Archive of Our Own

“Are you enjoying yourself tonight?”

Lena jolted slightly in surprise at the voice that resounded behind her. She turned to find that it was Ernst, standing at the entrance to the kitchen with a contented look on his face. She gave him a soft smile before turning back around to resume washing her hands.

“Yes, very much so. Your home is exceedingly warm, and Teresa’s cooking is absolutely delicious,” Lena replied delightedly. “Thank you again for allowing me to join you all this evening.”

Voices drifted in from the dining room, followed by joyous laughter and lively cheers. The 1st Armored Division of the Eighty-Sixth Strike Package had just successfully accomplished a very important mission, and Ernst was more than happy to be at home once again with Frederica and his five foster children—all of whom were safe and sound, much to his relief. As they often did on the first night of coming home, the family ate a grand dinner together and leisurely enjoyed one another’s company, appreciating this fleeting moment of peace in a time of chaos and war. And as he always did, Shin invited Lena to this family affair, knowing that she had neither a home of her own to return to nor company to enjoy during these lulls in military operations.

However, the only difference now was that their relationship had changed. After overcoming their own doubts and insecurities, the two had finally made it official that they were together—even though they had already been acting like a married couple long before the status change. Still, this was a big development in their relationship, and Lena’s timid, embarrassed smile failed to hide how truly happy she was about everything. 

Although Shin’s smile wasn’t obvious to everyone, people did notice that he had been in a good mood lately, giving soldiers words of encouragement and greeting some people he passed in the hallway, much to their immense surprise. Raiden even caught Shin humming one time as he did some paperwork, but he pretended not to notice lest he wanted the paperwork delegated to him instead. Besides, Raiden already had enough things to tease Shin with at present, as did the other former members of the Republic’s Spearhead squadron.

It also seemed like teasing was exactly what was happening in the dining room now , judging from the boisterous laughter and the annoyed, exasperated sigh that followed. Poor Shin , Lena thought even as she smiled to herself, secretly amused by the jokes she could somewhat hear from the other room. She found herself smiling a lot these days.

“You’re always welcome here. You kids deserve more time to enjoy yourselves, especially after everything you’ve gone through,” Ernst responded as Lena grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands and faced him.

He coughed to himself before continuing, and Lena already knew she was about to be teased as well—just like her beloved.

“You and Shin must also be enjoying yourselves too.”

Heat rose to Lena’s cheeks at the implications, and she averted her gaze, too embarrassed to respond immediately.

“U-um, yes. We are. We’ve been, um, spending more time together recently, b-but I promise it hasn’t gotten in the way of either of our military duties,” she stammered.

Ernst chuckled. He, of course, knew about the change in their relationship, and he was very much happy for his adopted son. The concern he felt for Shin had never truly faded away; apart from the fact that he was almost impossible to read, Shin also kept all his feelings to himself, refusing to share his inner thoughts with anyone regardless of how hard Ernst tried to subtly get close to him. The way Shin used to rush towards danger and death scared Ernst to no end, and it also broke his heart to watch this teenage boy struggle to envision a future where he survived the war. This was the reason he had no objections to appointing Lena as his commanding officer, especially after hearing their exchange in the Lycoris field and the testimonies about this “kind-hearted yet stubborn Handler One.”

He had hoped and prayed every night that this girl would help him bring light to the eyes of the Reaper, and he was eternally thankful to find that his prayers had been answered. Slowly but surely, he watched as Shin opened up little by little, no longer exhibiting his almost suicidal tendencies. He observed as Shin began to talk a little more—to hope a little more. To realize his dream of wanting to see the sea with her .

Yes, Shin had finally learned to look forward to the future, and he had finally found his source of peace in the comfort of Lena’s arms. However, Ernst’s relief came with an unsettling, ominous fear. He knew firsthand, after all, the cruelty of war and the unfairness of the world. He knew war took things from people without prejudice, and that the problem with having people you loved is that you have more things the world can take away from you.

He feared that Lena could just as easily bring grief and despair to Shin as she had inspired hope and joy. If she were ever killed by the Legion or forcibly made to join their ranks, he knew it would absolutely destroy Shin, and he feared that it would be a scar from which he could never recover. He also feared the same for Lena, knowing she relied on Shin just as much as he relied on her. Even though they interacted less, Ernst also cared a great deal for Lena, and he hated to see another child broken by this terrible war. So, more than anything, he wished for happiness for the both of them—even as he was afraid every day that the war would shatter any hope for their happiness in the future.

