, under the word PAIRED .
He looks up at the sky, through several layers of reinforced concrete and metal.
Why him?
-
Amado enters Jigen’s ‘sitting room’, takes one look at the stern, expectant expression on Jigen’s face, and feels his already deep headache deepening.
“I thought that would have taken you at least another hour.” Jigen says. He shrugs minutely and turns back to the table, where he has his own stack of papers. “Well, all the better. Victor is trying to renege on the stock agreement now. I’ll need you to-”
“Oh, believe me, I’m not done yet.” Amado says, with a self-effacing laugh. “There’s a pretty major problem. To put it simply-”
“I don’t like to hear problems, Amado.” Jigen interrupts. “I like to hear solutions.”
Amado rolls his eyes.
“We need to pretend to be married.” That’s as clear as he can make it. “So that we can get divorced.”
Jigen blinks.
Alright, maybe he can make it slightly clearer.
“The way that you filed the lease categorizes us as a married couple.” he explains to a quiet Jigen, who has set aside his papers fully at this point. “For the renewal agreement, we either need a valid marriage license or a letter of explanation attached to a divorce decree to update the filing.”
Jigen tilts his head. “The first option seems easier.” he says. “Let’s just go to the courthouse and be done with it.”
“Short term, it’s easier, but from this point on any of the lease paperwork post-renewal is going to require a lot of input from the spouse on file. For most of it we’ll need separate copies for you and I. Wouldn’t it be easier if everything was under your name?”
“Hm.” Jigen says noncommittally.
“Also worth mentioning,” Amado clears his throat, “in the second scenario, we don’t have to get legally married to each other.”
“Wouldn’t you need a marriage license in order to obtain a divorce decree?”
“Surprisingly, no.” Amado says. “It’s a shockingly underdeveloped system. You just have to submit a request, make a convincing case to a divorce lawyer, and they’ll authorize it within a week. If we could find someone to play a witness, it’d go a little faster, too.”
Jigen thinks about this for a moment. A long moment, during which Amado has enough time to consider the things he’s just said.
“Alright.” Jigen says. “We’d better hurry.”
-
So Amado hurriedly finds a divorce lawyer online with reasonable reviews and sets up an appointment for that evening. He’s desperate to get out of this marriage, he says. He feels trapped and smothered. Encouraged by Amado’s well crafted speech, the secretary on the phone bumps it up from 7:30 to 7.
Amado doesn’t really feel like hashing out a whole plan with Jigen, so he doesn’t, up until they are outside the lawyer’s door at 6:55 with a bewildered Code.
“I can’t imagine that she’s expecting us to be a fake couple.” Amado says. “So there’s not a lot to worry about. Let’s try and have some consistent backstory, though. We’ll just go as close to reality as possible. We’ve been together four years, you sought me out through work initially-”
“I initiated the relationship, naturally.” Jigen says, casually seated. He looks marginally out of place in the waiting room, if only due to the clashing colors of black-and-white versus purple-and-gold. There was no real reason for either of them to change out of what they had been wearing. Amado had forced Code to remove his cravat, however. Not even necessarily because it would blow any sort of cover. This is the most low stakes acting performance of their lives. Just because it annoys him to see sometimes.
“...alright, you initiated. One month ago.”
Jigen arches a brow.
“It was very sudden, and we both regret it.” Amado informs him. “I feel smothered.”
“Why am I here again?!” Code says thinly.
“Having a witness provide testimony will expedite the process.” Amado says. “Just agree with whatever we say. You can embellish a bit if you’d like, but not too much.”
“I-what process ?” Code says. He gestures violently to the door. “This is a divorce lawyer!”
Amado looks at Jigen. “You didn’t fill him in?”
Jigen shrugs placidly.
“...” Amado says. “Just let me do most of the talking, both of you.”
Code disrupts his bewilderment to scoff.
“Don’t talk to Lord Jigen like that. I won’t tolerate it. You are not his equal.”
“Don’t start on this again, Code…” Amado grumbles, rubbing his eyes. To everyone’s surprise, Jigen rises from his seat.
“He’s correct. I shouldn’t let such disrespect slide.” he approaches Amado, who almost takes a step back when he meets his eyes, and then actually takes a step back when he puts his hand on the back of Amado’s neck. “You’re my husband, after all. A rare privilege. You should defer to me.”
His grip tightens and he puts his mouth by Amado’s ear, continuing to speak very levelly and softly. “I own you, isn’t that right?”
“...”
The door to the lawyer’s office opens, and Jigen steps back, his hand lingering a second longer after that.
“The Ootsutsuki’s, I presume?” a woman says pleasantly. Jigen nods while Amado quickly regains his senses from whatever that was supposed to be . “I’m glad you could make it. Come in, come in.”
Amado follows Jigen into the office, wishing for a way to remove that stupid, shellshocked look from Code’s face as he trails behind.
-
“So, I heard this was a fairly urgent situation?” the lawyer says. Amado nods.
