Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Basil never knew exactly where his body issues came from.

He was always a petite child. He had a slim, short figure and was constantly running around. This was ruined once he hit puberty. He didn’t gain too much weight, but it was a noticeable difference. Nothing much happened until year 8, where he subconsciously developed a minor binge eating disorder. His friends paid no attention to it, but the hooligans did. Aubrey quit being a part of the group once the bullying started, and would often fight back and defend Basil.

The most memorable moment of his life was winter of year 11, when he remembered looking in the mirror and being absolutely disgusted with what he saw. Sure, he wasn’t at his heaviest, and was actually 20lbs below that, but he felt awful. He started restricting his intake lower and lower, and would fast every other day. This numbed him, as he didn’t have to feel anymore. He only had to worry about losing weight and counting calories. He doesn’t remember much from this time, though, except for when he tried to recover.

The recovery didn’t last long. He gave into extreme hunger cravings for 3 days before crying over his weight and trying to get back to where he was. This was to no avail. He’d go the whole day fasting just to binge at night. This cycle kept happening for over a year, until he finally learned to purge.

Basil doesn’t have many big mistakes in life, but there’s one that sticks out the most, that being when he learned how to purge. At first, he was proud. The feeling of finally knowing that if he fucks up, he can always “fix” it by throwing up. Slowly, it engulfed him, until he could only think about binging and purging for the whole day. He’d plan day long fasts and break it by a large binge, then proceeding to purge. He became obsessed with food, more than he already was. It was horrible, but there was never any motivation to stop. He doesn’t think he will ever find the motivation to stop. He was just a living example that the cycle would never end.

Basil’s friends slowly picked up on the fact that something was wrong. Aubrey was the first to notice, as she knew him the longest. She noticed the constant weight fluctuations and weird eating rituals he developed. She refuses to speak on it until it gets out of control. Little does she know it already is.

Hero picked up on it when Basil was in year 12. As a med student in his sophomore year of college, he picked up on the signs of an eating disorder after a while. Unlike Aubrey, he did confront Basil about his habits. When Hero came back to visit Faraway Town on holiday break, he made sure to sit down to talk to Basil.

“Do you know why I came to talk to you?” Hero asked, sipping on a cup of hot chocolate. Basil had his own cup of hot chocolate too. The only difference being that his cup was sugar-free. Basil internally cursed at himself. Was this talk about his eating disorder?

“I don’t want to assume wrong. Why don’t you tell me?” He replied, highly on edge. His words were thoughtfully crafted before spoken to make sure he seemed calm, despite internally panicking.

“Well-” Hero started, before taking another sip to ease his nerves, “I’ve noticed you are exhibiting signs of an eating disorder.”

‘Shit.’ Basil said internally, keeping his demeanor calm. He exhaled, debating on if he should just play it off or tell the truth. He decided to stay silent and look at Hero quizzically.

Hero continued. “From what I’ve picked up, it’s most likely Bulimia Nervosa, an eating disorder where you binge eat, followed by a compensatory behavior to prevent weight gain, such as-”

He was cut off by Basil, who started to speak. “Yes, I know. Thank you, Hero. I’m fine, though. I’ve struggled with it, but I’m trying to get better.” Basil smiled what seemed to be a sincere smile, fooling Hero. The latter smiled as well.

“I’m proud. Recovering from an eating disorder is not easy. I’ve done my research. It seems like a pain.” He took a final sip, finishing the cup of hot chocolate. “Is there anything else that you want to talk about before I leave to prepare for the picnic?”

“I’m fine. Thanks for your concern, Hero.” Basil set down his cup, embracing Hero in a hug. The two said their final goodbyes as Hero walked out the door. Basil then walked straight to the kitchen, starting the “binge” phase of the “fast to binge to purge to self hatred” cycle.

Chapter Text

Basil hated to admit it, but he wished he still had Anorexia Nervosa instead of Bulimia Nervosa.

He missed the feeling of numbness it gave him. He felt valid in his own body. He didn’t mind his appearance, despite wanting to get thinner still. Life was easy then. It became his goal to figure out a way to trigger himself back into anorexia, or, at the least, anorexia binge/purge subtype.

The way he found out how to trigger himself was by accident. He was hanging out with his friends, ranting to Sunny about random things that came to mind. He decided to shake Sunny’s shoulders for emphasis. When he felt prominent bones, He stopped for a second. He continued so he didn’t seem weird about anything. That moment refuses to wash from his memory, though. Basil wishes that he was the one with the prominent bones. It triggered him so badly that it caused him to go purge the lunch the group shared.

With his new-found trigger of body checking his friends in hand, he started to get things under control again. Plus, he was almost done with his senior year of highschool. Once he moved out of Polly’s house, things would get easier. He could buy his own groceries and make sure to not have binge foods on hand. His plan was great! He’d rent his own apartment and isolate while staying on top of his extracurriculars. Nothing could stop him!

