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There were a lot of things that kept Mizuki up at night. From the usual stress of having to finish the ridiculous amount of assignments that were given out every day in university, to more personal problems, laying in their bed wide awake was not uncommon for the pink hair. The somewhat obnoxious sound of the air conditioner blended into background noise as the hours passed by and the light breathing of their partner next to them felt almost like part of their routine on days like this. It was comforting.
Mizuki lets out a small sigh and moves from the uncomfortable sitting position they were in. Shoulders slumped, they rack through their mind, remembering all the tricks and advice Mafuyu gave them for insomnia.
Meditation…there’s also exercise…but I can’t really do that without waking Mafuyu up and she barely sleeps as it is…plus I don’t want to sweat before going to bed…should I just go and take a bath? It helps me relax…
They look over at the sleeping figure next to them, the moonlight illuminating Mafuyu’s purple hair and making it look silkier than it usually did. Before they knew it, Mizuki was already gently holding a strand of Mafuyu’s hair. They thought of everything they went through in high school. From the moment Niigo formed, to Yuki’s sudden disappearance and to Mafuyu’s words when they first met in the empty Sekai. “You want to disappear more than anyone else.” It was the cold truth that they tried so hard to ignore and mask but she saw through them. She was the only one to notice. Mizuki felt unsettled at the time but they knew now that Mafuyu noticing them, the real Akiyama Mizuki, was just as joyful as it was dreadful. Being happy someone noticed the real you. Being afraid someone noticed who you were trying to hide. Being noticed for who you are. It wasn’t an experience that had good memories. But Mafuyu didn’t care.
Mafuyu was the same.
It started off as what felt like a one sided understanding. Mafuyu didn’t know who she truly was because she spent all her time and energy pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Mizuki understood how painful that really was. Mafuyu struggled with expressing herself. Mizuki understood how hard it was after being rejected constantly. They understood and it made it impossible for them to keep quiet.
By the time Mizuki had noticed it was more than what they originally thought it was, they were too far gone. It was laughable to the current Mizuki now. How did they not notice? Did they really think that wanting to be a safe place to someone to the point of being willing to face their own issues to grow as a person was simply platonic? It wasn’t. Not to Mizuki. And the fact that they only noticed after finding out their words helped Mafuyu enough to be materialised in the Sekai was funny to them.
Well, it didn’t matter. In the end, the one they were holding onto under the moonlight of a sleepless night was none other than Mafuyu.
“You’re smiling.”
Mizuki jumps slightly, not expecting her to be awake. They glance up and see Mafuyu staring at them with her usual blank stare. It seemed that old habits were hard to break, even as they moved away and Mafuyu’s gentle smile became a common occurrence.
“I mean, have you seen who’s next to me? Who wouldn’t smile?”
Mafuyu shakes her head slightly, the corner of her lips raising slightly at their beloved’s antics. Mafuyu then raises her hand to their cheek, the ring on her left hand sparkling brightly. Mizuki automatically nuzzles agaisnt her hand, savouring the small gesture of affection.
They remain silent for a while, Mizuki with their eyes closed while Mafuyu absentmindedly traces circles on their cheeks. They were tempted to tell her to trace hearts instead but they knew Mafuyu would just roll over and go back to sleep so they decided against it and soaked in Mafuyu’s warm hands, the coolness of her ring serving as a firm reminder of their current relationship, making Mizuki feel almost giddy. Almost. The sudden pain from Mafuyu pulling their cheek took over before they could.
“You have early classes tomorrow. Go to sleep.”
Mizuki slaps away Mafuyu’s hand and pouts dramatically.
“You know I live in the present! I’ll deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes!”
Mafuyu gives them the look and raises her eyebrows.
“If memory serves me right, a certain someone vowed to never sleep late yesterday after missing the train.”
Mizuki puts a hand on their chest, gasping dramatically.
“What!? Who would ever say such nonsense!?”
The little smile Mafuyu lets out makes them feel like they could run a marathon but it’s gone just as fast as it appears. She holds her arm out and Mizuki doesn’t hesitate. It was nice, being in the arms of someone you loved, someone who loved you back. It was nice having somewhere to belong. It was ironic, really. They wanted to become someone who could make Mafuyu feel at ease but instead, Mafuyu was the one who made them feel at ease. A small, selfish part of them hoped that her soft heartbeat and the gentle hands running through their hair meant she felt the same way.
Now being held by their partner, the time where sleep evaded them felt like hours away. They felt safe. Mafuyu’s breathing and her heartbeat were like a lullaby that wrapped Mizuki in a warm and comfortable blanket. It was in moments like this that Mizuki couldn’t help but be grateful for their past self, for the one who kept hoping even when things got tough. The one who let them get to this point.
Doing your best wasn’t worthless after all.