Chapter Text
“So, you know in horror movies, when a girl is like ‘oh my god! There is something in the basement! Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what’s going on in the dark’ and you are like ‘What is your problem? Call the police!’ and she is like ‘Okay!’ but it’s too late, because she is already getting murdered? Well, my story is kind of like that...” Arizona begins.
Two weeks earlier, Arizona was in the back of a cab, completely naked under a long trench coat. She had gotten off work early and wanted to surprise her girlfriend Callie with a fantasy that Callie had mentioned she fantasized about.
“I’m going to pretend to be a stripper, and have to provide my services in exchange for my college tuition” Arizona exclaimed excitedly into her cellphone, nervously tucking a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear.
“Was the college portion always part of the plan, or did you add that yourself?” Lexie asked, her judgment coming through. Not enough to upset Arizona though, that’s just how Lexie was.
“That was my idea.” Arizona grinned.
“Alright Zona, and what will your stripper name be?”
“Oh, something cool. Like, Rachel McAdams. Or, McDimples.”
“That sounds great.” Lexie chuckled, “Good luck! Call me after!” Arizona hung up the phone as the taxi pulled up to Callie’s house. She thanked the driver profusely, tipping generously as she stepped out of the car and made her way into the house.
“Guess who’s home!” She yelled, unsure of where Callie could be at this given moment. She didn’t want to scare her with her sudden presence. “You won’t believe what I’ve got planned for us tonight. But I hope you are hungry and have had lots of rest!”
“Arizona?” Callie appeared outside the bedroom door, she was dressed in a bra and underwear, her long dark brown hair cascading in waves around her. The blonde grinned upon seeing her, she was stunning, and she couldn’t wait to see her face change from confusion to excitement as she unveiled the big surprise.
“Who’s Arizona? You’re talking to McDimples,” Arizona slipped off one sleeve of her trench coat, “I need help paying off my college bill and,” Arizona slipped off the other sleeve, “I think you may just be able to help me.”
“Arizona, what are you doing here?” Callie questioned. “Don’t you have work?”
“That won’t help me pay for college, but I figured this might.” Arizona spun around, her back to Callie, she dropped her coat to the floor to reveal her naked body.
“What are you…” Callie sighed.
“Now, Callie, should we,” Arizona turned to face Callie only to be stopped dead in her tracks. A redheaded woman had now appeared behind Callie, also in just her underwear. “Oh,” Arizona stuttered. “Oh, I see.”
“Arizona, it’s-”
“No. I see.” Arizona picked up her jacket quickly, hastily pulling it on as she scrambled back to her luggage. “I’ll come back for the rest of my stuff.”
“Arizona!” Callie yelled, but she was already out the door, dialing Lexie’s number to pick her up.
Since then, Arizona stayed busy with apartment shopping, crying on Lexie’s couch, and moping around. In the back of her mind, she knew she had to move out of Lexie’s place eventually. Her apartment was already full with her roommates, who did not seem to like her at all, and she didn’t want to overstay her welcome.
“So that happened. What was the question again?” Arizona asks, her stories tend to run long, and she wants to leave a good impression on these three potential roommates. She can’t afford a whole place on her own, not on her teacher’s salary, and not after leaving the whole last house to Callie. TV and all.
The three roomies stare blankly back at her from the couch.
“Do you have any pets?” the brunette asks, breaking the silence. If Arizona recalls correctly, her name is Amelia. She has the easiest name to remember of the bunch because not only is she the only other girl in the group, but she’s also super pretty. She has these bright blue eyes and her brown hair that’s tied up into a loose ponytail. She was dressed similarly to her male counterparts who sat on the couch next to her.
Directly next to Amelia was a tall man with peppered hair and a charming smile. Mark. She didn’t know much about Mark, but from what she could tell, he was just like all the popular boys in high school. He hit on her no less than four times within the first minute of meeting her and has made many inappropriate comments, each earning him a dollar in a glass jar labeled douchebag that Amelia dutifully passes to him after each remark.
The last individual, the one sitting closest to Arizona on the couch across from her, is named Alex. He seems nice overall, though very loud and direct. The three of them have such different personalities, and yet, they all blend together. It’s refreshing.
“You know what’s funny, when I first saw your ad, I thought you were all women.” Arizona jokes, trying to ease the tension.
“I wrote it” Mark states proudly, “What would make you think that?”
“I don’t know, maybe it was the wording.”
“I was dumped recently.” Amelia interrupts. “It was six months ago, but it still hurts. Okay! Stop asking about it!”
“Is she alright?” Arizona asks, turning to the boys for an answer.