That was a lie. One thing could stop him. That being the fact that Kel was going to the same college as Basil, as was the rest of the gang. It was the closest to Faraway Town and wasn’t extremely pricey. One day, mid senior year while the group was hanging out to plan for college, Kel popped the question.

“Can we room together?” Kel asked, making his subtle puppy dog face, as if to plead for a yes. Sunny nodded his head as a ‘Sure’.

“You idiots forget that I can’t room with you,” Aubrey stated, using her false anger tone of voice.

“Well then, Basil, what about you?” Kel turned to Basil with the same face he had when first asking the question.

Basil was internally frustrated. He wanted to be alone with only his eating disorder! Part of him wanted to say ‘Sorry, but I’ve been planning a solo room,’ while the other part didn’t want to lose his friends.

“Sure!” Basil said, smiling a false smile. He hated how he sounded excited for this. He wasn’t. Well, deep down he was, but he covered that up with the voice of anger about not being able to isolate.

Chapter Text

College didn’t come completely easy to Basil, but that was alright. He went for a major in digital media, specifically for photography. He didn’t mind doing other forms of digital media, as he found it fun to learn new things. He threw himself into the theater department, as he always wanted to try it out, but everyone at his highschool knew him as the ‘shy bullied flower boy’ at school. He didn’t have to be that anymore at college. Sure, some people from his old school went there, such as his friends, Angel, and Mincy, but they were all nice to him, in fact, Angel became good friends with Basil. He was a theater major and they had fun together in the fall play of ‘Macbeth’. The director wanted to get over her fear of putting on a Shakespear play, so of course, she chose the play with a superstition behind it. Basil was casted as the first witch, and Angel was casted as King Duncan. The two got close to one another and became theater buddies.

His eating disorder carried on. He wasn’t yet sicker than he was in year 11, so he had to get worse. He mostly restricted with one to two binge/purges a week, and was starting to lose weight again. On days he didn’t binge/purge, he’d eat anywhere from 500 to 1200 calories. He never fasted for more than 16 hours as he was busy with school-work and theater and needed to be able to participate in those. He also found joy for dance while doing theater. He started to dance more often, enrolling in some dance classes during the second half of the year. It was fun, plus it burned calories.

Some days, he would feel a bit queasy. His vision would slowly turn black as he stood up, but it couldn’t be anything serious! He decided to ignore the constant headaches, sore and weak muscles, and flaky, discolored skin. The Body Mass Index chart said he was a healthy weight, so nothing could be wrong.

Little did Basil know, something was terribly wrong.

Chapter Text

Life was going great.

Basil finally was down to a weight he was comfortable in. Sure, he would skip breakfast, sometimes lunch, and purge dinner, but he felt great!

..Well, he really didn’t. He had no motivation for most of his classes. Theater, the one thing he always looked forward to, was slowly getting boring. He didn’t want to wake up most days, which was extremely odd, as he had always been a morning person. His skin was also discolored, which was odd. His hair was thinning, and he had trouble standing up. Other than that, he was doing just fine! He wasn’t that sick anyways, so nothing could be going wrong!

At some point, Kel and Sunny picked up on Basil’s habits. Basil was on his way to the dorms after his classes, brainstorming what his dinner would be. He had some extra money, so maybe he could go out for dinner. ..That’s just disgusting, he thought. He’d throw it up anyways. He’d just go with the usual yakisoba pack, maybe with some chocolate. ..Or, maybe he could have some potstickers. It didn’t really matter. In the end, he wouldn’t digest any of it, so why not go out with a full binge/purge session? He hoped his friends weren't there so he could do it without anyone knowing.

Unbeknownst to Basil, his roommates, with the addition of Aubrey, were planning their confrontation.

“What the fuck should we say? ‘Hey, we know you force yourself to throw up and barely eat?’” Aubrey said, eliciting a snicker out of Sunny.

“No. God no, Aubrey. We should just sit him down and ask if that’s what’s happening, but in a much.. nicer way, y’know?” Kel replied, pinching the bridge of his nose.

A small banter started. “I know it happens, Kel! I’ve known for a while now! I just thought I was going crazy, or making things up, but now that you see it too, I’m not! I say we just go full force and say ‘Dude, you need to stop before this kills you.’ Bluntness is the best in this situation.”

Kel sighed, giving up. “Fine, you lead us on this or something. I’m still going to approach it differently than you are, so beware.”

Almost as if on cue, a knock on the door was heard, followed by a “Let me in, please!” from Basil. Aubrey got up, opening the door for him.

Basil stood still for a second, blinking. “Aubrey?” He asked, giving a confused smile. “What’s going on?”

“We need to talk. Sit down.” Aubrey said. Basil obliged, sitting down next to Aubrey on his bed. He looked around, noticing their tense demeanor.

“..Oh, is this a serious talk? You all seem, err, rather stressed. What’s wrong?” Basil thought he knew exactly what was wrong. It was about time they picked up on his unhealthy habits. About time they realized that he was ill.

