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jimin is pretty sure he's having some kind of doped out, hyper-realistic lucid dream because the conversation he just overheard is too ridiculous to be real.
all he'd done was walk into his friends' apartment bearing gifts because his mother taught him to have manners unlike jeongguk who always barges in empty handed. he'd been invited, he'd cleared it over with both seokjin and yoongi, not wanting a repeat of the time he came over only to find the two stark naked in the kitchen of all places.
but even with everything checked off, he still walks in to find the two in a compromising position. or, more appropriately, compromising conversation.
"just do it," jimin hears yoongi using that voice he only uses when he's on the brink of yelling. "come in the cup, jin."
wait what?
jimin steps further into the apartment, into the corrdior, to find yoongi leaning against the bathroom door, his face teeming with frustration. jimin, being yoongi's friend and coworker, has seen the other frustrated on several accounts. he was frustrated when jin's birthday came around and he couldn't find the perfect gift. he was frustrated when the deadline was rapidly approaching and he'd spent all the time he should have spent on his presentation rolling around with jin. jimin is pretty sure yoongi was born frustrated.
but he's never quite seen him in a state such as this, whatever this is.
"hyung?" jimin squeaks apprehensively because approaching an angry, aggravated yoongi was a lot like poking a bear.
instead of the signature eyes of fury, the ones yoongi often uses to melt jin's myriad of admirers, the same ones he used when taehyung almost had a slip of the tongue and nearly let out that jin's attempt at baked ziti was a travesty, yoongi looks at him in...panic?
his eyes go wide like he's five years old again and just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "shit."
"what?" seokjin calls from the other side of the door, his voice muffled but the frenzy clear. "what is it?"
"nothing, baby!" yoongi's voice has taken on gentle adoration and if jimin could find his voice, he'd point out that the sudden change in his demeanor would do nothing to subdue jin's alarm. "shut the fuck up," he mouths at jimin whilst sliding his finger across his throat.
"something is wrong, what's wrong?"
shit, jimin thinks, even behind close doors, seokjin's radar is on point.
"it's nothing, everything is okay."
"what's going on?" jimin mouths and yoongi only glares in response because the next minute there's a crash in the bathroom and seokjin gasps loudly.
"jimin is out there?!" he squawks and jimin hears shuffling behind the door. "there's no way i'm doing it now, i absolutely can't do it."
yoongi slams his fist against the door. "if i don't get your cum in this container, the kid is gonna have my genes, is that what you want?!"
"don't yell at me unless you want me to go ahead and ask namjoon to do it for us!"
"don't!" yoongi whimpers, his forehead falling against the door in defeat. his voice falls into a whisper when he starts begging. "please don't ask him. don't do that."
"jimin," jin's voice shifts. "what do you think we should do?"
"um," jimin gulps when yoongi gives him that look, the one that means everything you love will be destroyed. "come in the cup?"
yoongi laughs forcefully, purposefully loud so that jin can hear. "did you hear that, babe? you should just come in the cup, no one wants a baby that has my genes."
jimin stammers, sputtering on a combination of air, his own spit, and awe because how did he miss it? "a baby?"
everyone knows that seokjin and yoongi were an odd couple. one of them was handsome, goofy, alluring and one of them was yoongi. no one ever thought they quite fit but there was something, some kind of string tied to their brains that tied them together ("brains?" jimin quirked an eyebrow at taehyung. "not hearts or souls?"). it was kind of figured that they would be together forever. but kids?
the last time yoongi babysat one of jin's cousin, it ended with him being covered in spit up and swearing of "nanny-ing" for life. and now they were having a kid?
"i knew it!" seokjin shouts. "we're making a mistake, a big mistake! we can barely take care of the plants on the windowsill, we can't be responsible for a little tiny human. can we, jimin?"
"...yes?"
"yes!" yoongi exclaims, arms shooting up to victory fist punch the air. "we can, hear that?"
"he's lying."
"no," jimin leans in closer to the door, his voice softening. "i'm not lying, hyung, i think you two will make great parents."
"great parents!" yoongi cheers.
jimin wants to tell yoongi to stop being such a cheerleader but he doesn't because, for all he knows, being a cheerleader is yoongi's secret passion. he doesn't want to be a dream crusher.
"and you'll be able to figure everything out even at your age--"
"we're too young!"
yoongi flinches at the volume of jin's voice but he doesn't move from the door. he glares at jimin while the younger imagines what jin's babies will be like with yoongi's temper. it's not a nice sight.
"babe," yoongi sighs heavily, shutting his eyes. once again he leans his forehead against the door, not before gesturing for jimin to cover his ears. he looks like he'd rather die than say what he's going to say but he opens his mouth again anyway. "i want..."
he trails off and glares at jimin who immediately presses the palms of his hands over his ears. he tries to look as aloof as possible so yoongi doesn't pick up on the fact that jimin can still hear pretty clearly.
yoongi turns back to the door. "i want...to have your babies."
"...what?"
"i said i want to have your babies," yoongi's face reddens. "lots of them. but i can't. this the only shot we have with the agencies being as tough as they are. i would do it but i know you, babe, and i know you want this kid to be yours. no matter how much you deny it, i know. and it's not selfish. it's brave. and i really, really want to build a family with you so please, for the love of everything that is holy, come inside the cup."
there's no response for a long time. the more silence that passes, the more antsy yoongi becomes. and the more jimin wants to run back home and take cover under his -- taehyung's -- kermit patterned blankets.
then finally:
"would you help me?"
the way jimin turns pink clues yoongi in but he can't even muster a proper scowl because his hand is figuratively already wrapped around seokjin's--
"well?" jin presses quietly. "are you coming in?"
yoongi swallows. "you know i can't come in when you go into the appointment, right?"
"i know...but i can think of this when i do."
a dopey, gummy smile creeps onto yoongi's face and jimin feels like he's going to puke any minute. why hasn't he run away yet?
yoongi jumps to open the door, disappearing for a millisecond before popping back out to face jimin, the smile still on his face.
"thanks for coming, fuck off now."
("why do you keep talking about it?" taehyung asks him much later. "do you want to come in a cup too, jiminnie?"
"oh my god, shut UP!")