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"Stupid." Starlight sniffled, wiping away tears as they slipped out of Avior's arms, the credits for the movie ‘The Wind Rises’ rolling on the TV. Avior’s fingers curled around his partner's hand to keep them on the couch next to him, but they pulled out of his grasp and stood up.
"That's so stupid." He wasn't sure if they were talking to him or whether they were about to go on one of their monologues which were usually directed at everyone and no one.
So he readjusted himself, crossed his legs, and watched as his partner started to pace around their living room, seemingly trying to clean up random items on the ground while also not paying attention to what they were doing at all. A bag landed on the table in front of the couch, and one of their books suddenly landed next to their demon.
"Why did Nahoko do that? Why did Jiro...no, I don't know. But- no. Why the sanatarium, why-"
They were still sniffing, occasionally and absent-mindedly wiping away tears from their cheeks.
A small smile threatened to spread across Avior’s face, but something made him freeze. Something didn’t feel right. He gently reached out to them with his magic and his muscles stiffened. This wasn't just one of those cinematography rambles he was so used to. They were upset. More than upset. They were spiraling.
He got up and slowly took a step towards them. His partner didn't notice, their eyes unfocused and wet with tears.
"Darling."
"This is stupid. Why did it have to end like that, they could have given them at least an ambiguous ending, why did she have to die, this is-"
"I dare say they wanted to stay true to the real story, my love. It's based on real people." He tried a chuckle but almost choked on it when their eyes finally met his. Tears, red, angry, terrified.
"Avior, you don't get it, this is-" their voice was getting louder, their gestures bigger.
"Love, it's just a movie, we can watch something else to cheer you up-"
"You don't get it!!" It was almost a scream and their fist would have hit his chest if his hand hadn't met theirs before the impact. It would not have hurt, there was no real force behind their frustrated movements, he realized.
Time seemed to slow for a few seconds, Avior holding their wrists gently in his hands, moving them close to his chest. Heavy breaths escaped their lungs, their gaze unfixed, staring into the space between them.
Avior could feel their fear and anger. One of his hands let go of theirs to slowly move up their arm with an unspoken question. He wasn’t sure whether they realized what he was asking or whether they were just giving in to the sensation. Either way, they leaned into him, their head on his chest, his left arm holding them close, his right hand moving over the back of their head.
They stood like this for a while as their breathing adjusted to his, interrupted by a few sobs. And while they were calming down, Avior’s mind started racing. What do I say now? Why am I of all people at a loss for words right now? Stupid irony. What do I say, what do I-
“In the hellscape-” Starlight started speaking, mumbling the first few words into his chest before backing up just a few inches, still not meeting his eyes. Their voice startled Avior so much that he blinked at them a couple of times before the words even got through to him.
“Y-yes?”
“In the hellscape-” they repeated, sniffling between syllables, “when we got closer, I was asking myself all sorts of questions.”
Avior wanted to chuckle and was reminded of how he called them the equivalence of a twenty-question game once, yet their tone made him swallow that thought.
“What questions?” he prompted and they took a deep breath.
“You know, questions.” he felt them shrug slightly. “‘Is this going to last?’, ‘Will we still be together when all this is over?’ and so on.” Something inside of Avior started twisting.
“And I know we weren’t trying to be unrealistically optimistic with our plan to get out, but I never told you how early on I had lost hope in us ever getting out at all. I felt like I couldn’t tell you that.” Twist, twist, twist.
“My love-” his voice was wavering but he stopped himself when they shook their head slightly.
“No, no, that’s not the point.” they closed their eyes for a few seconds before continuing. “I think I sort of gave up mentally, but there was one thought I kept having that made me happier than any possibility of getting out ever would have.”
Avior couldn’t help but stare at them in confusion, waiting for them to go on.
“We both didn’t seem to be affected by the passing of time. Our-” they swallowed. “My body wasn’t changing. My hair wasn’t growing, neither were my nails, I was just- stuck in time. And all I could think about was how we were seemingly matched in immortality.”
Snap. Whatever was twisting inside of Avior let go and spread a sadness he hadn’t experienced since his time alone in the hellscape.
“Oh darling-” they were shaking their head at the sound of his voice again.
“All I could think about was: If we can’t leave here, at least he doesn’t have to lose me to sickness or age. At least I get to have this time with him how I wanted to. Without the looming threat of death hanging over me. If we weren’t matched in magic, then at least in time.”
He felt a tear running down his cheek, his hands started to tremble. They didn’t seem to notice and continued, almost uncontrollably, like water in a cup being filled and the surface pressure unable to hold the flood back, everything was flowing out of them. They lightly pushed out of his hold and took a few steps back.
“Avior, I know you love me, I do, but- but this is-” their eyes flying across the room, anywhere but his face. “Aren’t we on borrowed time? Isn’t this going to hurt you more than anything? This is just- I- I can’t do anything about aging, you can’t either, I’m not your equal, I’m not made of magic. I’m human, just human, just- stupidly and terrifyingly human. We’re not in the hellscape anymore, I’m fragile again, I’m-”
“Starlight.” they almost jumped when they felt his hands on either side of their face. They were blinking through their tears when they finally met his eyes. And what they saw pushed several sobs out of their lungs. He was crying too. His brows were twisted, tears streaming down his face, his breath unsteady, his eyes jumping between theirs.
