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Olivia finally hung up the plaque in her office, presented to her at a much smaller and private ceremony than what was originally planned. And honestly, now that she knew Elliot had been trying to get to the originally scheduled event and his own plans were derailed, the award didn’t feel quite as special now. Even if she assured him and Kathy it wasn’t a big deal because she was hoping to avoid a speech anyway.
That said, she was having some regrets about not getting to talk about what this award meant to her and how flattering it was to receive such recognition. SVU was pretty much where she solidified her place in the NYPD and then climbed up the ladder to captain.
Still, the plaque looked nice next to other awards she’d earned over the years. It was hard to imagine wanting anything else to go along with it; this was like a pinnacle of sorts.
But it was time to stop reflecting. She looked over at her phone just in time to see a text message come through:
You coming?
It was Elliot. They were supposed to have lunch that day, and she realized she’d been caught up too much in getting the award display just right and thinking back to her impromptu ceremony. Or what could have been had she been able to make it to the original reception and presentation in the first place.
Yeah, she typed back. Sorry. I got held up on a phone call. It was a white lie, but she knew they had something important to talk about.
No worries. I just got here. I’ve really missed New York diner food, and it won’t feel the same until we have it together.
“Is he flirting with me?” she mumbled to herself. “I hope he thinks this isn’t that kind of date.”
“Who’s flirting with you?” Fin asked. He’d just popped into her office, and she turned red when she realized he’d overheard her thinking out loud. “Stabler?” he pressed further.
“Fin, please; we’re just going out to lunch. After all he’s been through, this is the first time we’re having a semi-normal conversation and catching up; we didn’t get together the night I was supposed to get that award. But yes, I do wonder if he was going for that.”
“Well, I hope you have a good time. You both deserve it, you know.”
“Thanks.” Olivia nodded and quickly started to head out. “And it’s not a date,” she added. “Not in the traditional sense of the word, anyway.”
“So, what are you in the mood for?” Olivia asked Elliot as she browsed the diner menu. “I think a club sandwich and some soup sounds good for me today.”
“Ah, you’re so boring,” Elliot replied with a laugh. “I need to go all in. Chili dogs, French fries…maybe even ask for a slice of pie for dessert. Look, as much as I loved pure Italian food, I did not get to go to a greasy spoon diner back in Italy. And besides, I’m tired of casseroles and sandwich trays. People have dropped off more than the kids and I could handle since Kathy died.”
“Yeah, I’ve had friends say the same thing when they’ve gone through similar losses. Some of them have said they didn’t even want to eat but pushed themselves to do so. Did you guys have an appetite?”
“Eli did. He ate most of the leftovers when everyone else got tired of them or didn’t want to take them home.”
They ordered their food, and then he turned his attention back to Olivia. “What did you want to talk about today?” he asked. “I got the sense it was important, or at least different from the way we used to go back and forth at work, but not an emergency. Or were you just trying to check in and see if I needed anything? If it’s the latter, I do appreciate the concern, but really…I’m managing. Just trying to pick up the pieces.”
“No, it’s not that, although I’m glad you’re doing well. It’s about something we didn’t get to do or say, actually. In the present day, I mean, not as far as 10 years ago is concerned. Albeit there is a lot to unpack there.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I’m definitely all ears then.”
“You know how I told you last week that I was finally being presented with that NYPD award? Women in law enforcement?”
“Yeah. I wished I could have been there, but I know you said it was downscaled to more of a private ceremony.”
“Right. Well, at first, I didn’t mind that I’d missed out on the big formal ceremony. I probably would have just stood there like a deer in headlights before mustering up a half-hearted, rushed thank you to everyone who’d been there for me. Not very Oscar-worthy, but enough for me. But then, weirdly enough…after the presentation, I almost started to feel disappointed and regretful that I couldn’t really celebrate with my friends and coworkers. Including you. So…I wanted to share the speech I would have given had the night gone on as planned.”
“Oh, you really don’t have to do that…”
“No, trust me; I want to. You’re the first one who’s hearing this, by the way.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “It’s short; I promise,” she added.
“To all my friends, family, and of course, my fellow officers of the NYPD, thank you for being here tonight.” She paused and took a sip of her drink, already feeling some jitters, and she and Elliot exchanged a laugh. “Or, more appropriately,” she ad-libbed. “Thank you, Elliot, for being here and having lunch with me while you listen to this speech. I’m sorry you had to miss the original ceremony and then last week’s presentation, but we understand why.
