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When it came to literature, Eiai Nano couldn’t exactly describe herself as a fanatic. Yes, her fluency in both her native and foreign language was undeniable; that much was certain, and yet, she still never read any books unless it could be used as an information-dense encyclopedia of knowledge. To Nano, a book was only as useful as the knowledge it provided her. Any page that was deemed to be useless was to be thrown out, and if a whole book were considered useless… It had no right to be even thought of by her. Any item that did not provide a strict advantage was to be considered trash by her.
Everything was flipped on its head, however, when Aijou Rentarou entered her life.
With a single conversation and the feeling of a spark traveling through her nervous system, every single moment of her perfectly curated life became meaningless. Throughout her entire existence, she had denied herself friendships, simple pleasures, even the concept of emotions itself, all to achieve what she saw as perfection… And yet her whole worldview cracked at the first sight of the boy.
A part of Nano knew that her endless quest for perfection was all a ruse in a way. She always had trouble expressing her feelings, and the habit of striving and working only for perfection was something that was admittedly inspired by the metaphorical robots she was compared to. And each time she worked tirelessly to achieve a perfect score, to impress others, it gave her a secret sense of pride. Perfection was her lifeline. It was her one constant, her ability to sacrifice every meaningless thing so she could always be standing at the top kept her in control of herself. She didn’t need friends. She didn’t need emotions. She was in control, and that’s all that mattered to her.
And what was once a goal for perfection turned into an endless cycle. When exactly she had fully slipped into this scheduled, planned out life, she had no idea, and yet she had no need to stop it. It was comfortable to live a life this rigid, to have no freedom of personal self, all she needed was the stability of the perfection that her own habits had created.
Yet, Rentarou not only cracked her worldview, but ended up completely shattering it. It was a one-way mirror that she had found herself staring into, and as it was broken into hundreds of shards, the sight of her own reflection and the cramped room she was in turned into that of the outside world, with Rentarou reaching his hand through the window, beckoning her to join both him and his eccentric collection of girlfriends.
Nano took his hand and escaped the cramped life she had built for herself.
However, humans are creatures of habit. The fresh air of the outside world can feel like a suffocating toxin if your body cannot handle the sudden change. Nano found herself crawling back to her old habits in no time; her routine was too set, and the addition of a lover was not enough to get her to break it.
This never angered him though; in fact, all of the girlfriends that he had and were to meet were also accepting of the fact that Nano lived her life like this. Perfection-obsessed as she was, she was not forced to change herself, and it was something she found herself incredibly thankful for. To simply see the outside world through her broken window was enough for her; the rays of sun could shine a light in the dark room, but she was never at risk of being burnt.
That was how Nano saw her life as it continued, now with Rentarou being a factor. Things were nice, she learned to appreciate a few things here and there, now that her obsession with perfection was no longer the stagnant, suffocating air that it once was. Starting with love, her emotions began to return to her, and while she still struggled with genuinely expressing those emotions, she was making strides.
And one of the first emotions she allowed herself to feel again was curiosity; specifically, a curiosity involving a certain Yoshimoto Shizuka. Shizuka was an intriguing girl, so shy to the point of being practically mute, yet the statements she made through her phone’s text-to-speech app shone with a confidence that one would not expect from her. Every action that girl made came from a place of passion. Nano never would have expected that a girl who can’t speak would be one of the most expressive people she knew. Each time they made eye contact, she would give Nano the most sincere, heartfelt smile.
It made Nano’s heart flutter in an all too familiar way.
Once again, someone stood at the broken window. But while Aijou Rentarou had broken the one-way mirror that kept her trapped and offered his hand for her to pull her out of her perfection-obsessed life and show her the outside world, Yoshimoto Shizuka simply peeked her head in with a smile and a wave.
Eiai Nano climbed out of the window’s frame on her own accord. She would learn more about Shizuka, she promised herself.
Never in a million years would Nano have imagined that she would begin reading novels. So many books of all types of genres filled her mind, fantasy, thrillers, horror… romance. She would read any book that Shizuka would recommend to her, and for a period of time, she could abandon her old perfect life and escape into the stories that each novel told before she inevitably crawled back into her safe routine. It was… a breath of fresh air for her. Fresh air that didn’t feel toxic in her lungs.
