Work Text:
Once upon a time - last Tuesday in fact - there was a little man in a little shop in a little alley in Shimokitazawa. Tomorrow it will be selling cell phone straps and twenty years ago it was selling dancing shoes, but last Tuesday it was selling glasses and that’s what Nakai went inside to buy.
Nakai was a man who laughed and danced and sang. He made his living by making other people want to laugh and dance and sing. Last Tuesday, Nakai had a song to learn. But to read the words to the song he needed glasses, and his glasses were broken.
Nakai happened to be walking down the little alley and he saw the glasses in the window of the little shop so he went inside.
“Will you fix my glasses?” he asked the little man, but the little man said, “No.”
He didn’t fix glasses. He only sold new ones. “Will you buy a pair?” asked the little man.
Nakai was in a quite a hurry and had quite a lot of money in his wallet. So he said, “Yes.”
He asked the little man for a pair of glasses that would make him look sexy. And the little man sold him exactly that.
The first time Nakai put the glasses on, he got mobbed by schoolgirls. It was only when he swapped them for his sunglasses that he managed to get away.
The second time Nakai put the glasses on, three of his four best friends started acting very strangely.
His best friend Shingo hugged him tightly, tried to kiss him, and asked him to come live at his flat.
His best friend Tsuyoshi took Nakai’s hand, declared that he had always loved him, and then proposed.
His best friend Kimura took a photograph of Nakai with his phone, emailed it to his wife, and suggested a threesome.
But his best friend Goro was just as astonished as Nakai was.
The singing rehearsal was a total disaster but when the dance rehearsal began Nakai took off his glasses and three of his four best friends blinked and looked confused and stopped acting strangely.
Afterwards, Nakai asked Goro: “What’s going on?!”
Goro said, “I think it’s the glasses.”
The third time Nakai put the glasses on he was at the front door of a girl called Kumi. Nakai liked Kumi and he thought if he wore the glasses she couldn’t resist him. So he knocked.
“What are you doing here?” said Kumi.
She wasn’t acting like three of his four best friends. She was acting like Goro: completely normally. So Nakai mumbled some excuse, took off the glasses, and went away.
Nakai called Goro and asked, “Why don’t the glasses work on you and Kumi?”
Goro thought for a bit. Then he said, “Maybe neither of us like boys.”
Nakai went back to Shimokitazawa. He went down the little alley and into the little shop and up to the little man and shouted, “You didn’t warn me they were MAGIC megane!”
But the little man smiled and said, “I don’t sell megane. I sell dried persimmons.”
When Nakai looked around, he saw it was true. But that only made him more angry. “I’m going to report you to the police!” he said.
But Nakai was too embarrassed to report him to the police, and when he made Goro come with him the next day for moral support, the little shop was gone. So Nakai flung the magic megane down a drain.
And he never complained that his glasses weren’t sexy again.
THE END!