“She’s fine. She’s just heartbroken.” Mark answers. “Let’s give you a tour of the place and then make our decision, yes?” He stands, offering his hand to the potential roommate to help her up.
“The place is nice, lots of light,” Arizona comments as she’s led around the place by Mark. “Callie would hate it.” Mark pats her hand gently in acknowledgement as he continues to lead her around. While breakups were temporary, he was unsure how he was going to handle two roommates going through a breakup at once. Amelia was a handful already, and adding Arizona to the mix sounds like it might be too much for him to handle.
“Why did you answer our ad?” Alex asks, joining Mark on the tour.
“Well, I just wanted a place of my own. I’ve been living with my best friend Lexie since the breakup, and she’s great and would never kick me out, but her roommates are models and I-”
“Yes! She’s moving in!” Mark interrupts. “She’s friends with models!”
“Okay, house huddle!” Alex exclaims. “We’ll be right back.” He smiles politely at Arizona, leading his two roommates away from her and into the bathroom. In hindsight, there were many other rooms to choose from to have the huddle, but, this would do.
“So,” Alex begins, once the door closes. “What do we think of her?”
“I like her. Did you hear what I said? Her friends are models!” Mark exclaims, his mind racing at the thought of his next hookup. “It’s a yes from me.”
“I don’t know,” Amelia shrugs, “another girl in here would be nice, girls smell nice, but also…”
“Here we go.” Alex sighs.
“Girls will rip your heart out and break down your will to live.” Amelia reaches behind her to lift the hood of her jacket, covering the top of her face to hide her tears.
“Amelia,” Mark reaches over to rub her back. “She isn’t Charlotte, okay?”
“Yeah, not even close.” Alex laughs. “I don’t think she’s stopped smiling since she walked in. It’s freaky.”
Amelia sniffs, holding the hoodie to her eyes to wipe her tears. She thought Charlotte was the one, but apparently, she was a bad judge of character. How was she supposed to reasonably assume that this Arizona girl was a sane enough person to be a trustworthy roommate? For starters, her name is Arizona. What kind of name is that?
“What are you thinking Amy?” Mark asks genuinely. “You think she would be a good fit?”
“I think,” Amelia sighs. “I think, yes.”
“Great. Executive decision, she’s in.” Mark announces.
“Yes! I’m in!” exclaims a voice on the other side of the door. The three of them turn to the door confused. Mark opens the door to reveal Arizona on the other side, still grinning.
“You will not regret this, I promise!” She gushes. “Full disclosure, I’m a little emotional right now because of the breakup. So, I will probably be watching a lot of TV, and eating a lot of donuts.” Mark groans in response. Not another one.
-x-
Arizona is fully moved into the spare bedroom by the end of the week. After work each day, she takes up residence on the couch, fully extending herself lengthwise across the couch as she sobs through another episode of Grey's Anatomy. A majority of the time, this activity goes ignored by the group. By everyone except Alex. The shorter man is getting annoyed by the women in this apartment. In the living room, there is a crying blonde, and in the bathroom, a crying brunette. He’s over it! He wants to go out! He wants to meet girls! How is he going to do that when half of his roommates are too busy crying, and even if he does manage to take a girl home, there is no shot they will want to be with him when he takes them back to this house of depression?
“We have to do something about this,” Alex commands Mark, pulling him into the kitchen. “We need to get the two of them out of this mood.”
“We could take them out?”
“Yes. Yes!” Alex exclaims. “Let’s!” The two boys peek into the kitchen, watching Arizona quote along with the show before a sob escapes her. “You get Amelia, I’ve got her.”
Mark nods in agreement, straightening his shirt. He salutes Alex and marches off to the bathroom to gather Amelia for the outing.
“I have to go, mom. No, I’m not watching Grey’s Anatomy.” Alex hears Arizona say into her phone, trying to cover up her clearly-been-crying voice. “No, I don’t think so. Hey, are you going to murder me because you are a stranger I met on the internet?” She asks Alex as he approaches the couch.
“Yes,” Alex deadpans, sitting down next to Arizona.
“He says no,” Arizona answers weakly. Alex patiently waits for Arizona to finish her phone call with her mom before springing the idea of going to the western party for a rebound. Nothing better to do to get over a breakup than get a rebound. If he can just get Arizona and Amelia to move on, his weekends will get significantly better.
Convincing the two girls to go out is easier than the boys imagined. They’re all dressed and out the door in record time. They enter the bar, scanning the room for potential matches for the heartbreak twins. Unfortunately, on a Tuesday night, there aren’t many people out. The only one who ended up having a successful night was Arizona, who left with not only a phone number, but with a date for tomorrow night.
