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When did it start? This feeling of unease, itching and scratching beneath the surface of my thoughts. Murmurs reverberate through my heart as icy fingertips of anxiety crawl in. I should be happy right now. My affections have been received and returned, the villains conspiring to give rise to Ena the Order were brought to justice…so why can I not sleep? I’m not allowed to be this happy, this comfortable. So it must be that…
My inner monologue spirals inward before a stirring at my side snaps me back to reality. Warmth floods my chest as I remember the sleeping girl who is snuggled at my side. I reach down to stroke her gray locks, and her eyes flutter open at the sensation. We make eye contact, and I give her a small half smile. As she blinks awake, she murmurs ever so sleepily, “What’s wrong, Mei? Can’t sleep?”
“Mmh.” I grunt in reply, giving her a light squeeze. “You should get some rest, though. I’m sure the hero of the hour is in need of her rest and recuperation.” Stelle grumbles at this, and with a soft laugh I plant a kiss on her forehead.
“You can’t win me over that easily.” A small huff of a response, but the way she squirms to nestle against me tells me that she’s quite pleased with the affection. “Did you have a nightmare?”
I shake my head, staring back up at the ceiling. No, nothing so simple as a nightmare. In fact, my dreams seemed rather…blank? I struggle to remember what imagery greeted my subconscious when I had slept this night, but nothing comes to mind. That sense of unease begins to creep in once more, and my alertness feels oddly heightened in the haze of the moment. Realizing I haven't given Stelle a response, I give her another squeeze. “No nightmares. Just a bit restless. You don’t have to worry, Stelle. I promise.”
After another sleepy grumble, she yawns and shakes her head. “Okay, Mei. I’ll trust you…for now. Get some sleep, okay? We’ve gotta attend the Charmony Festival tomorrow.”
I nod and give her another kiss on the forehead, then once again on the nose, and finally…a tender, yet chaste kiss on the lips. “Goodnight, Stelle.” I then turn my attention once more to the ceiling of my room as I try to chase down the ghosts in my mind.
Once again I feel as if…my hackles should be raised right now.
Something isn’t right, but what is it? Do I not have everything I want right now?
It’s too happy. Too comfortable. Even our memories of the past aren’t this…hazy.
Are they not hazy by definition? We’ve lost so much of our-
No, no. Not that kind of hazy. This is like…we’ve been charmed. Cast under a spell.
Just because Stelle loves and accepts us?
…Not just because of that.
I sigh and shake my head, my internal dialogue being less than helpful. As I go over the memories of the past week or so in Penacony…I stop to realize something.
My name. I never gave Stelle my name.
The missing piece of the puzzle. She shouldn’t know it, so why call me so familiarly?
If she knows my name, then…
This can’t be real.
Then we must have…
Lost to the enemy.
Before I know it, the world is blurring and melting away. I try to grasp at Stelle, yearning for the last shreds of that warmth and comfort before they slip through my fingers.
I awaken in the real dreamscape of Penacony, with tears staining my face.
“Welcome to the world of the living.” I mutter to myself, getting up and marching over to my sword, coldly grabbing it without looking at it too closely. I fear what pitying expression it could have been wearing for me as I march back to reality. If I’ve awoken, I either can’t be the only one…or more should awaken soon.
Knowledge seems to flood my brain as I march down the hallways of the hotel, hoping to find another soul who has awakened. Indeed, it seems that the Nameless and their allies failed to stop Sunday’s machinations…trapping us in the dream of the Order. How horribly ironic that I was caught up in such a thing again. If either of them were here now, I’d surely be teased to death over falling for such a simple trick.
My reveries are interrupted by a certain memokeeper…who seems just as relieved to see me as I am her. “Acheron. You’re…awake? Thank goodness…” Black Swan breathes a sigh of relief, and then regains her usual ephemeral composure. “You’re one of the first to wake up. First was that brave girl…Firefly? She’s gone off elsewhere, but we need to gather as many strong minds as we can.”