Lena must have noticed the shift in Ernst’s mood and the dark, depressing turn of his thoughts. She frowned and tilted her head to the side in worried curiosity, asking him if something was wrong. Ernst walked into the kitchen and leaned over the table opposite her before sighing deeply, as if he were exhausted to his very soul. She had already sensed that there was something he was concerned about at the back of his mind; the look she gave him made him feel as though he was welcome to share his thoughts and fears with her, and he ended up unable to stop himself.

“I approve of your relationship and am genuinely happy for the both of you—I truly am. It’s just…there’s a reason why fraternizing among the ranks is highly discouraged in the military, and I’m merely scared of what this new relationship would entail for the both of you,” he explained with downcast eyes, hoping Lena would catch his meaning.

Lena understood immediately. This, too, was something she has pondered over countless times on nights she couldn’t sleep or days filled with idle work. As a military commander, Lena carried the heavy burden of making split-second decisions to save as many of her subordinates as possible during an operation. And Shin was her lover, someone she would risk her life to save no matter the cost. Although these commitments do not often clash, issues and conflicts of heart could arise when the hypothetical choice comes down to saving a greater majority of soldiers or saving Shin and Shin alone. To save the world or to save her world. 

But no matter how hard Lena tried, she could never find it in herself to sacrifice one or the other—her stubbornness and her kind heart would never allow it.

So, if it ever came down to that fatal choice, she would make the firm decision to save everyone . To her, there was never a choice to be made in the first place. She had decided that her duty as a commander was to save everyone and bring them home against whatever odds and challenges they may face. Even if it was impossible and even if the world conspired against her, she would not let Shin die, and neither would she allow the massacre of her subordinates. 

She would find that loophole every time, not accepting any other outcome.

She would bring all of them home with her.

And, if anything, she also trusted Shin and believed in his promise to always come back to her. If he could make such a bold and fearless declaration, then she could also promise that selfish and gallant oath.

She had no desire to live a future without him by her side, and neither did she want to wallow in guilt for the rest of her life.

So, she clenched her fists at her side and stood tall. And with a firm resolve in her heart, she offered this worried father a smile as if to say that he had nothing to fear.

“You do not need to worry, President Zimmerman,” Lena said as she looked at Ernst with warmth and appreciation. She was glad that Shin had a father figure to fuss over and look out for him, as he was now. “I made a vow to protect Shin at all costs, and I won’t ever let anyone take him away from me. But that doesn’t mean I’ll abandon my duties as a commander—if anything, it just makes me all the more eager to bring everyone home. I may sound naive and arrogant right now, but I made an oath to myself in the past that I would save everyone. Even if it’s impossible. Even if I have to step foot on the battlefield myself.”

Ernst blinked, surprised even as he felt pride swell in his heart. Lena’s words brought him a tender sense of comfort, and he found himself gaining even more respect for her than he thought possible. He knew she wasn’t naive enough to think that she could come out of every operation with zero deaths, but her stubborn resolve reminded him of the unshakeable will of humanity, and how love could help an individual achieve unimaginable feats. It reminded him of Shin and his equally stubborn nature, of his determination to carry the memories of all his fallen comrades even as he struggled to reach that final destination himself. They both had dreams and desires, and he knew they would sacrifice everything—including themselves—to achieve those goals.

They’re similar in that regard , he thought with a feeling of satisfaction. He feared a little less now, and his fear grew into determination and his own resolve to keep all of them alive until the end. It was the least he could do.

“Well, that puts me at ease. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was testing you or doubting your relationship—that wasn’t my intention. And Shin would most likely do his best to make sure your last statement never happens,” Ernst said with a wink, hope and newfound certainty flooding his veins.

“Ah, yes, you’re probably right,” Lena said as she blushed again. “But that doesn’t mean he’d be able to stop me if it ever came down to it.”

Ernst found himself laughing lightheartedly. It seems they are both stubborn to a fault, but maybe that’s exactly what makes them such a good pair.

“Also true. He’s very lucky to have you, you know. He might not be very good at expressing his emotions sometimes, but recently he’s—”

“—I’m already being tortured in the dining room. I don’t need to be backstabbed in the kitchen too.”

This time, it was Ernst who jolted in surprise at the sound of Shin’s irritated voice from the kitchen entrance. The man was greeted by an annoyed look from his foster son, and he held up his hands in mock surrender. Shin merely huffed as he walked toward Lena, asking if she was alright.

“I’m fine, Shin. Just washed my hands,” she replied with a soft smile.

“Good. Please save me,” he deadpanned, looking like a wounded puppy seeking help.

So he can also make that kind of face , Ernst thought quietly to himself, not saying it out loud for fear of incurring his son’s wrath.

It’s all thanks to her .