“When I first came to SVU, I could have never imagined that I eventually wouldn’t want to spend my career anywhere else. Over the years, I’ve developed a passion for advocating for victims who are at a low and vulnerable point in their lives, helping them regain their power when they felt like they had none at all. I’ve been able to not only climb the ranks, but learn from leaders who came before me who truly cared for their detectives, but also pushed us to be our best on the job. When it was my turn to move into a private office, I decided I would be hard on my team when the occasion called for it, but most importantly, I wanted us to feel like another family. So, while I’m flattered to receive this award, it isn’t only for me even if it has my name on it. This is for every other woman who’s joined the department just as determined to make a difference and grow as a person along the way. I hope I’ve inspired at least one of them in the 20 years I’ve been with SVU.
“But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the most important people in my life: my longtime friend and partner, Elliot Stabler.”
“Oh, you shouldn’t have.” Elliot interrupted, which made them both laugh again.
“Hey, come on; I’m not finished yet!” She looked up from her paper and cleared her throat in hopes of getting her speech back on track.
“Anyway…Elliot and I were partners for 12 years, and a lot has changed since then. Even though at times, our dynamic may not make sense to someone on the outside or a detective who joined the squad after he departed, I can’t think of anyone who knows me better. He knows me more than I know myself sometimes. We can go from disagreeing in the squad room to going undercover as a married couple, pulling it off brilliantly. We aren’t carbon copies of each other; in fact, there are a lot of differences in how we approach an investigation or interrogate a suspect, and we have two different lives outside of work. But he’s more than just my partner; he’s one of my closest friends, and we’re practically a part of each others’ families. After all, I even helped deliver one of his children. It’s not hard to imagine why we’d have such a close bond after I did that.”
She stopped again. “I went on to say that unfortunately, it didn’t seem like you could come. But…you were on the way. That’s what I’ve learned since then. Fin told me when I came into work the day after Kathy got hurt.”
“I feel terrible that I missed it.” Elliot admitted. “Had it not been for the circumstances, I would have brought the whole family. Kathy was excited to see you again too. No one deserves this more than you.”
“Well, I don’t know about that…”
“Liv, now’s not a time to be humble. Not after everything you’ve worked for and what you’ve been through to get to this point. And on top of all that, you’re a mom now. That’s something.”
“I guess you’re right,” she said. “And you know…before the ceremony and your return, I was telling Fin how I didn’t think this was that big of a deal and that given that we were facing a lawsuit, it didn’t feel appropriate. He said the same thing you just did, about how much I deserve it. He seemed like he was looking forward to being there just as much as you and Kathy were. Before he left my office, he looked at me and said ‘and you never know who might show up.’ I was intrigued. I thought maybe he was talking about someone higher-ranking, like Chief Dodds, coming to say a few words. Or maybe Mayor Bloomberg, you know…for the publicity photos I would dread more than making a speech. I also thought it could be Munch and/or Cragen. I never would have guessed you were going to be there.”
“Fin knew all along I was coming.” Elliot told her.
“How could you tell him and not me?”
“Mostly because of the way I left you. I didn’t think you’d want to hear that I was planning to be in New York on business but also wanted to surprise you at your ceremony and be there in person to congratulate you. Fin wasn’t sure how you’d react either, but he imagined that you’d recognize that wasn’t the appropriate moment to hash out old personal feelings and at least exchange pleasantries with me.”
“He was right.” She nodded. “I’m sure in time, I’d be happy you came.”
“The other reason,” he continued. “Was that I really didn’t know who else in the department to tell since Cragen and Munch had both retired and I wasn’t sure how to get a hold of them. Plus…Cragen had to be the one to tell you about me resigning. I didn’t want things to be awkward even if I was able to talk to him beforehand.”
“That makes a lot of sense. And I’m happy you could come today and hear the speech I would have given. It feels almost as good as the real thing, but with much less pressure and spectators. I think next time I have to give a speech, I’ll do it in a diner booth.”
“I’ll be there for that one too. That’s what makes us good partners in the first place.”
Olivia still had a lot to say about the way they left things over 10 years ago, and she didn’t quite understand why Elliot wanted to come to her ceremony given that he had left her on such a low note, without even saying goodbye.
But during their partnership, they showed up for each other time and again in every imaginable circumstance. Not to mention, he was here now, and she got to tell him just how much their work together shaped her career and identified her.
Maybe there was a chance for a new start, and Elliot could continue to be there for her and show up no matter what.