Nano began to look forward to each new book Shizuka recommended to her, and she started to look forward to consulting Shizuka herself. Nano found herself unusually enamored by the girl in a way that she had not felt since meeting Rentarou. The way she frantically tapped on her phone’s screen to have the text-to-speech app to ramble about the books she so loved, the way her face would convey exactly what she felt without the need for words, and (she has Rentarou to thank for pointing this one out to her) the way her toes move differently depending on what she’s reading. The way her eyes lit up whenever Nano told her that she had finished a book was a sight that constantly took up necessary space in her brain… But Nano didn’t mind sacrificing a little bit of perfection to think about that. She had finally found another thing important to her.
“Yoshimoto Shizuka.” The name that she spoke was one that seemed to be exiting her lips quite a lot, recently. “I once again have finished another book that you recommended to me.” She watched expectantly for the look of pure joy to shine through the girl’s blue eyes, only to feel confusion well up inside of her chest as the bright sparkle she’s used to witnessing is simply dull and depressing on this occasion.
“Ah,” ”I thank you,” ”Nano.” Shizuka attempted to give her a smile, but Nano knew what one of Shizuka’s smiles looked like, so her attempt to fake one was fruitless, to say the least.
A wide range of emotions found themselves rushing through Nano’s head, from the initial confusion of noticing Shizuka’s attitude, to the disappointment of not seeing that smile, then to the worry of knowing that something is wrong, and even the anger of a likely assumption of what may be happening, all concealed behind a cool, motionless face. “Yoshimoto Shizuka, is it something to do with your mother again?”
Shizuka violently shook her head at the question, which immediately quelled the worry that Nano had over Shizuka’s mother not being accepting of her own daughter once again. “No, it is a different situation” “That does not involve” “My mother.” “I do appreciate your concern, however.”
“Then what is troubling you?” The question seemed to make Shizuka clam up a little bit, slouching her shoulders and fiddling with her hands a little bit. Immediately, Nano recognized it as body language that expressed anxiety, even the possibility of slight fear. Whatever it was that Shizuka was feeling, Nano realized that it must have been important. It seemed that directly asking the girl was not the approach to take, so instead, she settled on being more gentle. “I apologize. It was insensitive of me to ask so bluntly.”
“Please do not apologize,” “Nano!” “I do wish to tell you my struggle,” “But I simply cannot find the words for it” “As of now…”
“Ah, I see.” Nano’s words fell flat as the conversation quickly died out. The two of them were left with an indescribable awkwardness as Nano was not sure how to recover from such a situation, and Shizuka was simply too nervous to. However, it was surprisingly Shizuka that managed to pick the discussion back up, despite her anxiety.
“Are you leaving for home?” She asked as she looked up at her. Another aspect of Shizuka that occupies Nano’s mind was making itself known, that being their very noticeable difference in height.
Nano simply responded with a nod. “Yes. I plan to go to my house and study.”
“I see.” “I was going to ask you if you” “Would have liked to” “Rest at my abode,” “As I find it easier to” “Express my worries there.” “But… I do not wish to” “Take time from your studies.”
Nano inhaled deeply at this sentence. This was Shizuka, a person she cared for deeply after forgetting how to care for something for the longest time. She knew what the light from outside looked like, and she refused to deny it.
“I wish to go to your house, Yoshimoto Shizuka.”
After the initial surprise played out on Shizuka’s face, her eyes lit up in that familiar way that Nano could not stop thinking about.
“Let us go, then!”
The walk to Shizuka’s house was not a long one, a fact that Shizuka was grateful for, given her weak athletic ability and frankly horrendous stamina. “Welcome to my abode,” “Nano!”
“Thank you, Yoshimoto Shizuka.” It appeared to her that Shizuka’s mother was not home; a common occurrence, according to what Shizuka had told her. Nano began to lift her shirt off, something that caused Shizuka to violently shake her head as she frantically rushed over to pull Nano’s shirt back down, which caused their eyes to meet: A red, flustered face staring at a calm, unreadable one. “When you said that you would feel more comfortable discussing your issue in your house, were you not referring to the time we bathed together?”
“I was most certainly” “Not referring to that!” “Please, woman, keep your robes on! I have no interest in those activities!”
“Ah. I apologize then. Why did you want to come back here to your house, then?” Shizuka didn’t even verbally respond, opting instead to lead Nano back to her bedroom. Nano took the desk chair that was there and turned it to face the bed, which is where Shizuka had decided to plant herself. “You have a nice bedroom. I enjoy the way it is decorated.”