“We both want to get this over with and move on with our lives as quickly as possible.” he says, and leans forward to impart his next sentence confidentially. “I’m personally not sure how much longer I can take this.”
She nods sympathetically. “I understand. It’s difficult, to be confined by a bond that is no longer serving its purpose. Rest assured, you will be helped.”
The lawyer seems more than willing to buy whatever they’re about to tell her. Amado breathes a sigh of relief.
“Now, Jigen,” the lawyer abruptly pulls out a clipboard and a pen. “I’ve heard all about your spouse’s side of the story. Tell me, how do you feel about this divorce?”
“Hm.” Jigen tilts his head. “Well, I’m controlling.”
Silence.
Code seems to think he can chip in to help.
“He’s controlling.” he says.
The lawyer looks at both of their tempered, unfazed expressions, then at Amado with raised eyebrows.
“I, I mean-” Amado says, “he is- ”
“I’d say it’s for a reason, though.” Jigen continues. “Everything I do is for a reason. It benefits no one to let someone of his caliber roam free.”
“Hm.” the lawyer writes something down. “Can you elaborate on that?”
“He has a very specific skillset that services me.” Jigen says. Amado’s eye twitches. “Without him I would be distinctly disadvantaged.”
“I’m not allowed to leave the home without his direct supervision.” Amado jumps in. “It’s stifling.”
“Through what methods does he keep you inside? Locks, curfews…”
“Yes, well-”
“Shock collar.” Code says. Amado’s eye twitches again.
“Shock collar?” the lawyer does seem a bit aghast at that. She writes something else down.
“You must understand,” Jigen leans forward in his seat slightly, with a very calm, persuasive expression. Amado suddenly remembers that even in something as low stakes as this he was an idiot for believing that Jigen would adhere to semi-normative behavior. “I come from a very different culture. Marriage itself is a very foreign concept to me, as you humans see it.”
“Humans?”
“People.” Amado says through gritted teeth. “He meant people. He has a twisted, narcissistic worldview.”
Jigen turns on him. “You should be grateful I even offer you such meager attentions.” he says coldly. “You agreed to the terms, yet you spit in my face and suggest these separation procedures. After the lengths I have undergone to procure you and the lengths I am willing to go for your happiness.”
“Well, we both want the divorce,” Amado says, “ right ?”
Jigen clicks his teeth. “It would benefit me to remove myself from the likes of you. And yet the thought of allowing you this freedom stings. Shouldn’t I keep you, and punish you instead for this insolence?”
Amado stares him down. Jigen stares right back. What kind of character does he think he’s doing right now? Isn’t this too complex of a plot?
“There seem to be a lot of hurt feelings here.” the lawyer says diplomatically. “I’ve seen many such cases, where things have gotten very foul between the couple. But even then, I’ve seen miracles of redemption and forgiveness. Divorce isn’t always the final option, if there still seems to be love between you two…”
“No.” Amado says firmly. “No, there is no love.”
“You wound me.”
“Seriously, Jigen?” Amado says aloud. He provides a very genuine glare. “Are you saying you’re still in love with me?” each word is very pointed, presuming Jigen will take the points and get back on script. Another very stupid assumption.
Jigen tilts toward him and looks deep into his eyes.
“How could I not be?”
Behind them, Code loudly chokes out a sob.
“This is horrible.” he cries.
The lawyer, however, is looking at them with a very moved expression. Amado sees in Jigen’s sharp, wicked eyes, a twinkle of amusement.
He slaps him across the face.
It seems like a very good idea in the moment. Code leaps to his feet.
“How dare you-”
Jigen, feeling his jaw, holds up a hand to still him. It hadn’t been an incredibly harsh blow, just enough to startle. Considering their difference in strength, there’s no way it could have been more than a sting. His eyes seem to narrow dangerously. Amado feels a very real concern and regret, but reasons it away.
He does not want to do twice as much paperwork next year. This seems like sufficient motivation for slapping his overbearing, nigh-immortal otherworldly alien employer across the face.
When Jigen looks back up at Amado, it seems he is actually more amused than before. Code is literally bleeding fury from his ears, nose, and eyes, but what else is new, so Amado lets out a miniscule sigh of relief.
“Alright, let’s relax everyone.” the lawyer says, holding her palms out. “There’s no need to get physical.”
“You asshole! Why would you do that to Lord Jigen! You’re just taking advantage of the situation! I’ll tear you limb from limb!” he turns to the divorce lawyer. “Get them away from each other! I don’t want them to be married!”
Thank you, Code.
The lawyer shakes her head sadly. “It’s a shame to see two people with such a rift. Are you sure I can’t recommend you two to couples therapy?”
Amado envisions, for a moment, that he was a genuine perpetrator of domestic violence, and discerns that this woman is not very good at her job.
“What am I paying you for?” he says with no small irritation. “I have to literally beat him off of me. Just issue the divorce decree and be done with it.”
“You’ve always had a temper.” Jigen murmurs, gazing at Amado like he is on some separate thread of conversation or perhaps reality. “Ever so slight, and so well controlled, but it’s there. I find it quite adorable when you succumb.”
