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Izuku had barely slept since the dorms had been put in place. He had his own room, so he hadn’t thought this would be an issue, but apparently it was.
Right now he was trying to sleep, but he could hear the soft sounds of his classmates sleeping. He swore he must either have really good hearing, or Sero breathed insanely loudly when he slept. Then there was Kirishima’s snores which weren’t loud enough to keep Izuku awake, but were loud enough to make sure Izuku knew he wasn’t alone.
Logically speaking, that shouldn’t be an issue. He trusted his class with his life, but in this section of time before sleep all he could think about was how thin the door was, how fragile the walls were in comparison to the strength of quirks, how easy it would be for any of them to kill him in his sleep.
That relentless painful worry was enough to leave Izuku inexplicably tired yet unable to sleep.
He tried reasoning with himself, no one here would kill him and he knew that, but nothing worked. Nothing stopped him thinking about that last night his father had been around. The one after Izuku’s quirkless diagnosis, when his father had almost killed him in his sleep. The night Izuku had woken up to a blade pressed against his throat. The night he had only survived because Kachaan had been there. Kachaan had, like the insane four-year-old he was, decided to walk to Izuku’s place in the middle of the night. Kachaan had just happened to hear Izuku’s scream of terror from outside his window. Kachaan had, for the first time ever, used his quirk to fly simply to get into Deku’s window and attack his father, saving Deku’s life. That, of course, had been before Kachaan had found out about the diagnosis. That night had been the last time Kachaan had hugged Izuku. It had been the last time Izuku had allowed himself to fall asleep without acute awareness of where he was.
Back at his house he had a whole system in place to make sure that even if someone got through the locked door- because he never ever slept without locking the door now- they would never make it to Izuku through the countless traps and defences. Izuku hadn’t been able to install the same devices here at UA. Izuku also hadn’t been able to sleep.
The insomnia was starting to become a problem, but it was so fucking stupid. What could he do about it? He couldn’t tell someone because he wasn’t in any danger he was just being pathetic and weak. Besides he had a quirk now that he could defend himself with, he should be fine, but his brain kept insisting he wasn’t. Insisting that there was no safety.
At 4am, Izuku gave up on his abysmally failing attempt to sleep and started working on some homework. He may as well at least be productive.
When he heard footsteps moving around the dorms, Izuku closed his books, deciding to join whoever was up. He could not stare at his work unable to think for a minute longer. He needed to get out.
Izuku padded his way through the dorms, finding a figure he recognised well standing in the kitchen. Oh. Kachaan. They were better now, not friends- not really, but not enemies either. Still Kachaan wouldn’t want him interrupting. He had thought it would be Kirishima or something.
Izuku turned to leave but was stopped by Bakugo’s quiet ‘tcg’ sound he always made when he was unimpressed.
“‘The fuck do you think you’re going?”
“Back to bed…” Izuku mumbled, the lie being so easy but also so pathetic.
“Why are you up?”
“Why are you!?” Izuku flung back, not appreciating the interrogation. Why did Kachaan even care?
“I’m up because I get up at this time to work out each morning. You could be up to get water or food or something but you didn’t get anything, so you are being weird. What are you doing?”
“Didn’t think you would want me around…” Izuku muttered, and Kachaan glared at him, probably sensing the lie, but not actively calling him out on it. At least not yet.
“I’m going training, if you want to join you can. I ain’t slowing down for you though shithead,” Bakugo grunted, “Go get changed if you’re coming or whatever.”
“I’ll only be a minute,” Izuku agreed. He wasn’t going to turn this down when both he and Kachaan were working hard to restore their fucked up relationship. Maybe this was one of Bakugo’s weird peacemaking attempts. Or maybe he just wanted to beat Izuku up and call it sparing, it’s always hard to tell.
As it turned out, it seemed to be the former. Kachaan waited for him, and then they ran together, worked out, and trained. Eventually they slowed, taking things easier, and focusing on the more repetitive parts like weight lifting, where they could talk easier.
Izuku spotted for Kachaan, who took the chance to start talking about One For All and his ideas on how Izuku could use it better. That was part of their whole improving their relationship stuff, the two worked to help each other improve as well as themselves.
Izuku listened, too tired to take any of it on, but appreciating Kachaan’s voice regardless.
“Nerd!? FUCKING NERD!? Pay attention damn it! Do you not fucking care!? I’m trying to help you, you fucking imbecile!” Kachaan screamed, startling Izuku awake- wait what- what the fuck? He hadn’t been awake? Around someone? What the fuck?
“Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry,” Izuku mumbled, lifting his hands instinctively incase Kachaan would take it further and start attacking.
“Deku, look at me,” Kachaan practically growled, fury emanating off of him. Meekly, Izuku met his gaze, confused and scared, but doing as he was told regardless. He really didn’t have the energy to fight Kachaan.
“You look like shit,” Kachaan voiced after a few moments of silence.
“Thanks?” Izuku grunted, surprised by the statement, and unsure why he was surprised. It was a very Kachaan thing to say.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I meant like- fuck I’m bad at this shit… you just fell asleep while spotting me… and you look like you haven’t slept in days…”
“Probably because I haven’t slept in days,” Izuku muttered under his breath before he could stop himself.
“YOU WHAT!?” Bakugo screeched.
“I haven’t slept, but I’m fine, I’m just adjusting to the dorms and shit, I mean sleeping around people is fucking stressful, that’s all.”
“You slept just now. Around me. Arguably the most dangerous person on campus.”
“Yeah but you’re… YOU, I mean what the hell am i supposed to do? I didn’t mean to fall asleep in front of you!”