I nod in affirmation, gripping my sword tightly. “What of Stelle? Has she awoken yet?” Black Swan shakes her head, and I can’t help but click my tongue in frustration. Hopefully she realizes soon, but it appears my awoken ally has an accelerated plan in mind.
“I’ll go to wake Stelle next. It shouldn’t be too difficult to slip into her dream and coax her to realize the issues of the sweet dream and to come to reality. Stay here…” Black Swan giggles behind her hand. “Otherwise I’ll fear I’ll lose you again if you try and do anything else.”
I roll my eyes at her comment, but chuckle in response. “Thank you, memokeeper. I’ll be counting on you.” I note the soft trilling of my heart, anxious to be reunited with Stelle once more as I watch Black Swan hurry off to the room where my beloved surely awaits.
Beloved…I touch my cheeks and take notice of the smile on my face. It’s been a very, very long time since I felt that I could call someone such a thing. I could hardly wait to see her again, in spite of the circumstances. We would surely form a newly united front and find the solution this time to break through and stop the resurrection of the Order. To prevent so many innocent souls from being sucked into a dream where they would not know the freedom to live. I smile to myself, grasping my sword for reassurance. Just like old times.
While lost in my reveries, I note motion from the corner of my eye. I turn to see Stelle and Black Swan approaching me, and I can’t help but smile. This sense of deja vu…isn’t unpleasant at all. I walk over to greet them, and the determination in Stelle’s eyes is enough for my ashen heart to skip a beat. My, my, I guess I really am infatuated with this young trailblazer. Not letting my composure falter, I regroup with them.
“Acheron! I’m really glad to see you again.” Stelle seems to be beaming, and before I know it I’m petting her on the head, Black Swan looking on with a bit of confusion on her face. I suppose that would only make sense, but…Stelle seems rather perplexed with the more public show of affection. Perhaps this is inappropriate?
I quickly withdraw my hand. “Sorry, I just…you were looking a bit…ahem.” I clear my throat, and trying to shake off the awkwardness I seem to have instilled in the situation, I continue. “I’m glad you woke up from the dream. We’re gathering all of those with the will to wake up and fight right now. Black Swan, are there any others that come to mind immediately?”
“Mmh. Probably that Galaxy Ranger and some of the other Nameless. Hold on, I’ll be right back. We’ll rendezvous in the lobby when I’m done.” With a blink, she was gone, leaving Stelle and I alone.
I expect for Stelle to immediately glom onto me, or at least grab my hand…but she doesn’t. As we walk in silence back to the lobby, I feel those icy tendrils of anxiety encircling my heart. I can’t tell what’s wrong, because I know how I feel…but I can’t tell what Stelle is thinking or feeling right now. I’m at a loss until she offers her hand. “Here, so you don’t get lost, Acheron.”
She grins at me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Of course everything is okay. Stelle was probably just shaken up from having woken up from Ena’s dream, just like I was. The public displays of affection were probably also a bit much, as well. I’ll have to keep that in mind, as best as I can anyway. I reach to take her hand, but as I go to intertwine her fingers her hand immediately shies away and shakes off my grasp.
“W-whoa!” Stelle stutters in a display of flustered bewilderment, clutching her hands close to her chest while her face goes crimson. How cute. “Um, Acheron? Were you trying to…?”
I blink in surprise at this reaction from Stelle, staring at my own hand before looking at hers. “I’m…sorry? Did I do something wrong? I was just holding your hand the way I usually do.”
Stelle seems completely confused at this point, shaking her head. “How could it be the usual way? This is the first time I offered my hand to you to be held.”
Her words splash upon me like icy water, and dread grips my body so tightly I suddenly feel I can’t breathe. The realization, the undeniable reality seems to pour over me all at once as I frantically explore my memories…my REAL memories. They confirm the ugly truth of it all.
Stelle and I aren’t together. We never were, in this reality.
It was just a dream.
And now I’m awake.
Realizing that I’m leaving the two of us in a horrifying, uncomfortable silence, I shield myself with an icy composure that I put no feeling behind. “Ah, sorry, Stelle…my dreams have gotten me a bit confused. You don’t have to worry about it..” Of course, no amount of fronting would hide the tears streaming down my face.
