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The quiet moments were always the ones where the melancholy snuck in.
It was the dead of night, the wind gently carrying away Six’s cigarette smoke out the open window, the moons hung high in the sky. Everything was quiet save for the distant sounds of ruckus at the local bar. The weight of the world, of his entirely too long life, all rested on Six’s shoulders. Years of regrets, of loves repeatedly lost, of battles defeated, all dragged him down to the earth. A deep sigh left him as he turned the cigarette around in his fingers repeatedly.
Glancing back at the beds behind him, he saw Vash still fast asleep. It was easy for him to tell when the Humanoid Typhoon was actually asleep with that soft little snore he couldn’t replicate when awake. A pang of guilt hit Six as he watched his lover sleep. Vash would be upset the second he woke up without him next to him, he’d get all concerned and try to take Six’s problems on as his own. Better not to bother him with it, Six reasoned.
His brows furrowed, he could feel his chest tightening, his thoughts curling in on themselves, on him . What had he done to deserve Vash? What had he done to be left like this, a shell of a man with a thousand lifetimes lived? What sins had he committed in a past life to be doomed to eternal damnation? He held his wrist in a vice grip, trying so hard to stabilize himself with the pain of metal into flesh. It never worked, nothing ever worked, nothing ever felt right. When was the last time he had felt like himself, truly?
When was the last time he had lived?
The stars were a comfort. Something ever present everywhere he went, one of the few constants in his ever-changing life. They were never quite the same, the constellations ever changing, but the warmth and glow of the night sky, especially with little light pollution, always eased his mind. Even if only a little bit.
The thoughts never stayed away for very long.
Six winced as he heard the sheets shift behind him, curling in on himself in the windowsill. Vash had turned over, and after a moment, the snoring came back with a soft little whimper. He was having a nightmare, Six could tell even from this early on. With another sigh, Six put out his cigarette and tossed it out the window, turning his full attention on his lover.
“Vash?” He whispered, gently shaking his lover’s shoulder. “It’s okay, wake up.”
After a moment, Vash awoke with a start, quickly sitting up in the bed. Six moved back a bit, giving a soft smile amidst the darkness of the hotel room. Vash’s breathing was labored, a terrified look in his eyes, and his markings were glowing. His eyes quickly settled on Six, and immediately he calmed down, letting out a deep breath.
“You’re alright…” He breathed, a smile taking place on his lips as he drew Six in for a tight hug.
Six chuckled as he returned the embrace. “Of course I am, big guy. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Nightmare, got worried…” Vash’s face soon turned sour as he pulled back enough to look him in the eye, not quite letting go yet. “You smell like cigarettes… How long have you been up?”
“Nothing gets past you, huh?” An awkward chuckle, this time. “Been up for a minute. Couldn’t sleep.”
“What’s wrong?” There was a pleading look on his face, Vash always earnestly believed he could help. The thought killed Six just a bit.
He shook his head, a soft smile still on his lips. “Nothing important, just couldn’t sleep.”
A frown. “You and I both know that won’t work on me.” He sat back a bit, just barely giving his partner enough space. Still close enough to feel the warmth of his body. “Come on, talk to me, mayfly.”
“I… It’s complicated.” Scratching the back of his neck, he didn’t complain when Vash rested his hand on his thigh. “Just… thinking about the past. About things I never got the chance to grieve.” A shrug. “Not sure why they’re coming up now, though…”
Vash was always happy to listen, nodding along as he kept his gaze focused on Six, even when his love couldn’t return it. He gave a reassuring squeeze on Six’s thigh to show he was paying attention.
It felt like words were stuck in Six’s throat. He always hated talking about what was going on in his head; no one could ever even begin to comprehend what he had gone through, what he had seen, what he had done . Looking down at his hands, in the darkness of the room, it almost looked like they were covered in blood. His vision blurred with tears, why was it always so easy to cry in front of Vash?
Was it because he understood?
Vash didn’t hesitate, taking Six’s hands in his own and giving another squeeze. Blood transferring to his own scarred hands. Seeing Six cry always broke his heart, but knowing he was able to do so in front of him mended it. Even if he couldn’t look up at him quite yet, Vash kept his gaze firmly fixated on his love’s face, silently pleading for him to meet it. He would never push, though. A part of him always feared he would push too far.
“Maybe it’s because things have finally calmed down enough for you to feel them?” Vash offered, reaching forward to brush away tears.
Six let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t think things will ever truly calm down enough for me to do that. Something always comes up.”
Another frown. “We both know that won’t work out well, especially not with the life we live.” He tipped Six’s chin up just enough to look at his face, daring just enough. “Talk to me, please. ”
That concerned stare is what broke what little resolve he had left. Visibly slumping forward, Six leaned his head on his partner’s shoulder, letting empty tears stream down his face. Immediately, Vash wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin on Six’s head as he gave a tight squeeze. Soft sobs wracked Six’s body as he let out just the smallest fraction of what he had been holding inside. Vash was always so warm, a damned blast furnace at night, and his warmth was always such a comfort, an anchor in reality.
“Just… I’ve been remembering people I’ve lost,” Six mumbled, finally wrapping his arms around Vash’s waist. “My wife, specifically. I’ve told you about her, right?”
A nod in return. “Nadia, right?”
Six hummed. “Yeah. I always see her in the night sky. Gets hard sometimes.” He let out a soft laugh, wiping at his cheeks. “You would’ve liked her. She had the sharpest wit, one of the smartest people I’ve ever known.”
“Anyone who can put up with you for long deserves such praise.” Vash teased, trying so hard to bring a smile to his love’s face.
It worked. “True enough. You trying to tell me something?”
“Me? I’d never .” He lied through his grin.
“You’re such an ass,” Six couldn’t help but laugh.
“You love meeee.”
“I do.” He pulled back a bit, enough to look into those too-blue eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Vash always said it with such reverence. “Are you feeling better?”
A sniffle. “A bit, thank you. Sorry for waking you up.”
“Hey, none of that.” Vash pouted. “Never apologize for asking for help, okay? I’m always glad to be there for you.”
Even if Six didn’t fully believe it, he nodded. “I know.”
“Now, c’mon, let’s actually get you some sleep.” A soft smile as he beckoned Six over to the open sheets. “They’re all warmed for you and everything.”
“Well, aren’t you considerate?” Six couldn’t help but tease as he complied, climbing in after Vash. He was right, everything was already warm and cozy for him. A small smile crept onto his lips as he settled in Vash’s arms, resting his head on his chest.
“I love you, mayfly.” Vash murmured, giving one more squeeze.
“I love you, too, Vash.”