Work Text:
Three years ago, Harry experiences a bisexual crisis induced by none other than Draco Malfoy.
It happens like this:
Harry was sipping beer quietly at a muggle bar with his close friends. Everyone was celebrating Harry's return to single-hood upon Ginny's insistence. She herself was a little too happy with their amicable divorce, and she remained friends with him.
Anyway, so Harry was sitting there, sipping his beer, when Draco bloody Malfoy walks in with his little entourage, Pansy and Blaise. The three of them have been gorgeous since Hogwarts, and outside of occasional work meetings and dropping off or picking up their children from Platform 9 and 3/4, Harry rarely interacted with them. Thus, it was a bit of a surprise to see them join the celebration. What Harry was most surprised about, however, was how everyone seemingly ceased to exist once Draco entered his peripheral vision.
Clad in a fluffy green sweater with a cute snake embroidered on the top left of the fabric, Draco looked like the most adorable thing that Harry had ever laid eyes on. And as he made his way through the busy bar, Draco's eyes lit up like a thousand stars were trapped in them.
Draco was admittedly somewhat attractive.
He winked, smirking as he sauntered over to Harry.
Oh no, Harry panicked.
"Potter!" Draco called out merrily. He bumped shoulders with Harry as he sat down, his lips quirking upwards as though they shared an inside joke. "Haven't seen you since September."
Harry felt lightheaded.
Everything about Draco in the damn sweater oozed 'comfort' and 'quiet confidence.' Both things Harry didn't realize could be so attractive until just then.
"Malfoy," he replied coolly. He took another swing of his beer, so that he could blame the alcohol on his reddening cheeks. "Didn't expect to see you out here."
Draco smirked. "No one ever expects to see me 'out'."
Shocked by the implication, Harry choked. "What?"
"Never mind me." Draco waved him off, turning to order a glass of whiskey. "Congratulations on the divorce."
"Thank you," Harry replied. He scratched the back of his neck and grimaced. "It was a long time coming, to be completely honest with you."
"Oh?"
"In summary, Gin is like a sister to me, and she'd rather die than kiss me even on the cheek." He paused and took another sip of the alcoholic drink in his hand. "It's funny. During the war, I thought I'd have my happily-ever-after if I were to just marry her. Now, she's my pseudo-sister who gave birth to my children."
Draco guffawed, throwing his head back. "That's a great headline if I've ever seen one! 'The Chosen One Chooses Pseudo-Incest'!"
Harry scrunched his nose. "Please don't ever say that again."
"Sure, sure," Draco replied in a teasing manner. Harry rolled his eyes, realizing teasing will ensue later on, even if not at the present moment. "Anyway, enough of that. How is your son doing in school? Albus, I mean? I hear that James and Lily are doing well in their studies, but I surprisingly haven't heard much about your youngest yet."
Harry paused. He made a mental note to ask who was Draco's source of information regarding his children.
"Er, yeah. Al is doing alright, I think. He joined the Quidditch team this year as one of the Slytherin keepers. He reckons they'll win this year," Harry said.
He made another mental note, though this was one to send all of his children a letter in the near future. He hadn't spoken to them in days, and he was beginning to miss them. As he always did whenever they were studying at Hogwarts.
"I suppose you hate that, don't you? Forced to cheer for the green?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Green's just a color, and my son is my son, regardless of what Hogwarts house he's in. Besides, aren't you insulting yourself? You're wearing green yourself."
"It's from Scorpius," Draco replied. He smiled softly, and he played with the cuffs of the sweater's sleeves. He's endearing, Harry thought. "My son loves giving people gifts. I'm sure Albus's room is beginning to be cluttered with all the items he's undoubtedly received from Scorpius. He recently took up an interest in embroidery, and this is the first design he's made for me."
"You're cute." Harry paused, chuckling nervously and trying to calm his heart from beating too fast. "I mean, the sweater looks cute on you. That's a difficult feat to achieve. Your son is a miracle worker."
"Whatever, Potter. You wish you have a sweater like mine," Draco boasted. He pinched the fabric of his sweater to emphasize the cute snake, lifting his shirt just enough to reveal a sliver of skin by his waistband. Which Harry did not internally freak out about. "Just look at how fine the stitching is. My son is brilliant, and we both know it. If not, Albus wouldn't be such good friends with him."
"That's true. Al learned from the best to choose the right sort for himself," Harry quipped. "If anything, Scorp is lucky to have Al."
Draco chuckled, his eyes glinting with interest.
And, really, that was that.
For the rest of the night, Harry was lost in a bragging-about-my-child competition with Draco. They were both well-equipped with a list of feats and accomplishments about their children, and they returned each remark with a smug quip. Harry stayed enamored with Draco and his cuteness even as everyone else began to say their goodbyes.
At the end of the night, as they made plans to get dinner, Harry realized how screwed he was. It was all because of the stupid green sweater.
~
Now, in the present moment three years after the crisis, Harry is struck with an odd sense of deja vu.
His son, Albus, has arrived home from his fifth year at Hogwarts, grumbling to himself and plopping down onto the couch. He wears a seemingly permanent frown and crosses his arms with an angry huff.
His siblings, James and Lily, escape to their respective rooms. They clearly refuse to... help address whatever traumatic experience Albus is going through.
Harry sighs, but before he can say anything, Albus speaks up.
"I hate Scorpius Draco Malfoy," Albus proclaims.
Harry freezes, and his mind races to think of what to say to Draco. Draco, his lover, who has been overjoyed with his son's enjoyment at Hogwarts due to Albus's company.
"Er, why?"
"The git woke up too early this morning, and he thought it would be a great idea for him to reserve a cabin for us."
