Work Text:
“I don’t understand why I have to pay for your mess ups, Drake!
“Because Bruce said so, now get your ass into the damn kitchen, demon!”
—
[ The video starts, showcasing two men and a young boy. The two men are smiling, while the boy’s face is blank.]
“Hello!” [ The man in the middle starts off, smiling at the camera,] “My name is Tim Drake, and I am here with Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne.”
[ Dick Grayson, the one on the far left, beams brightly at the camera, waving happily. Damian, the one on the far right, stares blankly at the camera before a discreet elbow jab from Tim gets the camera a bland smile. ]
“Today, we’re going to be doing the Blind, Deaf, Mute baking challenge!”
“Which happened to be popular a few months ago,” [ Dick says, laughing. Tim laughs as well, while Damian crosses his arms against his chest. ]
“We’re a bit late on the trends,” [ Tim admits, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. He shrugs his shoulders before leaning closer to the camera. ] “But we’re here, and that’s all that matters.”
“We should get started, yeah?” [ Dick claps his hands before bringing out tape, a blindfold, and wireless headphones. ] “Who’s who?”
“I vote Drake to get his mouth taped shut,” [ Damian grumbles out, ] “It would probably make the video more enjoyable.”
[ Tim rolls his eyes, before shoving the blindfold at Damian. ] “Then the kid gets blinded. It’ll be fun to see him stumbling around.”
[ The three situate themselves with their choices. Damian rolls his eyes before covering them with the cloth, Tim grimaces before spreading duct tape over his mouth, and Dick scrolls through his phone before tugging the headphones on. ]
[ Tim tilts his head towards the camera with a deadpan stare as Dick begins to hum along with the song. ]
“Let’s get started then!” [ Tim winces as Dick shouts, Damian stepping back with a sneer on his face. Dick laughs playfully, before shouting out an apology. ]
[ The screen cuts as the challenge begins. ]
—
“Drake! Give me the whisk! Why are you being so difficult?”
“Mhhmm mmhm mm! Mmhm!”
“I do not understand your blabbering!”
“ California girls, we’re unforgettable, daisy dukes, bikinis on top—“
—
[ The camera zooms in on Tim’s stare of horror as the batter they had been whisking goes tumbling towards the floor. Damian, who had caused the accident by missing the bowl when he went to stir the batter, jumps back, a grossed out look on his face. ]
“Mmhm! Mhmh mmh mhmhhm!”
“Don’t speak to me like that, Drake! It was not my fault! You shouldn’t have put the bowl so close to the edge!”
[ Dick, who had been whipping up frosting, turns around and laughs loudly at the sight. ]
—
“A little to the left, Dami! No— my left—“
“We have the same left, you imbecile!”
“Well, okay then. A little to the right .”
[ Damian makes a frustrated noise as his hand wanders the counter for the bowl of dry ingredients. Dick’s face is split open in a wide grin, and the camera pans out to show Tim holding the bowl in his hand, moving it out of reach every time Damian gets close to it. ]
—
“Grayson! Grayson ! Where is the vanilla? The vanilla! ”
“It’s over there!”
[ The camera zooms in on Damian’s face. His jaw is clenched, his hands in fists, his eyes very obviously covered. The camera pans over to Tim, who turns his head slowly to stare at the camera. It pans over to Dick, completely oblivious as he stirs the batter, humming under his breath. ]
[ In a rare show of camaraderie, Tim grabs the vanilla and places it in Damian’s hand. The kid huffs, turning around to begin pouring it in. ]
—
[ Tim makes an alarmed noise as he steps away from the stove. His back is turned, and he’s covering what’s happening, so it’s not obvious what caused his concern until a billow of smoke pours up from above him. ]
[ Tim sends a panicked look at the camera, stepping away from the stove to show a large fire burning away in a pan. ]
[ Tim yanks on Dick’s sleeve, who turns around, smile melting off his face at the sight of the stove. ]
“How did you do that?” [ Dick yells out his question,, ] “I thought you were boiling water?”
“Mhhmh mhm mhh!”
