Chapter Text
一．哥哥
1.床
我爬上了哥哥的床，轻轻地，蹑手蹑脚地。没有吵醒他。
哥哥的床不是很大，至少相较于我的那张而言。床靠着窗子窝在房间的角落里。房间里只有他的呼吸声，和他放在床头柜上缓缓转着的电扇发出的，轻微的嗡嗡声。暖黄色的阳光从白色的窗帘中隐约透出来一些，映着房间里都是暖色的柔和。我想靠的更近一些，哥哥。
幸运的是，哥哥今天睡在了床的内侧。不过很奇怪，平常我在他睡熟后打开他的房门，他的身体几乎会占据整个床面。不过我没有多想，掀开他被子的一角，躺在了他的身边，然后把被子盖盖好。哥哥身上的味道，几乎把我整个人都包裹住了，好幸福。自从什么时候开始，哥哥就再也不敢拥抱我了。好奇怪，哥哥，是感受到我浓烈的爱意了么。你也会害怕吗。
他乳白色的被子上有阳光。像是焦糖，要把两只肮脏的老鼠溺死。哥哥，你其实不像外表那样的一尘不染吧，你内心也像我这样龌龊不堪吧。我不明白他为什么要拒绝我的爱。
哥哥的睫毛很浓，眉毛也是，嘴唇是他脸上最性感的地方之一，像花瓣一样的唇形，让我好想吻上去。哥哥，我好爱你啊。我想伸手去触碰他。有时我疑心他是不是一个泡影，在我触碰后就会破裂。我不想失去他，所以我时常忍住。哥哥皱眉头了，他肯定能感受到我的视线，他会厌恶吗，他会觉得恶心吗......我感觉自己在颤抖。
不过我强迫自己盯着他。
大约半分钟后他睁开了眼睛。美丽的哥哥的眼睛。要是这双眼睛永远只注视着我就好了。
不过我不喜欢他接下来的表情，没有感情的，冰冷的眼神。我好害怕。我不甘心啊。凭什么，凭什么连你也不要我了。我几乎是扑过去抱住他的头并且吃掉了他的嘴唇。哥哥。
差劲的结局。我们的嘴唇接触不超过五秒钟，他就猛的把我推开了。我的肩膀撞上了床头板。好痛，哥哥。他看起来有些慌乱。
“你也觉得我恶心吗，哥哥。”我还是死死盯着他的眼睛，想从里面找出一点他也爱我的证据。
“我们这样是不对的......”你也从来只会说这一句话。
“我恨你。你应该在我上床之前把我赶走的，哥哥，你应该狠心一些。”
我又踩上我毛茸茸的拖鞋。离开了哥哥的房间。房间里的阳光的颜色已经淡下去了，冷下去了。我想拥抱我的哥哥。
我贪恋着他给予的温暖，但我们的关系就也只能是止步于此了。我也许会像该隐一样杀死我优秀的兄弟。我嫉妒他纯白的外表。我想腐蚀他的灵魂。我想让他和我一起沉沦在，被人唾弃的畸形的爱里。我离不开他。我的兄长。我的爱人。我的哥哥。我肮脏的幻想。
楼下传来关门的声音，他最终还是离开了。
我恨你。我恨你。我恨你。
English Version!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bed
I climbed into my brother's bed, gently, tiptoe and didn't wake him up.
My brother's bed wasn't very big, at least compared to mine. The bed is tucked against the window in the corner of the room. The only sound in the room was the sound of his breathing and the slight hum of his fan, which was slowly rotating on the nightstand. The warm yellow sunlight peeped through the white curtains, reflecting the soft color of the room. I want to get closer, brother.
Luckily, my brother slept in the back of the bed today. But it was strange, usually when I opened his door after he was asleep, his body would almost take up the whole bed. But I did not think much, lifted a corner of his quilt, lay down beside him, and then cover the quilt. The smell from my brother's body almost wrapped my whole person.I am so happy. It was a long time since my brother last hugged me . Strange, brother, did you feel my strong love? Will guys like you also be afraid of my love?
There was sunlight on his milky quilt. Like caramel, about to drown two filthy rats. Brother, you are not as spotless as you look, and your heart is as dirty as mine. I don't understand why he refused my love.
My brother's eyelashes are very thick, so are his eyebrows, and his lips are one of the sexiest places on his face, and their petal-like lips make me want to kiss them. Brother, I love you so much. I wanted to reach out and touch him. Sometimes I wonder if he's a bubble that bursts when I touch him. I didn't want to lose him, so I held back. He frowned, he must feel my sight, will he be disgusted, will he feel sick...... ? I felt like I was shaking.
But I forced myself to keep an eye on him.
About half a minute later he opened his eyes. Beautiful eyes of him . If only those eyes were always focused on me.
But I didn't like his next look, the emotionless, icy look. I'm so scared. I'm not reconciled. Why? Why don't you even want me. I almost jumped on his head and ate his lips. Brother.....don’t give me up.
A bad story ending. Our lips touched for no more than five seconds before he pushed me away violently. My shoulder hit the headboard. It hurts, brother. He looked flustered.
"Do you think I'm disgusting too, brother?" I still stared into his eyes, looking for evidence that he loved me back.
"This is not right for us to ......" That's all you ever say.
'I hate you. You should have pushed me away before I sat on your bed, brother. You should have been unkind. '
I stepped on my fluffy slippers again and left my brother's room. The colour of the sunlight in the room had faded and it was getting cold. I want to hug my brother.
I covet the warmth he gives, but our relationship can only stop there. I may kill my wonderful brother as Cain did. I envy his pure white appearance. I want to corrupt his soul. I want him to sink with me in the misshapen love of being spurned. I can't leave him. My brother. My love. My brother. My dirty fantasy.
There was the sound of a door closing downstairs, and he finally left.