What is this development?!
Amado looks at him like; I will slap you again.
Jigen looks at him like this is hilarious.
Alright, Amado takes a moment to suppose his plan. There’s no reason for Jigen not to be onboard with the divorce, so it must be supposed that he is just playing it out and taking his own sick satisfaction in the process, with the ultimate end goal of acquiring the decree. The more Amado protests, the more likely he is to continue his current path. Jigen always prioritizes, if not his own survival, his own entertainment.
If he plays along, the spontaneity of his own reactions to Jigen’s needling will be null, and him rejecting Amado will become the new challenge.
Amado sighs, reminds himself that this is neither life nor death, and reaches out to touch Jigen’s face gently.
“I apologize.” he says, gazing realistically into Jigen’s eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Jigen blinks, and the end of his mouth twitches slightly, as self-satisfied a smile as Amado has ever seen on his face. Then he shoves Amado away roughly.
“It’s too late.” he says. “The damage has been done. You only crawl back with your tail between your legs after you’ve tasted blood. Why should I endure your cruelty?”
Amado raises his eyebrows and feigns shock.
“You’re done with me?”
“Are you sure?” the lawyer says. This woman.
“Are you sure?” Amado echoes. He tries to look vulnerable, but not very hard. Jigen doesn’t spare him a glance, instead coolly facing forward.
“Your lies and manipulations end here. You understand perfectly well why I treat you as I do, yet you defame me here as a monster. I’ve made great efforts to overcome the culture difference, as well as the differences in our maturity and intellect, all for naught. Let the record show I have never wantonly restricted you.” he says, then after a moment of thought, adds, “and it’s not a shock collar. It has another purpose, in the bedroom.”
Amado and Code simultaneously spit up blood.
The lawyer nods sadly and crosses out the word ‘shock collar’ on her notes.
“I see. If you two are really certain, it’s my duty to make sure you can peacefully separate. I hope you understand, once you have this divorce decree authorized, it will prevent any future contracts between the two of you. This is very final.”
Amado is still at a loss of words. Jigen speaks up solemnly. “I understand. Thank you for your assistance.”
The lawyer pulls out a couple pieces of paper, shuffles through, and lays one down in front of them.
“You two can just sign here,” she says, “...unless there are any final objections…?”
There certainly are not. Amado picks up a pen, but Jigen stills his hand before he can sign.
Amado looks at him quizzically, to find that Jigen has pulled close to him, and even thumbs Amado’s chin gently, tilting his head so they can look in each other's eyes.
Jigen glances down, then up, slowly, and finally moves away.
“Nothing.” he says blandly. “The spark is gone.”
Having completed this final bit, he takes the pen from Amado and signs the paper.
Amado signs as well.
Code’s tears of hatred are alleviated, he seems to have forgotten the completely fake premise and jumps with genuine joy out of his seat at their divorce.
“Good riddance!” he snaps.
“I’ll have the decree sent to you within the week.” the lawyer says as she courteously shows them the door. “If you have any further questions, feel free to call.”
“Of course.” Jigen says. “Thank you.”
The return to the waiting room, which is now inhabited by a few other couples, all sullenly ignoring one another. Jigen, Amado, and Code are able to pass by them without any incident.
It’s not often that Amado has the presence of mind to feel embarrassed, much less regarding a successful plan he has just conceived and executed, but the energy is a little weird, so he at least feels awkward.
That is, until Jigen turns to face him, and he remembers that the other doesn’t even know what embarrassment is, much less ‘violation of some sort of pre-established boundary’.
“Your acting was slightly better than I anticipated, Amado.” he says.
“Yes, well, now we can get the lease properly filed.” Amado says diplomatically. “I’m glad. Saves me a lot of work, in the long run.”
“So, what, you’re divorced now?” Code glares at Amado. “You should file a restraining order too, Lord Jigen.”
“We were never married.” Jigen says.
“Right.” Code blinks. “That’s what I thought.” he doesn’t sound certain of this thought of his.
“Code, go on ahead to the base and get my dinner order prepared in the west wing.” Jigen says. “It’s getting late, after all.”
“Yes, Lord Jigen!” Code rushes off. Amado and Jigen are left standing there alone together, which Amado isn’t thrilled about.
Amado decides to start walking to their airship after Code. Jigen only obligingly follows, so he says, against his will, “Was there something else you wanted to talk about?”
“Regarding your little theater?” Jigen says. Amado would like to protest at the appointment of ownership, but it actually was his idea, so there’s not a lot he can say. “Not particularly. Why? Do you feel,” he pauses, “unresolved?”
It’s hard to know what he means by that but Amado doesn’t like the sound. He shakes his head exasperatedly.
“Hm.” Jigen reaches towards him menacingly, grabbing the back of his neck the way he had in the waiting room.
“We should do something like that again in the future.” he says. Very intimately close to his face, into his ear, he adds, “I like to see you squirm.”
Then he casually separates and carries on to the airship.
Amado stands there for a moment, wondering if all that was worth it.
Probably not.