Although this sounds like a rather brilliant idea, Albus had said it in a sarcastic tone. Harry raises an eyebrow. "So how was this not a great idea?"
Albus lets out another angry huff, as if Harry was being obnoxiously stupid on purpose.
Harry decides then and there that raising teenagers is a job that gets more difficult by the day.
"The git didn't ask Rose or Delphini if they had plans already! So Scorpius and I were alone for the entire way to the platform!"
"And? Al, you've been best friends with him since first year."
"Dad, what are you on about?" Albus asks, disgusted. "I don't actually have a problem with Scorp, obviously."
"Then what, exactly, is the problem?"
Albus sighs, as though Harry is the one being unreasonable in the conversation. "Us alone, dad. It's us. Alone."
Harry blinks. "And that is an issue...? I thought you enjoyed spending time with Scorp."
An even larger sigh erupts from Albus. "I'm not saying that I don't. I'm just saying, it's not good for me. How can anyone focus on a book, or anything really, when Scorpius is sitting next to them all innocently like he did nothing wrong?!"
Harry is even more confused now, and he decides then and there that perhaps he should take Draco's advice and find a mindhealer for his son. Clearly, his adventures with Scorpius at school are more... unique than his own experiences.
Albus continues grumbling as Harry gets up from the couch. "And how dare he sit there like that? In that stupid green sweater, of all things?"
"Wait. A green sweater?"
"Yeah," Albus says. "He's always using the damn thing. Everyone's always staring at him when we're walking at Hogsmeade, but it's like he's completely oblivious to it! And when he wore it today, everyone who passed by our cabin was looking at him."
"Wait. Al, does the sweater happen to have a small snake embroidered on it? And does the snake say 'I ssslyther-"
"-'in to friendships?'" they finished in unison.
Albus gasps. "Dad, how do you know that?"
"Al, you're never going to believe it, but-"
"When did you see Scorp's sweater?"
"I'm dating Draco Malfoy."
Albus opens and closes his mouth several times, unable to say anything. He struggles to comprehend the implications of what his dad admitted.
Meanwhile, Harry's confused by Albus's deduction skills. Scorpius visits every once in a while over summer while Albus visits the Malfoy estate over the winter. Harry has actually never interacted with the mini Malfoy in cooler weather. So why would, and how could, Albus think Harry has seen Scorpius using the sweater?
"Wait, what?" both asked, again in unison.
Another pause.
Albus abruptly stands up. "Dad, what are you talking about? You're dating Mr. Malfoy? Wait, no. An even better way of phrasing it would be: you're dating Scorp's dad? You're dating my crush's dad?! Since, uh, when?!"
"You have a crush on Scorpius?!" Harry exclaims, standing and throwing his hands up as well. Things just got way more complicated. "When was this?!"
"Dad, focus! How can you be dating Scorp's dad? I thought you two hate each other!"
"More importantly, you like my boyfriend's son?! You just said you hated him!"
"Dad!"
"Al!"
"Merlin, can you two just answer each other's questions?" Lily screams from her room. She storms out from her room and rushes downstairs, unexpectedly bringing James with her. "I'm trying to listen in on the tea!"
"Yeah, me too," James agreed. James summons a popcorn bucket out of nowhere and settles into the couch. "Dad, you're dating the Draco Malfoy?"
Harry scratches the back of his neck, a bit embarrassed by how nonchalant his oldest son is while he's a nervous wreck. "Er, yes. Have been for a while, actually."
"How long is 'a while'?" Lily asks.
Harry winces. "Maybe... er, a year now?"
"A year?!" all three of them yell. Lily near-screams, "Just when were you planning to tell us this?"
"When Draco and I talked about it."
Lily rolls her eyes, huffing loudly. "And how exactly did this even happen? Mom said you two used to try to kill each other."
"It's a funny story actually," he admits, wincing slightly. He was not going to go down the Sixth Year memory lane with his children. "Remember a few years ago when mom took you to Grandma Molly for a sleepover and came home hungover? Well... she actually threw a party for our divorce and invited Draco. So... Draco and I became friends there, and around a year ago, he asked me on a date."
"How is that funny?" James questions.
"Um... Draco was wearing the green sweater with the snake both times. That's how I know the sweater. I think they have matching ones."
"Awww," Lily cooes. Harry feels as though he was going to get whiplash from how quickly her mood changed. It's like being confronted by a mini Ginny all over again. "That's so cute! We should have matching sweaters too, guys!"
"Okay..." James rolls his eyes. He inhales deeply and shifts his attention to Albus. "Alright, so you and Scorpius? Explain."
Albus's face is bright red. He rubs his nape and looks away awkwardly. "Um... not really that much to explain, I think. I just have a crush on Scorp. That's all."
"There's no way you think you're off the hook with just that, Al," Lily says. She flipped her hair and pursed her lips angrily. "We all heard you the first three times, and let's be honest, you've been way too obsessed with Scorp for like... the longest time. Nobody's surprised. We're asking about the details here. The details, Al."
"There's really nothing to tell, to be honest. I haven't even got the courage to say anything to Scorp. It's not like I can just tell him how cute I think he is in the sweater." Albus mumbles the last part, feeling somewhat shy.
"Oh. My. God." Lily covers her mouth. "There's no way you're literally copying dad's, well, everything with Mr. Malfoy! There's no way this green sweater is working this much magic."
"The sweater makes him look cute," Harry and Albus both say. They pause, gawking at one another.
"I can't believe this is happening." Incredulous, James stands up. "I'm writing to mom right now. She needs to be here for this."
Meanwhile, Lily points a finger at Harry and Albus and cackles loudly. "I can't wait until you all go public. I can see it now: the front page of the Daily Prophet's gonna be 'The Potters and the Sweater That Makes Malfoys Cute'!"