“Wait, fuck, you can’t sleep around people… like at all… can you?” Kachaan asked, stepping back ever so slightly, putting the weights he had just been holding dazedly onto the floor.
“Maybe?” Izuku winced.
“How long? How long has this been an issue?”
“I can sleep fine at home-”
“I mean in general idiot. You never came to any school camps, I thought maybe it was because you were bullied but… how long Deku?”
“Since I was four?” Deku admitted, his head dropping. Even with all the shit they had been through, with all the hatred they had fostered between each other, Kachaan probably still remembered the first time he was actually a hero. The first time he saved a life.
“Shit,” Kachaan hissed, and just like that, Izuku’s worries were confirmed. Kachaan knew the stupid fear that ran through Izuku’s head every time he tried to sleep.
“It’s nothing, I’m fine, I’m fine, let’s just, let’s just forget about this, I’ll sort something out, it’s fine.”
“It’s not fine idiot! You’re fucking traumatised! And for some fucking reason that didn’t stop you sleeping around an actual threat, which makes me even more worried about your lack of self preservation skills!”
“YOU MAKE ME FEEL SAFE!? OK!? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR!? I FEEL SAFE AROUND YOU BECAUSE AS MUCH AS YOU HATE ME YOU WOULD NEVER KILL ME!”
“Deku I- I- fuck- ‘Zuku… I don’t hate you. Maybe I did, maybe I was stupid back then, but I don’t hate you. I don’t. I swear.”
“You are the only other person who’s gotten as close as he did to killing me. I shouldn’t feel safe around you but I do. I do and I don’t know why.”
“Will it help you sleep if I am there?” Kachaan asked after a long minute in which he just stared at Izuku, seeming to be calculating something.
“What?”
“You heard me, idiot.”
“Why would you-”
“Just answer the damn question nerd.”
“Yes! Ok! It would probably help! Something’s wrong with me I fucking know!! Just leave me be! Please! I can’t- I can’t deal with you giving me shit right now. Please.”
“‘Zuku I wasn’t planning to-”
“Stop playing with my feelings Kachaan. I just- I can’t. I can’t deal with that.”
“You need to sleep.”
“You think I don’t fucking know that!? I can’t!”
“Then let me stay in your room. If that will help, let me do that. Please. Let me do that for you.”
“You don’t… you don’t have to, I’ll be fine. Maybe Midnight will gas me and force me to sleep or something-”
“Izuku stop! Stop… please… I’m offering because I’m worried about you. Let me help. Please.”
“Why do you want to help me?” Izuku asked, staring at Kachaan who simply wasn’t making sense. What was he thinking? What was he planning?
“Because I fucking love you, ok!? Is that too much for you to understand!?” Kachaan yelled and Izuku stumbled back, shocked by the words. Kachaan what? He what!?!?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell I just…” Kachaan trailed off, clearly not knowing what to say and where to go from there.
“You love me?” Izuku whispered, staring at Kachaan, the boy he had loved almost as long as he could remember, since before he even really knew that was what he felt.
“Yes you fucking idiot. Don’t hold it over my head.”
“You love me?” Izuku asked again, unable to believe it. Kachaan twitched under Izuku’s scrutiny, almost trying to pull away, but not quite.
“Yeah ‘Zuku, I love you, I’m in love with you or whatever.”
“You’re not just messing with me?”
“I would not joke about this ‘Zuku, you know that.”
“Fuckkkk I love you too,” Izuku admitted, quietly, and it was Kachaan’s turn to look at Izuku as though he were trying to pick apart the truth of the statement. Eventually he seemed to decide that Izuku was not lying to him.
“I guess that means…”
“Can I kiss you?” Izuku asked hurriedly, unable to hold back the desperate, excited question.
“Y-yeah,” Kachaan smiled, stumbling over his words as much as Izuku did. It was adorable. Izuku surged forward, pulling Kachaan into a kiss, relaxing into it fully.
“Darlin’ I need you to stay awake while I’m kissing you or I’ll think I’m no good,” Bakugo murmured softly, pulling Izuku back to reality.
“Fuck I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, you are great? I love you so much, I fucking love you so so so much!” Izuku begged, horrified at the thought Bakugo would think that.
“Shh, it’s ok, I know, we are gonna get you some proper sleep now, then when you wake up maybe you will stay awake long enough god me to kiss you properly,” Kachaan murmured, scooping Izuku’s almost limp body into his arms, cradling the boy carefully. Izuku whined softly, shoving his face into Kachaan’s shoulder exhaustedly, all the hours of no sleep catching up to him suddenly.
After a few minutes Kachaan rearranged Izuku in his arms, waking the boy vaguely. Izuku faintly noticed the opening of the door, not paying it much attention, but when Kachaan’s arms left him on the bed, Izuku was wide awake, reaching desperately for the boy.
“Don’t leave, please don’t leave me,” Izuku begged, desperation filling him. He couldn’t lose Kachaan now.
“I’m not going anywhere, I’m just messaging Aizawa to let him know we won’t be in class today, because I ain’t letting you go any more hours without sleep. Ok?”
Izuku nodded numbly, his arms still reaching out for Kachaan. True to his word, Kachaan finished typing out a message, locked the door, and slipped into the bed next to Izuku.
Immediately Izuku tried to kiss Kachaan, desperately wanting to remember the feeling of it, but Kachaan pressed a finger to Izuku’s lips before he could find Kachaan’s.
“Sleep first, we have plenty of time to kiss later. Ok?” Kachaan instructed, and after a long moment of hesitation, Izuku nodded, accepting the terms. He curled up closer into Kachaan’s side, and with a sigh accepted the sleep that had been evading him for far too long.