A small look of surprise formed on Shizuka’s face, followed by an inaudible giggle. “I never thought I’d see the day where I’d hear you say that,” “Of all things.” Her quick giggle quickly stopped however when she saw Nano stare down at the ground, furrowing her brow.
“I understand that, Yoshimoto Shizuka. For the majority of my life, I held the belief that I would never express an emotion like that. And yet, now, after meeting Aijou Rentarou, my whole world has changed. When I first felt love, I desired more.” Nano found herself bringing her knees to her chest. What am I saying? She thought to herself as she began to ramble.
Deep down though, she knew what was happening. Her facade was fully dropping, and she was consciously willing it to happen.
“I wanted to feel these emotions more, but I had worked myself into a hole I never could’ve imagined dragging myself out of. I couldn’t get used to feeling so full of emotions for so long. I went back to my routined behavior. I wish I could just… stop.”
“Nano,” “Will you come sit with me” “On my bed?” Nano looked up to see Shizuka, an expression of sympathy plastered across her face. “If there is one thing I would like, it is” “To hold you in my arms.”
Nano nodded and walked over to Shizuka’s bed, plopping herself right next to the girl. Almost immediately, she felt a pair of petite, frail arms wrap around her torso, and a head rest against her chest. “I understand you are struggling.” “I do not know what it is worth,” “But I offer my support as you” “Figure things out.”
“... I do not think you understand how much your words mean to me, Yoshimoto Shizuka.” With that, Nano wrapped her arms around the small girl, and they held each other in that embrace, both of them not letting go as if held there by some silent promise. “I apologize. I came here to listen to your worries, not for you to listen to mine.”
“It’s quite alright.” “After hearing you open up about” “What’s on your mind,” “I feel inspired to do the same.” “In fact, I fear that” “My worries are” “Not nearly as impactful as yours!” She ended her sentence with a small giggle, and then Nano heard the small thump of something falling on the bed.
“Was that your phone?” Nano asked, her ears twitching at the sound. “Allow me to-”
“N-No…” Nano’s eyes widened as she heard the faint sound of Shizuka’s voice. “I w-want to t-tell you this m-myself. N-Nano, p-please promise that y-you will not hate me f-for this-"
“I could never possibly hate you, Shizuka.” Nano’s arms tightened around Shizuka. It was true, no matter what she were to say or do, she would always admire this girl for the rest of time.
“Th-Thank you… Th-The thing is, I- I believe I h-hold feelings n-not j-just for Rentarou, b-but for… y-you as well…” Shizuka’s voice was barely audible as the words stumbled out of her mouth, but to Nano, it might have been as loud as an explosion right in her ear. She felt the girl she was hugging scramble to grab her phone, so she shifted to give her easier access to it. “I sincerely apologize for” “Overstepping boundaries” “I know we are not but friends” “And I imagine your shock is immeasurable,” “But I felt bad for keeping this secret for so long” “And I needed to get it off of my chest…”
Nano loosened her arms around the girl, letting Shizuka go from her hug. She looked into those shining blue eyes, she looked at that face wet from tears. And yet, even through the tears, Shizuka smiled. She smiled that smile that Nano always thought of.
“Yoshimoto Shizuka, I have never been adept at expressing how I feel, much less in a subtle way, so I do apologize for my bluntness. However, I cannot think of any other way to convey my emotions.”
Shizuka looked to the side, clearly looking like she was expecting a flat rejection, but instead, a slender hand gently took her chin and turned her head back to face Nano as she leaned in to kiss the girl on the lips. Shizuka’s eyes widened, but they quickly closed in a mixture of relief and pure overwhelming joy as their lips connected, with the tears that ran down her face being gently wiped away by Nano.
After what seemed like forever, Nano finally pulled herself away, looking to the side in an attempt to hide the redness on her face. “Your lips… they’re quite soft, Yoshimoto Shizuka.” Shizuka’s face flushed even more at Nano’s comment, and she hid her face in her phone as she tapped in the words she wanted to say.
“If you are to kiss me and declare your devotion to me,” “Then please, refer to me by my first name.”
“I see. Then… Shizuka, I would like to kiss you again.” Nano said as she leaned in for another long kiss with Shizuka.
Even if Nano had been trapped in a cramped life made by her own doing, even if she could never escape it despite her longing to, it was okay with her. She had those she loved and cared for by her side to make the outside world just a little bit less suffocating for her, and she couldn’t ask for anything greater than that.