His voice was shaking with love and hurt, and they couldn’t help but think of how he had sounded when he was trying to convince them not to risk their life in the hellscape. Instinctively, their hands found his arms and held on as if they were falling. They were falling. His eyes were deep wells of feelings so overwhelming that all they could do was hold onto him.
“When I wake up in the morning with you in my arms-” his words came out slowly as if he was picking them by hand. “- I think of nothing but how lucky I am to touch you, to hold you, to be with you. To be yours.”
His thumb wiped away another tear from their cheek and it felt like lightening and cashmere. “Every second spent with you is the reason that I am alive. You are my magic, Starlight. Any tear I cry over you is proof of how deeply my magic is intertwined with yours.”
The freelancer couldn’t contain their sobs anymore. Not letting go of his arms, they rested their head on his chest again and let out sob after sob, staining Avior’s t-shirt with hot tears.
His arms were holding them close now, his face on their shoulder, and once their sobs quieted down a little bit, he lifted his head just enough to speak.
“My Starlight.” His voice was only slightly more than a whisper. “My beautiful Starlight. I can practically feel the weight of your worries on your shoulders.” They nuzzled impossibly closer into him. “As much as I wish I did, I don’t have all the answers, my love. But I do know one thing: Every moment I spend with you is worth more than anything in this world or in mine. And we will do, what we both do best.”
They lifted their head, as did he, their eyes meeting once again, as theirs were asking him silently. A small smile spread across his lips, drenched in worry and love.
“We will take on time, one day at a time.”
He leaned in to kiss them, one hand on their cheek again. The kiss was gentle, accompanied by sniffles on both sides and they could both taste the saltiness of their tears on each other's lips. When they parted again their foreheads touched, as they held each other.
“Mister Thesaurus couldn’t find a different word for ‘time’ and had to say it twice?” Avior opened his eyes in surprise at his partner’s quiet accusation and saw a small, cheeky smile across their face.
He scoffed: “You can never not fixate on word choice, can you. Is that the only thing you are retaining from my wonderful speech?!” his voice dripping with fake hurt and when they met his gaze with a challenging smile he couldn’t help but smile back.
“No actually, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you admitted to not having the answers to everything.”
Now they were both laughing. Not very loudly, their voices still coated in fallen tears. Then their hand found the demon’s cheek and his breath hitched.
“I heard you, Avior.” A gentle look on their face. “One day at a time.”
A warmth settled in between them like heat easing tight muscles.
“I love you, Starlight. Whether time is moving or standing still. And I will love you through all of it.”
A tiny sound of surprise escaped his lungs when they kissed him again. The kiss was deeper this time and it took them a while to feel like they could let him go. Both were a little breathless afterward when Starlight’s voice broke the silence. “I love you, too, Avior. So much.”
Avior’s instinct started counting down the seconds until they spoke again. “I’m s-”
“Nope.”
The surprised look on their face made it almost impossible for him not to laugh. Or to kiss them again.
“No apologies, my dear. Thank you for sharing yourself with me like that. There is nothing to apologize for.”
They took a deep breath as a smile settled on their lips. “Fine. I won’t apologize.”
“Good.” he was grinning now. “And I know just the thing to cheer you up.”
Without waiting for them to ask, he dragged them into the kitchen and opened the coffee cabinet. Of course, Starlight had one cupboard dedicated to their obviously healthy coffee obsession.
They let out a laugh. “Avior, I can’t make coffee now, it’s eleven pm.”
His brows twisted again. “Because of the… caffeine, right?”
They nodded, pressing their lips together so as not to laugh at his concentrated expression.
“But I heard someone in your favorite café ask for…decaf? I thought the caffeine was optional.”
They snorted, their hand flying up to cover their mouth. “Yes, ahem, yeah that’s true but I don’t have decaf coffee here, Avior.” when his expression didn’t change, they added: “It’s not something I can take out of these coffee beans, my dear inchoate demon who doesn’t like coffee, it’s in there, I can’t take it out.” they were chuckling now and the sound was so addicting that Avior took a few seconds to listen to it before responding.
“I could take it out with magic-”
“No!” Both of them seemed surprised at their sudden answer. “I mean, you don’t know coffee that well. I doubt you’d know what you were doing, no offense.”
“Offense very much taken, thank you very much.” he put his hands on his hips, no ounce of serious hurt on his face.
“We can make hot chocolate though!" they offered quickly.
He narrowed his eyes, but his smile didn’t disappear. He pulled them into his arms again.
“Fine. That sounds like a good plan.”
“You know, you’re cute when you don’t know what you are talking about. It’s a good look on y-”
But they couldn’t continue, laughter bubbling against Avior’s lips as he kissed them again.