“You barely eat anymore. You’re thin as shit, dude. Talk to us. We know there’s something wrong.” Aubrey kept up her serious demeanor, but as Basil stared into her eyes, she noticed the deep concern for her longest friend. He sighed.

“Listen, I’m fine. Just been eating less due to stress,” he replied, hoping that response would be enough of a bluff to pass as the truth. His hopes were crushed when everyone in the room looked at eachother doubtfully. Kel made the next move.

“Basil, you’ve been ‘sick’ a lot recently. Pairing that with your loss of appetite and concerns will rise,” Kel’s expression softened. “We really care about you, dude.”
Basil let out a frustrated huff. “I appreciate your concerns, but it’s my life. I’ll do what I want with it. Now, can we just turn this into a hangout day?”

Sunny, Kel, and Aubrey all glanced at each other. Kel gave a shoulder shrug, emitting a sigh from Aubrey.

“Fine. Just stay safe, Basil-boy,” Aubrey stated, moving to give Basil’s hair a ruffle. It was fixed immediately.

The rest of the night consisted of the group chatting and catching up. One thing couldn’t leave Basil’s mind, though. It would be much easier to get away with his disordered habits now that they know. Sure, they might force some food on him, but he could just purge it, so what’s the harm?

He never realized how far gone he was.

Chapter Text

Cold.

Basil was always cold.

It was like the world wanted him freezing. He couldn’t sleep well most nights. Tonight was no exception.

He was tired beyond belief. His whole body ached. He wanted nothing more but rest. Sadly, his body was against it. He decided to get up and make some coffee.

The machine took a moment to turn on. It always did. He picked out one of his pods, specifically the hazelnut flavor, and started brewing it. As it brewed, he grabbed some almond milk and two sweetener packets. He never measured out the almond milk, but he knew it was under 8 fluid ounces. He counted it as the same calorie amount as that, though, because he preferred to over-estimate.

Opening the utensil drawer, he grabbed a kid’s spoon. He refused to eat with “adult” silverware. So what if the spoon had a plastic handle? He actually preferred it that way, likely because he hated change.

The ingredients were poured in and stirred. The spoon was put into the dorm’s sink. Basil glanced over to the digital clock on his nightstand. It was 4 in the morning. He sighed, returning to his bed. He walked over and accidentally tripped on the air. His vision faded to black.

…

Basil woke up, squinting as bright fluorescent lights blinded his tired state. He heard shuffling around him with minimal chatter. Once he was fully able to open his eyes, he saw a nurse holding a plastic cup and a worried figure. Upon further inspection, it was none other than Polly, who was pretty much his mother at this point. He looked away, hating the sight of her upset.

“You’ve been out for almost a day,” the nurse stated. Her ponytail of black hair swished slightly as she handed Basil the cup of what was presumably water. He took the cup. “Drink. Lunch is still going on. I’ll get you some food.” She smiled, grabbing her clipboard from beside the bed. “Before I do that, do you remember your name?”

Basil cleared his throat before answering. “..I’m Basil XXXXX,” he let out a sigh. “I’m 20 years old and was born on February 18th, 20XX.” The nurse wrote a check on her paper before walking away.

After a few moments of silence, a voice was heard. “Basil.” Poly said in a voice that was a mix of sternness and sadness. She stood up, walking towards the bed. “I told your friends you were awake.. I know you wouldn’t mind.” She paused momentarily. “..Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice cracked, tears threatening to form in her eyes. She steadied her breath and continued. “I just- I could’ve been here for you. You’re perfect how you are.. You didn’t have to hide that you starve or make yourself throw up.. I would’ve helped you. We all would’ve helped you.” Tears were falling down her face by the time she finished speaking. She wrapped Basil in a tight hug, sobbing.

“Polly, I-”

Basil was cut off before he could apologize. “Don’t say you’re sorry. It’s okay.” Polly’s hand brushed through Basil’s hair as the door swung open. His friends practically ran up to the bed.

Aubrey was the first to speak. “Basil, what the fuck were you thinking?” Tears ran down her pained yet sour face. “You could’ve died for fuck’s sake! Why wouldn’t you let us help you get better?”

“Don’t yell at him, Aubrey,” Kel replied, trying not to cry. He had to keep up his positive demeanor despite the situation. “We are here for you, okay man?” He put out a soft smile, looking Basil in the eyes. As Basil nodded, Polly pulled back, letting everyone see him.

Basil looked around at what was practically his family and realized he truly couldn’t die. Polly was his loving mother, Kel was an absolute ray of sunshine, Aubrey could beat some sense into him, and Sunny was a great listener. Hero and Mari were great people, even if they couldn’t make it to see him today. He fucked up. Tears ran down Basil’s face as he continued to gaze along the small crowd. He finally found the reason to recover.

He wanted to recover for his family.