My gray haired companion looks perplexed, but she nods and turns to lead us back to the lobby. This time, she does not offer her hand. This time, I don’t try to take it.
Our roles are decided in this final battle, but my heart just isn’t in it. I grip onto my sword for some sense of comfort, and pray that my fingers don’t dig hard enough into the scabbard to cause any lasting damage to myself. I try to keep my eyes off of Stelle, to maintain what little bit of composure I can. Hiding a heartbreak is hard enough, even with the numbness of my ashen heart taking over.
I stare out into the distance of the hotel, reflecting and sorting through the fragments of my “real” memories and my “dream” memories. Though I already know the truth, I can at least compartmentalize and rationalize my grief. Trying to ignore the voice in my head saying, “I told you so”, I am suddenly thankful that after my role is finished here…I can simply vanish into the background of this girl’s existence. The universe is vast, and it’s doubtful we’ll ever meet again. Fate has funny games it likes to play, and while even a dream can leave indelible marks upon the soul…I can at least take comfort in the fact that this will just be a passing pain in my life.
Of course, I know I’m just lying to myself. But how else am I supposed to carry on otherwise? The end is the same either way.
Before I know it, I realize there’s movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn and see Stelle trying to awkwardly sneak up to me. When our eyes meet, I feel a stabbing in my heart…but manage to keep my composure. “Mmh? What is it, Stelle? You don’t have to be so shy with me.”
“Ah…sorry about that, Acheron.” She scratches the back of her head with an awkward smile plastered on her face. She joins me in staring out into the abyss of the dreamscape’s hotel, simply sharing in the silence for a moment or two. Stelle finally breaks it by asking a rather simple, yet horrifying, question for me. “What was your dream like? Under Ena’s influence.”
I take a pause, trying to will myself to not cry right now. As long as no tears fall, I can fool even myself. “I suppose it was similar to reality…with just one major inconsistency.” Noting the puzzled look on Stelle’s face, I follow up with the simplest answer I can think of. “I was far happier than I have been allowed to be in this lifetime. That’s all.”
Stelle seemed to grimace in sympathy, and I wonder if I said too much after all. “I’m…really sorry, Acheron. That sounds hard.”
I merely nod in response, returning to my silent vigil of the hotel lobby. “It’s okay, Stelle. I’ve lost plenty before…and I’ll lose again, I’m sure. Such is the nature of living, is it not?”
“I guess so.” Her response is a little non-committal, but it seems like she’s no longer in the mood for prying as she begins to step away. I quietly breathe out in relief, before I hear her voice again. “Um, Acheron?”
I turn to her again, and see an odd tinge to her cheeks. Is she…blushing? “Is something the matter, Stelle?”
She shakes her head, and slaps her cheeks with her hands before giving me a thumbs up. “I’m okay! Just…I wanted to say sorry for freaking out about how you gripped my hand earlier. It was just…your hand was really soft-I mean, it was just a bit too sudden and you smelled nice and-oh Aeons, what am I saying…”
Her words are a blur, but I can’t help but giggle at them. It reminds me a lot of how Stelle acted in my dream, and the familiarity makes my heart ache. “It’s okay, Stelle. You don’t have to apologize for me acting overly familiarly with you. Think nothing of it.”
Sheepishly, the trailblazer scratched the back of her head. “Ah, no, I really didn’t mind…I just wanted to apologize because it seemed like I hurt you, but…um…yeah.” It seemed like she had more on her mind, but not the words to get it out. Finally, she seemed to give up. “Anyway! Good luck to both of us in the final battle! I’ll see you after, okay?” I merely nod as she runs off to rejoin her companions.
I grip my sword tightly, the aching in my heart still throbbing. But…I have a sense of determination now. Perhaps after acceptance is another round of the stages of grief, because I feel like defying this ending. Even if I can’t change the outcome of us parting ways to never see each other again…I can at least leave a mark on her soul to never forget me. I’m sure of it.
Even if it takes me a lifetime, I’ll win her over once more. It’s as simple as that.