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The thrashing about of the body next to her had woken her from a deep sleep, the first proper one she’d had in weeks. She turned around and was face to face with her beloved Siegfried, his brows furrowed with sweat coating his forehead.
“Siegfried?” Audrey pleaded, attempting to awaken her husband in the bouts of another nightmare, unsure of what this one contained. He’d been thrashing about and mumbling her name in his sleep.
“Siegfried beloved, wake up.” She urged, her eyebrows narrowing in concern as she raised her voice slightly louder but still calm, not wanting to startle him.
She reached over to the end table to turn on the lamp as a last resort, brightening the room slightly.
When he woke, tears had clouded his vision and he smiled weakly through them as his eyes attempted to focus on Audrey’s light blue orbs, the ones that he often got lost in, and the ones that often made him give in to her during moments of argument or teasing.
“I’m right here.” Audrey whispered softly while stroking the side of his head and running her fingers through his untamed, curls to help keep him grounded and in the present.
He had been struggling lately with dreams. Nightmares more like, but she had a feeling this one might have been different.
Ever since Tristan (and James) had been called up to The War (and were god knows where) Siegfried rarely saw a full night’s uninterrupted sleep. His nightmares ranged anywhere from flashbacks to his own days in The First War to unspeakable things happening to Tristan.
Every once in a while the stress of it all would even trigger nightmares of Evelyn, and he felt as though his mind was against him.
His darling Evelyn.
Tears had filled his eyes again and threatened to spill over. Once the dam gave out, Audrey’s thumbs were on either side of his cheek brushing his tears away, her eyes not breaking contact with his.
“Would you like to talk about it?” She asked gently. She always offered an ear. Rarely did he ever share what he dreamt about. And if he did, it was often brief and lacking detail.
“I-“ He began, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat and began again, holding back a sob.
“It was about Evelyn. And also you.” He said and felt the familiar pain in his chest. The pain he knew would never go away. No matter how much he loved Audrey. No matter how many years had passed, Audrey understood this.
“Oh my darling.” Audrey sighed, wiping more tears from Siegfried’s face as they fell.
“She loved you so much.” She said, struggling to contain her own emotions.
“She knows how much you loved her.” Audrey had said comfortingly, her voice soothing and kind as she spoke.
“I know.” Siegfried responded and sniffled while nodding.
Though she hadn’t met Evelyn, Audrey adored the way Siegfried lit up when he spoke of his late wife. It was melancholy in a sense; His eyes sparkling as he came to life whenever he would recall a story about the two of them or when he would glance at a photo of her somewhere in the house.
Audrey was briefly taken back to a time where she remembered overhearing Siegfried talking to himself. Telling himself not to mess things up between him and Audrey - only to realize he’d been orating to a photo of his late wife. Audrey had propped herself up against the doorframe as she listened, wondering how she got so lucky to have someone so kind and conscientious, and also wondered to herself how many times Evelyn’s patience was tested with this unpredictable man-child that they both loved.
“You know, you remind me of her in some ways…” Siegfried had said to her cautiously one night when they were both sitting for tea, the fire in the fireplace creating a romantic ambiance with a romantic song playing over the record player, the atmosphere tense. He didn’t want to compare. He couldn’t compare anyone to Evelyn, but he knew she was special to him. Indispensable. Reliable. A stalwart as he’d said. She really was remarkable.
His mind drifted back to the present, focusing back on the hand on his cheek wiping away the tears, something she had only metaphorically done when she was first hired on as his housekeeper busying herself by avoiding her own heartache by helping put him back together.
“I have nightmares that I will lose you. That you get sick. And it happens all over again. I can’t go through that again I-“ He rattled off, his thoughts spiraling, his anxiety heightening.
Audrey reached for his shaking hand and squeezed it.
“Do you feel this?” She asked.
Siegfried nodded in response as she moved their joined hands up to her chest and stopped in the center.
“How about this?” She asked once more, their hands over her beating heart.
“Yes.” Siegfried said.
“I’m here. I’m alive. I’m okay.” She reassured him.
He nodded and brought her hand up to his lips to kiss them.
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” He mumbled in apology.
“You’ve been through something incredibly traumatizing and tragic.” She reminded him.
“You’re allowed to feel things, you’re allowed to be scared. But I promise I’m okay.” She said, smiling at him.
Siegfried returned the smile and nodded, his hand finding hers once more and squeezing it.
“I promise I’m here for you. Always. You spend so much time trying to protect all of us, let me try to protect you.” She said; it was her turn now to kiss his hand.
“Fine, fine. Just don’t go letting everyone know I’m a complete softy when it comes to you.” He teased.
“I know I’ve got you wrapped ‘round my finger.” Audrey teased back with a grin plastered on her face.
‘Evelyn would have approved.’ Siegfried thought to himself.