Chapter Text
“Mark, where are you?” Donghyuck called from the entryway of his apartment. “We’re gonna be late.”
“Coming!” Mark’s distant shout bounced off the blank white walls. They’d moved in a month ago and neither of them had found the time to decorate.
Mark and Donghyuck’s sophomore season in Formula One was off to a promising start. With one year under their belts and a better handle on the steep plummet excitement could take to exhaustion over the course of such a long working period, Donghyuck thought he’d cleared the worst of the learning curve and Mark thought he would never stop pinching himself.
Mark stumbled into view down the hallway and Donghyuck watched amusedly as he tried to stuff his team coat into his backpack while walking.
“Your hair is all messed up,” Donghyuck chided once Mark was close enough to touch. He reached out and swiped Mark’s bangs out of his eyes. Mark grumbled at his fussing; Donghyuck flicked him on the forehead.
“You got everything?”
Mark appeared disgruntled.
“Are you my Mom?”
“She actually did call me earlier to make sure you were awake. She said you weren’t answering your phone,” Donghyuck relayed.
“Us becoming neighbors was a bad idea wasn’t it?”
Donghyuck pressed a hand to his heart.
“I’m hurt. You mean you don’t want to hang out with me 24/7?”
“We basically do anyway,” Mark reminded him. And Mark didn’t know why he was pretending that wasn’t his dream arrangement.
“Yeah well, we’re basically gonna be late if we don’t leave now.”
Mark glanced at his watch. That was another thing, they had fancy watches now courtesy of the team sponsors and neither Mark nor Donghyuck could fully smother the smug smile that wanted to break through every time they remembered the several hundred thousand euros on their wrists.
“Fuck,” Mark exclaimed when he saw the time.
“I’ve been saying,” Donghyuck replied as they jogged down the hall.
“Shut up,” Mark retorted playfully; smile on his face, warm hands on Donghyuck’s chest as he shoved him back laughing into the elevator.
---
The media loved whenever Mark and Donghyuck arrived at the track in the same car. The narrative that they were childhood friends and rivals turned professional friends and rivals was almost too good to be true.
“Mark! Mark! How is RedBull feeling about the weekend?”
Mark smoothed on his best smile before turning his head to answer the question.
“Well, Monaco is always a tricky one, but it’s also quite rewarding if you can put everything together for qualifying, so we’ll have to wait and see.”
Donghyuck snorted at the vague and clearly scripted answer. Mark shot him a dirty look out the corner of his eye where the cameras couldn’t see. They pushed through the turnstiles at the paddock entrance in unison.
“Donghyuck, what do you have to say about the rumors that you’re headed to RedBull next season?”
Donghyuck smiled a little less innocently than Mark had.
“Well I’m good looking and fast so I can see why they’d want me,” he drawled. “But I’m happy where I am.”
And the reporter was so dazed by the glare of Donghyuck’s full attention that he didn’t notice the way Mark’s look of horror reddened into a blush.
---
Qualifying was about as successful as it could’ve been for Mark; he took P1.
Qualifying was almost as successful as it could have been for Donghyuck; he took P2.
Mark finished up his post-qualifying interview and handed the sweaty microphone off to Donghyuck. He clapped him on the shoulder as he made his way past with a consoling hand that Donghyuck internalized more like condescension. Donghyuck swallowed his sour mood and preened for the camera, but the weight of Mark’s touch on his shoulder lingered; he pretended the imprint didn’t feel like the chip he feared was growing there.
---
By the time Donghyuck caught up with Mark at the marina, the sun was setting on the worn wooden planks and he felt calmer. Mark was pressing his palms to a bucket of ice with two bottles jammed in up to their necks. Donghyuck came to dangle his legs over the side of the pier beside him.
Mark acknowledged his arrival by pulling both beers out of the bucket and popping off the caps against the sharp wooden corner. He passed one wordlessly to Donghyuck.
“Shouldn’t you be more excited?” Donghyuck inquired.
Mark’s eyes when he turned his head were full of nerves.
“I am excited.”
