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Sadie… Sadie, gods it had been a while since he had heard that name, years, eight to be exact. Eight entire years since he had heard from Sadie Adler, last time he had seen her, she had been protecting Abigail and Jack… She had made sure he had had a family to return to, he owed her everything, every moment, every second he had had with his family the last eight years.
He should feel only happiness at her name, so why was there an unease in the bottom of his stomach at her name, why was he worrying? He asked himself that but he knew, he knew the answer, because just as easily as she had given him his family she could take it from him again, he just refused to accept it even though he knew it was true.
She was asking to meet with him , probably just to catch up… Just to catch up… She would probably want to meet Abigail as well… Abigail…
After his meeting with Sadie in the Blackwater saloon he felt a little better, he had asked her to come visit the farm, she hadn’t shown much interest, so maybe that meant when Abigail returned they would be safe, his family would be safe. He had really only asked out of courtesy, but he felt safer knowing that him and Abigail were safe…
He hated thinking like that, he hated it, but he knew it, he knew it like he had known it those last few weeks where he had watched their fleeing touches in camp, where he had watched them speak lowly amongst themselves as they stood unnecessarily close, where he had watched the way their eyes softened when they met. He wanted to say it meant nothing but he knew better, after all he recongized it from what he and Javier had done back when Jack had been born.
Was this what it had been like for Abigail? No… It had been different… He hadn’t been a father back then, they hadn’t been a family, the way that they were parents now, the way they were a family. They hadn’t been together, if it hadn’t been for Jack the two of them would never even have talked… Now he was building her a house…
When finally Abigail returned, John had never felt happier, had never felt more at peace, had never felt more excited, they were starting a new life and he was going to do his best to make sure that he didn’t fuck it up again, that she would have her dream life with a farm and family. If she was happy so was he.
His wife, his son, his house, his dog apparently, his family. He had a family, he had a life, they were safe, he didn’t have to worry about her dying or being arrested or being taken. He was hers, she was his, they were a proper family, the kind of family he had never had before, that he certainly had never dared to dream for when he had been with Dutch and the rest… Arthur would be proud of him, it was Arthur that kept him grounded, Arthur had sacrified everything for him and he was going to make sure to put a good use to it.
God Abigail was beautiful, she was stunning, he loved her, and she seemed happy even though half the house was empty, they barely had a bedroom, much less a kitchen, but she was happy, she told him that he did good . How long he had waited for that, for the recognition, for the happiness that would make it all worth it, that would make all the moving, the newly hanging debt over his head, the worry of using his actual name and not Jim Milton.
How god it felt to hold Abigail in his arms again.
“Mom! Pa!” Jack shouted and then Sadie was there, riding down the path to the house she had otherwise said she didn’t even want to see, Abigail was smiling, laughing, running dpwn to embrace Saide in a hug like she had him, grabbing her hand and leading her inside the house she had only agreed to see when Abigail was back.
“I am so happy, I am so happy,” Abigail said and his stomach curled, he wished nothing more, he wished just for her to be happy but he also wished it was him making her happy, he wished that her smile had been that big when she had seen the house, when she had seen him, when she had hugged him. He wished he hadn't seen the way their hands lingered, he wished he hadn't seen the way their eyes met, he wished he hadn't heard the love when she had called her darling, he wished that he didn’t worry if his families neck was at risk again.
Please don't take her from me.