“Has Drake messed up again?” [ Damian asks, appearing from out of frame. ]
[ Tim turns towards him with a glare, grabbing a stray pinch of flour and chucking it at Damian. The flour lands perfectly on the clear half of his face, and Damian splutters. ]
“You—“
“Mhm mhh mmhm!”
“I’ll show you who’s—“
[ The two boys bicker as Dick puts out the fire, looking both amused and completely confused at the same time. ]
—
[ The camera shows the three boys silently cooking. The kitchen around them is a mess of flour, batter, and dishes. Damian has flour in his hair, Tim has batter smearing his face, and Dick is covered in flour handprints. ]
“Mmh mmh hhmm,” [ Tim hums out quietly. ]
[ Damian hands him a spoon without looking, somehow managing to understand. ]
[ With the lingering silence, you can hear a quiet mumble of a song from Dick’s headphones. You can see his lips moving along with the lyrics. ]
—
“That is an atrocious color and I refuse to put it anywhere near food!”
[ Tim scowls at Damian, holding the neon green food dye closely to his chest. ]
[ In the background, you can see Dick leaning out of frame, headphones in hand. It’s obvious he’s talking to someone, plain in the shadow on the wall not matching Dick’s own. ]
“Mmhm mmh mmh? Mhmm mhm mm.”
“Put it down , Drake! I’m not letting you ruin my food with that toxic sludge!”
“ Mmhm mmhmm mbmh.”
[ Damian scowls, before chucking a fistful of sugar at Tim, eliciting a screech that has Dick’s head whipping around, eyes wide. ]
[ There's a deep laugh somewhere off camera as Tim tackles Damian to the floor. ]
—
“I think this is considered cheating,” [ Damian says, gesturing to another figure whose back is turned, stirring something on the stove. ]
“Mmhm mm hmmm mhmm.”
“Fair point. Carry on, Todd.”
“There’s no fucking way you understood him.”
—
[ The camera pans out to show the ruined kitchen, messy except for the countertop the three boys were standing behind. On the counter were three desserts, one set of cupcakes with badly drawn faces on them, one pie with strawberries, and one cake with glass sugar designs on it .]
[ All three of them remove their items, Damian blinking against the harsh light of the kitchen. Tim rubs at his mouth, frowning, while Dick rubs his ear. ]
“Well,” [ Tim starts, staring down at the desert. ] “They aren’t… the worst.”
“Yours is hideous,” [ Damian says, pointing towards the pie ,] “I’m pretty sure it’s still raw.”
[ Tim scowls at Damian, while Dick claps him on the shoulder .]
“I think they look good, Tim. The strawberries look nice.”
“Thank you, Dick,” [ Tim turns his head away from Damian’s to look at Dick’s cupcakes. His face freezes, then falls. ] “What… were you going for?”
[ Dick picks up a cupcake and holds it out. The face is very poorly drawn, a mix of black, red, and white. ] “Vampires!”
“It looks like roadkill.”
“Hey!”
—
“You had to have cheated.”
“ Tt . Unlike you, Drake , I have enough skill so as to not need to cheat.”
—
“For roadkill, it tastes pretty good.”
“Shut up, Tim.”
—
Tim leans forward to turn off the camera and sighs, running a hand through his hair as he looks around the kitchen. “Alfred’s going to kill us.”
Dick laughs, already beginning to clean up. “Not if we can hide the evidence before he gets back.”
“He’ll know,” Tim says gravely, “He always knows.”
“So, do you really think this whole plan of yours is gonna work?” Jason asks, coming into the kitchen with cleaning supplies. “I can’t imagine a baking video hiding the fact that you almost revealed your identity.”
Tim rolls his eyes, accepting a rag from Jason. “It’ll work. Hopefully.”
“Just know that if you ever mess up so foolishly again, I will not be helping you,” Damian says. beginning to wipe down one of the counters.
Tim smirks, wiping away some stray frosting that Damian never cleaned off of his cheek. “Don’t act like you didn’t have any fun, bat-brat.”
Damian scowls, slapping away Tim’s hand.
As the other’s clean, Tim sends his video to Bruce for him to scan for any possible revealing information.
Later, he pretends not to notice Bruce’s red-rimmed eyes and soft smiles directed towards them.
Even later, he also pretends not to notice Damian rewatching the uploaded video.