Donghyuck rolled his eyes.
“Well don’t tone it down for my sake. I’ll get you next weekend. I'm not worried about it.”
Mark let his shoulders slump and a more genuine smile replaced the small quivering thing pushing at the purse of his lips. Donghyuck found he was easily able to match Mark’s expression. Donghyuck the racing driver could be frustrated later, Donghyuck the Mark Lee fanboy was thrumming with anticipation at the prospect of his favorite driver winning Monaco tomorrow.
---
Donghyuck pulled his gloves on and cleared the final straggling thoughts out of his head.
The formation lap went smoothly. As the car came to rest on the grid, Donghyuck visualized the start in his mind. If he was going to overtake Mark this was virtually the only time to do it. He exhaled slowly; then he was ready.
The lights went out.
Three things happened in quick succession. First, Donghyuck reacted faster, second, he registered that he’d reacted faster, and third, he shoved his way forward, determined to pass, straight into Mark’s sidepod.
The problem with ending up in the wall out of the lead in Monaco was the fact that eighteen other cars were imminently going to barrel past in the air-tight, asphalt-hard channel of the track without enough warning to dodge a car-length obstacle protruding out of the barriers. And two seconds after the start, Donghyuck and Mark were both in the wall out of the lead in Monaco.
The next few moments came back to Donghyuck hours, days, weeks later, in flashbacks and nightmares.
There was smoke coming out of his steering wheel. Someone hit his front wing and spun his rear toward the racing line. Another car dodged Donghyuck and scraped up against Mark on the other side. There was nowhere for either of them to go. Donghyuck froze, took his hands off the wheel, closed his eyes, and prayed. Red flag, red flag, red flag. Someone tell them we’re in the wall. They have to red flag it. Is Mark okay? I said is Mark okay?
---
Donghyuck rested his elbows on his knees and ignored the sting where his joint dug into muscle. He waited.
The sound of shuffling footsteps filtered in through the pressure in Donghyuck’s ears. He lifted his head immediately. Mark’s red-rimmed eyes matched his own. Donghyuck flinched back when he noticed the oxidized stain of blood wiped away under Mark’s nose.
“Mark — ” Donghyuck started but his voice failed when he saw the brimming tears in Mark’s eyes. Mark pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his chin up like it would coax them back inside.
“It’s fine, I’m fine, sorry,” Mark hurried to ward off Donghyuck’s concern.
Donghyuck didn’t know what to say. They fell into a charged silence.
“Well, it was bound to happen eventually,” Donghyuck joked weakly.
Mark coughed up a wet laugh.
“Yeah.”
“Mark I — ” Donghyuck tried again but Mark wasn’t done.
“I don’t think I can do this,” he murmured quietly. Donghyuck didn’t like how sure he sounded.
“What do you mean?”
“We’re going to crash again, it’s inevitable. We’re racing drivers and that’s fine, but I don’t want to feel this way every time.”
“Mark, you know I can’t promise it’ll never happen again.” Donghyuck wanted Mark to stop looking like Donghyuck was hurting him because Donghyuck would never hurt him.
“I know, I’m not asking you to.” Mark sounded helpless.
“It’s not like I wanted us to crash.” Donghyuck was having trouble convincing himself.
“I never said that. I don’t think you did.” Mark just wanted to be held.
“Good.” Donghyuck wanted to hold him.
“I just wanted to know what you thought,” Mark admitted tiredly.
“I don’t understand.” Donghyuck frowned.
“Nevermind.”
“No, not nevermind.”
“Donghyuck—” Mark cut himself off in frustration and then tried again, quieter this time. “I don’t think I can fight you like I have to when I feel the way I do…about you.”
“Okay, so what are you saying?” Donghyuck implored, mystified.
Mark was at a loss for words. This wasn’t going the way he wanted. He stared hard at the floor between them.
“I need to feel…less.”
Donghyuck could read between those lines.
“Okay, see you around,” he dismissed tightly; like Mark was one of the other drivers and not the only person he was sure he couldn’t live without.