-x-
To say Arizona is nervous for the date is an understatement. She’s practically torn her whole room apart, trying on every article of clothing she owns. Lexie’s on her way over out of necessity. She doesn’t know how to do this anymore! She was with Callie for six years. What do people do on first dates?
“So, I don’t know if you know this,” Mark smirks at Lexie. She sits across from the three as she impatiently waits for Arizona to change. “But, I have a built-in grater for cheese.” He whips off his shirt, leaning back into the couch to flex his abs.
“Put your shirt back on before I laugh at you,” Lexie states, bored. Watching as a jar is handed from one man to the shirtless one, who places cash into the jar with his smirk never leaving his face.
“You can laugh at me if you want, baby.”
“Zona!” Lexie yells, faking a throw-up motion. “Listen. Arizona is the best person I know, and if you three let anything happen to her, I will come back here and crazy murder you.” She immediately gets up and heads to Arizona’s room. Why her friend chose to live with these three will forever remain a mystery to her. Especially when she has a perfectly good apartment already for Arizona to live in.
The two emerge from the room moments later, Lexie’s dress now on Arizona’s body, and Lexie dressed in a tank top and overalls.
“You look great, Arizona!” Mark exclaims, whistling to emphasize his point.
“Thank you,” Arizona blushes, giving a little spin. “I’ll text Emily to tell her I'm on her way.”
“Wait, you’ve been texting her? This whole time?” Amelia asks, truly intrigued.
“Yeah, is that bad?” Arizona asks genuinely.
“No, it's actually…That’s really nice.” Amelia smiles softly.
The group ends up leaving the apartment at the same time. Lexie heads home, she has a shoot in the morning, Arizona to her date, and the other three to the western party Mark didn’t shut up about for the whole week. They’re just lucky that Charlotte was nice enough to give them tickets.
“Hey you!” Charlotte calls out, waving to Amelia.
“Hey! Thanks so much for the tickets. I was surprised you messaged back, to be honest.” Amelia blushes.
“Of course! I’m glad you reached out. Maybe we should go grab drinks somewhere else while the boys go to the party?”
“I would like that.” Amelia grins. She would like that a lot. These last six months have been hell, and if Charlotte wants another go at things, who is she to say no? Turning to tell the boys the new plan, she notices Emily walking up to join the line for the party. “Hey!” Amelia shouts, getting Emily’s attention. “Where’s Arizona?”
“Heck if I know. She texted me like seven times. So annoying.” Emily laughs. “She’s probably still at the restaurant.”
“And you didn’t tell her you were not coming?” Amelia demands, her anger starting to get the best of her.
“Why would I do that? She was just supposed to be a one-night stand.” Emily shrugs, nonchalant. “You get what I mean.” She gestures to Mark.
“No.” Mark stands taller. “I am a gentleman.”
“We have to go.” Amelia begins making her way through the crowd to the restaurant. She’s worried about Arizona. The poor girl was so excited for this date, just to be stood up by that douchebag.
“No!” Mark exclaims in the back. Amelia can’t hear the bulk of his complaints, but a little part of her does feel bad. He was so excited for the party, but she knew he would survive without it. Or go in without them (unlikely). There will be other parties, Arizona needs them now.
Bursting into the restaurant, Amelia scans the room for Arizona, finding her at a table alone, tears in her eyes. She looks like she’s asking the waitress for something. Knowing Arizona, she’s probably hanging onto every ounce of positivity she has that her date is still going to show up.
“What are you guys doing here?” Arizona wipes her eyes, her roommates surrounding her empty table.
“Heard you were on a hot date without us, and that’s impossible.” Amelia smiles.
“Yeah, especially because I wasn’t there.” Mark grins, winking at the waitress.
“Okay, you all need to leave. Now.” The waitress demands. The group obliges willingly. Their job is done here anyway.
The group decides to call it a night overall, heading home for a movie night instead of a third location out. All four of them were cuddle up on the couch, Amelia taking up residence on one end, her arm lazily draping around Arizona who is squeezed in next to her. Mark sits next in the row, a bowl of popcorn in his lap, and Alex takes the other end of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table.
“You know Arizona, I know you had a really rough go,” Mark starts, throwing a piece of popcorn in his mouth. He scoops another handful, offering the popcorn to Arizona as he continues, “But, I just want you to know that for me at least, I would still totally do you.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet Mark.” Arizona smiles, taking a few pieces.
“Yeah, totally.”
“Jar.” She commands, pointing to the jar.